Unfinished (Mello/Near)
Title: Unfinished
Author: Flamika (flamika)
Claim: Mello/Near (pairing)
Rating: 17+ (adult language, sexual situations)
Notes: Definite spoilers up to Page 99, but also a slight spoiler warning for Page 104.
1. Mello arrives at the orphanage at the age of seven, and he notices Near almost right away. His hair reminds Mello of a dirty cottonball, but in shadowy hallways the curly white strands are as pure as snow, his black eyes as cold as a winter night. Mello isn't surprised to learn that Near is smarter than everyone in the school, and from that day on, Near's pale figure never leaves his thoughts.
Mello hates not being able to choose who he wants to think about, and when.
2. Near adores L. It's the strongest emotion he's ever felt for anyone, and it makes him a little uncomfortable. He doesn't want to miss L when he dies eventually. Another thing that makes Near uncomfortable is that new girly-looking blond boy who runs around barefooted and always seems to be glaring at him.
3. The blond boy's name is Mello, and though Near tries not to watch him out of the corner of his eyes, he can't help himself. Mello's eyes are like pits of darkness in his pale face, deep, intense, and slightly mad. His hair is the color of a fungus-ridden toenail, but in the sunlight it looks like gold. Near wonders what it would feel like wrapped around his finger.
4. In general, Near is not physically attracted to other people. A human body is merely an aggregation of cells--living, dead, and dying--and love itself is a chemical reaction brought on by electrical impulses in the brain. Even at the age of thirteen when the other orphans are busy exploring not only their own bodies, but also the bodies of the opposite sex, Near doesn't see the use of sex outside of procreation. But in Near's eyes, Mello is not exactly a person. Mello is a force of Nature itself, a ball of seething emotions barely contained by his flesh, rising and falling like a stormy ocean until his chaos reverberates through a room like a dozen tiny vibrations. And Near can't help but be attracted to a person who is also a not-person. How confusing, and annoying.
5. Mello thinks Near is a bloody fool. He's too idle, too willing to let himself stagnate like dirty pond water. He sits back and plays with his toys, as if he's too good to participate in that little thing called Life. Near is so tightly-contained in all aspects that Mello feels clumsy around him, like he's a movie on fast forward, gyrating wildly and stupidly. Mello wants to knock over all those carefully-constructed forts and castles. He wants to bring Near's narrow little world crashing down around both of them, until everything lies like beautiful destruction around their naked feet and Near is spurred into motion, into emotion. When Mello passes through puberty, he also realizes that he wouldn't mind pushing Near down on the floor and fucking him like mad.
6. Mello and Near's feelings for each other differ greatly in many aspects, but the one desire they both share is also the one they steadfastly refuse to act upon. They repulse and gravitate towards each other. Mello is a physical being while Near is almost purely mental, but Mello is also the only one who might not be shocked to find that Near actually has a pulse.
7. Near is the immovable object. Mello is the unstoppable force. When they clash, chaos erupts and makes a lovely rip in the fabric of their lives, a gaping wound that hinders productivity until they can patch themselves up. They have no choice but to avoid working with each other whenever possible, but they are aware of one another in a way that two halves of the same whole always are.
8. When Roger tells them that L is dead, Near feels that he needs Mello to help him catch Kira. He has suspected for a while that Mello has something he lacks, and vice versa. But Near has difficulty expressing himself, especially to Mello. Only to Mello, in fact. Besides, he knows Mello disagrees with the way he works, and always will. He also strains the very limits of Near's careful control. They can't work together even if their lives depend on it.
So, Near lets Mello walk away. He doubts he'll ever see him alive again.
9. Near doesn't know why Mello left a photograph of himself behind at the orphanage. Probably because he's a bloody fool. Despite that, Near keeps the picture close to him at all times after he leaves the orphanage. He leaves it on the vanity (facedown, because Mello's eyes are slightly wild even in a photograph) when he bathes, and when he accidentally drops it on the plane, he practically crawls over two passengers to retrieve it. As long as it's not too much effort, he sees no reason not to take small actions to prevent Mello's death.
10. Near is too passive. Mello is too emotional. They are aware of their fundamental flaws, but they both try to make do with what they have.
11. Over the four years they spend apart, Near starts to believe that maybe he doesn't need Mello after all, but he catches the error in his thinking before it cripples him. It's the only time he blatantly attempts to lie to himself.
12. Mello doesn't like women much, but one night he does have sex with one, mostly because Rod always has several hanging around for the sole purpose of fucking whatever mafia member fancies her at the moment. The girl's name is Nellie, and she has short, curly hair. Platinum blonde. She wears a loose white dress. The encounter is satisfying only on a physical level and mainly serves to remind Mello that he still wants Near. Damn Near.
