Gungrave: Brandon Heat x Maria Asagi [Epsilon]
Title: Take Thee At Thy Word
Fandom: Gungrave
Pairing: Brandon Heat x Maria Asagi
Theme set: Epsilon
Rating: PG-13 for dark themes
Notes: Later than I thought it'd be, but better that than never. Placed in order of chronological events. I looked everywhere, but I couldn't find Big Daddy's first name (even though I remember it was said in at least one Gungrave episode) so for the purpose of this project I'm using "Kojiro". If anyone knows what the real name is, drop me a line and I'll fix it, thanks.
Bother
Feeling he ought to be the logical one, Harry told him it was pointless, that they shouldn't waste their time being heroes, and Brandon nodded complacently; when Harry looked back, Brandon was long gone, being an idiot and saving the girl like some prince in an urban fairytale.
Sudden
It was a little surprising, because associating Brandon with girls was the same as pairing water with oil, but it seemed like he was finally starting to come out of his shell with that pretty blonde, and his friends supported him all the way: Kenny took bets on who would go in for the kiss first, Harry countered that Brandon would never get the guts to so much as hold her hand, Jolice plotted a "spontaneous" romantic dinner at the diner, and Nathan was staying out of it.
Shadow
Another incredibly hot day, a typical summer in this town, and only the shade offered any reprieve, so that's where Brandon was sitting, shirt and vest slung on his bent knee, when he looked up and saw Maria walking up the street towards the diner in a tiny sundress, long legs as perfectly tanned as his bare chest; their eyes met, and they simultaneously blushed.
Fool
"I'd steal your heart, fair lady," Harry joked, bowing and scraping so theatrically that Maria had no choice but to laugh, especially when he took her hand and kissed the back of it, "but I get the feeling the competition for it is pretty fierce..." at this he shot a not-so-subtle sideways look at Brandon, and got the closest thing his best friend had to a death glare in return.
Gentle
Sometimes her thoughts would drift, and suddenly she would find herself wondering what Brandon's kiss was likesoft, no doubt, infinitely sweet and considerate . . . yes, whatever girl he loved would be very lucky to have him, Maria thought, and left it at that.
Sing
It wasn't exactly in tune, and the song itself was nothing special, but none of that mattered in the least to him, as Maria hummed softly, chin in hand, and he wondered what she was thinking about, what had put that wistful look in her blue eyes.
Wall
"Jester just doesn't like you, man, what can you do, climb up the wall to her room," Harry asked, derisively, "going, 'It is the east, and Maria is the sun?'" and he started laughing, but then he looked at Brandon, stopped, his eyebrows going up, disbelieving - "You're really going to do it, aren't you?"
Time
No matter how hard life was, it had been easy for Brandon to think he still had so much time, the way every other kid his age did, until he saw his friends shot dead one by one, saw their time run out right before his eyes; suddenly, he knew how much easier it was to lose everything, that he had almost lost everything, that there were just two more people left that he valued and not enough time in the world to never take them for granted again.
Need
It wasn't until he suddenly found himself standing in the walkway in front of her, watching her eyes widen in surprise, both of them oblivious to her books tumbling to the ground, that Brandon realized simple affection had evolved into something that he could neither explain, nor control.
Goodbye
I understand if Brandon didn't want to stay until the end of the party, Maria thought, unsettled by the coil of foreboding inside of her, whether it was because she hadn't seen either Brandon or Uncle Asagi, or because of the strange sound (almost like a gunshot) that rang out almost an hour ago, but at least he could have said goodbye before he left.
Attention
"And it was the strangest thing, butum, Brandon?" Maria said softly, somehow startled, because he was looking right at her, but something behind his eyes, something quiet and raw, made her feel as if he was paying attention to a lot more than just what she was saying.
Young
Things seemed so much simpler back then, looking on them through a film of years and experience, and sometimes Brandon still found it vaguely amusing, how at seventeen his greatest concern had been how to produce coherant sentences when she flashed that amazing smile of hers.
Cool
Without warning, Maria started laughing; Brandon looked at her oddly, mug halfway to his lips, and she could see the question in his eyes but couldn't articulate why she was laughing, seeing him sitting there in his tailored suit and long, rockstar hair, perfectly quiet, reminding her how awkward he had been as a boy and that some things never changed.
