Mass Effect - (Male) Shepard / Jeff "Joker" Moreau
Title: The Little Things in Life
Rating: R, sexual themes
Summary: Random moments shared between Dylan Shepard and Jeff Moreau, some important, some less so. Set in the same series as Joker's Wild and After-Action Reports.
I tried not to abuse commas and semicolons too much; the latter I was reasonably successful with, the former...not so much.
01. Motion
Joker doesn't normally like to be coddled, but he appreciates the way Dylan remembers to slow down for him when they walk side-by-side.
02. Cool
Alenko once mentioned that biotics aren't nearly as flashy-crazy-awesome as the action vids make them out to be, but Joker disagrees once he sees Shepard hurl himself at someone.
03. Young
When Dylan says "I'm only twenty-nine, those two years on the Lazarus table don't count," Joker smiles and wonders how big a deal he can make of Dylan's 'thirtieth' birthday.
04. Last
Dylan isn't surprised when he realizes Joker isn't shaving anymore, he never expected the clean-cut look to go on for long.
05. Wrong
Their first argument ends abruptly when Joker's mouth works faster than his brain and he calls him a PTSD-laden psycho with a fetish for tentacles and robot squid, so EDI has to pass work-related messages between them for two days.
06. Gentle
Frail as he is, Joker doesn't let Dylan go any easier on him than he has to.
07. One
"One," Dylan answers when Joker asks, "One before you...not counting hook-ups."
08. Thousand
They're lying in bed after a long day when Dylan stares through the skylight, saying "Can't be more than a thousand, right," and Joker holds him more tightly when he realizes what Dylan means.
09. King
All things considered, there's something innately comforting about having Commander Shepard standing at the CIC behind him, looking over everyone, while he's performing evasive maneuvers.
10. Learn
If every lesson about World War II started with a vid and ended with a handjob like it does in Dylan's cabin when they can't keep their hands off each other, Joker might've paid more attention in high-school.
11. Blur
Commander Shepard is a blur in combat, either literally charging into his target or bounding around cover and into their faces before they realize what's going on; why he seems to have two left feet otherwise, Joker hasn't figured out yet.
12. Wait
Joker still spends more time in the sleeping pods or his chair than he does in the commander's cabin; moving in too soon is never good for a relationship.
13. Change
When they come out of 'Citadel' and the awkward silence gives way to Joker declaring "I am not a woman," Dylan doesn't ruin the moment with words.
14. Command
There's a nagging doubt in Shepard's mind as soon as his relationship starts, but he promises himself he'll do his job right if the need arises again, he tells himself that's what Joker would want him to do...and he hopes he's not wrong.
15. Hold
They see 'Akuze' in the same theater they went to for 'Citadel' and it's not long before Joker realizes it was a bad idea, before he realizes Dylan is squeezing his hand so hard he might break a finger, but he doesn't protest after hearing Dylan mutter, "They got this one right."
16. Need
When Legion asks him why they "engage in non-reproductive sexual activity" more than the hetero fuck-buddies on the ship, the only answer Joker can think of is, "It's a guy thing."
17. Vision
"Are your eyes a different color than they used to be," Joker says before he actually thinks, and Dylan's seemingly neutral shrug doesn't make Joker feel less stupid for not realizing it's one of the details they can thank Dylan's death for.
18. Attention
Joker eventually realizes that EDI is basically his fag-hag at this point, but he sees nothing wrong with it; he much prefers EDI's company to Miranda's.
19. Soul
"I used to have ink here," Dylan rubs the spot where his N7 tattoo used to be, "and scars around here," he starts moving his hands, Joker wishing he knew how to tell him his life isn't null and void just because the evidence is gone.
20. Picture
In the picture Joker finds, it's not Dylan's old lover but his unit before Akuze posing in all their macho Marine glory, and it's somehow worse, one of the few things that makes him wish he had better legs, one of the few times Joker wonders what Dylan sees in him.
21. Fool
Commander Shepard's sanity was never in doubt even after his two years dead, but it's when he brings aboard a batarian from Omega that Joker honestly wonders if his CO has finally gone a little loopy.
22. Mad
He's honest when Joker asks him what it's like when he sleeps with a man who isn't made of glass; "I fuck 'em like I hate 'em, I guess."
23. Child
"I think of kids, sometimes," Dylan tells Joker this while he's staring out through the skylight again, "Not that I want any, just..."
24. Now
When Dylan first mentioned his plan to spar regularly with Garrus, Joker thought it wouldn't be much more than a forgettable slap-fight, but now with half the crew cheering at them rolling around on the mat and Dylan's skin raw from chafing, Joker pumps a fist too.
25. Shadow
Joker breaks easily, but he'll be damned if seeing a vaguely insectoid shadow on the bulkhead when he gets up at night to take a piss is going to send him right to the Commander's cabin for a safe hiding place.
