I cut >2000 words from this and still it's this long?!
Title: Davy Back Fight, Cultural Edition
Theme: Set #3 - Dance
Claim: Zoro
Words: 3190
Rating: PG
Warnings: I did a fair amount of research for this one but I'm sure there are still inaccuracies. Also, contains an opponent!OC. I was thinking of using Foxy but it didn't really work...
Disclaimers: I don't own One Piece.
The nightmare began with the twin gunshots going off, one after the other, the signal for a new Davy Back fight.
"You don't think..."
"It can't be..."
"I'm afraid so."
"Not again," everyone sighed.
But it was true. Luffy came bouncing back to them a short while later, accompanied by the other captain and his crew, who could not have been more different from Luffy and the Strawhats. Where Luffy wore a simple red vest and scruffy blue shorts, the man was clad in a dignified kimono. While Luffy's hair was dishevelled as ever, the man's was pulled back in a neat topknot. Luffy had his usual grin plastered across his face, while the man looked solemn, giving each of them a stiff nod of the head. His crew of about twenty were similarly attired in various states of elegance, and they looked disdainfully at the Strawhats' general scruffiness. Aside from the girls, Sanji was probably the only one who came remotely near their idea of being well-dressed.
Not that Luffy seemed to have even noticed these differences, as he poked his thumb into the man's chest and said, "Hey everyone! Check out this guy! He's really funny!"
The kimono-clad man introduced himself as Shirahama, captain of the Culture-Loving Shirahama Pirates. "Culture-Loving" was the first indication that they were in deep trouble, though they managed to win the first round, Robin deploying her Hana-Hana no Mi abilities to create a fleeting ikebana whose ethereal beauty enchanted the culture-loving captain/judge despite lasting only a few seconds.
The second round, on the other hand, was an utter disaster. The "drawing" task turned out to be calligraphy, and though Usopp's handwriting was neat, that didn't make up for the fact that he didn't know any kanji, only the standard alphabet, and had no idea of calligraphic style. Even they had to concede that Shirahama's calligrapher - a novel position on a pirate crew if ever they'd heard one - had done a much better job.
They stood waiting tensely for Shirahama's decision on which of their nakama he would claim, wishing that (a) Luffy wouldn't always let the other side dictate the tasks, and (b) he had chosen some important member of Shirahama's crew rather than their pet Atlas beetle after winning round one. Chopper's look was resigned. He usually bore the emotional brunt of these Davy Back challenges, since every crew they'd competed with so far had been enchanted by the idea of a cute, furry, talking reindeer-doctor who could transform at will. But he knew Zoro and Sanji, who'd been fielded for the third and final task, would win him back, no matter what.
And then Shirahama chose Sanji.
Sanji was not amused, and made his views on the matter known, pointing out the crucial lack of women on Shirahama's crew, particularly Nami-swan and Robin-chwan, not to mention the fact that they were hardly real pirates, if all they did was hang out on this island and wait for other crews to fall victim to their cultural version of the Davy Back Fight, and therefore wouldn't ever get to within a hundred miles of All Blue.
"Don't be such a wuss and just accept it, curly-brow," Zoro interrupted. "There's no use complaining about it when you belong to his crew now."
That was when Sanji realised that whatever hope he had of getting back on the Strawhat crew now lay solely in Zoro's hands as the only eligible crew member signed up for the third task.
To say he freaked out was an understatement.
"Don't worry, Sanji-kun, it's a drinking contest, remember? Zoro will definitely be able to handle it," Nami assured him.
"Drinking contest?" Shirahama smirked. "What makes you think this will be a drinking contest?"
Nami looked down at the sign-up sheet. "But it says here the third task is 'drinking'," she pointed out.
"Only one person will be doing any drinking. The third round will be the traditional tea ceremony. One contestant will act as the host, the other as the guest. Whoever makes more mistakes, loses the round."
"Tea ceremony? What's that?"
"It is a very old cultural tradition dating back hundreds of years, in which tea is served to one's guests in a prescribed, ritualistic manner. It takes years of practice to master the art," Robin explained.
"How the hell is the marimo gonna do that without making any mistakes?" Sanji howled.
"Oi," Zoro growled. "As if you know anything about it."
