FFVIII, Laguna Loire/Squall Leonhart, epsilon
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Pairing: Laguna Loire x Squall Leonhart
Theme set: Epsilon
Rating: R/NC-17
Warning: Yes, this is incest. I know that, if you read this, I want you to know that, too. Laguna is Squall's father.
#01 - Motion
Squall was all motion and stop, black and white, here or there, and Laguna envied that, always caught up in doing a million things all at once and none of them as well as he could, and he didn't know that Squall envied his versatility in return.
#02 - Cool
Laguna had almost expected Squall's skin to be as cool and smooth as his manner, but no, spread out on his bed, squirming, whispering things that'd make angels give in to temptation, he's warm, warmer than warm under Laguna's exploring hands.
#03 - Young
All the wrong experiences have aged Squall's eyes, until Laguna swears that Squall's been through more than he has, and though he knows that it is wrong, it helps to make the excuse that Squall is so much older than he is, so tired, and couldn't really be his son.
#04 - Last
"This is the last time this should -- oohhh, Squall -- happen, you know," Laguna pants, and Squall's tongue is just wicked and his eyes are all sparkling like diamonds, sharp like glass, and he nods and he knows but both know that should isn't the issue anymore.
#05 - Wrong
The first time Squall kissed him, it was all wrong, because he knew that Squall was his son and Squall didn't, couldn't've known, but the second time was sweet and good because Squall knew and kissed him anyway.
#06 - Gentle
Squall never wanted it gentle, and Laguna could never figure out why, and could never be quite good enough -- but he understood when he mentioned Seifer, just casually, somewhere in the conversation, and Squall's eyes clouded over with love-hate.
#07 - One
One glass of wine, one toast, one coy glance; that was all it took for Laguna to get lost in blue-grey eyes that should've felt sinful and didn't.
#08 - Thousand
Sitting in his office, on his own, Laguna could come up with a thousand ways to say why being with Squall was so wrong, but faced with Squall (god help him, faced with his son) they all died away leaving him with only the reasons why it was so right.
#09 - King
Esthar is his kingdom, almost, but being almost a king isn't as great as the stories he read as a kid made it out to be; ruling isn't all that fun, but walking through the city with Squall, pretending he isn't almost a king, and watching his people be happy, that's the good part.
#10 - Learn
At first, Laguna despaired of ever making Squall laugh, their senses of humour too far apart, Squall's perhaps non-existant -- but he's learnt to appreciate Squall's dry, sharp humour, his sarcastic comments, his ironic tone.
#11 - Blur
One moment blurs into another, an innocent touch blurs into seduction, and for all the promises he makes, to himself, to Kiros, to Ward, he can't give this up, just can't.
#12 - Wait
"Wait," Squall says, and takes a deep breath, and Laguna holds the phone tighter, wondering what's coming next, why Squall seems to be steeling himself, and he holds his breath, and Squall sighs and takes another deep breath before he says it, almost too soft to be heard, "Love you."
#13 - Change
"Would you smile for a change? You're always scowling -- you make me think you don't like spending time with me" -- but Laguna knows that Squall loves spending time with him and hates the fact, so he doesn't push too hard.
#14 - Command
He sees how Squall rejects the idea of being command, rejects the idea that people would follow him to their deaths for the love of him, but Laguna also sees that Squall was born to command, with the poise of his mother and the natural way of making people follow him -- when he will use it -- of his father, and Laguna thinks sometimes that he, too, would follow Squall to hell and back.
#15 - Hold
Squall isn't keen on being held, or not most of the time, but sometimes Laguna holds him in his arms and rocks him, and Squall lets himself be held, held like a lover and like a son all wrapped into one.
#16 - Need
The words are hot and angry and Laguna wants to grab Squall and shake him, because he shouldn't risk himself, shouldn't do desperate things like that, shouldn't ever put himself in the way of dying, because Laguna needs him.
#17 - Vision
Laguna's getting old, and his eyesight is definitely not what it was, and it wasn't that great to start with, but it's enough for him, enough and more than enough, to be able to see the blurred shapes of Squall's face one last time, the son he was never a father to, the lover he shouldn't have had.
#18 - Attention
He sits up to look down at Squall, at the flush on his face and the way he bites his lip, and then Squall pushes up for more, and Laguna gives it, entranced, amazed.
#19 - Soul
He's sure Squall has a good soul, as good as his mother's, though if he ever said that to Squall he would go quiet, and chew his lip (oh, so like his mother) and say that there was far too much blood on his hands for that.
