(no subject)
Title: Never Coming Home
Author: 2806
Pairing: Frank&&Gerard
Rating: R
Disclaimer: BLAH BLAH BLAH I DON'T OWN THEM
Summary: Some good stuff. Previously wrote it but needed revised, majorly. So heres the finished product.
Chapter 1
I walk into his room. The window is open and the curtains are flowing as the breeze blows through. Picture frames are standing upright. I walk up to the night stand and pick one of them. A few tears escape my eyes as I see myself looking back at me. I set the picture back down. Sitting on the bed lightly, I reach over and open the top drawer. I see a tattered notebook. I pull it out and smile as the tears increase. I run my fingertips across the top of the book and read what must have been lyrics across the front. “I listen to your voice get caught in my throat as I sing, "This Is Just A Dream." on New Year's Day, we will change back to ourselves. In the flame we are cured. We are cured. We are cured.”
I sigh and open it to the first page. The handwriting is small, but neat. I smile as I read.
Today is the first day of school. It is my junior year. It’s pretty sad when you feel like a freshman. I walk around the halls like a ghost. I get ridiculed and taunted, but I trudge along, ignoring the ignorant jocks and “perfect” people. As last bell comes along I sit slouched in my seat peaking over my book as I pretend to read. I saw him for the first time that day. He was beautiful. I couldn’t help but stare. His name is Frankie. The teacher always called on him for some reason. He was new to our school and was also really quiet and seemed really smart. The rest of the period I sat and did my work. Doodling as I finished before everyone else. Every now and then I would look up from my sketch pad and look over at him. He was, the whole class period, intently reading and working. That was weird for a guy like him. He will be a jock. He is perfect. With the perfect hair, smile, eyes, clothes. Everything that doesn’t really matter in a friendship. The teacher called out and told us we have 10 more minutes until the bell would ring for the end of the day. She told us we could talk quietly, which meant I would be drawing. Immediately everyone started turning in their seats and talking as I hung my head and drew. I started drawing the side view of his face, glancing up every now and then to refresh my memory. He sat at there talking to another guy like himself, “Perfect” something I’m not.
The bell rang. I gathered my books and walked to my locker quietly. I opened it and started getting the books I would need for homework. As I looked over I noticed he was only a few lockers down from me. I smiled and pulled the last of my books out as Quinn, the star athlete at our school, opened his locker hard and it hit me in the face .I clenched my eyes shut and gripped onto my head. I wanted to punch him, but knew if I did I would get jumped. I could hear people laughing and saying mean things. I opened my eyes and reached down for my books, but I saw him instead. His arms were outstretched holding my books towards me. He smiled as I mutter a thank you. We sat looking into each others eyes. His eyes were incredible. They were deep green and you couldn’t help but get lost in them. I snapped back to reality as Quinn grabbed him around his shoulder and walked off laughing. I could hear him tell Frank I wasn’t like everyone else. That I’m strange. I sigh and pick up my stuff and shut my locker. I walk out to my car and find it marked on. The window said, “Get the fuck out of town, fag!” I wanted to cry, but I held it in for tonight. I cry every night. Never fails. I don’t know how much of this I can take. I know throughout the year, it will only get worse.
I close the journal and wipe my eyes. I couldn’t stop crying. Knowing everyone is probably wondering where I am, I get up and walk out of the room, turning back for one more look and smiling, before shutting the door and leaving. I take the journal with me so I can read more of it. Nobody will notice it’s missing, hopefully. I get home and lay on my bed, my thoughts drifting back to the first few weeks of school. It was terrible. Surrounded by fake people. I would see him everyday, last period. I would talk to him until Quinn or some other heartless jock would pull me away from him. I finally got fed up and started writing notes to him. He would write back all the time, slipping the notes into my locker between periods. I love him so much it hurts.
Chapter 2
I walk along and in between classes I would slip notes into his locker. He is the coolest guy I have ever met. He is from another town in Jersey, but I can’t remember the name of it. He says he still talks to his old friends and they know the real him. I want to get to know the real him. Desperately.