13. Mello often wonders what sex with Near would be like, or if Near even thinks about sex at all. Naturally, Mello knows what he would want sex with Near to be. It would be arms laced around his neck and thick erection rubbing against his stomach and a body that feels like heaven as everything spins out of control in a way Mello would love to see. He never gets to fantasize about their orgasms; by that time he's already coming all over his hands.
14. Near doesn't touch himself often, but he still has wet dreams. About Mello. Always about Mello. Damn Mello.
15. When Mello forces his way into SPK's headquarters, he and Near both realize that nothing has changed, except for Mello's sense of fashion, and even that does not come as much of a surprise. Mello dresses like sin and madness, and Near still looks like a cottonball, only slightly larger. Near remains cool and calm. Mello gets emotional and almost puts a bullet in Near's back. He still hates the way Near operates, how he makes everyone into a tool. He hates that he's always stuck in second place, looking at Near's back as he walks ahead of him. He still wants to knock over those toys, and yeah, he still wants to fuck him.
16. Near wants to compete with Mello, a desire he finds mildly surprising. Sometimes there are thoughts in his head that he doesn't notice until Mello triggers them. He supposes these are his "feelings" for Mello, and wonders if Mello notices. Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes Near and Mello know each other's thoughts too well, other times not at all. Maybe Near is just a little bit pleased to see Mello alive again.
17. If Near is ice, Mello is fire. Mello is aware of this distinction; yet, he doesn't believe that Near is dead inside. Near is an emotionless detective, not a lifeless human. Or perhaps Mello just believes this because he's colored Near in his own feelings--passion, hatred, rage, desire. But that's alright. Mello has enough fire for them both.
18. Mello's death saves Near's life. Mello's death saves the world from Kira. The victory is supposed to be a shared one, but Mello is not alive to enjoy it. Near's okay with that. Mello wouldn't have known what to do if he had become number one anyways, much less how to share first place with his rival.
19. Near still wishes there had been another way.
20. Mello and Near both like to control things, but they can't control how a part of each of them will always be intrinsic to the other. They were born to clash, and to never fit together into a proper formation. Their race will forever remain unfinished because they became tangled together at the end, unable to see where one left off and the other began. No winner. No loser. Just like there never had been a true successor. With one of them gone, their lives are a mess of unfinished threads, and Near is left to walk forward without what he has come to jokingly (well, it's funny to him) refer to as his "better half."
He's sad, and he's certain this is what it feels like to miss someone.
Author: Flamika (flamika)
Claim: Mello/Near (pairing)
Rating: 17+ (adult language, sexual situations)
Notes: Definite spoilers up to Page 99, but also a slight spoiler warning for Page 104.
1. Mello arrives at the orphanage at the age of seven, and he notices Near almost right away. His hair reminds Mello of a dirty cottonball, but in shadowy hallways the curly white strands are as pure as snow, his black eyes as cold as a winter night. Mello isn't surprised to learn that Near is smarter than everyone in the school, and from that day on, Near's pale figure never leaves his thoughts.
Mello hates not being able to choose who he wants to think about, and when.
2. Near adores L. It's the strongest emotion he's ever felt for anyone, and it makes him a little uncomfortable. He doesn't want to miss L when he dies eventually. Another thing that makes Near uncomfortable is that new girly-looking blond boy who runs around barefooted and always seems to be glaring at him.
3. The blond boy's name is Mello, and though Near tries not to watch him out of the corner of his eyes, he can't help himself. Mello's eyes are like pits of darkness in his pale face, deep, intense, and slightly mad. His hair is the color of a fungus-ridden toenail, but in the sunlight it looks like gold. Near wonders what it would feel like wrapped around his finger.
4. In general, Near is not physically attracted to other people. A human body is merely an aggregation of cells--living, dead, and dying--and love itself is a chemical reaction brought on by electrical impulses in the brain. Even at the age of thirteen when the other orphans are busy exploring not only their own bodies, but also the bodies of the opposite sex, Near doesn't see the use of sex outside of procreation. But in Near's eyes, Mello is not exactly a person. Mello is a force of Nature itself, a ball of seething emotions barely contained by his flesh, rising and falling like a stormy ocean until his chaos reverberates through a room like a dozen tiny vibrations. And Near can't help but be attracted to a person who is also a not-person. How confusing, and annoying.
5. Mello thinks Near is a bloody fool. He's too idle, too willing to let himself stagnate like dirty pond water. He sits back and plays with his toys, as if he's too good to participate in that little thing called Life. Near is so tightly-contained in all aspects that Mello feels clumsy around him, like he's a movie on fast forward, gyrating wildly and stupidly. Mello wants to knock over all those carefully-constructed forts and castles. He wants to bring Near's narrow little world crashing down around both of them, until everything lies like beautiful destruction around their naked feet and Near is spurred into motion, into emotion. When Mello passes through puberty, he also realizes that he wouldn't mind pushing Near down on the floor and fucking him like mad.