#20 - Picture
Squall lets Laguna talk to him about Raine, and somehow he isn't jealous when the love sounds clear as a bell in Laguna's voice, and he looks at the pictures Laguna has, and listens to the stories, and he lets Laguna cry, and Laguna feels forgiven.
#21 - Fool
Sometimes Laguna seems like a bumbling fool, but Squall's eyes see beneath that, eyes that've come to know at a glance what a person is like, who they are, and Squall sees that Laguna is everything Esthar needs, everything the world needs, and worthy of his love.
#22 - Mad
"How dare you?" he asks, and his eyes burn with an anger Laguna never suspected from such a cool person, and Laguna has never regretted saying anything so much, and he watches Squall leave and hopes that he won't nurse his anger and keep it alive.
#23 - Child
Laguna only caught the briefest glimpse of Squall as a child, and now to see Squall standing there, cool and collected and mercenary, wearing dark leather and a tired expression, it makes him wonder where exactly things started going wrong and whether they would have turned out better if he'd stayed with Raine, stayed to know his son.
#24 - Now
It doesn't do to linger on the past, or to think too hard about mistakes, and that's what keeps the smile on Laguna's face when faced with Squall now.
#25 - Shadow
It's a hasty kiss, snatched in the shadow of some random statue, but it leaves Laguna reeling and wondering what the hell Squall thinks he's doing, and wondering why he likes whatever it is so much.
#26 - Goodbye
Squall knows now that Laguna is his father and he doesn't know what to say, except that sleeping with Laguna was a mistake all things considered, and that it's just another fuck up for him, and that he supposes he should say goodbye and fuck off now.
#27 - Hide
Laguna knows when Squall's hiding, when he's retreated behind the walls of whatever little fortress he's built in his mind, and with one quick squeeze of his hand, Laguna could bring him out, if he wanted to, but instead he watches him in silence with tact nobody suspects him of having.
#28 - Fortune
"I'm rich," Squall says, woodenly, leaning his head against the cool glass of the window, "I'm rich and sick and tired and murderer," and Laguna doesn't know how to comfort, because Squall is right.
#29 - Safe
Raine died, and Ellone was taken away, and she grew up all of a sudden when he wasn't looking, so Laguna doesn't know if he can keep Squall safe, keep him at his side, but he'll do it, no matter what it costs, no matter what Squall wants from him.
#30 - Ghost
Sometimes Laguna feels like Raine's ghost touches him through Squall and he hates the thought because there Squall is, their son, touching him in ways a son shouldn't be touching his father.
#31 - Book
Laguna puts down the book when Squall touches his leg, and when Squall leans in to kiss him he drops the book to the floor, kissing back as if he's as much of a teenager as Squall, and as needy.
#32 - Eye
Squall loses one eye on a mission and from then on he wears a simple patch, simple black leather, and Laguna mourns that Squall has been so scarred and won't even consider not fighting, but no matter what happens, no matter what scars Squall bears, Laguna still thinks him beautiful.
#33 - Never
They agreed; they'd never do more than look, never be more than father and son but oh -- sometimes it was so hard to not be more.
#34 - Sing
Squall sings in the shower; it surprises Laguna and delights him, and even if Squall can't really sing all that well, still Laguna loves to listen, because it's a part of Squall he never expected.
#35 - Sudden
Squall kisses him out of the blue, all unsuspecting, and for a moment he's not sure what to do, until the pressure of Squall's body against his wakes up something that maybe should stay asleep, and he kisses back, his hands in Squall's hair, his tongue in Squall's mouth, Squall's hands pushing up under his shirt.
#36 - Stop
"Stop," Squall breathed, but he didn't mean it and Laguna didn't think he could, and he held Squall there while he kissed him, while he touched him, memorising him, learning him.
#37 - Time
"You're late," Laguna observed, and looked up with an easy smile, and Squall just shrugged; "Maybe you're rubbing off on me."
#38 - Wash
Squall comes straight from a mission one day, sore and dirty, as if he's been dragged through the dirt, and when Laguna remarks on that Squall snaps that that's just about what happened, so Laguna stays quiet while he helps Squall wash, bathing the small cut on his cheek tenderly.
#39 - Torn
It's a hard thing, to be torn between a million things at once, but Squall doesn't show it; the need to be a good Commander, the need to be a good Knight, the desperate need for contact and love and his own father.
