Starting at the End (Primeval, Stephen/Nick, NC-17)
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing: Nick x Stephen
Theme Set: Alpha
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: For all seasons
Title: Starting at the End
Starting at the End
by elfin
#1 - COMFORT
At the end, there's no comfort to offer after what Nick has witnessed.
#2 - KISS
He was slammed against the wall, Helen's mouth falling open as Stephen kissed him one last time before the punch to his jaw took him just as much by surprise.
#3 - SOFT
Such a gentle touch to Nick's shoulder, as if by making contact Stephen could make him disappear, make Helen's lie into truth.
#4 - PAIN
It was almost too much to bear, what Stephen had thought him capable of, that Helen had again torn them apart.
#5 - POTATOES
Strange what memories are nudged by the most terrible of circumstances; the one of sitting at the table in the kitchen watching Stephen peeling potatoes, wondering why he wouldn't simply buy frozen chips.
#6 - RAIN
Sitting on the steps he could hear the heavy downpour on the corrugated roof and for a single moment he wondered if he would ever feel the rain on his face again - such a strange final wish.
#7 - CHOCOLATE
Digging in his pockets in vain for something of use - a mobile phone, pocket knife - he came up with a half-eaten Yorkie bar and for a second his attention was completely distracted from inevitable death to the question of when he'd eaten the other half.
#8 - HAPPINESS
A flash of nothing but pure, unadulterated relief in Stephen's eyes when he caught sight of his dead lover sitting on the top step, bleeding, distraught, defeated, but breathing; very much alive.
#9 - TELEPHONE
A single call from Helen had broken Stephen's heart, torn his life into pieces dropped him to his knees in the sand as tears inevitably met the news of Nick's death.
#10 - EARS
Amazing what the first thing to draw him to Nick had been - that misshape of his right ear so that it didn't match the left; the hours he'd spent staring across the office until Nick had eventually asked.
#11 - NAME
When Stephen had slept with Helen, her husband's name had just been words that meant nothing; so different now 'Nick Cutter' were the two most important words in the world to him.
#12 - SENSUAL
Helen's forthright sexuality had paled in its effect on him next to Nick's delicious sensuality.
#13 - DEATH
Inevitable in their line of work, "one day one of us won't come back"; they'd said it so many times but had never, ever really expected it to happen.
#14 - SEX
Every time they went home from a 'close call' they fell into bed, into one another, the sex reassuring them they'd made it out alive; not this time.
#15 - TOUCH
"Nick's dead"; even as she said the words Stephen imagined he could feel his lover's touch, the breeze in his hair coming off the ocean.
#16 - WEAKNESS
She played him like a pro, exploiting every paranoid thought, every questioning dream, turning her own betrayal into Nick's.
#17 - TEARS
Nick's fist connected with his jaw and he staggered backwards, looking up with as much resentment as he could muster, surprised to see tears in Nick's eyes even as he turned away.
#18 - SPEED
How fast everything was turned around, how quickly everything went wrong, made Stephen's head spin, made him feel vaguely sick even while he did nothing to stop it.
#19 - WIND
Newly fired, standing in the middle of a motorway pile up with a bright yellow Lotus in front of him and Nick's back turned away behind him, Stephen closed his eyes and felt the wind playing in his hair.
#20 - FREEDOM
Saying 'yes' to her had been a single moment of freedom, from duty, from commitment, from love; a single moment that had turned into 'forever'.
#21 - LIFE
How strange his life had become, Nick mused, as he watched the woolly mammoth return to its rightful place in time.
#22 - JEALOUSY
Whatever made Nick say the words - jealousy, resentment, betrayal - they were out now and he was damned if he was going to take them back.
#23 - HANDS
When Stephen closed his eyes, Helen's hands on him became Nick's, and all he felt when he opened them was disappointment and a sick realisation of what he was losing.
#24 - TASTE
All those years ago, when he'd first slept with Helen Cutter, he wondered if she'd tasted of Nick, if he'd tasted perfection and at some level his body and soul had recognised it, gone after it without him even knowing.