One day he asked me to meet him after school, to grab something to eat or to just hang out and talk. That day changed my life, for the better, in so many ways. After school I walked out and seen him leaning against the front of my car smoking a cigarette. He was beautiful. How he holds his cigarette, pressing it to his lips and takes a drag then blows the smoke out slowly. It makes me melt. He is all that matters to me. I hardly know him but I don’t care. Everything changed that night. As I reached him, he threw his cigarette and hugged me smiling. His smile is so bright. I unlocked the doors and we both got in. I asked him what he wanted to do and I wasn’t the least surprised when he said he wanted to go out to eat. He never stopped talking about food. The weird part was had a perfect body, with a little muscle. I was surprised when he would talk about food and being hungry in the notes. It always made me laugh though. As I drove to the Panera Bread across town, we talked about everything. Joking about kids at school and just life. He said he would stop hanging out with the “preps” at school. I hate labels but it just feels necessary right now, and how they treat me. When he said that, I was so happy. Happier than ever. That meant he had more time for me. I liked him so much. But that made me feel bad. He isn’t gay, but I wish and dream he was. I would never push it on him or anything like that. It would be nice to call him mine though. When we finally reached the restaurant, we get out and choose the booth in the far back. I couldn’t help but smile as I looked at him sitting across from me. We ordered two Pepsis; they brought us our drinks and asked us what we would like to eat. I ordered a chicken salad and he ordered a soup bread bowl. As we waited for our order, we talked about our day at school. He said his was okay but tiring. I told him mine was hell, like every day at school. I told him how I hate getting made fun of and shoved out of the way into lockers. He asked me what they said. “They call me fag.” I responded. I looked down as the awkward silence came over us. They finally came with our food and we started eating. I finally spoke up, not able to stand the silence any longer. I asked him if they ever told him I was gay and he looked at me shaking his head. He told me alls they said is that i was different and not to talk to me. This is where the good part comes, so I will write it out as it happens.
“Hey Gee?” I smiled at the nickname. “You know, me and you aren’t that different from each other.” I looked at him confused.
“What do you mean Frankie?” sipped my drink nervously, as I looked up at him.
“I’m gay to Gerard.” He smiled and grabbed my hand messing it with his thumb. I just looked at him in shock. I couldn’t believe it. “Say something.” He laughed softly. He almost seemed nervous. I smiled at him and squeezed his hand slightly. “Be mine Gerard.” My eyes widened and I held back the happy tears that wanted to flow.
“I will Frankie. I will.” I was too happy to even form a sentence. We grinned at each other as he got up winking. I smiled and followed him to the front desk to pay and we left running and laughing to the car, we went back to my place. When we got there he dragged me to my room. He laid me on the bed, turning on music and shutting the door. He walked back to the bed slowly smiling at me. I smiled, backing up to the headboard with him in between my legs. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. He kissed me and I melted into him, closing my eyes and going limp against his body. Writing about this makes me long for his touch again. At least I will see him at school tomorrow. Wow I’m getting off subject, back to the good stuff. He kissed down my jaw line to my neck, sucking and nipping at it softly. I pulled off his shirt as he sat up. We stripped down to nothing, smiling at each other. I lay back again as he kissed me lightly and whispered in my ear.
“Are you sure you want to?” I moaned as his breath hit my neck.
“Yes baby.” I whispered as he nipped at my neck. He got up and walked to my dresser getting some lotion. He came back, on his knees, in between my legs as he squirted some on his fingers.
“Is this your first time baby?” I nodded and smiled. He grinned and kissed me lightly before slipping two of his fingers into me, working them in and out. I gasped and held onto the sheets. It got better as my muscles loosened, making me want more of him. After what seemed like forever, he took them out and massaged up his erection with more lotion. He threw his head back and moaned as he did it. I watched him as my erection grew harder. I moaned and pulled him down on top of me. He smiled and pushed into me slowly, kissing my neck. He moaned louder than ever and I just held my breath until it got better. I tensed up as he thrust into me.
