all systems down
Title: Brutal Love [8]
Author: Molly
Pairing: Billie/Mike
Summary: When Mike's thin lips moved to the point on his throat still slightly bruised from the previous day, Billie Joe whispered, voice choked, “Are we gonna make it upstairs this time?”
Previous Parts: located here
“Olivia, you're going to have to sit still if you want me to braid your hair.”
“But I can't sit still, Mommy, I'm too excited!”
“I know you are, baby, but you gotta try or else you're going to start your first day of school with a tangled mess.”
The six year old heaved a dramatic sigh, her blue eyes rolling around the room as her legs continued to kick back and forth. She was seated sideways on one of the chairs at the kitchen table, her mother behind her attempting to school her hair into a fishtail despite the little ants Olivia had in her pants. Mike, who stood off to the side watching with an amused smiled with his hands on the hips, spoke up, “What do you want to eat for breakfast, Livybug?”
She started to shake her head, then remembered Billie's admonishment, and sighed again loudly. “I don't want to eat, I'm too excited!”
“You have to eat something, Liv, you'll get a tummy ache later if you don't.”
“But Daddy-”
“Your dad's right, Livy, we won't send you to school without something in your belly,” Billie Joe said, voice gentle and firm, as his fingers worked deftly on her wavy hair. He met Mike's eyes over the top of her head, seeing his own amusement mirrored there. “How about half a bagel and some grapes, think you can handle that?”
“I guess. . .” Olivia said, with an exaggerated woe in her voice, like her parents were forcing her to jump through a hoop of fire instead of eat a meal. “Mommy, are you almost done?”
“Nearly,” Billie answered, a chuckle in his voice, and a few moments later, he was able to tie the end of the braid, and he tugged on it softly. “All right, feel free to squirm as much as you want, I'm done.”
As she bolted out of her chair and started skidding in the direction of the front hall, she called over her shoulder, “I'm gonna check my backpack again!”
Mike laughed, freeing some grapes from their stems and placing them in a small plastic bowl, while Olivia's bagel warmed in the toaster. He glanced at Billie, who was simultaneously rubbing a hand through his mess of hair and drinking from his coffee mug. “I think we've gone through that backpack with her ten times just this morning-not counting the times we checked it last night and the day we bought her school supplies.”
“That's because she's your child,” Billie Joe smirked and pecked his boyfriend on the cheek. It earned him another laugh.
“Be that as it may, Armstrong, that attitude of hers is all you.”
Billie's smile turned wistful. “Damn right. Our little drama queen. . .”
Olivia came marching back into the kitchen, backpack in her hands. During her time away, she had taken the liberty of putting on her favorite pair of glittery pink shoes. Shamu was tucked under her left arm. The grin she gave her parents was a show stopper. “I'm all ready! Time to go get on the bus!”
“Nice try, cutie, but your bus doesn't get here for another thirty minutes. And,” Billie paused to scoop her up by the armpits and place her in her booster seat, “you're not going anywhere until you've had some breakfast.”
Her father hummed his agreement by placing a buttered bagel in front of her, along with her fruit. “Get some of this down for us, okay? And be careful not to choke.”
“If I eat, then can we go to the bus?”
“Yes.” Billie Joe gave her a cup of milk and a pat on the head. “Then we can go to the bus.”
Less than twenty minutes later, Olivia had gobbled down all of her grapes and most of her bagel, at which point she insisted on going to the bus stop before it left without her. Her parents relented, after snapping a few pictures of her in front of the fireplace, as well as a selfie including all three family members. They walked her to the corner of their road, each holding one of her tiny hands, and when they got there, Billie crouched in front of her and gave her the new pink lunch sack that her grandma had bought her.
“Here's your lunch, darlin', I didn't want to put it in your backpack and have it get smushed. Be careful not to lose it, though, okay?”
Olivia nodded obediently, her eyes shining. “What did you pack me?”
