just_muse_me | 36.4 Groucho Marx quote

[1twntyovreighty]

36.4. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx

Co-written with geniuscowboy

Strangely, for the first time since he woke up after the coma, Chris found himself alone in his ICU room with just the sounds of the medical equipment to keep him company. It felt... weird, and for a moment, he even felt like he was dreaming and this was some sort of strange alternate reality. This time, he pretty much remembered everything of what happened when Dave had been in his room, the pain, finding the blood. When he woke up after all that, he was in an absolute shit of a mood with a fuck of a sore head. That could be why he was alone now. They probably thought he needed a bit of peace and more rest. Only, he knew that Dave and Serena were actually just a stone's throw away. In fact, from where he was lying, he could see them standing at the staff station talking intently with Dave filling Serena on everything that had happened, just like he had explained it all to Chris, and had probably already explained it all to his mom and to Rick. With the sore throat that caused the irritated coughing, Chris had managed to burst his sutures right open without realising it with the blood loss causing him to pass out because he was already weakened from the first time.


But apparently then Dave went the whole distance, making with the gastroscopy to make sure the bleed wasn't actually internal. It wasn't, and although there seemed to be a little bit of blood in Chris' gut from the irritation in his throat, Dave blatantly told Chris he wanted to kiss a random nurse in relief to see that internally, Chris was healing pretty well. Externally, however, he had done a good job on the sutures, and even though he was stitched up again with more dressings, that Chris had decided were just overkill considering he felt like a mummy, it was still very painful. Added to that, his throat was still uncomfortable and scratchy, and he found himself on yet another transfusion. By now, it felt unlikely that he even had any of his own blood in him.

He was lying there contemplating whether he was still in a bad mood or not. He was definitely feeling sorry for himself, and he wondered what the post-operative equivalent of Man Flu was, because this was probably a prime case of it. He was even pouting just a little, his lower lip sticking slightly out, as he watched Serena and Dave talking beyond the glass. Why couldn't they talk in here? And why were the walls pale puke green, of all fucking colours? He was trying - and failing -to lip read his girlfriend and best friend when Lisa suddenly appeared in the doorway in her scrubs, wheeling Rick into the room in a wheelchair. He was wearing a bandana and Chris was amused at how much it actually suited him. Rick would have known that Chris took a turn and tore his stitches open by now, and it was probably the main reason why he was here. "You know," he said huskily and cleared his throat a little, staying as still as he could. "I think this stunt is way better than the time I jumped off the roof of the garage and told you I fell just to try and get your attention. This worked better, huh?"

Rick was finding out the benefits in having Lisa as his nurse in the oncology ward. The fact that she was Dave's sister meant that he did find out information faster. Even Bella seemed to have the hospital wired to keep tabs on Rick's brother for him. It had been a no brainer that Rick would visit Chris after what had happened and after a discreet exit from Lisa, the two brothers were alone. He smirked faintly as he looked at Chris, trying to gage if he was really okay. His heart had skipped more than a beat when he was told his brother had been bleeding, but he was still here. He was still in one piece. That had to be something. "Well, I really gotta hand it to you, bro. This one's definitely a first. The roof thing I'd already done, so what was new about it? Although you getting a broken arm out of it wasn't so great. Mom was not my fan that day."

Chris laughed just a little, keeping a hand braced just above where he had been stitched back up again. It was hurting like hell, but he was just relieved to not be bleeding again. For all he wasn't squeamish with blood, it really was a different story when it was coming out of you, and so much of it. "Nope, you didn't get a donut," he remembered in amusement. "You okay?"

"That was always the ultimate sign of disapproval from her... The lack of baked goods," Rick replied with a chuckle. He reached a hand up to scratch at his hair, but he remembered too late that he had the bandana on again. There was another urge to just shave his head and be done with it. He let out a sigh as he looked at Chris, and then at his hand hanging uselessly in the air. "No, not really. You?"

Chris swallowed to try and wet his throat. "Nope. Not a whole lot of okay. But breathing. Good start that," he pointed out as his breath hitched a little with a stab of pain. He had already reached his max dose of morphine, so he was just going to have to put up with it for now. He watched Rick with a small frown, seeing the hesitation over his head. "Can... can I see?" he asked. He didn't know why he wanted to see, and there was a high chance Rick would tell him to go screw himself. But it was like he just needed to see for himself to make sure it really was happening. If he knew it was happening, he could deal with it.