"At least I know how to serve ordinary tea, you barbarian!"
"Ahhhhhh! We're gonna lose Sanji!" Chopper squealed.
"Shishishi! Don't worry, Chopper, Zoro won't let us lose Sanji," Luffy declared confidently.
"Um, Luffy, I wouldn't be so sure about that," Nami said, glancing at the swordsman and the cook, who were currently glaring daggers at each other across the clearing separating the two pirate crews.
"I'm sure," Luffy grinned. "Right, Zoro?"
"Huh? What?" Zoro asked, pulling away reluctantly from the staring contest.
"You'll get Sanji back, won't you?"
"Do we really have to?" Zoro snarled.
Usopp, Franky and Chopper promptly burst into tears.
Zoro sighed. "Okay! Okay, I'll get the shit cook back." He looked over at Shirahama. "I assume you be providing the tearoom and all the equipment?"
"Naturally."
"So who's going to be the host?"
"We'll toss a coin for that."
"Heads or tails?" Shirahama asked.
"Heads," Zoro answered.
"Tails. That makes you the host. I will be the guest."
Zoro shrugged. "Fine." He turned and headed off.
"Zoro, where are you going?"
"Back to the ship to change."
"The ship's that way!"
"I KNEW THAT!"
"Great," Sanji grumbled. "He can't even find his way to his own ship and he's supposed to fumble his way through this artistic, cultural ceremony?"
"Zoro-san may surprise us yet," Brook offered.
"Yeah, he's full of surprises all right. Like how he can miss that the ship's right there in front of his eyes," Sanji muttered.
They were forced to wait some time for Zoro to return, presumably while he went on an unscheduled exploration of the rest of the island, but when he did, the Strawhats were taken aback. "Zoro, what're you wearing?" Luffy asked, wide-eyed at the lack of the usual white shirt, dark pants and green haramaki.
"Kimono and hakama," Zoro replied shortly.
"Remember when we rented those wedding costumes from the island before Clockwork Island? When the Going Merry got stolen?" Usopp reminded them.
Zoro looked towards Shirahama and asked, "Would you show me the tea room and the utensils?"
"Of course. This way."
"Excuse me, Shirahama-san, but may we also observe the ceremony?" Robin inquired.
Zoro frowned, but Shirahama immediately said, "Of course, dear lady! If we leave the sliding door to the adjoining room open, you should be able to watch to your heart's content."
"I wanna watch too!" Luffy immediately said.
"Me too!" Chopper added, raising a hoof.
It was soon established that all of the Strawhats and all the Shirahama Pirates, now including Sanji, wanted to be spectators, and they trooped off in one mass to view the rather stark tea-room.
Zoro took a quick look around and observed, "The alcove is empty."
"Ah yes, what a pity," Shirahama smirked with exaggerated regret. "I should have explained earlier that you were supposed to use the ikebana arrangement and calligraphy from the first two rounds to decorate it."
"That's not fair! If you'd told me it was meant for this, I would have done the calligraphy in a completely different style!" Usopp objected.
"And we'd have made our flower arrangement last! Here, Zoro-bro, I'll make up another one for you. It'll be super!" Franky offered.
"No. This is my match." Zoro glowered at them, daring them to suggest giving him any more help, so no one did. "What about the equipment?"
"In here. You may take your pick of any of these." They watched as Zoro browsed the shelves of pottery, finally selecting a bowl and some other equipment, as well as a simple vase to use for the flower arrangement.
"I'll need ten minutes to get ready," he said.
"Of course. Take as much time as you like," Shirahama said with a fake-polite smile. "Would you also like another scroll and ink?"
"Please," Zoro said, with a curt incline of his head, and Shirahama departed.
"Zoro's talking like Brook all of a sudden," Luffy said in wonder.
"Must be killing him to be polite for once," Sanji grumbled. That his fate was in the marimo's hands wasn't doing any favours for his temper. Seeing Zoro stride outside and bend over to grab a handful of grass from the ground and place it in the vase made it even worse.
"Oi! Marimo! You consider that a flower arrangement? It's supposed to be pretty!" he yelled.
"Yeah, Zoro-bro! You gotta make it big and flashy!" Franky added.