King
Harry raised his glass in exuberant salute, said, "We made it, Brandon, we're practically kings of the world," and while Brandon acknowledged the toast with a silent smile, he couldn't help but think he'd rather be a pauper if it meant he wouldn't know what it was like to have killed a man.
Now
In the long run, this was nothing, could never become anything, because he was one sort of person and she was another (or so he told himself), but in the present, in the now, this was what it was, her arm curved around his, the quiet between them saying volumes.
Hunger
Years ago, Maria expressed an interest in being a professional pastry chef, so she used the boys as her taste-testers, teaming up with Jolice to create epic spreads that left the lot of them ecstastically stuffed and begging for mercy; she still baked today, but she had decided she would much rather do it just for her loved ones, because even working in a five-star restaurant couldn't compare to seeing Brandon's rare smile when he tasted her best raspberry pie.
Learn
Since joining Millennion, Brandon had been instructed in a great many arts, politics and murder, and had become an expert at the latter at least, but someone still had yet to teach him how to interact with a woman the way a man was supposed to.
Drive
Harry had a tendency to push his limits, work or play, it didn't matter, he was fearless and he was ruthless; Brandon was similar and dissimilar at the same time, just as determined and unstoppable, but not ambitious, he didn't do things with the same passion, he didn't pursue - though that didn't stop him from wanting said things so much it was like an ache that became an old friend, and only flared up the worst when Maria would lay a hand over his, ever so casually.
Wash
Brandon knew he was going to spend the rest of his life scrubbing his hands -though they were always going to be bloody - and taking scalding showers - though he would still smell the gunpowder - despite the fact that the only time he ever felt almost-clean was when he with Maria.
History
It only happened once, at a Magritt Oil business party, and perhaps it would have happened again if Harry wasn't so busy all of the time, and Maria so much out of the loop, and Brandon, well, just being Brandon; at the moment, though, it was good enough, the three of them standing together by the windows overlooking the sparkling city, reliving old times from the neighborhood, and they were amazed that they had made it, they were the only ones who had.
Power
Harry liked to wax philosophical about his dreams whenever he got the chance; Brandon never minded listening, but it made him wonder what his own dreams were, if he could pick and choose what he wanted without worrying about anyone else, and when it came down to it, the last thing he wanted was to rule the world . . . only, to protect the people in his world.
Change
He wasn't the same person he had been when they were teenagers, no, all the minute shifts and adjustments were quiet but obvious the way only Brandon knew to be, and the difference that worried Maria most of all was the growing sadness in him, distant and resigned, that he no doubt thought only he could see.
God
The last time Maria prayed, really prayed, was at her uncle's funeral, and she hadn't felt the need to do so for years afterward, never that religious to begin with, but sitting at her desk, listening to the news reports of the chaos between gangs and knowing, just knowing, that Brandon and Harry were in the thick of it, she whispered, "Please let them be all right," and hoped someone up there heard her.
Soul
"A man's soul isn't something that's stolen from himit's something that's given up in bits and pieces, for whatever reason, because of the choices he makes," Bear Walken told him evenly a few days later, and Brandon knew it was because of the way he had stood there long after Blood War was dead, unblinking, trying desperately to see her face in his mind and remember why.
Command
Becoming the leader of a group of men who looked to him and only him for instruction was alien, at first - Brandon had spent so much of his life taking orders, not giving them - and it took time to get used to it, but no more time than it took to fall out of the habit of Saturday afternoon visits filled with lies so that she wouldn't worry so much.
Wait
In the beginning, Maria told herself she would only stay in the mansion just long enough to finish college - after that happened, just long enough to find a job - after that, just long enough to save up a comfortable sum of money - after that, just long enough for Brandon to come back . . . and before she knew it, everything she thought would come in good time had passed her by.
Vision
Being an expert marksman had its price, and eventually his hard focus on targets affected his sight, forcing him to wear glasses - Harry laughed, saying it made him look "intellectual" - and it was just one of many changes, things refined and improved, his eyes, his hair, his attitude, his life; it had been nearly a year since Blood War, and Big Daddy didn't ask why he didn't come to see Maria anymore.
Never
"Brandon, you're twenty seven, and you're telling me you haven't, at any point . . . I mean, not a single woman, ever?" Harry sputtered, almost losing his cigarette.