#40 - History
Laguna chatters about the founding of Esthar, it's history, and Squall tries to listen and not fall asleep, just to please Laguna, even though he hates history.
#41 - Power
Squall has the power to do anything and Laguna is almost glad that he doesn't know it, and wouldn't do anything about it if he did, because there are a lot of things Laguna knows Squall wants, and he wants them too, but he doesn't want to give in to them.
#42 - Bother
He acts like Laguna is bothering but all the while he encourages the attention, and finally he slips an arm around Laguna and lets him cuddle, sighing softly at the time wasted that could've been spent working.
#43 - God
"Oh, oh," Squall whispers, one hand tangled in Laguna's hair, tugging gently, and Laguna sucks harder, teasing, giving, and Squall thrusts up just a little, "oh, god, Laguna!"
#44 - Wall
Squall presses against Laguna, his eyes dark and confused, holding him against the wall, and Laguna wants to help but he doesn't have answers, either, he's just feeling his way too.
#45 - Naked
Laguna strokes the lines of fading scars, nuzzles against Squall's neck, feeling the warmth of his skin and the quick, heavy beat of his pulse, and he wonders what he's done to get someone like Squall, all things considered.
#46 - Drive
Squall hates talking while he drives, but he welcomes little gestures, if you stay quiet, so Laguna's hand rests on Squall's leg, just rests there, and that's okay.
#47 - Harm
When he found out about the self harm, all the self destruction, Laguna shouted at Squall like he'd never shouted at any before, and when he was done he held him, held him tighter than he'd ever dared to hold Raine, heart hammering, terrified of the idea of losing Squall now.
#48 - Precious
When Squall falls asleep in his arms, relaxed and heavy with sleep, Laguna files the memory away with all the others marked precious: never forget somewhere in the erratic filing system of his mind.
#49 - Hunger
Sometimes Squall seems almost hungry for affection, desperate, needy, and Laguna curses himself for giving in to Squall's needs as much as he curses himself for causing them.
#50 - Believe
"Believe it or not, Squall Leonhart, there are people who care about you and I happen to be one of them," Laguna scolded, but there was a smile threatening to break out, "And if you don't stop terrifying me, I'm going to spank you like someone should've when you were tiny."
Pairing: Laguna Loire x Squall Leonhart
Theme set: Epsilon
Rating: R/NC-17
Warning: Yes, this is incest. I know that, if you read this, I want you to know that, too. Laguna is Squall's father.
#01 - Motion
Squall was all motion and stop, black and white, here or there, and Laguna envied that, always caught up in doing a million things all at once and none of them as well as he could, and he didn't know that Squall envied his versatility in return.
#02 - Cool
Laguna had almost expected Squall's skin to be as cool and smooth as his manner, but no, spread out on his bed, squirming, whispering things that'd make angels give in to temptation, he's warm, warmer than warm under Laguna's exploring hands.
#03 - Young
All the wrong experiences have aged Squall's eyes, until Laguna swears that Squall's been through more than he has, and though he knows that it is wrong, it helps to make the excuse that Squall is so much older than he is, so tired, and couldn't really be his son.
#04 - Last
"This is the last time this should -- oohhh, Squall -- happen, you know," Laguna pants, and Squall's tongue is just wicked and his eyes are all sparkling like diamonds, sharp like glass, and he nods and he knows but both know that should isn't the issue anymore.
#05 - Wrong
The first time Squall kissed him, it was all wrong, because he knew that Squall was his son and Squall didn't, couldn't've known, but the second time was sweet and good because Squall knew and kissed him anyway.
#06 - Gentle
Squall never wanted it gentle, and Laguna could never figure out why, and could never be quite good enough -- but he understood when he mentioned Seifer, just casually, somewhere in the conversation, and Squall's eyes clouded over with love-hate.
#07 - One
One glass of wine, one toast, one coy glance; that was all it took for Laguna to get lost in blue-grey eyes that should've felt sinful and didn't.
#08 - Thousand
Sitting in his office, on his own, Laguna could come up with a thousand ways to say why being with Squall was so wrong, but faced with Squall (god help him, faced with his son) they all died away leaving him with only the reasons why it was so right.
#09 - King
Esthar is his kingdom, almost, but being almost a king isn't as great as the stories he read as a kid made it out to be; ruling isn't all that fun, but walking through the city with Squall, pretending he isn't almost a king, and watching his people be happy, that's the good part.
