(no subject)
Title: Heartache Every Moment
Chapter Title:
slasher48 /
bad_bad_books
Author: ME :)..I never get tired of saying that
Rating: D for extreme Drama lol..and PG for the other stuff...
Pairing: Maxim Afinogenov/Thomas Vanek..*please tell me I'm not the first to think of that one*
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own em....sadly :(...oh well...fantasy>reality lol
As far as I know (and I hope I know well), Tommy really doesn't have a history of panic attacks and the little facts are things I like to pretend are true 'cause they're cute and believable..I don't know for sure...however...*reads* heeeeere they are :)
Thomas's POV
Yeah, we know each other. We know each other well.
And, sure, we like each other. We like each other fine. He's my best friend and I'm his, or so he says.
But love? Could I really love him?
I mean, what a crazy thought! A. He's a guy. and B. He's Max! We've been best friends for four years now..I know everything there is to know about him and the same goes for him with me. Could I really be attracted to him enough to consider a relationship despite the knowledge that he pushes every lover he has away to keep them from getting too close, he tucks his jersey in only halfway, making him look like a slob, and slurps pizza sauce through his teeth 'cause he likes the way it feels when it bubbles? Could I really get past that?
I mean, he's Max! Max! My mate, my companion, my prankster partner, the guy I tell absolutely everything, no matter what it is, no matter how big or small. We tickle each other and pound each other like brothers, and we're constantly hugging and kissing each other affectionately. Could it be that we like each other but too scared to say it, we flirt anyway with the coverup of teasing and brotherly love?
AHH! My head hurts from thinking so much. But, ever since that day I saw him in the shower, my thoughts are constantly turning to how it'd feel to kiss him for real, to run my hands over the body under that half-tucked jersey and those tight blue pants. It's scared me so much that rather than going to his house tonight to watch a movie on his couch with him, I told him I felt ill and am instead sitting on my bed with my knees curled to my chest, staring into space and doing an infernal thing I try to avoid, 'thinking'.
My life is wayyy more complicated now that I've accepted I'm gay, or at least, half-gay. (I have fucked a girl with absolutely no disgust involved, so I assume I'm a bit straight too.) But, the only guy that's ever made me hard or affected my mind this much is Max, so am I gay? Or am I just in love with Max?
I mean, it has to be love. I could never feel just lust with Max; we're too deeply connected in the first place to go back to square one. I know it is, anyway, by the urges I get but try to ignore, accompanied by less than sexual, protective, caring feelings about him. I get the urge to pull him into my arms and smother him with kisses when we lose and I see him looking so lost, to swing him around like a doll when he scores a goal, laughing and telling him how proud I am of him, and the constant, unceasing need to protect him from the world, whether it be from something as stupid as a speeding kid on a bike or his heart being broken to pieces by someone he really cares about.
Oh fuck. I am. I am in love with Max, head over feet, wretchedly, desperately, and hopelessly in love with him. I've always been, I guess, I just never examined it close enough to understand it before now.
But what the hell can I do about it? I mean, he's not gay...I'm sure if he was, he would have told me. He tells me everything to odd colors his piss may turn to how big his toothpaste loogie was in the morning, something as shocking or 'disgusting' as being gay surely would have been said to me if he'd thought so.
The depression of my situation starts to close in on me and I curl my knees closer to my chest, my every muscle tensing as I fight the urge to cry, trying to hold on to my masculinity at least that much.
How will I ever keep this from him? Sometimes I find myself telling him things I never even meant to without realizing it, so easy it is for him to coax them out of me. I'll surely let something slip and then...
Oh God. Our friendship will end. He'll never want to speak to me again, surely feeling creeped and disgusted by me. Max and I will be no more, friends or otherwise. I'll have to start over again with a new guy, hopefully one I can keep myself from falling for this time. Not that that will be a problem......Max can never be replaced.
My heart starts to break and no amount of blinking will make the tears subside now. The thought of life without Max makes me hyperventilate and I start to have a panic attack, the tears easily slipping free to course down my cheeks as I gasp for breath, my arms coming from around my knees so I can thump my fists against my chest.
But my body can't take even the thought, and my heart fully agrees with it, so it isn't long before I find myself on the floor, my breath quickly becoming shallower and more erratic as I continue to cry involuntarily, my brain stuck on a picture of Max's face contorted with horror and chagrin after learning my news. Eventually, I black out, his name on my lips.