#25 - DEVOTION
He'd given Nick something he'd never given Helen - devotion, loyalty, a silent promise that he would give his life to save Nick's if he ever needed to; a promise he had no idea he'd ever have to keep.
#26 - FOREVER
Not easy to say 'forever' when he knows that time is infinite, looping, when the past and the future have already met; still he said it with no idea what 'forever' would mean to them.
#27 - BLOOD
Nick's blood had been on his hands, his on Nick's; a bond that would bind them in the present, future and in the past, no matter what.
#28 - SICKNESS
'In sickness and health', the words turn over in Nick's mind as he realises how much of a bitch his wife really is.
#29 - MELODY
As Helen gives voice to their joint betrayal of Nick, Stephen thinks her voice sounds like a melody - played all on the black notes - and wishes he couldn't hear the words.
#30 - STAR
Nick abstractly remembers reading about the implosion of old stars and as he hears about his wife and his best friend, he wonders if this is what that collapse feels like.
#31 - HOME
They leave the house early, Nick feeling slightly guilty that in his wife's absence it has become he and Stephen's home, the marriage bed has become their bed, and wonders what he really has to feel guilty for.
#32 - CONFUSION
Nick can see the surprise at his rejection in Helen's eyes as he pushes past her, only his eyes sliding over her breasts, still her greatest weapon.
#33 - FEAR
As they leave the meeting point Nick catches Stephen's eyes and sees the fear there, brushes the back of his hand against rough knuckles in the hope of reassuring
#34 - LIGHTENING / THUNDER
Nick slides into Stephen's unresisting body as the storm rumbles and cracks over the house - fate is less than twelve hours away, nothing will keep them from each other tonight.
#35 - BONDS
There's a very small band of people who know what they know, those secrets bind them to one another like nothing else could.
#36 - MARKET
Saturday morning and they walk through Camden Market, shoulder's brushing, momentarily holding hands, no one caring in the hustle and bustle, just two normal people shopping on a weekend.
#37 - TECHNOLOGY
They're surrounded by technology, high-end, cutting-edge, and when it came down to it Nick's fist was the best weapon against the planet's angriest creatures.
#38 - GIFT
Nick was a gift, Stephen swore he'd never let himself forget it.
#39 - SMILE
Nick's was a smile that lit up his day, whether it was over breakfast, over fossils, or in bed at sunrise.
#40 - INNOCENCE
Stephen suggested it over a drink one evening in the union bar and Nick's expression - all wide-eyed innocence mixed with much, much more than a hint of lust - almost made his laugh with relief.
#41 - COMPLETION
The first time they made love felt like the culmination of all of his heart's desires.
#42 - CLOUDS
Back when they weren't frightening, they spent one afternoon lying on the grass behind the university, watching the clouds pass across the blue summer sky, seeing cartoon dinosaurs in every one.
#43 - SKY
Montana, their first dig together, the scorching sun in the deep blue sky; Nick lifted his hands to wipe his forehead, his T-shirt rode up and Stephen got his first glimpse of smooth creamy skin.
#44 - HEAVEN
He finds his own slice of heaven out in burning hot Montana, to be the focus of Nick's attention, to be in the way when he laughs, to catch that child-like smile.
#45 - HELL
Helen's disappearance tore Nick up, almost killed him, and from the depths of despair Stephen dragged him kicking and screaming back to life.
#46 - SUN
The day he met Stephen, the sun was shining, there was a garden party for the faculty, and for the first time ever he wasn't bored at that charity event.
#47 - MOON
He saw her in the moonlight, just for a brief glimpse, and as he shouted her name, his heart wasn't in it.
#48 - WAVES
Back at the end, Stephen watches the waves and despite their constant movement his own world stops for just a moment before it caves in.
#49 - HAIR
Blood in his beautiful blond hair and surprise in his eyes, his taste on my lips, that's what I take with me as I step into the room I'll die in.
#50 - SUPERNOVA
Stephen's life winks out, and in that moment of horror Nick's mind unbalances, unhinges, unlocks, and suddenly the future is his only hope.
