and you asswipes thought you knew ....me....WRONG!
hey people...friends...at least that's what I've been led to believe by you who're reading this. the way you act around me, the way you talk around me...evrything about you while in the...vicinity of me...it all makes it seem like you're my friend...so tell me, all of you...is it true..or just as I've said...a "leading on"...are you leading me to believe that I've got an extra friend? becuase if that be the case..then comment anonymously....I wanna know that someone that I know and I consider a friend...I want to know that it's not mutual...I want the feeling of being able to look around at you people and wonder who the fuck the anonymous commenter was...I want to look people in the eye and supect them of being a fucking backstabber that I may trust....so iif it be that way, say so!
today was fucking horrible...to a degree...all weekend I helped my grandma and aunt pack all their stuff because they're moving...and all was...okay...I was constantly annoyed by cousins and my brother, who refused to do all they could've...and who was really trying to help? me...yea, believe it or not, me! and so not the greatest ideal weekend, but wutever....and so, we made our way to lancaster and packed more stuff to move...and tonight, around 9:45, we were ready to head back to the valley. that's when it started...do I know how to decribe it? fuck no..I have no fucking idea on how to describe what the hell I wass feeling...maybe I was stressed out because I was the one "minor' doing more shit than any of the other "minors"...who knows....maybe I was tired or whatever...but I just felt fucking horrible..when I got in the car something just happened I felt horrible...no way to describe it...and the tears starting welling up in my eyes..but I was surrounded by people from my family..they would've fucking gone almost crazy wondering what was wrong...so I held it in and just talked to a friend online...and I just told her how horrible I felt..not all these details, but enough I think...and eeh...it helped so muc to have someone to talk to...but I guess not enough...we stopped for gas and my grandma turns around and asks me if I'm okay, and I...after holding iit in for almost a half hour and I was hoping to have the strength to hold it all in till I got home...I cried...just cried...and I fucking hated it...after holding it it, I just broke down...and I felt at that moment..so weak...so fucking vulnerable...and it fucking killed me inside to know that I had let myself cry...and the stupidest part was that I didn't even know why the fuck I was crying! eeh...I mean..fuck...SO FUCKING RETARDED...there wre moments before tonight where I thought I might hate me...but tonight I knew it...I felt fucking worhtless...