Rick gave a nod. "Definitely a good start, bro." He leaned forward to take Chris' hand and gave it a brief squeeze. "Is there anything I can do? Anything you need? Not sure I'm up to a taco run, but I can probably do something." He hesitated again when he lifted his hand to his head and pulled off the bandana after a moment. He hadn't even looked in the mirror lately. He couldn't quite bring himself to, so even Rick was in the dark about how his hair actually looked. "I guess this is the something, huh?"

"I'm not allowed to eat yet, anyway. I think they're still scared my insides will explode. It feels like they will. Instead, they just try to fall out the gaping wound in my gut." Chris wet his lips, a confused frown crossing his features as he looked at Rick's hair. It was thinning a lot more than he remembered it when he first woke up. In fact, it wouldn't be long before it was all gone. "It doesn't look that bad, you know. It's not like you had a lot of hair to start with. Has, um..." He waved his fingers in the general direction of Rick's groin. "Or is it just your head?"

Rick smiled wryly as he looked down at his own groin. "Well, it's just my head. I joked about the pubic hair with Bella, and she said us Deleos don't need anything to help make our penises any better. I figured it was the best way to look at losing hair down there. Hey, I had plenty of hair! Or at least more hair than now. It's also no fun finding clumps of it on the pillows, in the bed, in the sink. So what did they say about the insides falling out? Is this... normal?"

Chris scrunched his face up with a small grunt. "I keep forgetting she's seen my dick. That a whole OR has seen my dick. Damnit. A dude has to have some secrets, and she could end up my sister-in-law one day. At least they'll all know now that the curtains match the carpet. Why don't you shave it? In saying that, dude, you're rocking the bandana. It looks cool. But then, even if you didn't, you're fucking big enough to deck anyone who pulls the piss anyway. It's not abnormal. I busted my sutures, and it's a huge wound. My throat was sore from the tube down it. Sometimes it can scrape the more sensitive parts of the throat in an emergency to get someone intubated. It was making me cough, and I was trying to move when I coughed to not choke myself. I just forgot about the stitches. They checked inside to make sure I wasn't bleeding there, but it was all good. It was just the wound that had opened up. I'm gonna need shares in the blood bank, I think. I'm giving a vampire a run for its money."

Rick held his hand up for a moment. "Hey, hey. You're not the only one. Think any part of me is sacred. The chick I like has seen me inside and out. That's a pretty full on concept right there. She's handled my kidneys. If that's not a bigger puke test, I don't know what is. Well, maybe getting through a pregnancy scare. And you and Serena. She's still here, man. That's some pretty solid relationshipping right there. I've been thinking about shaving it, I just never got to it. Guess maybe it's also because Bella gave me the bandana, you know? I'm turning into a grade A sap. We'll see how big I am after the chemo keeps up for a bit considering how much I vomited last time. Well, if it makes you feel better you do actually look like a creature of the night," he added teasingly as he winked at his brother. "Any more stitches, and you'd probably give Frankenstein a run too."

Chris looked beyond Rick to see Serena still deep in conversation with Dave. They couldn't still just be talking about him, and now he wanted in on the action. Hell, he really was feeling sorry for himself that day. If he was a kid, he would probably be sitting in the corner sulking by now. "Yeah, she's still here... she's been here most of the time. I think I would have gone crazy without her. I'd be more than an emotional mess. The only thing stopping me lying here bawling my eyes out is that one, it would hurt, and two, I don't want to cry in front of Serena. I know everyone will tell me it's okay to cry in front of her, just like Dave told me it was okay to fart in front of her, but if I start, I'm not gonna stop. You don't need to feel guilty about that, either. Everything is just screwing with my coping mechanisms. I'll be fine once I get outta here. Hey, creature of the night I can work with. Step up from Freddy Kruger." He smiled at his brother and shifted his legs in the bed to stick his feet out the bottom of the covers when they felt hot. "She gave it to you, huh? That's pretty huge. You can still wear it if you shave your head, you know. How is it that your nearly girlfriend who is pregnant has puked in front of me and not you? She's trying to save face, you know. In saying that, you have lost weight, dude. Are you eating?"