Pairing: Nick x Stephen
Theme Set: Alpha
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: For all seasons
Title: Starting at the End
Starting at the End
by elfin
#1 - COMFORT
At the end, there's no comfort to offer after what Nick has witnessed.
#2 - KISS
He was slammed against the wall, Helen's mouth falling open as Stephen kissed him one last time before the punch to his jaw took him just as much by surprise.
#3 - SOFT
Such a gentle touch to Nick's shoulder, as if by making contact Stephen could make him disappear, make Helen's lie into truth.
#4 - PAIN
It was almost too much to bear, what Stephen had thought him capable of, that Helen had again torn them apart.
#5 - POTATOES
Strange what memories are nudged by the most terrible of circumstances; the one of sitting at the table in the kitchen watching Stephen peeling potatoes, wondering why he wouldn't simply buy frozen chips.
#6 - RAIN
Sitting on the steps he could hear the heavy downpour on the corrugated roof and for a single moment he wondered if he would ever feel the rain on his face again - such a strange final wish.
#7 - CHOCOLATE
Digging in his pockets in vain for something of use - a mobile phone, pocket knife - he came up with a half-eaten Yorkie bar and for a second his attention was completely distracted from inevitable death to the question of when he'd eaten the other half.
#8 - HAPPINESS
A flash of nothing but pure, unadulterated relief in Stephen's eyes when he caught sight of his dead lover sitting on the top step, bleeding, distraught, defeated, but breathing; very much alive.
#9 - TELEPHONE
A single call from Helen had broken Stephen's heart, torn his life into pieces dropped him to his knees in the sand as tears inevitably met the news of Nick's death.
#10 - EARS
Amazing what the first thing to draw him to Nick had been - that misshape of his right ear so that it didn't match the left; the hours he'd spent staring across the office until Nick had eventually asked.
#11 - NAME
When Stephen had slept with Helen, her husband's name had just been words that meant nothing; so different now 'Nick Cutter' were the two most important words in the world to him.
#12 - SENSUAL
Helen's forthright sexuality had paled in its effect on him next to Nick's delicious sensuality.
#13 - DEATH
Inevitable in their line of work, "one day one of us won't come back"; they'd said it so many times but had never, ever really expected it to happen.
#14 - SEX
Every time they went home from a 'close call' they fell into bed, into one another, the sex reassuring them they'd made it out alive; not this time.
#15 - TOUCH
"Nick's dead"; even as she said the words Stephen imagined he could feel his lover's touch, the breeze in his hair coming off the ocean.
#16 - WEAKNESS
She played him like a pro, exploiting every paranoid thought, every questioning dream, turning her own betrayal into Nick's.
#17 - TEARS
Nick's fist connected with his jaw and he staggered backwards, looking up with as much resentment as he could muster, surprised to see tears in Nick's eyes even as he turned away.
#18 - SPEED
How fast everything was turned around, how quickly everything went wrong, made Stephen's head spin, made him feel vaguely sick even while he did nothing to stop it.
#19 - WIND
Newly fired, standing in the middle of a motorway pile up with a bright yellow Lotus in front of him and Nick's back turned away behind him, Stephen closed his eyes and felt the wind playing in his hair.
#20 - FREEDOM
Saying 'yes' to her had been a single moment of freedom, from duty, from commitment, from love; a single moment that had turned into 'forever'.
#21 - LIFE
How strange his life had become, Nick mused, as he watched the woolly mammoth return to its rightful place in time.
#22 - JEALOUSY
Whatever made Nick say the words - jealousy, resentment, betrayal - they were out now and he was damned if he was going to take them back.
#23 - HANDS
When Stephen closed his eyes, Helen's hands on him became Nick's, and all he felt when he opened them was disappointment and a sick realisation of what he was losing.
#24 - TASTE
All those years ago, when he'd first slept with Helen Cutter, he wondered if she'd tasted of Nick, if he'd tasted perfection and at some level his body and soul had recognised it, gone after it without him even knowing.