“Relax Gee. Please.” He moaned. My body went limp once again as I wrap my arms around his neck, holding on tight. As a few minutes past and his thrusts quickened I wanted more of him. Everything. I thrust down onto him and moaned loudly, clenching my eyes closed. As he hit my prostate I yelled out his name and he thrust in harder grabbing one of my legs and resting it on his shoulder,as to get more in. He reached down and started stroking my erection in time with his thrusts, slipping his thumb into my slit every now and then, which threw me over the edge. I warned him I was close and he moaned that he was too. He cummed into me soon after, shaking violently. I cummed at the sight of him. He kissed me and pulled out. I moaned at the loss of contact but smiled and kissed him as he lay next to me sweating and panting. He pulled me into his chest and kissed my forehead. Out of no where I blurted out, “I love you.” He opened his eyes and ran his hands through my damp hair.
“I love you too baby.” I closed my eyes and snuggled into him falling asleep. Soon after he left. I’m not sure when but he did. He had to though because of school.
That was the best day/night of my life and I will never forget it as long as I live. Nothing else matters to me. He’s mine and no one else’s. He’s the love of my life and I’ll be with him forever. I hope.
I smiled as I finished reading. This entry took me back to the best night ever. I get up and shut his journal, laying it on the pillow beside mine. I run my fingers across it one last time before falling into a deep sleep.
Chapter 3
I just got home from school and all the memories of Gerard haunt me. I sigh and flop onto my bed, pulling out his journal. I find the spot where I had left off, but decided to skip ahead. To fond out why he really did what he did. Why would he leave me? Leave me for good.
Holy shit Frankie and I have been together for 3 months now. I couldn't be happier, or ask for anything else. He has been hanging out with Quinn still, but nothing matters, as long as I have him with me. I know he loves me and God. do I love him. More than life. Well, I have to go. Frankie and I are going out to eat and then back to his place for the night. I will definitely write down everything that happens tomorrow.
--the next day--
Wow. last night sucked so fucking much. It was the worst night of my entire life. He was so sweet and caring. He catered to my ever want and need. I wanted to fucking marry this man. be with him forever.
I picked him up and we drove to this really classy, Italian restraunt. We ate and talked for hours. About us. About the future and the past. About us first meeting each other, and how we would be together forever. oh how wrong we were.
The food was great. After we finished, he talked me into getting drunk. The only person we could get the alcohol from, he said, was Quinn. So I drove there and waited in the car as he ran in and got it. He came back carrying 2 bottles of jack, grinning from ear to ear. When he got in, I leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips, I smelt Quinn's cologne on him and I quickly pulled away, starting the car. I smiled at him as we stopped at a red light, so he wouldn't think I was mad. I loved him and he loved me. I know he wouldn't do anything like that. We pull up to his house and park.
We walk in and instantly, he starts drinking. I just smile and did the same. Trying to make him happy, no matter what. I sat on the couch, chugging my bottle, as he did the same. I have never drank before, so I was getting drunk really fast. I smiled and laid down, stretching my legs so they were spread across your lap. I wink and smile.
"I love you so much baby." I whisper. He smiles and put the bottle down along with mine, crawling in between my legs and taking my shirt off. I just grin and close my eyes, as his touch sends jolts of sensation throughout my body. I got hard instantly, probably from the alcohol, and began grinding my hips up into his moaning quietly. He crept up and kissed me hard, and again I smelt the strong cologne, I hated so much. I winced and pushed him off of me.
"What the fuck Gerard?" He stood up, looking down at me.
"Have you been cheating on me?" I asked scared, more scared than I have ever been. I sat up waiting for him to tell me 'no, baby. I love you, why would I do that.' But it never came. He looked down and sat on the edge of the coffee table. I held back the flood of tears that threatened release. "Fucking hell, Frankie. Have you fucking cheated on me?" I was getting impatient and nervous.
"God damn. Yes, I have okay." I started crying instantly into my hands.
"How could you? Why didn't you just break up with me? Mother fucker." I asked raising my voice and shaking slightly. He leaned up and tried to pull me into his lap. I pushed him away. "Fuck you." I spat at him. I ran into his room, wishing I was sober. I hate not being sober, having no control scares the shit out of me. I lay on his bed crying for what seemed like forever, then got up. I noticed I was much more sober than I was earlier, thanking God I walked out into the living room to leave. I looked over at the couch, both of the liquor bottles drained, and Frank sprawled out across the couch. I laid next to him, whispering I loved him in his ear and kissing his cheek. I started to cry again, seeing him like that hurt me bad. I walked out of the house, shutting the door quietly behind me.