************************************************************************************
I warn you now...with chapter fics, I am extremely evil with cliffies...and this will change POVs next chappie :)
Chapter Title:
slasher48 /
bad_bad_books
Author: ME :)..I never get tired of saying that
Rating: D for extreme Drama lol..and PG for the other stuff...
Pairing: Maxim Afinogenov/Thomas Vanek..*please tell me I'm not the first to think of that one*
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own em....sadly :(...oh well...fantasy>reality lol
As far as I know (and I hope I know well), Tommy really doesn't have a history of panic attacks and the little facts are things I like to pretend are true 'cause they're cute and believable..I don't know for sure...however...*reads* heeeeere they are :)
Thomas's POV
Yeah, we know each other. We know each other well.
And, sure, we like each other. We like each other fine. He's my best friend and I'm his, or so he says.
But love? Could I really love him?
I mean, what a crazy thought! A. He's a guy. and B. He's Max! We've been best friends for four years now..I know everything there is to know about him and the same goes for him with me. Could I really be attracted to him enough to consider a relationship despite the knowledge that he pushes every lover he has away to keep them from getting too close, he tucks his jersey in only halfway, making him look like a slob, and slurps pizza sauce through his teeth 'cause he likes the way it feels when it bubbles? Could I really get past that?
I mean, he's Max! Max! My mate, my companion, my prankster partner, the guy I tell absolutely everything, no matter what it is, no matter how big or small. We tickle each other and pound each other like brothers, and we're constantly hugging and kissing each other affectionately. Could it be that we like each other but too scared to say it, we flirt anyway with the coverup of teasing and brotherly love?
AHH! My head hurts from thinking so much. But, ever since that day I saw him in the shower, my thoughts are constantly turning to how it'd feel to kiss him for real, to run my hands over the body under that half-tucked jersey and those tight blue pants. It's scared me so much that rather than going to his house tonight to watch a movie on his couch with him, I told him I felt ill and am instead sitting on my bed with my knees curled to my chest, staring into space and doing an infernal thing I try to avoid, 'thinking'.
My life is wayyy more complicated now that I've accepted I'm gay, or at least, half-gay. (I have fucked a girl with absolutely no disgust involved, so I assume I'm a bit straight too.) But, the only guy that's ever made me hard or affected my mind this much is Max, so am I gay? Or am I just in love with Max?
I mean, it has to be love. I could never feel just lust with Max; we're too deeply connected in the first place to go back to square one. I know it is, anyway, by the urges I get but try to ignore, accompanied by less than sexual, protective, caring feelings about him. I get the urge to pull him into my arms and smother him with kisses when we lose and I see him looking so lost, to swing him around like a doll when he scores a goal, laughing and telling him how proud I am of him, and the constant, unceasing need to protect him from the world, whether it be from something as stupid as a speeding kid on a bike or his heart being broken to pieces by someone he really cares about.
Oh fuck. I am. I am in love with Max, head over feet, wretchedly, desperately, and hopelessly in love with him. I've always been, I guess, I just never examined it close enough to understand it before now.
But what the hell can I do about it? I mean, he's not gay...I'm sure if he was, he would have told me. He tells me everything to odd colors his piss may turn to how big his toothpaste loogie was in the morning, something as shocking or 'disgusting' as being gay surely would have been said to me if he'd thought so.
The depression of my situation starts to close in on me and I curl my knees closer to my chest, my every muscle tensing as I fight the urge to cry, trying to hold on to my masculinity at least that much.
How will I ever keep this from him? Sometimes I find myself telling him things I never even meant to without realizing it, so easy it is for him to coax them out of me. I'll surely let something slip and then...
Oh God. Our friendship will end. He'll never want to speak to me again, surely feeling creeped and disgusted by me. Max and I will be no more, friends or otherwise. I'll have to start over again with a new guy, hopefully one I can keep myself from falling for this time. Not that that will be a problem......Max can never be replaced.
My heart starts to break and no amount of blinking will make the tears subside now. The thought of life without Max makes me hyperventilate and I start to have a panic attack, the tears easily slipping free to course down my cheeks as I gasp for breath, my arms coming from around my knees so I can thump my fists against my chest.
But my body can't take even the thought, and my heart fully agrees with it, so it isn't long before I find myself on the floor, my breath quickly becoming shallower and more erratic as I continue to cry involuntarily, my brain stuck on a picture of Max's face contorted with horror and chagrin after learning my news. Eventually, I black out, his name on my lips.
************************************************************************************
I warn you now...with chapter fics, I am extremely evil with cliffies...and this will change POVs next chappie :)