Exhausted
In the grand scheme of life I have come to realize that human beings are extremely selfish, vain, and foolish creatures. I suppose it sounds cynical of me to criticize my species in such way, but frankly speaking i don't give a shit about it any longer. Sometimes i do wonder why is it that God gave us emotions? What was he trying to do, fuck with us? As if we weren't messed up enough. "I don't think the humans are faulty enough. I know, why don't I give them emotions to completely mess up their central nervous system, that way they can suffer and still remember me. Isn't that a fun concept?" Honestly, I am so sick of all the charades and all the expectations. You would think that by now people would get a hint, but no they don't. And speaking of people lets critque myself shall we? What the hell is wrong with me? It's been almost two damned years since I've been dumped. Hell most people my age just shrug, mope for a few days and then move on. But I am stuck at this destructive mindset? What the hell? Destroying my future will not bring back that man. He is gone forever, never to come back. This is not the butterfly that if flies away comes back because it loves you. Oh no! Au contraire it is the serpant when once set free bites you until your bloodstream is saturated with poison, then leaves you for the next victim. All my dreams are crumbling into oblivion and I am helpless to do anything. What a sick, sick way to realize my shortcomings isn't it? Damn...sometimes I wish I honestly could forget about people and feelings and live like an automaton. Forget compassion, and empathy and just quietly wait for death to come and take me away. Don't get me wrong, I am waay over the suicidal phase of my life. I realized that I am not strong enough to pick up a knife and slice open my wrists to bleed to death, or drink poison, or apply the other conventional methods of suicide upon myself. Yet, the way I survive is so not good. One of these days though I am going to get rid of all the problems or at least disregard them for quite some time then just live. Sometimes I think it's better to be machines, because then you will not have place for anything other than cold, hard logic and when applied that can actually help increase quality of life. Well whatever, peace out. So tired, gonne eat then go to bed...nite