Surviving Christmas
It's Christmas Eve...
He hasn't returned my calls, probably never read my emails either. I wonder, actually, if he even signed for the package (a CD with two songs on it - I'll Stand By You and Everything I Own) I sent him. I'm dead to him... I know it.
Evie stopped by the other day and helped me decorate m'tree. It's not a real one... we don't get trees on the island. Just another reminder of how much I hate it here. Lately I've really been wanting to go back to Manchester, where the snow falls on Christmas Day, and you can go ice skating on a pond, and Billy's only four hours away.
I can't believe he's gone.
Haven't been to work.
Haven't showered, shaved, slept.
Been ignoring everyone but Evie... though, I didn't answer the door the yesterday when she knocked. Or it might not have been her... Foxy's been calling the house practically round the clock. Haven't had the constitution to call him back. Don't really have the will power to call anyone back. Not even Elijah.
It hurts too much, being empty inside.
I love Billy too much. That's the problem. At least that's what my mother said when I called her. She's the only one I've talked to in the last five days. She said, "Now, Dominic! I love you, but if you're hurting this bad, maybe you're putting too much trust in him too quickly."
Sod it all. There's no such thing as too much trust, too much love.
And when I got off the phone with her, that's when I realised.
I had broken his trust. I'm as good as dead to him.
He hasn't returned my calls, probably never read my emails either. I wonder, actually, if he even signed for the package (a CD with two songs on it - I'll Stand By You and Everything I Own) I sent him. I'm dead to him... I know it.
Evie stopped by the other day and helped me decorate m'tree. It's not a real one... we don't get trees on the island. Just another reminder of how much I hate it here. Lately I've really been wanting to go back to Manchester, where the snow falls on Christmas Day, and you can go ice skating on a pond, and Billy's only four hours away.
I can't believe he's gone.
Haven't been to work.
Haven't showered, shaved, slept.
Been ignoring everyone but Evie... though, I didn't answer the door the yesterday when she knocked. Or it might not have been her... Foxy's been calling the house practically round the clock. Haven't had the constitution to call him back. Don't really have the will power to call anyone back. Not even Elijah.
It hurts too much, being empty inside.
I love Billy too much. That's the problem. At least that's what my mother said when I called her. She's the only one I've talked to in the last five days. She said, "Now, Dominic! I love you, but if you're hurting this bad, maybe you're putting too much trust in him too quickly."
Sod it all. There's no such thing as too much trust, too much love.
And when I got off the phone with her, that's when I realised.
I had broken his trust. I'm as good as dead to him.