#25 - DEVOTION
He'd given Nick something he'd never given Helen - devotion, loyalty, a silent promise that he would give his life to save Nick's if he ever needed to; a promise he had no idea he'd ever have to keep.
#26 - FOREVER
Not easy to say 'forever' when he knows that time is infinite, looping, when the past and the future have already met; still he said it with no idea what 'forever' would mean to them.
#27 - BLOOD
Nick's blood had been on his hands, his on Nick's; a bond that would bind them in the present, future and in the past, no matter what.
#28 - SICKNESS
'In sickness and health', the words turn over in Nick's mind as he realises how much of a bitch his wife really is.
#29 - MELODY
As Helen gives voice to their joint betrayal of Nick, Stephen thinks her voice sounds like a melody - played all on the black notes - and wishes he couldn't hear the words.
#30 - STAR
Nick abstractly remembers reading about the implosion of old stars and as he hears about his wife and his best friend, he wonders if this is what that collapse feels like.
#31 - HOME
They leave the house early, Nick feeling slightly guilty that in his wife's absence it has become he and Stephen's home, the marriage bed has become their bed, and wonders what he really has to feel guilty for.
#32 - CONFUSION
Nick can see the surprise at his rejection in Helen's eyes as he pushes past her, only his eyes sliding over her breasts, still her greatest weapon.
#33 - FEAR
As they leave the meeting point Nick catches Stephen's eyes and sees the fear there, brushes the back of his hand against rough knuckles in the hope of reassuring
#34 - LIGHTENING / THUNDER
Nick slides into Stephen's unresisting body as the storm rumbles and cracks over the house - fate is less than twelve hours away, nothing will keep them from each other tonight.
#35 - BONDS
There's a very small band of people who know what they know, those secrets bind them to one another like nothing else could.
#36 - MARKET
Saturday morning and they walk through Camden Market, shoulder's brushing, momentarily holding hands, no one caring in the hustle and bustle, just two normal people shopping on a weekend.
#37 - TECHNOLOGY
They're surrounded by technology, high-end, cutting-edge, and when it came down to it Nick's fist was the best weapon against the planet's angriest creatures.
#38 - GIFT
Nick was a gift, Stephen swore he'd never let himself forget it.
#39 - SMILE
Nick's was a smile that lit up his day, whether it was over breakfast, over fossils, or in bed at sunrise.
#40 - INNOCENCE
Stephen suggested it over a drink one evening in the union bar and Nick's expression - all wide-eyed innocence mixed with much, much more than a hint of lust - almost made his laugh with relief.
#41 - COMPLETION
The first time they made love felt like the culmination of all of his heart's desires.
#42 - CLOUDS
Back when they weren't frightening, they spent one afternoon lying on the grass behind the university, watching the clouds pass across the blue summer sky, seeing cartoon dinosaurs in every one.
#43 - SKY
Montana, their first dig together, the scorching sun in the deep blue sky; Nick lifted his hands to wipe his forehead, his T-shirt rode up and Stephen got his first glimpse of smooth creamy skin.
#44 - HEAVEN
He finds his own slice of heaven out in burning hot Montana, to be the focus of Nick's attention, to be in the way when he laughs, to catch that child-like smile.
#45 - HELL
Helen's disappearance tore Nick up, almost killed him, and from the depths of despair Stephen dragged him kicking and screaming back to life.
#46 - SUN
The day he met Stephen, the sun was shining, there was a garden party for the faculty, and for the first time ever he wasn't bored at that charity event.
#47 - MOON
He saw her in the moonlight, just for a brief glimpse, and as he shouted her name, his heart wasn't in it.
#48 - WAVES
Back at the end, Stephen watches the waves and despite their constant movement his own world stops for just a moment before it caves in.
#49 - HAIR
Blood in his beautiful blond hair and surprise in his eyes, his taste on my lips, that's what I take with me as I step into the room I'll die in.
#50 - SUPERNOVA
Stephen's life winks out, and in that moment of horror Nick's mind unbalances, unhinges, unlocks, and suddenly the future is his only hope.