Forgotten Realms Premiere *crickets chirp*
Fandom: Forgotten Realms (forgotten indeed, more like, never known in the first place? ;-)
Pairing: Jarlaxle/Entreri *Entreri-muse smites Nari for uke presumption* Fine, fine. Entreri/Jarlaxle.
Theme set: Alpha
Rating: R-ey
Warning: A spoiler or two, but who reads FR anyway... *sigh*
More warnings: Blood. Murder. Villain fangirling. Evilness. More blood and murder. Implied slash, le gasp. Dashes and semicolon abuse. Terry Pratchett influence (especially #7 & #13). One footnote. One bad word. One angst. Two mercenaries. Nari's sucky writing.
Additional note: The sentences turned out kinda connected, after I was done, so it’s shuffled for continuity. But it really is 50, believe it. *shameless poke at Naruto, here* #29 and #23 are a humble bow towards Ariel_D, and her Of Music And Men story at ff-net. Go read it if you like Entreri and Jarlaxle, but make sure not to drink anything while you do - it's very sporfle-inducing. Very.
Dedication:
myojo_s_me-chan, who won the recent “guess-Nari’s-new-shiny” competition at the first try. Go Myo!
Unnecessary Explanation no one cares about: drow = dark elves = evil. Except The Drizzit, er, Drizzt, goody-goody ranger and Entreri’s unrequited love bane of existence. Jarlaxle is the stylish and calculating leader of Bregan D’aerthe, a drow mercenary band (nooo, not music-related) who has employed Entreri to act as human front for the drow operations. When there was an uprising in Bregan D’aerthe, Entreri saved Jarlaxle’s hot sorry ass, and they have slept travelled together since. Of course, the story is a lot more complicated than that... and boy am I proud to have summarised it that short ^_^
And oh, right. About Entreri... *fangirl* Entreri-samaaaaaaa!!!! Entreri is awesome. Period.
Presenting -
The Sellswords, slashed.
#45 - Hell
If Jarlaxle and Entreri had a song, it would go: We’re on the Hi~ghway to Hell!!!
#36 - Market
Even at the busiest market in Calimport, the crowd will always part for Artemis Entreri, Guildmaster, infamous assassin (and the drows’ preferred torture victim, if not for Jarlaxle’s orders).
#04 - Pain
Entreri is your classic Emo-Assassin, except he is professional enough to hide his pain, and not in the Oh-LOOK-how-I-mask-my-suffering-to-protect-my-tender-soul way.
#09 - Telephone
“...” (Artemis Entreri on the phone)
#11 - Name
No one so far has been suicidal enough to ask Entreri: “Isn’t Artemis a girl’s name?”
#21 - Life
He’d taken so many lives already - one more or less wouldn't matter anymore.
#44 - Heaven
Entreri agreed with the drow on one thing: Heaven would be dead boring, anyway.
#16 - Weakness
Emotions not only bring weakness - they multiply, and the more emotions you allow, the more will sneak in; right now, Entreri is losing this fight.
#34 - Lightning/Thunder
Entreri is also a closet show-off; that tossing of his cloak just in time to be ominously illuminated by lightning is a bit over-the-top even for Jarlaxle’s measures.
#05 - Potatoes
After discovering the yummyness of roasted potatoes, Jarlaxle consumed almost a cellar-full of them - or so said Artemis, shaking his head in exasperation.
#41 - Completion
It was funny, Entreri thought, how one learns little things when living with someone - he knew now, for instance, if not the order in which Jarlaxle put his heaps of jewellery on, then at least that he always donned his hat last, as a crowning completion of the eye-irritating outfit.
#49 - Hair
Their daily shaving - Artemis’ beard, Jarlaxle’s hair - became somewhat of a morning ritual.
#26 - Forever
Jarlaxle had thought they would be friends forever - but the Underdark knows no eternity, no dreams - only death.
#31 - Home
To both of them, home is but a foreign notion.
#37 - Technology
Magic things are shi~ny! ♥ ♥ ♥ (Anime!Jarlaxle)
#08 - Happiness
Jarlaxle acts happy, while being almost as far from happiness as Entreri is - yet, if you act something long enough, you might just start believe in it.
#14 - Sex (I just HAD to.)
Jarlaxle felt just a tad voyeuristic watching them - Drizzt Do’Urden and Artemis Entreri fought with violence and passion that made one wonder: when would they finally face the truth, throw the weapons aside and engage in violent, passionate SEX?