#10 - Learn
At first, Laguna despaired of ever making Squall laugh, their senses of humour too far apart, Squall's perhaps non-existant -- but he's learnt to appreciate Squall's dry, sharp humour, his sarcastic comments, his ironic tone.
#11 - Blur
One moment blurs into another, an innocent touch blurs into seduction, and for all the promises he makes, to himself, to Kiros, to Ward, he can't give this up, just can't.
#12 - Wait
"Wait," Squall says, and takes a deep breath, and Laguna holds the phone tighter, wondering what's coming next, why Squall seems to be steeling himself, and he holds his breath, and Squall sighs and takes another deep breath before he says it, almost too soft to be heard, "Love you."
#13 - Change
"Would you smile for a change? You're always scowling -- you make me think you don't like spending time with me" -- but Laguna knows that Squall loves spending time with him and hates the fact, so he doesn't push too hard.
#14 - Command
He sees how Squall rejects the idea of being command, rejects the idea that people would follow him to their deaths for the love of him, but Laguna also sees that Squall was born to command, with the poise of his mother and the natural way of making people follow him -- when he will use it -- of his father, and Laguna thinks sometimes that he, too, would follow Squall to hell and back.
#15 - Hold
Squall isn't keen on being held, or not most of the time, but sometimes Laguna holds him in his arms and rocks him, and Squall lets himself be held, held like a lover and like a son all wrapped into one.
#16 - Need
The words are hot and angry and Laguna wants to grab Squall and shake him, because he shouldn't risk himself, shouldn't do desperate things like that, shouldn't ever put himself in the way of dying, because Laguna needs him.
#17 - Vision
Laguna's getting old, and his eyesight is definitely not what it was, and it wasn't that great to start with, but it's enough for him, enough and more than enough, to be able to see the blurred shapes of Squall's face one last time, the son he was never a father to, the lover he shouldn't have had.
#18 - Attention
He sits up to look down at Squall, at the flush on his face and the way he bites his lip, and then Squall pushes up for more, and Laguna gives it, entranced, amazed.
#19 - Soul
He's sure Squall has a good soul, as good as his mother's, though if he ever said that to Squall he would go quiet, and chew his lip (oh, so like his mother) and say that there was far too much blood on his hands for that.
#20 - Picture
Squall lets Laguna talk to him about Raine, and somehow he isn't jealous when the love sounds clear as a bell in Laguna's voice, and he looks at the pictures Laguna has, and listens to the stories, and he lets Laguna cry, and Laguna feels forgiven.
#21 - Fool
Sometimes Laguna seems like a bumbling fool, but Squall's eyes see beneath that, eyes that've come to know at a glance what a person is like, who they are, and Squall sees that Laguna is everything Esthar needs, everything the world needs, and worthy of his love.
#22 - Mad
"How dare you?" he asks, and his eyes burn with an anger Laguna never suspected from such a cool person, and Laguna has never regretted saying anything so much, and he watches Squall leave and hopes that he won't nurse his anger and keep it alive.
#23 - Child
Laguna only caught the briefest glimpse of Squall as a child, and now to see Squall standing there, cool and collected and mercenary, wearing dark leather and a tired expression, it makes him wonder where exactly things started going wrong and whether they would have turned out better if he'd stayed with Raine, stayed to know his son.
#24 - Now
It doesn't do to linger on the past, or to think too hard about mistakes, and that's what keeps the smile on Laguna's face when faced with Squall now.
#25 - Shadow
It's a hasty kiss, snatched in the shadow of some random statue, but it leaves Laguna reeling and wondering what the hell Squall thinks he's doing, and wondering why he likes whatever it is so much.
#26 - Goodbye
Squall knows now that Laguna is his father and he doesn't know what to say, except that sleeping with Laguna was a mistake all things considered, and that it's just another fuck up for him, and that he supposes he should say goodbye and fuck off now.
#27 - Hide
Laguna knows when Squall's hiding, when he's retreated behind the walls of whatever little fortress he's built in his mind, and with one quick squeeze of his hand, Laguna could bring him out, if he wanted to, but instead he watches him in silence with tact nobody suspects him of having.
#28 - Fortune
"I'm rich," Squall says, woodenly, leaning his head against the cool glass of the window, "I'm rich and sick and tired and murderer," and Laguna doesn't know how to comfort, because Squall is right.
