Had you looked at me (Princess Tutu, Autor/Rue)
Fandom: Princess Tutu
Pairing: Autor/Rue
Theme set: Epsilon
Title: Had you looked at me
Rating: PG-13
Warning[s]: Enough oblique references to sex to warrant a PG-13 rating.
Notes: More than half of these assume an established post-series relationship, and I realized as I was reading these that the whole thing might be kind of confusing. So, um, please forgive my gaping plot holes? Also, this is by no means in chronological order.
#01 - Motion
She moves as if through water; fluid, slow, and careful, but every movement is tinged with melancholy, and it makes him wonder if there can ever be grace without sadness.
#02 - Cool
When she returns to Goldkrone, she regards everyone in the same manner, a sort of calm, distant politeness; but for him she reserves a second, almost frightened look, and for him, that is enough.
#03 - Young
Its strange, he thinks; its been over two years, she should be much older, but, no, Rue hasn't changed at all, she is still the same pale, slight, graceful girl he left crying in the alley.
#04 - Last
"It won't last," whisper the girls is ballet, murmuring behind their hands, "Rue's way too..." but she ignores the rest, holding her head as high as she can.
#05 - Wrong
"These feelings aren't fake," he says, half to himself, and he wants to believe so much that he isn't wrong, because, he's certain, this is the realest thing he ever felt.
#06 - Gentle
He used to imagine what it would feel like, to have her smooth skin touching his, her soft lips against his mouth, but the first time she kisses him she digs her nails into his shoulder, and he doesn't even feel it.
#07 - One
There is one thing, she decides, one part of him that is better than the prince; it is his mouth, that always says such strange and wonderful and terrible things, that she loves most of all.
#08 - Thousand
There are a thousand things he loves about her; her hair, her smile, her body, her grace, but the single thing that made him fall in love with her was the look she gave him, as her voice trembled with disbelief; the look that said, at that moment, she needed his love alone than anything.
#09 - King
When he's with her he feels as if he is close to some strange, terrible power, he can smell it on her skin, and taste it in her mouth, but he knows that he will never reach it, that just being near a princess is not enough to bring himself any higher than he was.
#10 - Learn
In the past, ballet music had seemed to him trite, childish even, and inadequate in conveying true human emotion, but, for her, he learns the score of Giselle, and feels his heart soar and fall all at once as he watches her dance Giselle's death to his playing.
#11 - Blur
The night passes in a blur of warmth, desperation, and the movement of sheet fabric against skin, but somehow, Rue finds she does not regret it as she thought she would.
#12 - Wait
"Go home," she says, and it's just like before; she's upset over something he doesn't even understand, but this time he can't bring himself to leave.
#13 - Change
He says he wants to change the world; she thinks he doesn't know what change truly means, or how cruel the world can be when it does change, suddenly, and without any permission at all.
#14 - Command
"Come with me," she says, and he does, without hesitation, for he knows he could not say no even if he wanted to.
#15 - Hold
There's something within her he can't understand, can't reach, but he holds her as best he can anyway, and tries to push back down whatever fears her nightmares brought up.
#16 - Need
"She doesn't need you anymore," he tells the prince when they meet in the library, but saying it doesn't feel as good as it ought to, because, he realizes, its a lie.
#17 - Vision
When she reaches up and takes off his glasses, he notices how beautiful she looks like this, the lines of her face blurred like an impressionist painting, her mouth a rose-colored smudge and her beautiful eyes two brilliant strokes of red on the pale canvas of her skin.
#18 - Attention
She ignores him, pretends not to see him, avoids his gaze, anything she can do so that she will not see him again, and see that terrible love written on his face.
#19 - Soul
In his stranger moments, he wonders if he's damned himself, giving his love to the Raven's daughter, but then he thinks of the way she looked at him that day, and reminds himself of what he told her.
#20 - Picture
He imagines her dancing so much, graceful arms raised above her head, body stretched out in a perfect arc, that when he finally sees her again, sweat sticking to her neck, ankles trembling from supporting her feet en pointe, he feels almost disappointed, and somehow betrayed.
#21 - Fool
As she leads him closer and closer to his death, Rue thinks of what a fool this boy is, going on about such stupid things; then he says the stupidest thing of all, and she finds she cannot stop herself from laughing.
#22 - Mad
Whenever he talks about Drosselmeyer he gets a look in his eye that she doesn't like at all, and his voice fills up with such emotion, talking about things he knows nothing about.
#23 - Child
She answers his concerns with only a bitter smile as she says, frankly, "Don't worry. I can't have children."