“A pb and j, with extra j, some carrot sticks, a juice box, and a chocolate chip cookie.”
“Wow, thanks, Mommy!” She beamed, a sight that infected both her mom and dad.
“Now, listen, Livy,” Mike said, taking on a serious tone as he squatted to her level as well. He made sure she was focusing her eyes on him and took her free hand in his. “You know how we always tell you not to talk to strangers?” At her nod, Mike continued, “Well, you're probably going to meet a few new people today at school, and it's okay to talk to them. You might see other teachers, or parents, or other people who work at the school, and that's okay. But if anyone-anyone-makes you feel uncomfortable or says something that scares you, you be sure to tell a grown up right away. You never have to feel scared of other grown ups at school, and if you ever do, you have to promise to tell Mommy, or me, or grandma, or another grown up you trust. Okay?”
Olivia nodded, wrapping her own pinky around the one on her father's finger. “Promise.”
Billie Joe could see the yellow school bus approaching from down the road, and he took a deep breath. He could feel the lump forming in his throat of its own accord. Pulling Olivia to him, he kissed her head and said in a somewhat constricted voice, “We love you, Livybug. Have fun today, okay?”
“Listen to your teacher and remember to respect others,” Mike murmured while giving her his own bear hug, blinking away the burning sensation in the backs of his eyes. “Can't wait to hear all about your first day.”
With another kiss from each parent, she turned towards the bus, which had come to a stop a few feet away, and the doors opened with a smiling driver behind them. Olivia smiled back nervously at the bus driver, then looked at her mom and dad again. “You'll be here when I get home, right?”
“Of course we will be,” Billie said, a breathless chuckle. In his words. “We'll see you at two-thirty.”
She nodded and waved at them, then disappeared up the stairs and into the bus, Shamu peaking out from between the zippers on her backpack.
Mike wrapped an arm around Billie's shoulders as the bus took off down the road. They watched it with shining eyes, following its path until it turned a corner and they could see it no more.
It was an odd feeling, for both of them. Never before had they sent their daughter into the hands of complete strangers. From the time of her birth until now, their circle of close family and friends had been the only ones to care for her. They had even decided not to enroll her in pre-school so she could tour with them across the world, opting to teach her themselves the things that would prepare her for kindergarten. But today, she was gone, entering into a new world of developing independence and maturity, and it left a deep hole in the center of themselves, to know that this was only the first step to growing up.
They shared a look, and Billie Joe clucked his tongue when he saw the tears falling down his lover's face. The frontman placed his hands on Mike's cheeks with a breathy laugh. “God, I expected to be the one crying.”
The bassist simply shook his head, accepting the hug Billie wrapped him up in, burying his face in his neck. For a few moments, they merely held each other, sharing the bit of sadness that came with this strange new feeling. Billie thought of what somebody had said to him once; that the beauty of parenting is that, in many cases, you always have someone to experience it with. At the moment, he couldn't think of anything he was more grateful for than his opportunity to raise his daughter and the privilege to to do so with Mike.
Eventually, Mike released Billie and entwined their fingers, heading back up the street to their home. He took it upon himself to kiss the back of Billie Joe's hand, sharing a meaningful look with him. Mike had always been a man of action; it was far easier for him to convey his feelings through a squeeze on the hand or with a slow and selfless kiss. And although Billie was quite a wordsmith, he was equally-if not more-affectionate than Mike, so they found a zone of comfort between their differing personalities.
It wasn't exactly surprising to Billie that, when they had closed the front door, Mike pressed him against it and began to kiss him like the entire world was ending. He had done the same thing after the last concert of the tour, when they closed the curtains on another chapter of Green Day's book. When he was sad, when his emotions were at their peak in either direction, Mike responded physically, sometimes aggressively, and Billie Joe was more than happy to be on the receiving end of those actions.