"Shut up. Like you two know anything about this," Zoro replied.
"Actually, Franky, flower arrangements in the tea ceremony tradition are meant to be extremely simple. Even a single flower stalk will do," Robin corrected.
"But this is grass!"
"It's flowering grass, dumbass," Zoro said, "and that's good enough."
Sanji looked to Robin for confirmation, and she nodded. "On summer islands, flowering grasses are often used in ikebana."
Shirahama returned with a scroll and calligraphy set like the one Usopp had used earlier. Zoro sat at the table Usopp had used in the second round and laid out the equipment methodically, then picked up a piece of practice paper and dipped the brush in ink and tested it with various strokes. Nami shushed the rest of the Strawhats into silence as Zoro set aside the practice paper and laid out the scroll in front of him. His brush hovered contemplatively over the scroll for a moment, then he began to write, his hand moving fluidly down the scroll.
"What the hell is that, I can't even read the marimo's handwriting," Sanji muttered, trying to figure out the six scrawled kanji. Something about tigers...?
"The tiger roars, and far away the wind blows," Robin read for them. "Excellent calligraphy, Swordsman-san."
"That's considered good?" Sanji exclaimed, moderating the level of disbelief in his voice in deference to Robin's judgment.
"It's very artistic, yes," Robin said, again with that enigmatic smile, and judging by the amazed look on the face of the Shirahama crew's resident calligrapher, they knew she was speaking the truth - it was good calligraphy.
"But what does it mean?" Chopper asked.
"Roughly, when a man of abilities rises to the occasion, he will attain excellent results," Robin explained.
"In other words, 'just shut up and let you get on with it'?" Nami translated into standard Zoro-speak.
"Please," Zoro said sarcastically. He put away the calligraphy equipment and picked up the scroll and "flower" arrangement, disappearing into the little tea-room to decorate it. After a few minutes, he emerged once more and said something in a low voice to Robin. She nodded and went over to Shirahama. "Zoro-san wishes me to inform you that everything is ready, Shirahama-san."
A look of mixed curiosity and pleasure came over Shirahama's face. He nodded and strode into the tea-room via the guest's entrance, while the Strawhats and Shirahama's men crammed themselves into an adjoining room. They peeked inside to see Shirahama sitting patiently in the tea-room, gazing at the scroll hanging in the alcove.
"How dare the marimo keep his guest waiting!" Sanji raged, though careful to keep his voice in a low whisper in unconscious deference to the austere atmosphere.
"Actually, it is customary to allow the guest some time to contemplate his surroundings before beginning the ceremony, Cook-san."
"Er, is that so?" Sanji said, only slightly mollified. At that moment, the door to the preparation room slid open two-thirds of the way, and then fully open. Zoro picked up the bowl between his knees and rose to his feet, entered the room and knelt again, placing it in front of his guest and bowing. "Please have some sweets," he offered, and left again.
"Swordsman-san is doing very well," Robin observed, interrupting their stunned silence at seeing Zoro lower his head to anyone.
"But all he's done is come in the door and put down the bowl of sweets and bow!"
"And yet, there were at least twenty different things he could have got wrong," Robin explained, still watching intently as Zoro entered and exited the room several times, carrying several different types of tea equipment. "For example, have you noticed that he has been very careful to walk into the room starting with his left foot?"
"There's a rule even for that?" Usopp asked, open-mouthed.
"That is why it takes years to master this art."
"Shishishi!" They were interrupted by Luffy's giggling. "Zoro just bowed to a teapot!"
"It's very important to show proper reverence for the items used in the tea ceremony. In some cases, they may be heirlooms dating back hundreds of years."
Robin continued answering their questions for a while, but gradually all the spectators, even Luffy, lapsed into silence as they watched Zoro prepare the tea and serve it to Shirahama, mesmerised by the sights and sounds of the tea ceremony. The satisfying sharp knock of wood against wood as Zoro put down the ladle. The swish of the brush as it scraped the bottom of the bowl. The fluid, elegant gestures of both host and guest, made natural by years of practice. The rare sight of Zoro doing the closest thing to dancing that any of them would ever get to see him do.