#24 - Now
Before, when he said he loved her, she gave him a strange, terrified, half-hopeful look; but now, there is still a little fear, true, but there is also something else, something almost peaceful in Rue's expression when he murmurs those words to her.
#25 - Shadow
She sees the shadow of a crow flying overhead, and immediately her hold on him tightens, but then he gives her hand a small squeeze in return and suddenly, inexplicably, she feels safer.
#26 - Goodbye
After the story ends he finds out, from schoolyard gossip and heresy, that she's gone with the prince into the story, and somehow he feels disappointed he didn't get to say goodbye.
#27 - Hide
She finds him in library, hunched over a book in the very darkest corner of the room, and sits down next to him, waiting for him to notice her presence.
#28 - Fortune
He wakes up with her lying next to him, dark hair spread out in waves on her pillow, and he cannot help but marvel at how lucky he is, to have a girl as beautiful as she is.
#29 - Safe
He's exhausted, he's terrified, and he may have just killed a man, but all he can think about, in this brief silence before the story's end, is whether or not Rue is alright.
#30 - Ghost
Sometimes, they see the prince in town, or in the library, or in the practice room, and every time they do, Rue looks as though she's seen a ghost, and every time they do, she moves just a little bit closer to him.
#31 - Book
The first time he sees her without the prince she's in the library, her eyes flickering over a worn copy of The Prince and The Raven.
#32 - Eye
Its her eyes, he decides later, that made him act the way he did; those eyes that seemed to look not at him, but into him, past him, those eyes that even now made him squirm with pleasure, love, and just a small bit of shame at the thought of her watching him.
#33 - Never
"Promise me you'll never leave," she says, her fingers brushing his jawline as she threads them through his hair, and he does, even though she knows its a promise he can't keep.
#34 - Sing
One day he hears her singing to herself, her voice low and soft, and it sounds so lovely, but she glares at him, as if he's caught her doing something sacred and private.
#35 - Sudden
Fakir tells him its too sudden, that his love will flicker out too quickly, but Autor knows he must be wrong, a feeling like this could never fade, but would surely grow stronger with time.
#36 - Stop
Sometimes, when he reaches over to kiss her cheek, or even take her hand, she says, "Don't touch me!" so fiercely, as if his touch would burn her.
#37 - Time
Time seems to pass more slowly around Rue; he knows exactly how many hours, how many days he's spent with her, and yet each one of them seems to last an eternity, or, sometimes, not long enough.
#38 - Wash
Sometimes, he thinks Rue reminds him of Lady Macbeth; always trying so hard to cleanse away a guilt she cannot erase, even after she has left the source of it.
#39 - Torn
In his room she finds pieces of paper, with bit of stories written in small, messy handwriting, torn up or otherwise half-destroyed, as if they were not meant to exist at all.
#40 - History
He compares her to a beautiful black swan, but all she can think of is what a liar the black swan was, and how much she hurt the prince, with just a smile.
#41 - Power
She has a distaste for power he does not understand, and she always sighs quietly when he talks about it, as if she knows something of power that he cannot comprehend.
#42 - Bother
Every time he sees her at Fakir's she looks at him as if his presence makes her more uncomfortable than anything else, but inexplicably, stupidly, he still goes back, just to see her.
#43 - God
"Why do you want the story-power?" she asks, but he does not answer, for if she must ask, she will never understand.
#44 - Wall
He feels his back touch the wall as she moves closer and closer to him, and when her hand touches his chest he knows at that moment he won't be able to leave, not even if he wanted to.
#45 - Naked
The first time he sees her naked, its an accident; he walks in on her as she's changing, and she merely stares defiantly at him until he closes the door, murmuring frantic apologies.
#46 - Drive
He watches her practice her role, and it frightens him a bit, her passion, for even with so little endurance she picks herself up off the floor every time she messes up, and, sweat shining on her forehead, begins again.
#47 - Harm
He learns later what she intended for him, when she led him into those dark rooms; he learns that she wanted his heart, that she could have killed him, and the thought of it terrifies and excites him unlike anything else.
#48 - Precious
He calls her his angel, his prima donna, his muse, and she lets him make her into whatever he wants her to be; because, she thinks, being Autor's princess is so much easier than being Rue.
#49 - Hunger
She kisses him as if she wants to swallow him whole, as if she's trying to fill herself up with his love alone, and when she does he wonders if she's really thinking about him, or someone else.
#50 - Believe
She no longer believes in happy endings, or anything else, but the insistence of his kisses and the sincerity in his eyes means she must believe, at least, that he does really love her.