#28 - Sickness
In spite of their insecure situation, chased by mutinous Bregan D’aerthe drow, wounded, Entreri still manages to sleep, too worn out to be alarmed over the tingle caused by Jarlaxle’s healing spell -it’s just that he’s tired, really, he doesn’t trust...yawn... that drow... at all.........snore.
#02 - Kiss
It is a lucky thing indeed that drow need only few hours of sleep - otherwise one colour-abusing dark elf might have suffered from lack of it; many hours did he lie awake, as his will to live fought the impulse to steal a kiss from his lightly-sleeping companion.
#39 - Smile
Entreri never smiles - he smirks, at most, once a year, and it makes Jarlaxle wonder what his face looks like with a smile.
#03 - Soft
The public obsession with petal-softness is overrated, thought a daydreaming Jarlaxle, imagining the scratching feel of wind-roughened lips on his skin...
#24 - Taste
Jarlaxle values his life above one brief taste of bliss.
#13 - Death
They encounter death, mostly by causing it, so often, that it recently started to say HELLO.
#32 - Confusion
Entreri’s eyes went saucer-wide when Jarlaxle quoted him by saying “maybe I hate drow more than I hate humans”, and his thoughts ran amok: But... but.... how can he know I said that, it’s quite a long sentence, that’s no coincidence, no way, but how, HOW can he know, unless he knew my whole plan, which would mean he never really was in trouble, and the whole uprising was a fake, but it wasn’t, they really tried to kill us, or maybe it started out as a fake and thenRai-gydecidedit’snotabadideaatalltocontroldaertheandthatswherethedragoncameinand.......what the... JARLAXLE!!!
#19 - Wind
Entreri watched in amusement as Jarlaxle ran after his hat, stolen by the wind, cursing creatively.
#46 - Sun
Jarlaxle prefers sunsets to Drizzt’s sunrises: he likes the sun, yet it’s only at sunset that he can look at it directly without being afraid to watch too long and become blind, because it wanes slowly, majestically, into a kind night dotted with sparkling stars.
#43 - Sky
Drow normally get dizzy, looking at the sky, too used to cavern ceilings, afraid it might swallow them up - not so Jarlaxle.
#42 - Clouds
Jarlaxle thought the fascinating shapes of those cloud things would also interest Artemis if he pointed them out often enough - he was wrong.
#06 - Rain
Entreri wore a smug expression for a whole week after Jarlaxle got that disgusting nose-running cold because of hopping around excitedly in the rain.
#01 - Comfort
Hurt/comfort situations are generally viewed as romantic; Jarlaxle doesn’t think so, not anymore, not after that nightmare of Artemis’, not after seeing the proud assassin cry, fucking cry in his arms - it had been horrifying, pure and simple, and acting like it never happened in the morning, thus leading Entreri to believe the whole breakdown was part of the nightmare, was the least - the only, really - thing he could do.
#40 - Innocence
“Oh, Artemis... something is decidedly wrong with you, if I, a drow, am capable of an innocent expression that does NOT creep people out - or make them laugh, in my case.”
#17 - Tears
Jarlaxle considers tears in his clothes a worse affront than actual injury, so he mercilessly incinerates the guilty orcs in a fireball.
#27 - Blood
“I only wear leather because it’s easy to wipe the blood off it”, Entreri patiently explained to the audience after every suggestive leather-related comment the insufferable drow made.
#33 - Fear
In the dracolich’s lair, Entreri had actually felt fear, however, it did not compare to the almost-panic, when the beast breathed acid at him - breathed! Undead shouldn’t breathe, much less acid, this is just... against the rules!
#10 - Ears
Somewhere between the lines of the Sellswords Trilogy, Entreri probably wondered what would have happened if, at some point, he’d have simply grabbed Jarlaxle by his pointy ears and dragged him away from all that trouble.
#12 - Sensual
There is always an underlying sensuality in Artemis’ deadly sword-dance - yet to pause to admire it is to die.
#07 - Chocolate
Artemis Entreri used to really, really like chocolate - until suffering through a day with Jarlaxle on a sugar high*.
*Pratchett-esque footnote: Jarlaxle tends to act as if on a massive sugar high even without sugar, go figure.
#25 - Devotion
“A~rtemis,” Jarlaxle spoke up in the middle of reading a saucy romance novel, encountering new vocabulary, “What does this word mean, devotion, as in ‘she looked up at him, bosom quivering with devotion’?” Entreri twitched, contemplated suicide and settled for shrugging.
#29 - Melody
“Amazing,” remarked Jarlaxle, watching Entreri play, “this could almost be a melody!” and received a glare - more out of habit than any real resentment - or so he hoped.
