this is why you don't let us in fandoms ever.
Sara: SO
Sara: ONCE UPON A TIME
Sara: THERE WAS COLLEGE AU
Sara: AND IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER.
Ginny: AS COLLEGE AUS TEND TO BE.
Sara: karkat is a psych major! actually, knowing karkat, probably he is double majoring in psych and something else.
Sara: film and media studies maybe.
Ginny: yes.
Ginny: he writes SO MANY PAPERS on romcoms and outlines them out loud for hours before writing them and drives sollux up a wall.
Sara: sollux and karkat are simultaneously the best and worst roommates tho oh my god
Sara: because on the one hand, they are awesome bros and get along really well
Sara: on the other hand sollux doesn't want to deal with karkat watching like
Sara: notting hill
Sara: or love actually
Sara: for the sixteenth time
Sara: and karkat doesn't want to deal with how he has no space because everything is servers
Sara: and how sometimes sollux causes power outages because he's siphoning energy from generators on campus
Sara: and how campus security shows up all the time because someone's hacking in weird patterns around firewalls or whatever like they think they are mark zuckerberg or some shit
Sara: and how he has to be careful of not killing bees whenever he moves
Sara: and REALLY SOLLUX IS THE CAUSE OF A LOT OF PROBLEMS IN KARKAT'S LIFE.
Ginny: BUT THEY CAN'T LEAVE EACH OTHER BECAUSE A) KARKAT WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO PUT UP WITH ANYONE ELSE AND B) SOLLUX DOES NOT WANT TO MOVE THE SERVERS.
Sara: EXACTLY.
Sara: sollux is kind of like you're 2tuck wiith me kk ii regret nothiing and karkat's like I THINK ACTUALLY IT IS YOU WHO ARE STUCK WITH ME, FUCKFACE and then they get into a stupid pseudoargument and karkat's like BUT NO REALLY ARE WE STILL FRIENDS and sollux gives him a one-armed hug and decides they should order pizza.
Sara: this happens like every other weekend.
Ginny: sometimes sollux even watches karkat's stupid movies with him.
Ginny: anyway.
Sara: so sollux is obviously compsci
Sara: where does everyone else fit in
Sara: KANAYA IS A FASHION DESIGN MAJOR.
Sara: AND LIKE
Sara: A GENDER STUDIES MINOR
Ginny: YES.
Ginny: mostly the minor was accidental
Sara: she probably doubleminors
Ginny: because she kept signing up for classes that rose lalonde mentioned being in
Sara: like she was taking enough gothic lit classes that she managed to qualify for a lit minor somehow
Sara: skldfjs YES SHE TOTALLY SIGNS UP FOR CLASSES THAT ROSE IS TAKING
Sara: omg and she showed up at college DETERMINED!! to get over her high school crush
Sara: speaking of, what the fuck is vriska majoring in
Ginny: uh.
Ginny: bio?
Sara: could work
Sara: vriska is majoring in SOME SCIENCY THINGS
Ginny: SHE WANTS TO BE AN ENTOMOLOGIST.
Ginny: A PSYCHIC ENTOMOLOGIST.
Sara: sdlkfjsd
Sara: mostly she just does a lot of science and larps
Sara: runs a d&d campaign on the side
Ginny: …see now I'm imagining vriska showing up in the scifi hall lounge
Ginny: horrors
Sara: HORRORSSSSSS
Ginny: SHE AND ERIDAN ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO SHOW UP TO D&D DURING FINALS WEEK.
Ginny: THEY ARE DETERMINED.
Ginny: AND ALSO TOO COOL TO STUDY
Sara: THEY SO ARE.
Sara: eridan is undeclared
Sara: like, still
Sara: the college frowns at him a lot
Sara: he keeps taking a mishmash of like history and lit and marine biology and polisci
Sara: polisci because that's fef's major
Sara: he and vriska took a lit/history class about pirates once and larp got truly ridiculous after that
Ginny: sdlfkj oh god
Ginny: (eridan basically gets away with anything anyway)
Sara: (RIGHT.)
Ginny: (he's mostly there because of money and legacies)
Ginny: (YOU MAY NOW IMAGINE ORPHANER DUALSCAR IN A DORKY GRADUATION OUTFIT)
Sara: (SOBBING.)