But most of all, what entranced them was the growing atmosphere of mutual respect between the two opponents, as Shirahama broke with ceremony to invite Zoro to join him in tasting the bowl of tea. Finally the ritual culminated in a deep bow on both sides. Zoro left the room, and they blinked, as if they'd just woken up from a dream and returned to the present.
Sanji scratched his head, annoyed at finding himself strangely moved by the ceremony. "So, um, what now?"
"As far as I can tell, neither side made a single mistake," Robin said.
"Then who won?" Luffy asked, utterly confused by now. He liked Davy Back games a lot more when they involved more action, even if seeing Zoro do that weird ceremony was cool.
"Perhaps we should discuss it outside with Roronoa-san," was all that Shirahama was willing to say for the moment.
They exited the tea-room to find Zoro waiting there, swords back at his side and arms folded. "Well?" he asked shortly.
"I would say I counted three mistakes on your part, Roronoa-san," Shirahama replied.
Zoro shrugged. "Yeah, I'm kinda out of practice."
"And how many mistakes would you say I made as the guest?" Shirahama asked, with an odd smile on his face.
Zoro looked him squarely in the eye. "I forgot to count."
"WHAT! But you count everything else! How could you forget to count this?" Sanji despaired.
But Shirahama's smile stretched wider. "Apparently I made a strategic mistake. I should have chosen you first and then your cook. I should not have misjudged one with so illustrious a surname. Take back your nakama. You deserve the victory," he said graciously.
"That means we won?" Nami gasped.
"Supa! We got Sanji-bro back!" Franky cheered.
"I knew Zoro could do it!" Usopp sobbed.
"Welcome back, Sanji!" Chopper hurled himself on the bewildered cook.
"Yahoo! Let's have a party, Sanji! With lots of meat and sake!" Luffy began dragging Sanji off towards the ship.
"I don't suppose it would do me any good to offer you a place in my crew," Shirahama said, his voice tinged with regret. "It has been a very long time since I have so enjoyed a bowl of tea."
"Ichigo, ichie," Zoro replied. "Treasure every opportunity, for it will never come again."
Shirahama raised his hands in a self-deprecating gesture. "Spoken like a true practitioner of the tea ceremony."
"In any case," Zoro shrugged, watching the retreating backs of his cook and captain, "I'll take sake over tea, anyday."
...
Dissection of the day's events stretched well into the party, much to Zoro's disgruntlement.
"But Robin-san, what did Shirahama-san mean about Zoro-san's surname?" Brook asked.
"The fact that Swordsman-san has a surname at all is somewhat unusual. Though not iron-clad evidence, it is an indication that he descends from a noble family," Robin explained.
"Zoro, NOBLE?"
"Then you must also be descended from a noble family, Robin!"
"Perhaps. I confess I have never looked into the matter," Robin replied vaguely, giving as usual the impression that she knew a lot more than she had revealed.
"So, Zoro, what's your family history?" Nami asked curiously.
"I have no idea and I don't give a shit," Zoro lied.
"But how did you know how to perform the tea ceremony?" Nami was dying to know.
Zoro shrugged, his hand moving down unconsciously to finger the hilts of his katana. "By the time I left the dojo I was Sensei's senior disciple. Naturally, I had to perform the tea ceremony for guests and stuff."
"It is no surprise," Robin said, smiling at Zoro. "After all, Swordsman-san has probably had the most traditional upbringing of any of us."
Zoro frowned a little, wondering if there was some hidden meaning to the archaeologist's words. When Robin met his eyes fearlessly, though, he just shrugged and reached out for a piece of sea king that had miraculously evaded the Luffy-vacuum, only to have his hand slapped away by Nami.
"Ow! What the hell was that for?" he demanded.
"No more eating with your bare hands, Zoro. No more talking with food in your mouth, either."
"Huh?" Zoro gaped. "But why? We've always done it! Look, Luffy's eating with his bare hands right now!" Zoro pointed.
"Buh Bowo, ib'f obay bauf I'b we bapbain!"
Nami ignored the muffled interruption. "Yes, Zoro, but now we know you can be civilised if you only try. You should be setting a better example! Like Sanji-kun!"
Zoro groaned and looked up at Sanji. "I knew I was gonna regret trying to get you back, shit cook."