6. Mello and Near's feelings for each other differ greatly in many aspects, but the one desire they both share is also the one they steadfastly refuse to act upon. They repulse and gravitate towards each other. Mello is a physical being while Near is almost purely mental, but Mello is also the only one who might not be shocked to find that Near actually has a pulse.
7. Near is the immovable object. Mello is the unstoppable force. When they clash, chaos erupts and makes a lovely rip in the fabric of their lives, a gaping wound that hinders productivity until they can patch themselves up. They have no choice but to avoid working with each other whenever possible, but they are aware of one another in a way that two halves of the same whole always are.
8. When Roger tells them that L is dead, Near feels that he needs Mello to help him catch Kira. He has suspected for a while that Mello has something he lacks, and vice versa. But Near has difficulty expressing himself, especially to Mello. Only to Mello, in fact. Besides, he knows Mello disagrees with the way he works, and always will. He also strains the very limits of Near's careful control. They can't work together even if their lives depend on it.
So, Near lets Mello walk away. He doubts he'll ever see him alive again.
9. Near doesn't know why Mello left a photograph of himself behind at the orphanage. Probably because he's a bloody fool. Despite that, Near keeps the picture close to him at all times after he leaves the orphanage. He leaves it on the vanity (facedown, because Mello's eyes are slightly wild even in a photograph) when he bathes, and when he accidentally drops it on the plane, he practically crawls over two passengers to retrieve it. As long as it's not too much effort, he sees no reason not to take small actions to prevent Mello's death.
10. Near is too passive. Mello is too emotional. They are aware of their fundamental flaws, but they both try to make do with what they have.
11. Over the four years they spend apart, Near starts to believe that maybe he doesn't need Mello after all, but he catches the error in his thinking before it cripples him. It's the only time he blatantly attempts to lie to himself.
12. Mello doesn't like women much, but one night he does have sex with one, mostly because Rod always has several hanging around for the sole purpose of fucking whatever mafia member fancies her at the moment. The girl's name is Nellie, and she has short, curly hair. Platinum blonde. She wears a loose white dress. The encounter is satisfying only on a physical level and mainly serves to remind Mello that he still wants Near. Damn Near.
13. Mello often wonders what sex with Near would be like, or if Near even thinks about sex at all. Naturally, Mello knows what he would want sex with Near to be. It would be arms laced around his neck and thick erection rubbing against his stomach and a body that feels like heaven as everything spins out of control in a way Mello would love to see. He never gets to fantasize about their orgasms; by that time he's already coming all over his hands.
14. Near doesn't touch himself often, but he still has wet dreams. About Mello. Always about Mello. Damn Mello.
15. When Mello forces his way into SPK's headquarters, he and Near both realize that nothing has changed, except for Mello's sense of fashion, and even that does not come as much of a surprise. Mello dresses like sin and madness, and Near still looks like a cottonball, only slightly larger. Near remains cool and calm. Mello gets emotional and almost puts a bullet in Near's back. He still hates the way Near operates, how he makes everyone into a tool. He hates that he's always stuck in second place, looking at Near's back as he walks ahead of him. He still wants to knock over those toys, and yeah, he still wants to fuck him.
16. Near wants to compete with Mello, a desire he finds mildly surprising. Sometimes there are thoughts in his head that he doesn't notice until Mello triggers them. He supposes these are his "feelings" for Mello, and wonders if Mello notices. Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes Near and Mello know each other's thoughts too well, other times not at all. Maybe Near is just a little bit pleased to see Mello alive again.
17. If Near is ice, Mello is fire. Mello is aware of this distinction; yet, he doesn't believe that Near is dead inside. Near is an emotionless detective, not a lifeless human. Or perhaps Mello just believes this because he's colored Near in his own feelings--passion, hatred, rage, desire. But that's alright. Mello has enough fire for them both.
18. Mello's death saves Near's life. Mello's death saves the world from Kira. The victory is supposed to be a shared one, but Mello is not alive to enjoy it. Near's okay with that. Mello wouldn't have known what to do if he had become number one anyways, much less how to share first place with his rival.
19. Near still wishes there had been another way.
20. Mello and Near both like to control things, but they can't control how a part of each of them will always be intrinsic to the other. They were born to clash, and to never fit together into a proper formation. Their race will forever remain unfinished because they became tangled together at the end, unable to see where one left off and the other began. No winner. No loser. Just like there never had been a true successor. With one of them gone, their lives are a mess of unfinished threads, and Near is left to walk forward without what he has come to jokingly (well, it's funny to him) refer to as his "better half."
He's sad, and he's certain this is what it feels like to miss someone.