26. Goodbye
Joker's silence is a sign that the mission is even more serious than usual; Joker enduring the aches in his legs and arms to heft Shepard's armor onto him like some kind of 22nd century squire is a sign of faith.
27. Hide
Joker doesn't bother moving from his chair when he knows Shepard is out causing shenanigans with Garrus or Jacob, it's not like he can physically keep up with their bro-mance.
28. Fortune
Joker already set himself above his healthier peers in flight school; that he's ended up in the pilot's seat of the SR-2 and Commander Shepard's bed at the same time makes those memories even better.
29. Safe
"C'mon, let's put those biotics to good use, Mordin sent you those diagrams for a reason."
30. Ghost
"Ash's family was there, too," Joker says, "Although, the whole thing was kinda' brought down when Udina weaseled his way into giving your eulogy."
31. Book
Joker feels EDI is doing it wrong when she tells him her research on same-sex couples consists mostly of the romance-section of extranet bookstores, thinking whatever same-gender hookups she's reading about were probably written by the opposite gender.
32. Eye
"That I am sentient, Jeff, does not mean I have hormones," EDI patiently explains, although Joker's overblown paranoia that she saves surveillance data of copulating organics to permanent memory amuses her a little.
33. Never
"I can't do that again," is what Shepard says after he lets the guilt out, and Joker is relieved when the next words out of his mouth aren't 'we can't do this anymore.'
34. Sing
"When I said we should have someone singing in the background when we go out to dinner, I was, first of all, joking, and if I wasn't, I sure as hell didn't mean Mordin."
35. Sudden
Playing catcher for the first time in his life is totally worth the scare of breaking something just to see the look of shock and utter horror on the great Commander Shepard's face when his excitement gets the better of him and things end a little abruptly.
36. Stop
"Can't stop, Jeff, not until it's done," light streaks by the skylight in ripples of blue, "Even if it kills me again..."
37. Time
Staring up at the archaic rifle hung on Shepard's wall, Joker says, "Huh, wonder how one of those pre-mass-effect hippies who actually fought with that crazy thing would handle it if they were here today."
38. Wash
One day, Joker gets it in his head to do something nice for Dylan by washing his armor; he brings it right back and pretends he never even had the idea after the muscles under the chitin carapace start soaking up the water with gulping sounds.
39. Torn
The Vallum Blast has the whole crew glued to the news for a long time, and Dylan is grateful for Joker keeping by his side while he tries to think of something he can say to Garrus.
40. History
"I was in a reenactment once, one of the big fights in the Middle-East from the early two-thousands," Dylan doesn't tell Joker he'd done this on leave with his last boyfriend, months before Akuze, "My squad had to keep yelling at me to stop running out of cover like I had kinetic barriers."
41. Power
"It's not all fun, Joker," Shepard sighs, "You have to get brain surgery, go right to training once you're done with boot camp like you're not done at all, give yourself nosebleeds to get to the point asari are at before they even start, and if you visit Earth, you'll be lucky if no one ever points at the back of your head and starts telling you exactly what their religion thinks about it."
42. Bother
It's a spur-of-the-moment thing when Dylan lifts Joker up so he's sitting on one of the consoles in engineering, their lips pressing together, hands going up each others' shirts, Devros wandering in for some late-night maintenance before blinking at them twice with all four eyes and walking out backwards...that last part makes them think they should just stick to private quarters.
43. God
The most depressing thing Dylan can think of while he's staring out into space from his quarters, the thing he'll never tell even Joker, is that he can't imagine Ash was even remotely right to believe in anything benevolent up there.
44. Wall
Shepard was less than thrilled to receive the bizarre Japanese wall-scroll of him and Joker in sparkly-eyed chibi style, but he didn't want to hurt Kasumi's feelings.
45. Naked
Joker's long since taught himself to be quick in the shower, so showering with Shepard really is just for saving water.
46. Drive
"Uh-uh, hell no, I remember what the Mako looked like after you took a turn driving it, you are not touching these helm controls."
47. Harm
"I'm sorry I called you psycho," Joker says with blunt honesty like he hasn't just tripped and broken ribs, leaving Dylan, the argument forgotten, to wonder how often its happened that the pain doesn't leave him sobbing for drugs.
48. Precious
"You look like some sissy frat boy," Joker growls when Dylan steals his hat and puts it on his own head, backwards.
49. Hunger
"It's 'cause I'm biotic," Dylan tries to say around a mouthful of food with Joker staring at him in awe of his appetite, but he can't really talk with his mouth full so he ends up shrugging apologetically instead.
50. Believe
Eventually, Joker puts in the effort to reach across Dylan and tap at the haptic controls floating above the nightstand to close the skylight, saying, "Stop stressing...you'll figure something out, you always do."