Mike kissed him with the same kind passion he had the day before, again asserting himself as the one in power, this time by gathering Billie's wrists in his hands and bringing them up against the door, pinning him there; pinning him in front of him. Billie moaned into his boyfriend's mouth, his erection already pressing against Mike's, as the idea that they had several uninterrupted hours looming ahead of them-a novelty that hadn't occurred very often in the past six years. The thrust of his hips was unintentional, but it was received with an ambitious growl from Mike as well.
When Mike's thin lips moved to the point on his throat still slightly bruised from the previous day, Billie Joe whispered, voice choked, “Are we gonna make it upstairs this time?”
Blue eyes looked up at him again, and suddenly, Mike's hands on him were very tender, holding his face like he held Olivia's when she was hurt or sad. His thumbs stroked softly under his eyelids, as he murmured, “I love you.” A kiss, chaste and sweet. “And I'm going to take you to our bed to show you just how much.”
His boyfriend had a way with making his stomach fall to the floor, making his knees weak and useless like a newborn puppy, so that when Mike kissed him again, he melted and surrendered to his plan. It didn't much matter if he wanted to or not, either; his brain had already waved a white flag.
Almost three hours later found the two men tangled up in arms, legs, and dirty sheets, their bodies completely spent after what felt like six orgasms each. Indeed, both of them had lost count. Billie laid back against his pillow, still attempting to get his breath back. Mike was close to him, propped up on his elbow and idly stroking his boyfriend's flushed face, eyes steady on him. Returning the favor, Billie pressed his hand against Mike's cheek.
“Penny for your thoughts,” the frontman murmured, the tip of his finger tracing Mike's bottom lip.
Mike didn't answer at first, but Billie Joe knew him well enough to see the gears turning, struggling to turn his ideas into words as he was wont to do. When he was ready, he took a deep breath, and asked, “Do you remember the first time we slept together?”
The question took Billie aback for a moment; they didn't usually talk about the past, not in terms of their relationship at least. He shifted, curling his tangled leg around Mike's a little tighter, his fingers now wrapped up in the thick brown hair covering his boyfriend's skull. “Of course I do,” he said, voice quiet. “We were sixteen.”
“Yeah. Sixteen. And we said it was just an experiment. We just wanted to know what it would be like. I don't think either of us had even gotten to third base with a chick yet.”
Billie chuckled, turning his head to kiss Mike's hand that continued to trace his skin. “Nah, we were still hanging out on second, when the girls would let us.”
Although the comment made the corner of Mike's mouth lift slightly, he still looked quite pensive. He wasn't looking at Billie Joe anymore; his eyes were out of focus, lost in a memory more than twenty years old. “I think-I think I knew, that day, that it was you. In my heart, or my soul, or whatever you want to call it. It just took my head a little longer to catch up.”
“You knew it was me? What do you mean?”
“I knew you were my soul mate. My other half. It was like something clicked, you know, like a switch in my gut, letting me know that I'd found what I needed to be whole. Does that make sense?”
Suddenly Billie's mind felt very light, like he'd just waken up after taking a Valium, and his mouth opened and closed a few times before he could form proper words. Because they had never spoken of that day before. There had never been any need to; by the time they had come together as a couple, that day was more than ten years past, and it had only been a bunch of fumbling and swearing and blushing. Of course it had been monumental, for Billie especially, who considered it the dawning of the epiphany that came when he was seventeen-that he was bisexual, attracted to men, perhaps even gay altogether. In a lot of ways, the song Coming Clean had been about Mike, but even after all these years, he'd never had a reason to admit to it.
Now, it was like the years were marching across the forefronts of their minds. Mike appeared to be very lost in time indeed, and Billie Joe was so overwhelmed with Mike's confession, it made thinking a bit difficult. But he knew he didn't like the distant look on Mike's face, an expression darkened by the shadows of time, and he stroked his boyfriend's face until he came back to him, silently blinking.