#29 - Safe
Raine died, and Ellone was taken away, and she grew up all of a sudden when he wasn't looking, so Laguna doesn't know if he can keep Squall safe, keep him at his side, but he'll do it, no matter what it costs, no matter what Squall wants from him.
#30 - Ghost
Sometimes Laguna feels like Raine's ghost touches him through Squall and he hates the thought because there Squall is, their son, touching him in ways a son shouldn't be touching his father.
#31 - Book
Laguna puts down the book when Squall touches his leg, and when Squall leans in to kiss him he drops the book to the floor, kissing back as if he's as much of a teenager as Squall, and as needy.
#32 - Eye
Squall loses one eye on a mission and from then on he wears a simple patch, simple black leather, and Laguna mourns that Squall has been so scarred and won't even consider not fighting, but no matter what happens, no matter what scars Squall bears, Laguna still thinks him beautiful.
#33 - Never
They agreed; they'd never do more than look, never be more than father and son but oh -- sometimes it was so hard to not be more.
#34 - Sing
Squall sings in the shower; it surprises Laguna and delights him, and even if Squall can't really sing all that well, still Laguna loves to listen, because it's a part of Squall he never expected.
#35 - Sudden
Squall kisses him out of the blue, all unsuspecting, and for a moment he's not sure what to do, until the pressure of Squall's body against his wakes up something that maybe should stay asleep, and he kisses back, his hands in Squall's hair, his tongue in Squall's mouth, Squall's hands pushing up under his shirt.
#36 - Stop
"Stop," Squall breathed, but he didn't mean it and Laguna didn't think he could, and he held Squall there while he kissed him, while he touched him, memorising him, learning him.
#37 - Time
"You're late," Laguna observed, and looked up with an easy smile, and Squall just shrugged; "Maybe you're rubbing off on me."
#38 - Wash
Squall comes straight from a mission one day, sore and dirty, as if he's been dragged through the dirt, and when Laguna remarks on that Squall snaps that that's just about what happened, so Laguna stays quiet while he helps Squall wash, bathing the small cut on his cheek tenderly.
#39 - Torn
It's a hard thing, to be torn between a million things at once, but Squall doesn't show it; the need to be a good Commander, the need to be a good Knight, the desperate need for contact and love and his own father.
#40 - History
Laguna chatters about the founding of Esthar, it's history, and Squall tries to listen and not fall asleep, just to please Laguna, even though he hates history.
#41 - Power
Squall has the power to do anything and Laguna is almost glad that he doesn't know it, and wouldn't do anything about it if he did, because there are a lot of things Laguna knows Squall wants, and he wants them too, but he doesn't want to give in to them.
#42 - Bother
He acts like Laguna is bothering but all the while he encourages the attention, and finally he slips an arm around Laguna and lets him cuddle, sighing softly at the time wasted that could've been spent working.
#43 - God
"Oh, oh," Squall whispers, one hand tangled in Laguna's hair, tugging gently, and Laguna sucks harder, teasing, giving, and Squall thrusts up just a little, "oh, god, Laguna!"
#44 - Wall
Squall presses against Laguna, his eyes dark and confused, holding him against the wall, and Laguna wants to help but he doesn't have answers, either, he's just feeling his way too.
#45 - Naked
Laguna strokes the lines of fading scars, nuzzles against Squall's neck, feeling the warmth of his skin and the quick, heavy beat of his pulse, and he wonders what he's done to get someone like Squall, all things considered.
#46 - Drive
Squall hates talking while he drives, but he welcomes little gestures, if you stay quiet, so Laguna's hand rests on Squall's leg, just rests there, and that's okay.
#47 - Harm
When he found out about the self harm, all the self destruction, Laguna shouted at Squall like he'd never shouted at any before, and when he was done he held him, held him tighter than he'd ever dared to hold Raine, heart hammering, terrified of the idea of losing Squall now.
#48 - Precious
When Squall falls asleep in his arms, relaxed and heavy with sleep, Laguna files the memory away with all the others marked precious: never forget somewhere in the erratic filing system of his mind.
#49 - Hunger
Sometimes Squall seems almost hungry for affection, desperate, needy, and Laguna curses himself for giving in to Squall's needs as much as he curses himself for causing them.
#50 - Believe
"Believe it or not, Squall Leonhart, there are people who care about you and I happen to be one of them," Laguna scolded, but there was a smile threatening to break out, "And if you don't stop terrifying me, I'm going to spank you like someone should've when you were tiny."