Rating: R, sexual themes
Summary: Random moments shared between Dylan Shepard and Jeff Moreau, some important, some less so. Set in the same series as Joker's Wild and After-Action Reports.
I tried not to abuse commas and semicolons too much; the latter I was reasonably successful with, the former...not so much.
01. Motion
Joker doesn't normally like to be coddled, but he appreciates the way Dylan remembers to slow down for him when they walk side-by-side.
02. Cool
Alenko once mentioned that biotics aren't nearly as flashy-crazy-awesome as the action vids make them out to be, but Joker disagrees once he sees Shepard hurl himself at someone.
03. Young
When Dylan says "I'm only twenty-nine, those two years on the Lazarus table don't count," Joker smiles and wonders how big a deal he can make of Dylan's 'thirtieth' birthday.
04. Last
Dylan isn't surprised when he realizes Joker isn't shaving anymore, he never expected the clean-cut look to go on for long.
05. Wrong
Their first argument ends abruptly when Joker's mouth works faster than his brain and he calls him a PTSD-laden psycho with a fetish for tentacles and robot squid, so EDI has to pass work-related messages between them for two days.
06. Gentle
Frail as he is, Joker doesn't let Dylan go any easier on him than he has to.
07. One
"One," Dylan answers when Joker asks, "One before you...not counting hook-ups."
08. Thousand
They're lying in bed after a long day when Dylan stares through the skylight, saying "Can't be more than a thousand, right," and Joker holds him more tightly when he realizes what Dylan means.
09. King
All things considered, there's something innately comforting about having Commander Shepard standing at the CIC behind him, looking over everyone, while he's performing evasive maneuvers.
10. Learn
If every lesson about World War II started with a vid and ended with a handjob like it does in Dylan's cabin when they can't keep their hands off each other, Joker might've paid more attention in high-school.
11. Blur
Commander Shepard is a blur in combat, either literally charging into his target or bounding around cover and into their faces before they realize what's going on; why he seems to have two left feet otherwise, Joker hasn't figured out yet.
12. Wait
Joker still spends more time in the sleeping pods or his chair than he does in the commander's cabin; moving in too soon is never good for a relationship.
13. Change
When they come out of 'Citadel' and the awkward silence gives way to Joker declaring "I am not a woman," Dylan doesn't ruin the moment with words.
14. Command
There's a nagging doubt in Shepard's mind as soon as his relationship starts, but he promises himself he'll do his job right if the need arises again, he tells himself that's what Joker would want him to do...and he hopes he's not wrong.
15. Hold
They see 'Akuze' in the same theater they went to for 'Citadel' and it's not long before Joker realizes it was a bad idea, before he realizes Dylan is squeezing his hand so hard he might break a finger, but he doesn't protest after hearing Dylan mutter, "They got this one right."
16. Need
When Legion asks him why they "engage in non-reproductive sexual activity" more than the hetero fuck-buddies on the ship, the only answer Joker can think of is, "It's a guy thing."
17. Vision
"Are your eyes a different color than they used to be," Joker says before he actually thinks, and Dylan's seemingly neutral shrug doesn't make Joker feel less stupid for not realizing it's one of the details they can thank Dylan's death for.
18. Attention
Joker eventually realizes that EDI is basically his fag-hag at this point, but he sees nothing wrong with it; he much prefers EDI's company to Miranda's.
19. Soul
"I used to have ink here," Dylan rubs the spot where his N7 tattoo used to be, "and scars around here," he starts moving his hands, Joker wishing he knew how to tell him his life isn't null and void just because the evidence is gone.
20. Picture
In the picture Joker finds, it's not Dylan's old lover but his unit before Akuze posing in all their macho Marine glory, and it's somehow worse, one of the few things that makes him wish he had better legs, one of the few times Joker wonders what Dylan sees in him.
21. Fool
Commander Shepard's sanity was never in doubt even after his two years dead, but it's when he brings aboard a batarian from Omega that Joker honestly wonders if his CO has finally gone a little loopy.
22. Mad
He's honest when Joker asks him what it's like when he sleeps with a man who isn't made of glass; "I fuck 'em like I hate 'em, I guess."
23. Child
"I think of kids, sometimes," Dylan tells Joker this while he's staring out through the skylight again, "Not that I want any, just..."
24. Now
When Dylan first mentioned his plan to spar regularly with Garrus, Joker thought it wouldn't be much more than a forgettable slap-fight, but now with half the crew cheering at them rolling around on the mat and Dylan's skin raw from chafing, Joker pumps a fist too.
25. Shadow
Joker breaks easily, but he'll be damned if seeing a vaguely insectoid shadow on the bulkhead when he gets up at night to take a piss is going to send him right to the Commander's cabin for a safe hiding place.
