(no subject)
i didn't know what to expect when i walked in. i was nervous, yeah, but i was armed with the logic that that was, well, insane. why the hell should I be nervous? Anyway, it was just a quick lunch. No harm possible, right? Instantly recognized a local figure of import, ignored him, as those types generally don't impress me anyhow. bartender was friendly, said hello. Asked if they were open, then i had a seat.
when she walked out, i was, strangely, still confused. she still had that nonchalant face on that she's always had, and, while my heart was pounding and i felt like my entire body was shaking, i somehow kept a calm demeanor. good, we're on the right track. we're not playing the old game of "you're calm, i'm a fucking mess" that i was so used to, and so very, very tired of. great start.
"hi!"
"hey."
small talk, mostly. she wanted to smoke. i'd just quit, so i declined. more small talk - she'd had a rough week. her and her new family were doing well. i was fortunate enough to get to meet him - lucky me. i started trying to think of ways to get the fuck out of there, i had no desire to add that to my plate. i'd had a rough start on the morning to begin with, and trying to do something nice, to extend the olive branch as i was...well, i certainly could have picked better timing. now i was regretting declining that cigarette.
long story short, i didn't make it out in time, but i wasn't forced to make small talk. got my food to go and headed back to the office at around 85 mph. i had a lot to think about, a lot to chew on. well, really, i didn't have anything to think about - i'd already thought about everything twice over weeks ago. my brain, however, was having none of it - or maybe it was my heart. certainly wasn't my third brain. either way, my mind was occupied as i drove, so it went quickly. back in the office, day to day life resumed, and i was mostly able to focus on the tasks at hand. a little of the old panic had set in, though, and made the remainder of the week considerably more interesting.
yeah, i could totally write a book. i'm awesome.