"She really is something, bro. You did good hanging onto her. And I know everyone will tell it's okay to cry in front of her but personally I think you're making the right call by holding it in. No one needs to watch a grown man weep. I can say that because I've just spent most of the last week bawling my fucking eyes out, and it sucks. It sucks and it's beyond unattractive. Bella's probably just sick of seeing my cry, so she gave me a bandana to shut me up. One day I'll wake up to find it shoved in my mouth." He arched his eyebrow a little. "How did she take the farting? Who says she didn't puke in front of me? Well, she's more just dashed out of the room a lot and not actually puked in front of me. Slight technicality. She's cried, though. And farted, but I didn't have the heart to tell her I noticed. Yeah, I'm eating. Sometimes."

Chris shook his head a little. "Nope... I think she gave it to you so you weren't upset. I've seen how she looks at you. Seen how she looks when I ask her how you are. I don't see any of her other patients walking around with bandanas like that. It's sort of half schmoopy eyed, half terrified. She's got expressive eyes. The rest of her might be staying all professional and doctory, but her eyes say it all." He scrunched his face up. "In here? I haven't farted in here. My gut's still asleep. The rest of the time, well... I dunno. Guess I'm still trying to be polite. You know what I'm like. I have a complex about that sort of thing. I wouldn't even crap in the school toilets when I was a kid. Shut up before you decide to mock me about it again. It's just, being a patient and in the condition I'm in, I can't exactly avoid being pathetic right now. It's hard to save face with a cath in and the fact I can't even get out of bed to shower. You told me she hadn't puked in front of you. I'm sure you told me that. Maybe I'm making it up." He smirked in amusement. "Maybe she didn't even notice. She is pregnant. Does weird stuff to your body, I hear. Sometimes? How much is sometimes? Why not all the time?"

Rick frowned. "Schmoopy and terrified? I'm not sure I'm liking that answer, bro. That's not... you know, what love is made of, is it? Were you schmoopy and terrified with Serena? Crying and farting aside. I don't think she's actually expecting you to save face right now. Pretty sure she's just glad you're awake and alive and breathing. Ask nice enough, Serena might even give you a sponge bath," Rick told his brother with a cheeky grin. "Did I? Shit, now I'm the one with dementia. I have no idea what I tell anyone any more. This is when it's good not to have secrets, right? No need to remember what you have told people. And not all the time because I don't always get jello. I'm not good with the solids. Take too much effort."

"You're her baby daddy, dude. She doesn't want you to go anywhere. That's why she's scared. You gotta remember I knew Serena before. I was mentoring her. It was more a lot of piss-pulling and joking rather than schmoopy and terrified. The first night we slept together was the night Tuck got stabbed and the dude who did it was on the loose. It wasn't for schmoopy making. And just for the record, I really did mean old movies when I said old movies. I wasn't trying to hit on her with a bad pick up line. It just... happened. I'm sure she'd love to give me a sponge bath, but I'm scared to let anyone touch me right now. It just hurts all over. In saying that, I also don't want to stink either. I've gotta be smelling at least semi-dodgy by now. I can't smell anything but plastic with the friggen tubes up my nose," Chris complained, and maybe pouted again just a little. There was definitely a slight protruding of the lower lip again. "That's chemo brain. Like pregnant brain, only not knocked up. Oh wow, you and Bella are gonna be a right pair. You on chemo, her pregnant. Remind me to carry a little white peace flag just in case. Too much effort to swallow solids? Dude. Your gut is gonna shrivel up in protest and they'll never let you out of here."

"I keep telling her I won't, but my reputation seems to just piss all over whatever I do now. People still think I'm gonna bail. I don't know how I'm gonna take it if the terrified look stays in her eyes. Besides, she's already threatened my testicles if I do try and leave. It's not gonna happen." He tugged on the bandana a little to readjust it when his scalp started to get itchy and sighed. "Still, it was a line that worked, wasn't it? She still went with you for the old movie watching. Still went along with the sex. And still itching to get under that hospital gown and rid you of awful man stink." Rick started to chuckle as he smirked at his brother. "Hey, don't knock the tenderness that comes with a spongebath. Or maybe just save it until you can enjoy it. Shit, you're right. I have no idea how we'll get through this in one piece. Okay, okay. Maybe I just think the food sucks."