#23 - Hands
At first, the whole deal with the flute was fun, until Entreri started practising and the way his fingers danced across the wooden instrument and oh merciless Lloth and her pincers, those fine lips wrapping around - Jarlaxle almost ran out of the room, flustered and frustrated, under the pretence of saving his bleeding eardrums.
#35 - Bonds
There was always this weak point in Jarlaxle’s bondage-fantasy related scheming - eventually, Entreri will get out of those shackles, and then he would be soooooo dead
#15 - Touch
Entreri always exudes this Touch-me-and-Die attitude; Jarlaxle is secretly wishing and waiting for the day he’ll drop the “die” part.
#30 - Star
Yuletide at the Vaasaan Gate: Jarlaxle stalks in with a star-decorated cape and a jolly ho-ho-ho, greeted by the other patrons’ uproarious laughter, while Entreri covers his face with his hands and murmurs: “No, I don’t know him...”
#22 - Jealousy
Jarlaxle’s well-hidden urge to rip that half-elf to pieces for every single look Entreri shared with her had to be the result of violence-inclined drow genetics, and certainly not jealousy.
#18 - Speed
They rode at neck-break speed through the city, miraculously avoiding fatal accidents and they even got out - now, all was left was to get away from that army of pursuers.
#38 - Gift
“Here,” Entreri grumbles, shoving an ordinary steel dagger at Jarlaxle, “for the next time we end up in a magic-dead zone.”- and the drow grins widely, recognising concern when he sees it.
#20 - Freedom
Flying was great, creating almost an illusion of freedom - that is, until you remembered you were sitting on a dragon.
#47 - Moon
The temple walls looked even whiter in the moonlight, their false purity reawakening a deep rage in Entreri’s heart - yet he drew some consolation from the blood, partly his own, drying on his sword.
#48 - Waves
The surf lapped gently at the shore, swirling around their naked feet, dark and pale, intimately close under unjudging starlight.
#50 - Supernova
The dragon’s breath follows them like an orange-glowing tsunami, as they run towards the next adventure.
Feedback IS DEMANDED ON PAIN OF A GRUESOME AND AWFUL DEEEEEEAAAAAATH encouraged and appreciated. Even the "You suck!!111" - I like it when people agree with me ;-)
Pairing: Jarlaxle/Entreri *Entreri-muse smites Nari for uke presumption* Fine, fine. Entreri/Jarlaxle.
Theme set: Alpha
Rating: R-ey
Warning: A spoiler or two, but who reads FR anyway... *sigh*
More warnings: Blood. Murder. Villain fangirling. Evilness. More blood and murder. Implied slash, le gasp. Dashes and semicolon abuse. Terry Pratchett influence (especially #7 & #13). One footnote. One bad word. One angst. Two mercenaries. Nari's sucky writing.
Additional note: The sentences turned out kinda connected, after I was done, so it’s shuffled for continuity. But it really is 50, believe it. *shameless poke at Naruto, here* #29 and #23 are a humble bow towards Ariel_D, and her Of Music And Men story at ff-net. Go read it if you like Entreri and Jarlaxle, but make sure not to drink anything while you do - it's very sporfle-inducing. Very.
Dedication:
myojo_s_me-chan, who won the recent “guess-Nari’s-new-shiny” competition at the first try. Go Myo!
Unnecessary Explanation no one cares about: drow = dark elves = evil. Except The Drizzit, er, Drizzt, goody-goody ranger and Entreri’s unrequited love bane of existence. Jarlaxle is the stylish and calculating leader of Bregan D’aerthe, a drow mercenary band (nooo, not music-related) who has employed Entreri to act as human front for the drow operations. When there was an uprising in Bregan D’aerthe, Entreri saved Jarlaxle’s hot sorry ass, and they have slept travelled together since. Of course, the story is a lot more complicated than that... and boy am I proud to have summarised it that short ^_^
And oh, right. About Entreri... *fangirl* Entreri-samaaaaaaa!!!! Entreri is awesome. Period.
Presenting -
The Sellswords, slashed.
#45 - Hell
If Jarlaxle and Entreri had a song, it would go: We’re on the Hi~ghway to Hell!!!
#36 - Market
Even at the busiest market in Calimport, the crowd will always part for Artemis Entreri, Guildmaster, infamous assassin (and the drows’ preferred torture victim, if not for Jarlaxle’s orders).