Pairing: Autor/Rue
Theme set: Epsilon
Title: Had you looked at me
Rating: PG-13
Warning[s]: Enough oblique references to sex to warrant a PG-13 rating.
Notes: More than half of these assume an established post-series relationship, and I realized as I was reading these that the whole thing might be kind of confusing. So, um, please forgive my gaping plot holes? Also, this is by no means in chronological order.
#01 - Motion
She moves as if through water; fluid, slow, and careful, but every movement is tinged with melancholy, and it makes him wonder if there can ever be grace without sadness.
#02 - Cool
When she returns to Goldkrone, she regards everyone in the same manner, a sort of calm, distant politeness; but for him she reserves a second, almost frightened look, and for him, that is enough.
#03 - Young
Its strange, he thinks; its been over two years, she should be much older, but, no, Rue hasn't changed at all, she is still the same pale, slight, graceful girl he left crying in the alley.
#04 - Last
"It won't last," whisper the girls is ballet, murmuring behind their hands, "Rue's way too..." but she ignores the rest, holding her head as high as she can.
#05 - Wrong
"These feelings aren't fake," he says, half to himself, and he wants to believe so much that he isn't wrong, because, he's certain, this is the realest thing he ever felt.
#06 - Gentle
He used to imagine what it would feel like, to have her smooth skin touching his, her soft lips against his mouth, but the first time she kisses him she digs her nails into his shoulder, and he doesn't even feel it.
#07 - One
There is one thing, she decides, one part of him that is better than the prince; it is his mouth, that always says such strange and wonderful and terrible things, that she loves most of all.
#08 - Thousand
There are a thousand things he loves about her; her hair, her smile, her body, her grace, but the single thing that made him fall in love with her was the look she gave him, as her voice trembled with disbelief; the look that said, at that moment, she needed his love alone than anything.
#09 - King
When he's with her he feels as if he is close to some strange, terrible power, he can smell it on her skin, and taste it in her mouth, but he knows that he will never reach it, that just being near a princess is not enough to bring himself any higher than he was.
#10 - Learn
In the past, ballet music had seemed to him trite, childish even, and inadequate in conveying true human emotion, but, for her, he learns the score of Giselle, and feels his heart soar and fall all at once as he watches her dance Giselle's death to his playing.
#11 - Blur
The night passes in a blur of warmth, desperation, and the movement of sheet fabric against skin, but somehow, Rue finds she does not regret it as she thought she would.
#12 - Wait
"Go home," she says, and it's just like before; she's upset over something he doesn't even understand, but this time he can't bring himself to leave.
#13 - Change
He says he wants to change the world; she thinks he doesn't know what change truly means, or how cruel the world can be when it does change, suddenly, and without any permission at all.
#14 - Command
"Come with me," she says, and he does, without hesitation, for he knows he could not say no even if he wanted to.
#15 - Hold
There's something within her he can't understand, can't reach, but he holds her as best he can anyway, and tries to push back down whatever fears her nightmares brought up.
#16 - Need
"She doesn't need you anymore," he tells the prince when they meet in the library, but saying it doesn't feel as good as it ought to, because, he realizes, its a lie.
#17 - Vision
When she reaches up and takes off his glasses, he notices how beautiful she looks like this, the lines of her face blurred like an impressionist painting, her mouth a rose-colored smudge and her beautiful eyes two brilliant strokes of red on the pale canvas of her skin.
#18 - Attention
She ignores him, pretends not to see him, avoids his gaze, anything she can do so that she will not see him again, and see that terrible love written on his face.
#19 - Soul
In his stranger moments, he wonders if he's damned himself, giving his love to the Raven's daughter, but then he thinks of the way she looked at him that day, and reminds himself of what he told her.
#20 - Picture
He imagines her dancing so much, graceful arms raised above her head, body stretched out in a perfect arc, that when he finally sees her again, sweat sticking to her neck, ankles trembling from supporting her feet en pointe, he feels almost disappointed, and somehow betrayed.
#21 - Fool
As she leads him closer and closer to his death, Rue thinks of what a fool this boy is, going on about such stupid things; then he says the stupidest thing of all, and she finds she cannot stop herself from laughing.
#22 - Mad
Whenever he talks about Drosselmeyer he gets a look in his eye that she doesn't like at all, and his voice fills up with such emotion, talking about things he knows nothing about.
#23 - Child
She answers his concerns with only a bitter smile as she says, frankly, "Don't worry. I can't have children."