Naked
Brandon sat bolt upright in bed, eyes wide and unseeing, fingers gripped in the sheets and breath coming fast and hard, though it hadn't been another dream of death and horror . . . just her bare skin pressed against his, her voice, breathy and urgent in his ear, and somehow that was much worse than any nightmare.
Book
The package came a little after two o'clock that afternoon, neatly but plainly wrapped, with a simple note attached - "Happy Birthday, Maria" - and it was a rare edition of her favorite novel; Brandon was always so thoughtful, remembering the little things she loved, but it had been two years already - two birthdays, two Christmases) - and he never came to give the gifts to her by hand.
Fortune
Luck of the draw, it was an interesting philosophy - luck allowed him to help a girl on a dark night, luck killed his friends, luck turned him into a hitman, and luck gave him the power to protect those he loved - luck, however, couldn't give him what he really wanted, luck couldn't make him happy, luck couldn't make him worthy of her.
Torn
Asagi honestly didn't know how it had happened, just one day it had happened and there was nothing he could do about it, other than hope, helplessly, that something changed, that Brandon came up to him one day, self-conscious as ever, to do something ridiculously formal like ask for permission to court Maria, because that was just the kind of person Brandon was, but at the same time, Asagi found himself hoping for the opposite, that Brandon never took that step, that somehow, Maria could be his.
Thousand
To her, it was if he was looking at her from somewhere very far away, innumerable miles and only a few years that might as well have been a millenium, untouchable, and it made the weight in her chest that much heavier, but Maria fought it back, smoothed the red fabric of the dress that had been his gift to her, and smiled sadly, saying, "Hello, Brandon."
Blur
Maria didn't actually see Brandon leave that final time, her vision clouded by tears, but she heard the door close quietly after him, the finality of it, the end of something precious that had never had a chance to begin.
Mad
When Harry found out, he called him crazy for letting her go so easily, said he couldn't wrap his mind around it at all, and nothing Brandon said or didn't say made it any clearer - but then, though Harry was a lot of things, self-sacrificing wasn't one of them.
One
Is it possible to love two people at the same time, equally, to choose one and still live with yourself? Maria asked herself more than once, and she had her answer, when she happily placed her hand in Kojiro's, but still thought of Brandon's smile.
Motion
After her visit to the doctor, Brandon was the first person she told about her pregnancy, and it didn't occur to her until long after how odd that was, but it seemed so right to her, that her best friend, however murky their history, should be the first to know - and maybe, at the same time, in a small, dark part of her heart, it was her own little vengeance: She was moving on with her life, the same way he had moved on without her.
Wrong
The way Harry smiled when he said it, sly, insinuating - when Big Daddy's out of the way, she'll be all yours - Brandon couldn't stop himself, letting his fist fly, going for his gun, and the worst part, the absolute worst part, was that he had almost considered it . . . what was he becoming, what had he become?
Stop
Begin - light and shadow - so different now - loyalties questioned - lost her, gave her up - gun in his hand - no turning back - hesitation - he couldn't do it - Harry's eyes - betrayal - pulling away - flash - agony - point blank range - the barrel of the white gun - explosion - falling - blue sky - sun and glass and blood - glowing clouds - the ground rushing up - stop.
Harm
He had to wonder, sitting back in his chair, how Maria would react when she found out about Brandon, the look on her face, whether she would be angry or suicidal or just shocked beyond feeling, and he almost wished he could be there to see it, Harry thought, mouth twisted in a bitter smile, and ignored the way his hand shook, making the ice clink in the whisky glass.
Ghost
No, it hadn't happened, it was just a bad dream, nothing was different, he was still breathing and warm, sitting right next to her, saying her name in that way that not even Kojiro could, and Maria looked up, hopeful, but there was no one there; she hugged her arms around her growing belly and wished she could still cry.
Hide
First, Brandon, then, Kojiro, both gone and she was alone, and Maria had to grow up so quickly, because it wasn't just about herself anymore, her little girl needed her to be strong and wise, but it wasn't easy, all those years having to be so exquisitely careful, so more than once she found herself murmuring, "Give me strength," because she needed to be strong for them, too.