Chris shook his head. "She's not scared about you bailing, man. She's scared about... the other, more permanent bailing. But she probably knows that being your doctor too, it's not fair for her to get worried about that and freak you out. She has been honest in that she thinks all this has done the trick, but it's still the big bad, isn't it? Whatever way you look at it, you're still her baby daddy, no matter how all this went down. There's a part of you growing inside her and that's huge." He did go on to flip Rick off, though. "I would smack you if I didn't care about tearing the stitches again. Though, considering it was Dave that sewed me up this time, I'm probably thinking he's gone industrial sewing machine distance. Take the dressings off and I've probably got a Calvin Klein logo stitched on my gut. I dont stink that bad! I probably smell like betadine and antiseptic. Hey... look... you gotta eat. Get someone to go out and get you something you want. You can't forget you're still fighting cancer. You need your strength."

Rick flipped Chris off right back. "And risk the wrath of the pregnant oncologist? She'll definitely tear me a new one if I eat something not on the diet plan. I really am trying to eat, but come on. You can't tell me the shit they serve here tastes good. Not now you've been a patient, too. But the stitching - Dave's stitching - really will do the trick this time, right? Bella's not the only one scared of anyone doing some sort of permanent bailing."

"Then don't make me tell her you aren't eating, or she'll have a nurse sit with you to make sure you do. Trust me, I've seen doctors do it. Hell, I've done it. Eating after surgery is like... like... condoms for sex. You don't do it, you'll find yourself in all sorts of mess. Obviously... something you are well aware of. Dude." Chris pointed behind his head to the nil-by-mouth sign. "My food is sodium and glucose through one of the many holes in my arm. I freaking hope his stitching will do the trick. I think I officially have a phobia of bleeding. And of scalpels, and needles, and maybe gowns with the ass hanging out of them. Oh, and tubes down my throat. It's not like I'm trying to stay here for the hot nurses. I just want to go home. I want my own bed, and my own bathroom. I want to be able to wear underpants and pee."

Rick rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. "I'll eat, I'll eat. How long are you nil by mouth? When we're both up to eating properly we are so grabbing about five different take-outs and pigging out. If you're developing those sorts of phobias, how exactly do you plan on going back to work eventually. I don't think they let you operate on people with a plastic knife. You'll get your own bed soon enough. And for the record, having a hot girlfriend totally outweighs the hot nurse thing anyway. She won't slap you for trying it on," Rick teased.

"Next day or so they'll probably put me up to clear fluids, then free fluids. Go from things like jello and tea to yoghurt and oatmeal." Chris stuck his tongue out. "Note that I'm not exactly jumping for joy. It might take Serena to strap me down and shove it in my mouth to achieve it. They need to know my insides are working, though. Once they do, I'll probably get shifted out of the ICU. I mean, you've been thriving all cool with my kidney, which is awesome. But the actual surgery, they would have put your gut to sleep with the anesthetics. They can only progress the care if they know everything is in working order again. It's just taking longer with me because they ended up cutting a lot deeper to fix me than they needed to with you. Hm... I think the phobias are isolated to me. I can be Dr Hypocrite. I can work it. So... what is actually going on with you and Bella now?" But Chris fell quiet and after a couple of beats, he found himself choking up with emotion again. "I'm not doing as good as I'm making out I am. I-I think I'm gonna need your help, man..." he finally admitted tearfully.

Rick reached out for Chris' hand and took it as gently as he could in his before he gave it a soft squeeze. "I'll be here. Just have some faith in me. I know I have no right to ask for it, but please, Chris. I'm not gonna leave you to deal with this on your own. I know Serena's gonna have your back probably better than me, but I'm willing to try. To learn. I'll even have mom on the phone every day if I have to. I really am doing well with your kidney, so I'll be ready. I'll be here for you." His eyes welled up and he raised his free hand to wipe at them.

Chris linked his fingers in with Rick's and closed his eyes, biting down on his lip in a sheer attempt not to just start sobbing. He knew it would only cause him pain if he did, but it wasn't an easy battle to fight. He found it easier to keep his cool around Serena. The need to play the protective boyfriend took over, but when he was just with Rick, everything seemed to come forcing itself to the forefront, like all the years of not having him around, and suddenly he wanted to make up for lost time with some sort of major meltdown in his brother's presence. "Just for the record, I know I pulled the whole responsible doctor shit with you about it, but I really fucking hate a tube up my cock, too," he said hoarsely with a small, tearful laugh.