“I knew it then too. I cared so much for you, it was terrifying. It was scary for both of us.” Billie ran his fingertips across Mike's heart, where Olivia's name was written in permanent ink. “We had to learn how to embrace that fear, instead of run from it.”
Mike's eyes were smoldering, a flicker in them like anger. His lips were trembling. “Wasted time,” he said, and his voice was harsh, hoarse.
Shocked by Mike's reaction, Billie's brow furrowed in concern. “Wasted time?”
“It took-what-twelve years. Twelve fucking years for me to tell you how I felt. Twelve fucking years of lying to myself about who I really was, chasing girls that didn't matter to reconcile thoughts I didn't think I should have, and if I'd just fucking talked to you-if I'd just been a goddamn man, we wouldn't have wasted so much time.”
“Mike,” Billie Joe started, and had to pause, to collect himself. The outburst was so out of character, so unexpected, and it silently brought the worries he'd had about his lover back to the surface. But he pushed the niggling thoughts aside, to frame Mike's face between both of his hands, shaking his head. “Mike, we promised a long time ago we wouldn't live with regrets. It's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't, and we've done it, Mike. We've spent eleven years together, and they've been the best of my life, because I got to share them with you. We-we had a beautiful little girl together, and she's--” He had to pause, again, to swallow down the emotion that rose in his throat once more, as he was reminded by the fact that Olivia was off at school, and in fact not so little anymore. “--she's the best thing I've ever done, that we have ever done, and I wouldn't change a single fucking thing. Because now, we have nothing but time. We have the rest of our lives.”
The bassist looked like a man on fire. As Billie relayed his small speech, he curled his arms around him tighter, pulling him closer. If he could have fused their bodies together, he would have, just to ascertain that they truly were complementary halves to one whole. Billie's resonated like canon fire in his mind, and as his heart felt ready to explode into a million pieces, Mike kissed him with blistering force, pressing Billie Joe into the mattress so deep they could have sunk right into it.
“We have another hour before Olivia gets off the bus,” Mike panted, in between his unrelenting kisses, “let's make it last.”
Author: Molly
Pairing: Billie/Mike
Summary: When Mike's thin lips moved to the point on his throat still slightly bruised from the previous day, Billie Joe whispered, voice choked, “Are we gonna make it upstairs this time?”
Previous Parts: located here
“Olivia, you're going to have to sit still if you want me to braid your hair.”
“But I can't sit still, Mommy, I'm too excited!”
“I know you are, baby, but you gotta try or else you're going to start your first day of school with a tangled mess.”
The six year old heaved a dramatic sigh, her blue eyes rolling around the room as her legs continued to kick back and forth. She was seated sideways on one of the chairs at the kitchen table, her mother behind her attempting to school her hair into a fishtail despite the little ants Olivia had in her pants. Mike, who stood off to the side watching with an amused smiled with his hands on the hips, spoke up, “What do you want to eat for breakfast, Livybug?”
She started to shake her head, then remembered Billie's admonishment, and sighed again loudly. “I don't want to eat, I'm too excited!”
“You have to eat something, Liv, you'll get a tummy ache later if you don't.”
“But Daddy-”
“Your dad's right, Livy, we won't send you to school without something in your belly,” Billie Joe said, voice gentle and firm, as his fingers worked deftly on her wavy hair. He met Mike's eyes over the top of her head, seeing his own amusement mirrored there. “How about half a bagel and some grapes, think you can handle that?”
“I guess. . .” Olivia said, with an exaggerated woe in her voice, like her parents were forcing her to jump through a hoop of fire instead of eat a meal. “Mommy, are you almost done?”
“Nearly,” Billie answered, a chuckle in his voice, and a few moments later, he was able to tie the end of the braid, and he tugged on it softly. “All right, feel free to squirm as much as you want, I'm done.”
As she bolted out of her chair and started skidding in the direction of the front hall, she called over her shoulder, “I'm gonna check my backpack again!”
