so youre gone and this pretty much sucks like none other. now would be a time i would definately be on the phone with you because i think i am dying. i realize that i talked to you 7 hours ago and thats nothing compared to the 720 days left. this hurts so fucking much. i dont know how im going to do this and i know you will never read this because youre gone and im just sitting here at home missing you. i dont really know what else to do tho. i guess i could write you a letter but i dont even know what id say. i have nothing good to say right now and that would not be helpful to you. if i were you i would be so scared right now. i have no idea what youre doing but im nervous for you because you dont know anyone and you cant talk to anyone that you DO know. and that can be intimidating and i know you can be a timid mouse sometimes. i miss your voice. i hate my phone now. but hey im not hostile anymore, just unbelievably sad. i really dont want things to change between us because i love you way way way way way way way way too much. its
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and i dont want the world to see me because i dont think that theyd understand when everythings made to be broken i just want you to know who i am, and you cant fight the tears that aint comin or the moment of truth in your lies, when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know youre alive
so howve you been? i know i have to get over this. i have to get over us. when is it going to stop. when can i just stop caring. fuck its been a year and a half and this isnt working. i think about you still and today all of your voicemails but one got deleted and looking on here seems so immature and stupid and depressing but it is all i have left. i miss you more than you will ever know because God knows you stopped missing me years ago
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i just dont want to miss you tonight.
happy anniversary 11-26-05
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