26. Goodbye
Joker's silence is a sign that the mission is even more serious than usual; Joker enduring the aches in his legs and arms to heft Shepard's armor onto him like some kind of 22nd century squire is a sign of faith.
27. Hide
Joker doesn't bother moving from his chair when he knows Shepard is out causing shenanigans with Garrus or Jacob, it's not like he can physically keep up with their bro-mance.
28. Fortune
Joker already set himself above his healthier peers in flight school; that he's ended up in the pilot's seat of the SR-2 and Commander Shepard's bed at the same time makes those memories even better.
29. Safe
"C'mon, let's put those biotics to good use, Mordin sent you those diagrams for a reason."
30. Ghost
"Ash's family was there, too," Joker says, "Although, the whole thing was kinda' brought down when Udina weaseled his way into giving your eulogy."
31. Book
Joker feels EDI is doing it wrong when she tells him her research on same-sex couples consists mostly of the romance-section of extranet bookstores, thinking whatever same-gender hookups she's reading about were probably written by the opposite gender.
32. Eye
"That I am sentient, Jeff, does not mean I have hormones," EDI patiently explains, although Joker's overblown paranoia that she saves surveillance data of copulating organics to permanent memory amuses her a little.
33. Never
"I can't do that again," is what Shepard says after he lets the guilt out, and Joker is relieved when the next words out of his mouth aren't 'we can't do this anymore.'
34. Sing
"When I said we should have someone singing in the background when we go out to dinner, I was, first of all, joking, and if I wasn't, I sure as hell didn't mean Mordin."
35. Sudden
Playing catcher for the first time in his life is totally worth the scare of breaking something just to see the look of shock and utter horror on the great Commander Shepard's face when his excitement gets the better of him and things end a little abruptly.
36. Stop
"Can't stop, Jeff, not until it's done," light streaks by the skylight in ripples of blue, "Even if it kills me again..."
37. Time
Staring up at the archaic rifle hung on Shepard's wall, Joker says, "Huh, wonder how one of those pre-mass-effect hippies who actually fought with that crazy thing would handle it if they were here today."
38. Wash
One day, Joker gets it in his head to do something nice for Dylan by washing his armor; he brings it right back and pretends he never even had the idea after the muscles under the chitin carapace start soaking up the water with gulping sounds.
39. Torn
The Vallum Blast has the whole crew glued to the news for a long time, and Dylan is grateful for Joker keeping by his side while he tries to think of something he can say to Garrus.
40. History
"I was in a reenactment once, one of the big fights in the Middle-East from the early two-thousands," Dylan doesn't tell Joker he'd done this on leave with his last boyfriend, months before Akuze, "My squad had to keep yelling at me to stop running out of cover like I had kinetic barriers."
41. Power
"It's not all fun, Joker," Shepard sighs, "You have to get brain surgery, go right to training once you're done with boot camp like you're not done at all, give yourself nosebleeds to get to the point asari are at before they even start, and if you visit Earth, you'll be lucky if no one ever points at the back of your head and starts telling you exactly what their religion thinks about it."
42. Bother
It's a spur-of-the-moment thing when Dylan lifts Joker up so he's sitting on one of the consoles in engineering, their lips pressing together, hands going up each others' shirts, Devros wandering in for some late-night maintenance before blinking at them twice with all four eyes and walking out backwards...that last part makes them think they should just stick to private quarters.
43. God
The most depressing thing Dylan can think of while he's staring out into space from his quarters, the thing he'll never tell even Joker, is that he can't imagine Ash was even remotely right to believe in anything benevolent up there.
44. Wall
Shepard was less than thrilled to receive the bizarre Japanese wall-scroll of him and Joker in sparkly-eyed chibi style, but he didn't want to hurt Kasumi's feelings.
45. Naked
Joker's long since taught himself to be quick in the shower, so showering with Shepard really is just for saving water.
46. Drive
"Uh-uh, hell no, I remember what the Mako looked like after you took a turn driving it, you are not touching these helm controls."
47. Harm
"I'm sorry I called you psycho," Joker says with blunt honesty like he hasn't just tripped and broken ribs, leaving Dylan, the argument forgotten, to wonder how often its happened that the pain doesn't leave him sobbing for drugs.
48. Precious
"You look like some sissy frat boy," Joker growls when Dylan steals his hat and puts it on his own head, backwards.
49. Hunger
"It's 'cause I'm biotic," Dylan tries to say around a mouthful of food with Joker staring at him in awe of his appetite, but he can't really talk with his mouth full so he ends up shrugging apologetically instead.
50. Believe
Eventually, Joker puts in the effort to reach across Dylan and tap at the haptic controls floating above the nightstand to close the skylight, saying, "Stop stressing...you'll figure something out, you always do."