Mike laughed, freeing some grapes from their stems and placing them in a small plastic bowl, while Olivia's bagel warmed in the toaster. He glanced at Billie, who was simultaneously rubbing a hand through his mess of hair and drinking from his coffee mug. “I think we've gone through that backpack with her ten times just this morning-not counting the times we checked it last night and the day we bought her school supplies.”
“That's because she's your child,” Billie Joe smirked and pecked his boyfriend on the cheek. It earned him another laugh.
“Be that as it may, Armstrong, that attitude of hers is all you.”
Billie's smile turned wistful. “Damn right. Our little drama queen. . .”
Olivia came marching back into the kitchen, backpack in her hands. During her time away, she had taken the liberty of putting on her favorite pair of glittery pink shoes. Shamu was tucked under her left arm. The grin she gave her parents was a show stopper. “I'm all ready! Time to go get on the bus!”
“Nice try, cutie, but your bus doesn't get here for another thirty minutes. And,” Billie paused to scoop her up by the armpits and place her in her booster seat, “you're not going anywhere until you've had some breakfast.”
Her father hummed his agreement by placing a buttered bagel in front of her, along with her fruit. “Get some of this down for us, okay? And be careful not to choke.”
“If I eat, then can we go to the bus?”
“Yes.” Billie Joe gave her a cup of milk and a pat on the head. “Then we can go to the bus.”
Less than twenty minutes later, Olivia had gobbled down all of her grapes and most of her bagel, at which point she insisted on going to the bus stop before it left without her. Her parents relented, after snapping a few pictures of her in front of the fireplace, as well as a selfie including all three family members. They walked her to the corner of their road, each holding one of her tiny hands, and when they got there, Billie crouched in front of her and gave her the new pink lunch sack that her grandma had bought her.
“Here's your lunch, darlin', I didn't want to put it in your backpack and have it get smushed. Be careful not to lose it, though, okay?”
Olivia nodded obediently, her eyes shining. “What did you pack me?”
“A pb and j, with extra j, some carrot sticks, a juice box, and a chocolate chip cookie.”
“Wow, thanks, Mommy!” She beamed, a sight that infected both her mom and dad.
“Now, listen, Livy,” Mike said, taking on a serious tone as he squatted to her level as well. He made sure she was focusing her eyes on him and took her free hand in his. “You know how we always tell you not to talk to strangers?” At her nod, Mike continued, “Well, you're probably going to meet a few new people today at school, and it's okay to talk to them. You might see other teachers, or parents, or other people who work at the school, and that's okay. But if anyone-anyone-makes you feel uncomfortable or says something that scares you, you be sure to tell a grown up right away. You never have to feel scared of other grown ups at school, and if you ever do, you have to promise to tell Mommy, or me, or grandma, or another grown up you trust. Okay?”
Olivia nodded, wrapping her own pinky around the one on her father's finger. “Promise.”
Billie Joe could see the yellow school bus approaching from down the road, and he took a deep breath. He could feel the lump forming in his throat of its own accord. Pulling Olivia to him, he kissed her head and said in a somewhat constricted voice, “We love you, Livybug. Have fun today, okay?”
“Listen to your teacher and remember to respect others,” Mike murmured while giving her his own bear hug, blinking away the burning sensation in the backs of his eyes. “Can't wait to hear all about your first day.”
With another kiss from each parent, she turned towards the bus, which had come to a stop a few feet away, and the doors opened with a smiling driver behind them. Olivia smiled back nervously at the bus driver, then looked at her mom and dad again. “You'll be here when I get home, right?”
“Of course we will be,” Billie said, a breathless chuckle. In his words. “We'll see you at two-thirty.”
She nodded and waved at them, then disappeared up the stairs and into the bus, Shamu peaking out from between the zippers on her backpack.
Mike wrapped an arm around Billie's shoulders as the bus took off down the road. They watched it with shining eyes, following its path until it turned a corner and they could see it no more.