#04 - Pain
Entreri is your classic Emo-Assassin, except he is professional enough to hide his pain, and not in the Oh-LOOK-how-I-mask-my-suffering-to-protect-my-tender-soul way.
#09 - Telephone
“...” (Artemis Entreri on the phone)
#11 - Name
No one so far has been suicidal enough to ask Entreri: “Isn’t Artemis a girl’s name?”
#21 - Life
He’d taken so many lives already - one more or less wouldn't matter anymore.
#44 - Heaven
Entreri agreed with the drow on one thing: Heaven would be dead boring, anyway.
#16 - Weakness
Emotions not only bring weakness - they multiply, and the more emotions you allow, the more will sneak in; right now, Entreri is losing this fight.
#34 - Lightning/Thunder
Entreri is also a closet show-off; that tossing of his cloak just in time to be ominously illuminated by lightning is a bit over-the-top even for Jarlaxle’s measures.
#05 - Potatoes
After discovering the yummyness of roasted potatoes, Jarlaxle consumed almost a cellar-full of them - or so said Artemis, shaking his head in exasperation.
#41 - Completion
It was funny, Entreri thought, how one learns little things when living with someone - he knew now, for instance, if not the order in which Jarlaxle put his heaps of jewellery on, then at least that he always donned his hat last, as a crowning completion of the eye-irritating outfit.
#49 - Hair
Their daily shaving - Artemis’ beard, Jarlaxle’s hair - became somewhat of a morning ritual.
#26 - Forever
Jarlaxle had thought they would be friends forever - but the Underdark knows no eternity, no dreams - only death.
#31 - Home
To both of them, home is but a foreign notion.
#37 - Technology
Magic things are shi~ny! ♥ ♥ ♥ (Anime!Jarlaxle)
#08 - Happiness
Jarlaxle acts happy, while being almost as far from happiness as Entreri is - yet, if you act something long enough, you might just start believe in it.
#14 - Sex (I just HAD to.)
Jarlaxle felt just a tad voyeuristic watching them - Drizzt Do’Urden and Artemis Entreri fought with violence and passion that made one wonder: when would they finally face the truth, throw the weapons aside and engage in violent, passionate SEX?
#28 - Sickness
In spite of their insecure situation, chased by mutinous Bregan D’aerthe drow, wounded, Entreri still manages to sleep, too worn out to be alarmed over the tingle caused by Jarlaxle’s healing spell -it’s just that he’s tired, really, he doesn’t trust...yawn... that drow... at all.........snore.
#02 - Kiss
It is a lucky thing indeed that drow need only few hours of sleep - otherwise one colour-abusing dark elf might have suffered from lack of it; many hours did he lie awake, as his will to live fought the impulse to steal a kiss from his lightly-sleeping companion.
#39 - Smile
Entreri never smiles - he smirks, at most, once a year, and it makes Jarlaxle wonder what his face looks like with a smile.
#03 - Soft
The public obsession with petal-softness is overrated, thought a daydreaming Jarlaxle, imagining the scratching feel of wind-roughened lips on his skin...
#24 - Taste
Jarlaxle values his life above one brief taste of bliss.
#13 - Death
They encounter death, mostly by causing it, so often, that it recently started to say HELLO.
#32 - Confusion
Entreri’s eyes went saucer-wide when Jarlaxle quoted him by saying “maybe I hate drow more than I hate humans”, and his thoughts ran amok: But... but.... how can he know I said that, it’s quite a long sentence, that’s no coincidence, no way, but how, HOW can he know, unless he knew my whole plan, which would mean he never really was in trouble, and the whole uprising was a fake, but it wasn’t, they really tried to kill us, or maybe it started out as a fake and thenRai-gydecidedit’snotabadideaatalltocontroldaertheandthatswherethedragoncameinand.......what the... JARLAXLE!!!
#19 - Wind
Entreri watched in amusement as Jarlaxle ran after his hat, stolen by the wind, cursing creatively.
#46 - Sun
Jarlaxle prefers sunsets to Drizzt’s sunrises: he likes the sun, yet it’s only at sunset that he can look at it directly without being afraid to watch too long and become blind, because it wanes slowly, majestically, into a kind night dotted with sparkling stars.
#43 - Sky
Drow normally get dizzy, looking at the sky, too used to cavern ceilings, afraid it might swallow them up - not so Jarlaxle.
#42 - Clouds
Jarlaxle thought the fascinating shapes of those cloud things would also interest Artemis if he pointed them out often enough - he was wrong.
