A new face
Hi all. I've never posted here before, but I've watched the community for some time now. Here's my story...
History: First off, this is not my primary LJ account. I use this sign-on mostly to vent about SI and to document my feelings without the glaring eyes of my friends, because I have yet to have a friendly reaction when discussing it with anyone I know in real life. Anyway, here is me: I'm 23 years old and have been SIing since I was about 11 or 12. I was able to get myself to stop cutting regularly around 16 or 17, though I've never been able to overcome it entirely. With the exception of a (bad) relapse around 4 years ago, I've essentially been able to stop. I hadn't really had any issues with urges that lasted more than a week or two until this year. I'm not sure why, but this year has been tough on me. It started in Jan or Feb of this year, and while I've had a brief respite from the urges through the summer, they're back and tugging at my emotions again now.
Currently: To be honest, I'm not entirely sure why the urges have returned. The only thing I have been able to come up with is maybe the stress from school. In the past there has always been a clear reason for my self destructive urges, which made it much easier to deal with. (If I could eliminate that problem, I could eliminate the urges.) This time, there is no apparent reason. I have a job I don't mind going to, I have a boyfriend I love very much whom I've been with for 4 years, I don't stress about money, and I have a comfortable home environment. My life is stable. I'm really not sure what the problem is. So far I have been able to control the urges and haven't given in, but I don't know how long that will last. I don't just get normal urges, I get anxious, my muscles tense up, I get nauseaous and just feel physically uncomfortable. These symptoms made sense to me back when I was constantly injuring because I had become addicted to the feeling, but now, it makes no sense, and because I'm not used to it, it makes it that much harder to deal with.
I'm really not entirely sure why I'm babbling because I don't really have anything important to say. I can't think of anything that would actually ~help~ me. I'm fairly sure that I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life because I know it works, and my subconcious will always want to revert back to it when something is amiss. I guess it's just nice to see boards like this and know you're not alone, and that there are other people out there enduring the same thing (which come to think of it is rather sadistic.) Anyway, I'm not really sure what else to say except that I appreciate the existance of this community, and the supportive people on it. I hope everyone is doing well!
History: First off, this is not my primary LJ account. I use this sign-on mostly to vent about SI and to document my feelings without the glaring eyes of my friends, because I have yet to have a friendly reaction when discussing it with anyone I know in real life. Anyway, here is me: I'm 23 years old and have been SIing since I was about 11 or 12. I was able to get myself to stop cutting regularly around 16 or 17, though I've never been able to overcome it entirely. With the exception of a (bad) relapse around 4 years ago, I've essentially been able to stop. I hadn't really had any issues with urges that lasted more than a week or two until this year. I'm not sure why, but this year has been tough on me. It started in Jan or Feb of this year, and while I've had a brief respite from the urges through the summer, they're back and tugging at my emotions again now.
Currently: To be honest, I'm not entirely sure why the urges have returned. The only thing I have been able to come up with is maybe the stress from school. In the past there has always been a clear reason for my self destructive urges, which made it much easier to deal with. (If I could eliminate that problem, I could eliminate the urges.) This time, there is no apparent reason. I have a job I don't mind going to, I have a boyfriend I love very much whom I've been with for 4 years, I don't stress about money, and I have a comfortable home environment. My life is stable. I'm really not sure what the problem is. So far I have been able to control the urges and haven't given in, but I don't know how long that will last. I don't just get normal urges, I get anxious, my muscles tense up, I get nauseaous and just feel physically uncomfortable. These symptoms made sense to me back when I was constantly injuring because I had become addicted to the feeling, but now, it makes no sense, and because I'm not used to it, it makes it that much harder to deal with.
I'm really not entirely sure why I'm babbling because I don't really have anything important to say. I can't think of anything that would actually ~help~ me. I'm fairly sure that I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life because I know it works, and my subconcious will always want to revert back to it when something is amiss. I guess it's just nice to see boards like this and know you're not alone, and that there are other people out there enduring the same thing (which come to think of it is rather sadistic.) Anyway, I'm not really sure what else to say except that I appreciate the existance of this community, and the supportive people on it. I hope everyone is doing well!