Child
Sometimes, in her weakest moments, looking at Mika, she wondered what if her daughter would have been the same, same eyes, same smile, if he had been her - but Maria was an adult, now, and didn't have time to daydream about things that would never be.
Picture
She didn't know why she could never bring herself to look at the photograph of him, keeping it hidden away behind Kojiro's in the frame; perhaps, Maria thought, it was a story she would tell her daughter when Mika fell in love one day, it was a promise to herself that she would live to see her daughter know such joy, such heartbreak.
Safe
The ground was cold, and she felt herself getting colder - it was snowing, now, early this year - very cold - and . . . Kojiro, is that . . . Maria's only desire, as she reached out her hand to the second love of her life, and he smiled at her, was that her first love would protect her daughter, so that all of this, every last terrible and beautiful moment of it - so cold - would not be for nothing.
Eye
Something had been torn out of him, something vital, more than just his memory, his heartbeat, or his soul (gun muzzle forced tight into the left socket), it was strange to function without it (a smile, sun glinting gold off blonde hair), but the way of a hunter was adaptation, so Grave donned his glasses with the single opaque lens and moved forward despite all that was so wrong.
Hold
Mika pulled her legs up to her chest and curled up closer to Grave, felt the solid and reassuring weight of his arm around her, gentle but firm, and had to wonder, briefly, if he had ever held her mother like this, as if nothing in this world would make him let go.
Precious
It hurt, vaguely, when she looked at him with those eyes, and had that smile - Grave could almost wish he didn't have to see it and remember, except that she was all that remained of people he had sworn he would protect with his final breath, and though he didn't breathe anymore, he would keep that promise through Mika . . . she was more important than anything in this world that had so easily destroyed him.
Last
Death only made exceptions every so often, it seemed, this time would be the last, no more chances, he could feel it, and looking into his best friend's eyes as he steadied the gun in his splintering hand, all Brandon could think was, Live on, Mika, for me, your mother, for all of us, you're all that's left of the family I wanted so much to -
Believe
She couldn't see very clearly past her tears, her throat hurt and her heart felt as if it were breaking in her chest, but Mika still smiled despite the destruction before her eyes, still whispered, "We're family, aren't we?" and they always would be, she put all of her faith in that, through life and death, they were a family, no matter what.
Fandom: Gungrave
Pairing: Brandon Heat x Maria Asagi
Theme set: Epsilon
Rating: PG-13 for dark themes
Notes: Later than I thought it'd be, but better that than never. Placed in order of chronological events. I looked everywhere, but I couldn't find Big Daddy's first name (even though I remember it was said in at least one Gungrave episode) so for the purpose of this project I'm using "Kojiro". If anyone knows what the real name is, drop me a line and I'll fix it, thanks.
Bother
Feeling he ought to be the logical one, Harry told him it was pointless, that they shouldn't waste their time being heroes, and Brandon nodded complacently; when Harry looked back, Brandon was long gone, being an idiot and saving the girl like some prince in an urban fairytale.
Sudden
It was a little surprising, because associating Brandon with girls was the same as pairing water with oil, but it seemed like he was finally starting to come out of his shell with that pretty blonde, and his friends supported him all the way: Kenny took bets on who would go in for the kiss first, Harry countered that Brandon would never get the guts to so much as hold her hand, Jolice plotted a "spontaneous" romantic dinner at the diner, and Nathan was staying out of it.
Shadow
Another incredibly hot day, a typical summer in this town, and only the shade offered any reprieve, so that's where Brandon was sitting, shirt and vest slung on his bent knee, when he looked up and saw Maria walking up the street towards the diner in a tiny sundress, long legs as perfectly tanned as his bare chest; their eyes met, and they simultaneously blushed.
Fool
"I'd steal your heart, fair lady," Harry joked, bowing and scraping so theatrically that Maria had no choice but to laugh, especially when he took her hand and kissed the back of it, "but I get the feeling the competition for it is pretty fierce..." at this he shot a not-so-subtle sideways look at Brandon, and got the closest thing his best friend had to a death glare in return.
Gentle
Sometimes her thoughts would drift, and suddenly she would find herself wondering what Brandon's kiss was likesoft, no doubt, infinitely sweet and considerate . . . yes, whatever girl he loved would be very lucky to have him, Maria thought, and left it at that.