#06 - Rain
Entreri wore a smug expression for a whole week after Jarlaxle got that disgusting nose-running cold because of hopping around excitedly in the rain.
#01 - Comfort
Hurt/comfort situations are generally viewed as romantic; Jarlaxle doesn’t think so, not anymore, not after that nightmare of Artemis’, not after seeing the proud assassin cry, fucking cry in his arms - it had been horrifying, pure and simple, and acting like it never happened in the morning, thus leading Entreri to believe the whole breakdown was part of the nightmare, was the least - the only, really - thing he could do.
#40 - Innocence
“Oh, Artemis... something is decidedly wrong with you, if I, a drow, am capable of an innocent expression that does NOT creep people out - or make them laugh, in my case.”
#17 - Tears
Jarlaxle considers tears in his clothes a worse affront than actual injury, so he mercilessly incinerates the guilty orcs in a fireball.
#27 - Blood
“I only wear leather because it’s easy to wipe the blood off it”, Entreri patiently explained to the audience after every suggestive leather-related comment the insufferable drow made.
#33 - Fear
In the dracolich’s lair, Entreri had actually felt fear, however, it did not compare to the almost-panic, when the beast breathed acid at him - breathed! Undead shouldn’t breathe, much less acid, this is just... against the rules!
#10 - Ears
Somewhere between the lines of the Sellswords Trilogy, Entreri probably wondered what would have happened if, at some point, he’d have simply grabbed Jarlaxle by his pointy ears and dragged him away from all that trouble.
#12 - Sensual
There is always an underlying sensuality in Artemis’ deadly sword-dance - yet to pause to admire it is to die.
#07 - Chocolate
Artemis Entreri used to really, really like chocolate - until suffering through a day with Jarlaxle on a sugar high*.
*Pratchett-esque footnote: Jarlaxle tends to act as if on a massive sugar high even without sugar, go figure.
#25 - Devotion
“A~rtemis,” Jarlaxle spoke up in the middle of reading a saucy romance novel, encountering new vocabulary, “What does this word mean, devotion, as in ‘she looked up at him, bosom quivering with devotion’?” Entreri twitched, contemplated suicide and settled for shrugging.
#29 - Melody
“Amazing,” remarked Jarlaxle, watching Entreri play, “this could almost be a melody!” and received a glare - more out of habit than any real resentment - or so he hoped.
#23 - Hands
At first, the whole deal with the flute was fun, until Entreri started practising and the way his fingers danced across the wooden instrument and oh merciless Lloth and her pincers, those fine lips wrapping around - Jarlaxle almost ran out of the room, flustered and frustrated, under the pretence of saving his bleeding eardrums.
#35 - Bonds
There was always this weak point in Jarlaxle’s bondage-fantasy related scheming - eventually, Entreri will get out of those shackles, and then he would be soooooo dead
#15 - Touch
Entreri always exudes this Touch-me-and-Die attitude; Jarlaxle is secretly wishing and waiting for the day he’ll drop the “die” part.
#30 - Star
Yuletide at the Vaasaan Gate: Jarlaxle stalks in with a star-decorated cape and a jolly ho-ho-ho, greeted by the other patrons’ uproarious laughter, while Entreri covers his face with his hands and murmurs: “No, I don’t know him...”
#22 - Jealousy
Jarlaxle’s well-hidden urge to rip that half-elf to pieces for every single look Entreri shared with her had to be the result of violence-inclined drow genetics, and certainly not jealousy.
#18 - Speed
They rode at neck-break speed through the city, miraculously avoiding fatal accidents and they even got out - now, all was left was to get away from that army of pursuers.
#38 - Gift
“Here,” Entreri grumbles, shoving an ordinary steel dagger at Jarlaxle, “for the next time we end up in a magic-dead zone.”- and the drow grins widely, recognising concern when he sees it.
#20 - Freedom
Flying was great, creating almost an illusion of freedom - that is, until you remembered you were sitting on a dragon.
#47 - Moon
The temple walls looked even whiter in the moonlight, their false purity reawakening a deep rage in Entreri’s heart - yet he drew some consolation from the blood, partly his own, drying on his sword.
#48 - Waves
The surf lapped gently at the shore, swirling around their naked feet, dark and pale, intimately close under unjudging starlight.
#50 - Supernova
The dragon’s breath follows them like an orange-glowing tsunami, as they run towards the next adventure.
Feedback IS DEMANDED ON PAIN OF A GRUESOME AND AWFUL DEEEEEEAAAAAATH encouraged and appreciated. Even the "You suck!!111" - I like it when people agree with me ;-)