#24 - Now
Before, when he said he loved her, she gave him a strange, terrified, half-hopeful look; but now, there is still a little fear, true, but there is also something else, something almost peaceful in Rue's expression when he murmurs those words to her.
#25 - Shadow
She sees the shadow of a crow flying overhead, and immediately her hold on him tightens, but then he gives her hand a small squeeze in return and suddenly, inexplicably, she feels safer.
#26 - Goodbye
After the story ends he finds out, from schoolyard gossip and heresy, that she's gone with the prince into the story, and somehow he feels disappointed he didn't get to say goodbye.
#27 - Hide
She finds him in library, hunched over a book in the very darkest corner of the room, and sits down next to him, waiting for him to notice her presence.
#28 - Fortune
He wakes up with her lying next to him, dark hair spread out in waves on her pillow, and he cannot help but marvel at how lucky he is, to have a girl as beautiful as she is.
#29 - Safe
He's exhausted, he's terrified, and he may have just killed a man, but all he can think about, in this brief silence before the story's end, is whether or not Rue is alright.
#30 - Ghost
Sometimes, they see the prince in town, or in the library, or in the practice room, and every time they do, Rue looks as though she's seen a ghost, and every time they do, she moves just a little bit closer to him.
#31 - Book
The first time he sees her without the prince she's in the library, her eyes flickering over a worn copy of The Prince and The Raven.
#32 - Eye
Its her eyes, he decides later, that made him act the way he did; those eyes that seemed to look not at him, but into him, past him, those eyes that even now made him squirm with pleasure, love, and just a small bit of shame at the thought of her watching him.
#33 - Never
"Promise me you'll never leave," she says, her fingers brushing his jawline as she threads them through his hair, and he does, even though she knows its a promise he can't keep.
#34 - Sing
One day he hears her singing to herself, her voice low and soft, and it sounds so lovely, but she glares at him, as if he's caught her doing something sacred and private.
#35 - Sudden
Fakir tells him its too sudden, that his love will flicker out too quickly, but Autor knows he must be wrong, a feeling like this could never fade, but would surely grow stronger with time.
#36 - Stop
Sometimes, when he reaches over to kiss her cheek, or even take her hand, she says, "Don't touch me!" so fiercely, as if his touch would burn her.
#37 - Time
Time seems to pass more slowly around Rue; he knows exactly how many hours, how many days he's spent with her, and yet each one of them seems to last an eternity, or, sometimes, not long enough.
#38 - Wash
Sometimes, he thinks Rue reminds him of Lady Macbeth; always trying so hard to cleanse away a guilt she cannot erase, even after she has left the source of it.
#39 - Torn
In his room she finds pieces of paper, with bit of stories written in small, messy handwriting, torn up or otherwise half-destroyed, as if they were not meant to exist at all.
#40 - History
He compares her to a beautiful black swan, but all she can think of is what a liar the black swan was, and how much she hurt the prince, with just a smile.
#41 - Power
She has a distaste for power he does not understand, and she always sighs quietly when he talks about it, as if she knows something of power that he cannot comprehend.
#42 - Bother
Every time he sees her at Fakir's she looks at him as if his presence makes her more uncomfortable than anything else, but inexplicably, stupidly, he still goes back, just to see her.
#43 - God
"Why do you want the story-power?" she asks, but he does not answer, for if she must ask, she will never understand.
#44 - Wall
He feels his back touch the wall as she moves closer and closer to him, and when her hand touches his chest he knows at that moment he won't be able to leave, not even if he wanted to.
#45 - Naked
The first time he sees her naked, its an accident; he walks in on her as she's changing, and she merely stares defiantly at him until he closes the door, murmuring frantic apologies.
#46 - Drive
He watches her practice her role, and it frightens him a bit, her passion, for even with so little endurance she picks herself up off the floor every time she messes up, and, sweat shining on her forehead, begins again.
#47 - Harm
He learns later what she intended for him, when she led him into those dark rooms; he learns that she wanted his heart, that she could have killed him, and the thought of it terrifies and excites him unlike anything else.
#48 - Precious
He calls her his angel, his prima donna, his muse, and she lets him make her into whatever he wants her to be; because, she thinks, being Autor's princess is so much easier than being Rue.
#49 - Hunger
She kisses him as if she wants to swallow him whole, as if she's trying to fill herself up with his love alone, and when she does he wonders if she's really thinking about him, or someone else.
#50 - Believe
She no longer believes in happy endings, or anything else, but the insistence of his kisses and the sincerity in his eyes means she must believe, at least, that he does really love her.