Sing
It wasn't exactly in tune, and the song itself was nothing special, but none of that mattered in the least to him, as Maria hummed softly, chin in hand, and he wondered what she was thinking about, what had put that wistful look in her blue eyes.
Wall
"Jester just doesn't like you, man, what can you do, climb up the wall to her room," Harry asked, derisively, "going, 'It is the east, and Maria is the sun?'" and he started laughing, but then he looked at Brandon, stopped, his eyebrows going up, disbelieving - "You're really going to do it, aren't you?"
Time
No matter how hard life was, it had been easy for Brandon to think he still had so much time, the way every other kid his age did, until he saw his friends shot dead one by one, saw their time run out right before his eyes; suddenly, he knew how much easier it was to lose everything, that he had almost lost everything, that there were just two more people left that he valued and not enough time in the world to never take them for granted again.
Need
It wasn't until he suddenly found himself standing in the walkway in front of her, watching her eyes widen in surprise, both of them oblivious to her books tumbling to the ground, that Brandon realized simple affection had evolved into something that he could neither explain, nor control.
Goodbye
I understand if Brandon didn't want to stay until the end of the party, Maria thought, unsettled by the coil of foreboding inside of her, whether it was because she hadn't seen either Brandon or Uncle Asagi, or because of the strange sound (almost like a gunshot) that rang out almost an hour ago, but at least he could have said goodbye before he left.
Attention
"And it was the strangest thing, butum, Brandon?" Maria said softly, somehow startled, because he was looking right at her, but something behind his eyes, something quiet and raw, made her feel as if he was paying attention to a lot more than just what she was saying.
Young
Things seemed so much simpler back then, looking on them through a film of years and experience, and sometimes Brandon still found it vaguely amusing, how at seventeen his greatest concern had been how to produce coherant sentences when she flashed that amazing smile of hers.
Cool
Without warning, Maria started laughing; Brandon looked at her oddly, mug halfway to his lips, and she could see the question in his eyes but couldn't articulate why she was laughing, seeing him sitting there in his tailored suit and long, rockstar hair, perfectly quiet, reminding her how awkward he had been as a boy and that some things never changed.
King
Harry raised his glass in exuberant salute, said, "We made it, Brandon, we're practically kings of the world," and while Brandon acknowledged the toast with a silent smile, he couldn't help but think he'd rather be a pauper if it meant he wouldn't know what it was like to have killed a man.
Now
In the long run, this was nothing, could never become anything, because he was one sort of person and she was another (or so he told himself), but in the present, in the now, this was what it was, her arm curved around his, the quiet between them saying volumes.
Hunger
Years ago, Maria expressed an interest in being a professional pastry chef, so she used the boys as her taste-testers, teaming up with Jolice to create epic spreads that left the lot of them ecstastically stuffed and begging for mercy; she still baked today, but she had decided she would much rather do it just for her loved ones, because even working in a five-star restaurant couldn't compare to seeing Brandon's rare smile when he tasted her best raspberry pie.
Learn
Since joining Millennion, Brandon had been instructed in a great many arts, politics and murder, and had become an expert at the latter at least, but someone still had yet to teach him how to interact with a woman the way a man was supposed to.
Drive
Harry had a tendency to push his limits, work or play, it didn't matter, he was fearless and he was ruthless; Brandon was similar and dissimilar at the same time, just as determined and unstoppable, but not ambitious, he didn't do things with the same passion, he didn't pursue - though that didn't stop him from wanting said things so much it was like an ache that became an old friend, and only flared up the worst when Maria would lay a hand over his, ever so casually.
Wash
Brandon knew he was going to spend the rest of his life scrubbing his hands -though they were always going to be bloody - and taking scalding showers - though he would still smell the gunpowder - despite the fact that the only time he ever felt almost-clean was when he with Maria.
History
It only happened once, at a Magritt Oil business party, and perhaps it would have happened again if Harry wasn't so busy all of the time, and Maria so much out of the loop, and Brandon, well, just being Brandon; at the moment, though, it was good enough, the three of them standing together by the windows overlooking the sparkling city, reliving old times from the neighborhood, and they were amazed that they had made it, they were the only ones who had.