It was an odd feeling, for both of them. Never before had they sent their daughter into the hands of complete strangers. From the time of her birth until now, their circle of close family and friends had been the only ones to care for her. They had even decided not to enroll her in pre-school so she could tour with them across the world, opting to teach her themselves the things that would prepare her for kindergarten. But today, she was gone, entering into a new world of developing independence and maturity, and it left a deep hole in the center of themselves, to know that this was only the first step to growing up.
They shared a look, and Billie Joe clucked his tongue when he saw the tears falling down his lover's face. The frontman placed his hands on Mike's cheeks with a breathy laugh. “God, I expected to be the one crying.”
The bassist simply shook his head, accepting the hug Billie wrapped him up in, burying his face in his neck. For a few moments, they merely held each other, sharing the bit of sadness that came with this strange new feeling. Billie thought of what somebody had said to him once; that the beauty of parenting is that, in many cases, you always have someone to experience it with. At the moment, he couldn't think of anything he was more grateful for than his opportunity to raise his daughter and the privilege to to do so with Mike.
Eventually, Mike released Billie and entwined their fingers, heading back up the street to their home. He took it upon himself to kiss the back of Billie Joe's hand, sharing a meaningful look with him. Mike had always been a man of action; it was far easier for him to convey his feelings through a squeeze on the hand or with a slow and selfless kiss. And although Billie was quite a wordsmith, he was equally-if not more-affectionate than Mike, so they found a zone of comfort between their differing personalities.
It wasn't exactly surprising to Billie that, when they had closed the front door, Mike pressed him against it and began to kiss him like the entire world was ending. He had done the same thing after the last concert of the tour, when they closed the curtains on another chapter of Green Day's book. When he was sad, when his emotions were at their peak in either direction, Mike responded physically, sometimes aggressively, and Billie Joe was more than happy to be on the receiving end of those actions.
Mike kissed him with the same kind passion he had the day before, again asserting himself as the one in power, this time by gathering Billie's wrists in his hands and bringing them up against the door, pinning him there; pinning him in front of him. Billie moaned into his boyfriend's mouth, his erection already pressing against Mike's, as the idea that they had several uninterrupted hours looming ahead of them-a novelty that hadn't occurred very often in the past six years. The thrust of his hips was unintentional, but it was received with an ambitious growl from Mike as well.
When Mike's thin lips moved to the point on his throat still slightly bruised from the previous day, Billie Joe whispered, voice choked, “Are we gonna make it upstairs this time?”
Blue eyes looked up at him again, and suddenly, Mike's hands on him were very tender, holding his face like he held Olivia's when she was hurt or sad. His thumbs stroked softly under his eyelids, as he murmured, “I love you.” A kiss, chaste and sweet. “And I'm going to take you to our bed to show you just how much.”
His boyfriend had a way with making his stomach fall to the floor, making his knees weak and useless like a newborn puppy, so that when Mike kissed him again, he melted and surrendered to his plan. It didn't much matter if he wanted to or not, either; his brain had already waved a white flag.
Almost three hours later found the two men tangled up in arms, legs, and dirty sheets, their bodies completely spent after what felt like six orgasms each. Indeed, both of them had lost count. Billie laid back against his pillow, still attempting to get his breath back. Mike was close to him, propped up on his elbow and idly stroking his boyfriend's flushed face, eyes steady on him. Returning the favor, Billie pressed his hand against Mike's cheek.
“Penny for your thoughts,” the frontman murmured, the tip of his finger tracing Mike's bottom lip.
Mike didn't answer at first, but Billie Joe knew him well enough to see the gears turning, struggling to turn his ideas into words as he was wont to do. When he was ready, he took a deep breath, and asked, “Do you remember the first time we slept together?”
The question took Billie aback for a moment; they didn't usually talk about the past, not in terms of their relationship at least. He shifted, curling his tangled leg around Mike's a little tighter, his fingers now wrapped up in the thick brown hair covering his boyfriend's skull. “Of course I do,” he said, voice quiet. “We were sixteen.”