Sara: omg
Sara: what the fuck is gamzee majoring in
Ginny: oh god
Ginny: um
Ginny: art
Ginny: he paints
Sara: I MEAN OBVIOUSLY HE IS THAT STONER JUGGALO DOWN THE HALL
Sara: THAT RARELY GOES TO CLASS
Sara: AND SOMEHOW DOESN'T GET KICKED OUT
Ginny: sob I WANT TO SAY HE'S IN THE CON BUT MOST COLLEGES DON'T HAVE CONSERVATORIES HUH.
Sara: but yessssss he's an artist.
Sara: his shit is weird and full of rainbows and mIrAcLeS
Sara: and horrific gore but only sometimes
Sara: he confuses people
Ginny: who is he rooming with
Ginny: or is he just that dude with the single
Sara: no dude he's totally rooming with tavros
Sara: they are bros
Ginny: yessssss
Sara: TAVROS IS MAJORING IN… I HAVE NO IDEA
Sara: maybe he's a lit major too. with a focus on genre fiction and fairy tales and shit.
Ginny: yesssss.
Sara: EQUIUS IS IN ART TOO THO. ART AND SCIENCE.
Ginny: oh god sob EQUIUS' ART
Sara: HE BUILDS ROBOTS. AND TAKES A LOT OF LIFE DRAWING CLASSES.
Sara: all the dick sketches. all of them.
Ginny: all his sketchbooks are full of horseporn
Sara: IT'S SO UNSETTLING.
Sara: all his time not making robots or drawing cocks he spends in the gym, too.
Ginny: he occasionally breaks the equipment.
Ginny: IT'S NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR HIM.
Sara: YUP.
Sara: what the hell would nepeta major in
Ginny: uh.
Ginny: can you major in cats.
Sara: flakdsfjasd
Sara: you know what i think nepeta is an animation major
Ginny: yes!
Ginny: this.
Ginny: SO MANY ART KIDS.
Sara: because that's basically art for nerds who watch cartoons
Ginny: WE COULD JUST SEND THEM OFF TO ART SCHOOL.
Sara: PSH NO
Sara: BECAUSE
Sara: TEREZI
Sara: IS PRE-LAW
Ginny: AHAHAHA YEAH.
Sara: WHAT ELSE WOULD SHE BE
Ginny: NOTHING ELSE.
Sara: and she spends so much time figuring out exactly how the system works
Sara: just so she can exploit it
Sara: and be really disgustingly smug and also right about everything
Sara: she's every prosecutor in ace attorney but blind and more deranged
Ginny: oh god terezi would fucking worship von karma.
Sara: ljsdfksd THE WORST. OH MY GOD.
Sara: SOMEONE WRITE ME TEREZI/FRANZISKA.
Ginny: SHE WANTS TO BE FRANZISKA WHEN SHE GROWS UP.
Ginny: YES.
Ginny: THIS.
Sara: aradia
Sara: is majoring in being dead
Ginny: yes.
Ginny: ARADIA IS THE GHOST THAT HAUNTS THE DORM NEAR THE KOI POND.
Ginny: BUT SHE IS A TOTALLY CHILL GHOST.
Sara: actually no aradia was an anthro + archaeology doublemajor but then she had an accident and she's kind of different in the brain now
Sara: mostly she hangs around and is emotionless
Sara: she broke up with sollux after she got out of the hospital
Sara: he guilt-tripped himself for days and watched molly ringwald movies with karkat
Ginny: karkat awkwardly patted him on the shoulder and tried to assure him that it probably wasn't totally all his fault and she was a creepy fucker anyway.
Sara: he so did. OH KARKAT.
Ginny: SO YEAH NOW ARADIA JUST HANGS AROUND IN THE BACK OF LECTURE HALLS BEING SPOOKY.
Sara: dave strider
Sara: should major
Sara: in something completely incongruous
Ginny: dave is totally there on like
Ginny: a fencing scholarship
Sara: DAVE IS MAJORING IN POETRY.
Ginny: YES.
Sara: he just takes all the weird classes
Ginny: HIS SICK BEATS ARE THE MOST ARTFUL OF SICK BEATS.
Sara: underwater basket weaving and shit
Sara: whatever prelaw requisites he can get into without any extra work just so he and terezi can hang around and pass notes
Ginny: he writes backbeats for ee cummings poems on weekends.
Sara: aksdjasdlkfhlkdfhgd
Sara: SOBBING.
Ginny: they never work with the poems at all
Ginny: ironically.
Sara: right
Sara: dave's bro graduated from the same college
Sara: so all the teachers are like "oh god another strider."