Power
Harry liked to wax philosophical about his dreams whenever he got the chance; Brandon never minded listening, but it made him wonder what his own dreams were, if he could pick and choose what he wanted without worrying about anyone else, and when it came down to it, the last thing he wanted was to rule the world . . . only, to protect the people in his world.
Change
He wasn't the same person he had been when they were teenagers, no, all the minute shifts and adjustments were quiet but obvious the way only Brandon knew to be, and the difference that worried Maria most of all was the growing sadness in him, distant and resigned, that he no doubt thought only he could see.
God
The last time Maria prayed, really prayed, was at her uncle's funeral, and she hadn't felt the need to do so for years afterward, never that religious to begin with, but sitting at her desk, listening to the news reports of the chaos between gangs and knowing, just knowing, that Brandon and Harry were in the thick of it, she whispered, "Please let them be all right," and hoped someone up there heard her.
Soul
"A man's soul isn't something that's stolen from himit's something that's given up in bits and pieces, for whatever reason, because of the choices he makes," Bear Walken told him evenly a few days later, and Brandon knew it was because of the way he had stood there long after Blood War was dead, unblinking, trying desperately to see her face in his mind and remember why.
Command
Becoming the leader of a group of men who looked to him and only him for instruction was alien, at first - Brandon had spent so much of his life taking orders, not giving them - and it took time to get used to it, but no more time than it took to fall out of the habit of Saturday afternoon visits filled with lies so that she wouldn't worry so much.
Wait
In the beginning, Maria told herself she would only stay in the mansion just long enough to finish college - after that happened, just long enough to find a job - after that, just long enough to save up a comfortable sum of money - after that, just long enough for Brandon to come back . . . and before she knew it, everything she thought would come in good time had passed her by.
Vision
Being an expert marksman had its price, and eventually his hard focus on targets affected his sight, forcing him to wear glasses - Harry laughed, saying it made him look "intellectual" - and it was just one of many changes, things refined and improved, his eyes, his hair, his attitude, his life; it had been nearly a year since Blood War, and Big Daddy didn't ask why he didn't come to see Maria anymore.
Never
"Brandon, you're twenty seven, and you're telling me you haven't, at any point . . . I mean, not a single woman, ever?" Harry sputtered, almost losing his cigarette.
Naked
Brandon sat bolt upright in bed, eyes wide and unseeing, fingers gripped in the sheets and breath coming fast and hard, though it hadn't been another dream of death and horror . . . just her bare skin pressed against his, her voice, breathy and urgent in his ear, and somehow that was much worse than any nightmare.
Book
The package came a little after two o'clock that afternoon, neatly but plainly wrapped, with a simple note attached - "Happy Birthday, Maria" - and it was a rare edition of her favorite novel; Brandon was always so thoughtful, remembering the little things she loved, but it had been two years already - two birthdays, two Christmases) - and he never came to give the gifts to her by hand.
Fortune
Luck of the draw, it was an interesting philosophy - luck allowed him to help a girl on a dark night, luck killed his friends, luck turned him into a hitman, and luck gave him the power to protect those he loved - luck, however, couldn't give him what he really wanted, luck couldn't make him happy, luck couldn't make him worthy of her.
Torn
Asagi honestly didn't know how it had happened, just one day it had happened and there was nothing he could do about it, other than hope, helplessly, that something changed, that Brandon came up to him one day, self-conscious as ever, to do something ridiculously formal like ask for permission to court Maria, because that was just the kind of person Brandon was, but at the same time, Asagi found himself hoping for the opposite, that Brandon never took that step, that somehow, Maria could be his.
Thousand
To her, it was if he was looking at her from somewhere very far away, innumerable miles and only a few years that might as well have been a millenium, untouchable, and it made the weight in her chest that much heavier, but Maria fought it back, smoothed the red fabric of the dress that had been his gift to her, and smiled sadly, saying, "Hello, Brandon."
Blur
Maria didn't actually see Brandon leave that final time, her vision clouded by tears, but she heard the door close quietly after him, the finality of it, the end of something precious that had never had a chance to begin.
Mad
When Harry found out, he called him crazy for letting her go so easily, said he couldn't wrap his mind around it at all, and nothing Brandon said or didn't say made it any clearer - but then, though Harry was a lot of things, self-sacrificing wasn't one of them.