“Yeah. Sixteen. And we said it was just an experiment. We just wanted to know what it would be like. I don't think either of us had even gotten to third base with a chick yet.”
Billie chuckled, turning his head to kiss Mike's hand that continued to trace his skin. “Nah, we were still hanging out on second, when the girls would let us.”
Although the comment made the corner of Mike's mouth lift slightly, he still looked quite pensive. He wasn't looking at Billie Joe anymore; his eyes were out of focus, lost in a memory more than twenty years old. “I think-I think I knew, that day, that it was you. In my heart, or my soul, or whatever you want to call it. It just took my head a little longer to catch up.”
“You knew it was me? What do you mean?”
“I knew you were my soul mate. My other half. It was like something clicked, you know, like a switch in my gut, letting me know that I'd found what I needed to be whole. Does that make sense?”
Suddenly Billie's mind felt very light, like he'd just waken up after taking a Valium, and his mouth opened and closed a few times before he could form proper words. Because they had never spoken of that day before. There had never been any need to; by the time they had come together as a couple, that day was more than ten years past, and it had only been a bunch of fumbling and swearing and blushing. Of course it had been monumental, for Billie especially, who considered it the dawning of the epiphany that came when he was seventeen-that he was bisexual, attracted to men, perhaps even gay altogether. In a lot of ways, the song Coming Clean had been about Mike, but even after all these years, he'd never had a reason to admit to it.
Now, it was like the years were marching across the forefronts of their minds. Mike appeared to be very lost in time indeed, and Billie Joe was so overwhelmed with Mike's confession, it made thinking a bit difficult. But he knew he didn't like the distant look on Mike's face, an expression darkened by the shadows of time, and he stroked his boyfriend's face until he came back to him, silently blinking.
“I knew it then too. I cared so much for you, it was terrifying. It was scary for both of us.” Billie ran his fingertips across Mike's heart, where Olivia's name was written in permanent ink. “We had to learn how to embrace that fear, instead of run from it.”
Mike's eyes were smoldering, a flicker in them like anger. His lips were trembling. “Wasted time,” he said, and his voice was harsh, hoarse.
Shocked by Mike's reaction, Billie's brow furrowed in concern. “Wasted time?”
“It took-what-twelve years. Twelve fucking years for me to tell you how I felt. Twelve fucking years of lying to myself about who I really was, chasing girls that didn't matter to reconcile thoughts I didn't think I should have, and if I'd just fucking talked to you-if I'd just been a goddamn man, we wouldn't have wasted so much time.”
“Mike,” Billie Joe started, and had to pause, to collect himself. The outburst was so out of character, so unexpected, and it silently brought the worries he'd had about his lover back to the surface. But he pushed the niggling thoughts aside, to frame Mike's face between both of his hands, shaking his head. “Mike, we promised a long time ago we wouldn't live with regrets. It's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't, and we've done it, Mike. We've spent eleven years together, and they've been the best of my life, because I got to share them with you. We-we had a beautiful little girl together, and she's--” He had to pause, again, to swallow down the emotion that rose in his throat once more, as he was reminded by the fact that Olivia was off at school, and in fact not so little anymore. “--she's the best thing I've ever done, that we have ever done, and I wouldn't change a single fucking thing. Because now, we have nothing but time. We have the rest of our lives.”
The bassist looked like a man on fire. As Billie relayed his small speech, he curled his arms around him tighter, pulling him closer. If he could have fused their bodies together, he would have, just to ascertain that they truly were complementary halves to one whole. Billie's resonated like canon fire in his mind, and as his heart felt ready to explode into a million pieces, Mike kissed him with blistering force, pressing Billie Joe into the mattress so deep they could have sunk right into it.
“We have another hour before Olivia gets off the bus,” Mike panted, in between his unrelenting kisses, “let's make it last.”