Now here I am, heartbroken and lost. No one to turn to, no one to love me. I can't actually believe this is happening. How am I going to live without him? I don't think I can.
I shut the journal, crying contently to myself. I lay back on my bed, thinking of that day in my head. 'Why the fuck? What have I done? I can't believe I would ever ruin something as good as what we had.
Quinn has always been the cool guy. The guys everyone wants to be friends with. When I came to school, I was instantly drawn to him. His arrogance made me want him even more. We would sneak around during and after school, any chance we could, and make-out. One night we got really fucked up at his house and we ended up fucking. He told me he loved me and couldn't live without me. I gave in and told him to only keep this between us. Being secretive wasn't a problem, he would kill if someone found out he was gay. So he didn't mind.
I was devastated when Gerard found out. I didn't speak to anyone for a long time. My life was ruined along with his.
Chapter 4
Life has been sluggishly slow. It has been very hard going to school and seeing Frank with Quinn. They trudge threw the halls, like they own it. Frankie looks disgustingly happy, all until he sees me. He looks at me, making eye contact for a mere second, and then he looks away. Shame written all over his face. I keep my head hung only until I hear his voice. My stomach tightens and I look up only to see him smiling at Quinn or running after him, laughing.
I haven't eaten in weeks. I have lost so much weight, I am actually proud of myself. I stay in my room sleeping and wanting to die, only feeling sorry for myself. My thoughts usually wonder to the past and how great it was being with Frankie. thinking of them, only making it worse to cope. My Mom and brother worry and constantly nag, hovering over me like vultures.
I should just end it all now. What is there to live for? At first I didn't care what people said about me. But as it progresses throughout your entire life, it starts to get to you.
I think about calling Frank all the time. But I decline, knowing everytime I hear his voice I breakdown and cry. I knew this would happen deep down inside. It was too good to be true. I just didn't want to believe it, pushing the thoughts to the back of my head.
Yesterday, he came over about five times, wanting to talk to me. My Mom answered the door everytime, only to tell him I wasn't home. he would just nod and walk back to his car, driving away. He knew I wasn't gone. I had no friends, he wasn't dumb. His number also fills my caller ID everyday. I just erase them, wanting to call him so bad, but knowing it will only be another huge mistake I'm not ready to take on.
He might be sorry, but he doesn't know how bad he hurt me. I'm showing him what it feels like to hurt. I want him to feel the pain that burns inside of me. Ignoring him just like he did me, not with his actions but with his heart.
I can't go on.
I close the journal and set it on the table. Lighting up a cigarette, smoking as I begin to cry about everything. Basically life in general. How I changed Gerard and his families life forever.
I look over at the book, exhaling slowly. I reach over, so my hand is resting on it. I cry harder as I think about what the next entry, the last entry, says. I set my burning, half smoked, cigarette in the ashtray and grab the journal, opening it quickly. With tears streaming down my face onto the pages, I flip to the last page, reading it quickly.
Today is the day. Life has no purpose. I love him, but I can't live with him not loving me back. This is for everyone at school, who treats me and the other "outcasts" like shit. fuck you all. I know this will not hurt many people, and no one will even read this damn thing, but I have to write this down. I have been thinking about doing this for some time now. I'm glad I didn't though. I would have never of met Frank. The one who showed, and gave me, love. I fucking love him so much. If anyone reads this, after I'm gone, I'm sorry but it's the only way out of this kind of hurt. It's too late to change what has been done. I have already blown my brains against the ceiling. I wish you well.
I shut the journal and grabbed my hair tugging at it lightly, as I rest my head on the edge of the table, crying uncontrollably. How the fuck could I do this? I miss him so much. I feel like I want to end it all right now and be with him. But I know that killing myself isn't the way out. I need to stay alive for my family. For Gerard. I love him so much. Tell me where I go. Where do I go from here?
Well that's the end guys. Comments are love.