One
Is it possible to love two people at the same time, equally, to choose one and still live with yourself? Maria asked herself more than once, and she had her answer, when she happily placed her hand in Kojiro's, but still thought of Brandon's smile.
Motion
After her visit to the doctor, Brandon was the first person she told about her pregnancy, and it didn't occur to her until long after how odd that was, but it seemed so right to her, that her best friend, however murky their history, should be the first to know - and maybe, at the same time, in a small, dark part of her heart, it was her own little vengeance: She was moving on with her life, the same way he had moved on without her.
Wrong
The way Harry smiled when he said it, sly, insinuating - when Big Daddy's out of the way, she'll be all yours - Brandon couldn't stop himself, letting his fist fly, going for his gun, and the worst part, the absolute worst part, was that he had almost considered it . . . what was he becoming, what had he become?
Stop
Begin - light and shadow - so different now - loyalties questioned - lost her, gave her up - gun in his hand - no turning back - hesitation - he couldn't do it - Harry's eyes - betrayal - pulling away - flash - agony - point blank range - the barrel of the white gun - explosion - falling - blue sky - sun and glass and blood - glowing clouds - the ground rushing up - stop.
Harm
He had to wonder, sitting back in his chair, how Maria would react when she found out about Brandon, the look on her face, whether she would be angry or suicidal or just shocked beyond feeling, and he almost wished he could be there to see it, Harry thought, mouth twisted in a bitter smile, and ignored the way his hand shook, making the ice clink in the whisky glass.
Ghost
No, it hadn't happened, it was just a bad dream, nothing was different, he was still breathing and warm, sitting right next to her, saying her name in that way that not even Kojiro could, and Maria looked up, hopeful, but there was no one there; she hugged her arms around her growing belly and wished she could still cry.
Hide
First, Brandon, then, Kojiro, both gone and she was alone, and Maria had to grow up so quickly, because it wasn't just about herself anymore, her little girl needed her to be strong and wise, but it wasn't easy, all those years having to be so exquisitely careful, so more than once she found herself murmuring, "Give me strength," because she needed to be strong for them, too.
Child
Sometimes, in her weakest moments, looking at Mika, she wondered what if her daughter would have been the same, same eyes, same smile, if he had been her - but Maria was an adult, now, and didn't have time to daydream about things that would never be.
Picture
She didn't know why she could never bring herself to look at the photograph of him, keeping it hidden away behind Kojiro's in the frame; perhaps, Maria thought, it was a story she would tell her daughter when Mika fell in love one day, it was a promise to herself that she would live to see her daughter know such joy, such heartbreak.
Safe
The ground was cold, and she felt herself getting colder - it was snowing, now, early this year - very cold - and . . . Kojiro, is that . . . Maria's only desire, as she reached out her hand to the second love of her life, and he smiled at her, was that her first love would protect her daughter, so that all of this, every last terrible and beautiful moment of it - so cold - would not be for nothing.
Eye
Something had been torn out of him, something vital, more than just his memory, his heartbeat, or his soul (gun muzzle forced tight into the left socket), it was strange to function without it (a smile, sun glinting gold off blonde hair), but the way of a hunter was adaptation, so Grave donned his glasses with the single opaque lens and moved forward despite all that was so wrong.
Hold
Mika pulled her legs up to her chest and curled up closer to Grave, felt the solid and reassuring weight of his arm around her, gentle but firm, and had to wonder, briefly, if he had ever held her mother like this, as if nothing in this world would make him let go.
Precious
It hurt, vaguely, when she looked at him with those eyes, and had that smile - Grave could almost wish he didn't have to see it and remember, except that she was all that remained of people he had sworn he would protect with his final breath, and though he didn't breathe anymore, he would keep that promise through Mika . . . she was more important than anything in this world that had so easily destroyed him.
Last
Death only made exceptions every so often, it seemed, this time would be the last, no more chances, he could feel it, and looking into his best friend's eyes as he steadied the gun in his splintering hand, all Brandon could think was, Live on, Mika, for me, your mother, for all of us, you're all that's left of the family I wanted so much to -
Believe
She couldn't see very clearly past her tears, her throat hurt and her heart felt as if it were breaking in her chest, but Mika still smiled despite the destruction before her eyes, still whispered, "We're family, aren't we?" and they always would be, she put all of her faith in that, through life and death, they were a family, no matter what.