Sara: "why."
Ginny: oh goddddd
Ginny: THERE ARE SOME SENIORS HIS BRO HOOKED UP WITH WHEN THEY WERE FRESHMEN
Ginny: THEY KIND OF JUST GLARE AT DAVE SOMETIMES.
Sara: ksfdkhfskjdhfs
Sara: half of them glare
Sara: the other half wink flirtatiously and offer him handjobs at frat parties under the pretense of checking out the family resemblance.
Ginny: sldkfjlskdj yes
Sara: ALSO
Sara: ROSE LALONDE IS A PSYCH AND LIT MAJOR AND A GENDER STUDIES MINOR AND SHE OVERACHIEVES EVERYWHERE. LIKE, SHE AND KARKAT ARE IN AN OVERACHIEVING PSYCH MAJOR COMPETITION.
Ginny: sldkfjlsj oh god
Ginny: karkat thinks they're competing
Sara: rose thinks he's hilarious
Ginny: and keeps gloating every time he gets a better mark than her and launches into angry tirades on how much ass he is going to kick on their upcoming exam
Ginny: rose says she has no idea what he's talking about.
Sara: just
Ginny: and tunes him out while he explains their rivalry for the twelve thousandth time
Sara: goes back to working on her extra credit paper about non-euclidean geometry in architecture
Sara: SHE IS ALSO A TOTAL HEARTBREAKER
Sara: LIKE EVERY LESBIAN ON CAMPUS HAS A THING FOR ROSE
Sara: and she totally knows it but she's just effortlessly too cool
Sara: she likes kanaya though. kanaya is an excellent conversationalist and also gorgeous beyond belief.
Ginny: and they are the cutest in the world and everyone expects them to get married and live off-campus one year
Sara: lol YES
Sara: jade is some crazy math and science prodigy whiz kid
Sara: so what the hell is john egbert majoring in.
Ginny: ECTOBIOLOGY.
Sara: OBVIOUSLY.
Sara: he's in some of karkat's film classes
Sara: but they've never really talked
Sara: and then he takes the low-level psych class karkat's the TA for
Sara: and maybe falls a tiny bit in bff love and wants to hang out with karkat ALL THE TIME.
Sara: karkat's like who is this fucking limpet
Ginny: john just HAS NO IDEA HOW TO TAKE A HINT and like
Ginny: keeps sitting next to him in the caf
Sara: karkat somehow manages to convince himself that he and john could be kismeses (is that even the plural?? i hate this word and all its forms so much) except john is TOO DAMN CUTE.
Sara: and whenever john calls him up and asks if he wants to come over and watch ghosts of girlfriends past or failure to launch or fool's gold karkat always says yes.
Sara: fucking matthew mcconaughey.
Sara: ...lol
Sara: college au eridan
Sara: is that one guy that gets drunk and comes on to everyone at every party pretty much
Ginny: oh my god
Sara: after fef decided they should just be friends his slut levels kind of tripled
Sara: he's slept with like a third of their year and still can't fill a single fucking quadrant
Sara: sorry about your life eridan
Ginny: for some reason I want to believe he ends up hooking up with gamzee a lot.
Ginny: neither of them really remember it in the morning.
Sara: CRYING.
Sara: THIS.
Sara: he actually hooks up with equius a lot too
Sara: equius is in a lot of romantic and emotional turmoil right now okay
Sara: he has a thing for aradia and it's freaking him out
Ginny: he and eridan end up in this awkward not quite healthy d/s thing
Ginny: they give up on it after about half a semester
Sara: LOL THIS.
Sara: it's really awkward afterward. ._. they kind of avoid each other after that.
Sara: equius gets over himself and starts dating aradia (yay!)
Sara: eridan is pretty much forever alone. \o/
Ginny: BASICALLY.
Sara: dave hooks up with terezi a lot
Sara: pretends he's failing whatever prelaw class they have together
Sara: calls her up and asks if she'll help him study
Sara: promises to make it worth her while
Sara: rose is like brother dear are you aware that your every liaison with pyrope is you two reenacting a bad porno
Sara: dave just kind of adjusts his shades and tries not to grin
NEXT TIME: THE ADVENTURES OF THE FIRST GENERATION, OR: HOW SPINNERET MINDFANG GOT HER HOT ROOMMATE DRUNK EVERY WEEKEND AND THEN LAUGHED WHEN SHE TRIPPED OVER THINGS.