Sanji laid down a fresh plate of sea king in front of Zoro, and leaned over to top up Zoro's mug of sake. "Yeah," he said grudgingly. "Thanks anyway, shitty marimo."
.....
I feel like Sanji would have come up with a way better ending line, but oh well :-P
EDIT: slight change of text so Sanji doesn't seem so unwanted (poor puppy), in response to mishagirl's feedback.
Theme: Set #3 - Dance
Claim: Zoro
Words: 3190
Rating: PG
Warnings: I did a fair amount of research for this one but I'm sure there are still inaccuracies. Also, contains an opponent!OC. I was thinking of using Foxy but it didn't really work...
Disclaimers: I don't own One Piece.
The nightmare began with the twin gunshots going off, one after the other, the signal for a new Davy Back fight.
"You don't think..."
"It can't be..."
"I'm afraid so."
"Not again," everyone sighed.
But it was true. Luffy came bouncing back to them a short while later, accompanied by the other captain and his crew, who could not have been more different from Luffy and the Strawhats. Where Luffy wore a simple red vest and scruffy blue shorts, the man was clad in a dignified kimono. While Luffy's hair was dishevelled as ever, the man's was pulled back in a neat topknot. Luffy had his usual grin plastered across his face, while the man looked solemn, giving each of them a stiff nod of the head. His crew of about twenty were similarly attired in various states of elegance, and they looked disdainfully at the Strawhats' general scruffiness. Aside from the girls, Sanji was probably the only one who came remotely near their idea of being well-dressed.
Not that Luffy seemed to have even noticed these differences, as he poked his thumb into the man's chest and said, "Hey everyone! Check out this guy! He's really funny!"
The kimono-clad man introduced himself as Shirahama, captain of the Culture-Loving Shirahama Pirates. "Culture-Loving" was the first indication that they were in deep trouble, though they managed to win the first round, Robin deploying her Hana-Hana no Mi abilities to create a fleeting ikebana whose ethereal beauty enchanted the culture-loving captain/judge despite lasting only a few seconds.
The second round, on the other hand, was an utter disaster. The "drawing" task turned out to be calligraphy, and though Usopp's handwriting was neat, that didn't make up for the fact that he didn't know any kanji, only the standard alphabet, and had no idea of calligraphic style. Even they had to concede that Shirahama's calligrapher - a novel position on a pirate crew if ever they'd heard one - had done a much better job.
They stood waiting tensely for Shirahama's decision on which of their nakama he would claim, wishing that (a) Luffy wouldn't always let the other side dictate the tasks, and (b) he had chosen some important member of Shirahama's crew rather than their pet Atlas beetle after winning round one. Chopper's look was resigned. He usually bore the emotional brunt of these Davy Back challenges, since every crew they'd competed with so far had been enchanted by the idea of a cute, furry, talking reindeer-doctor who could transform at will. But he knew Zoro and Sanji, who'd been fielded for the third and final task, would win him back, no matter what.
And then Shirahama chose Sanji.
Sanji was not amused, and made his views on the matter known, pointing out the crucial lack of women on Shirahama's crew, particularly Nami-swan and Robin-chwan, not to mention the fact that they were hardly real pirates, if all they did was hang out on this island and wait for other crews to fall victim to their cultural version of the Davy Back Fight, and therefore wouldn't ever get to within a hundred miles of All Blue.
"Don't be such a wuss and just accept it, curly-brow," Zoro interrupted. "There's no use complaining about it when you belong to his crew now."
That was when Sanji realised that whatever hope he had of getting back on the Strawhat crew now lay solely in Zoro's hands as the only eligible crew member signed up for the third task.
To say he freaked out was an understatement.
"Don't worry, Sanji-kun, it's a drinking contest, remember? Zoro will definitely be able to handle it," Nami assured him.
"Drinking contest?" Shirahama smirked. "What makes you think this will be a drinking contest?"
Nami looked down at the sign-up sheet. "But it says here the third task is 'drinking'," she pointed out.
"Only one person will be doing any drinking. The third round will be the traditional tea ceremony. One contestant will act as the host, the other as the guest. Whoever makes more mistakes, loses the round."
"Tea ceremony? What's that?"
"It is a very old cultural tradition dating back hundreds of years, in which tea is served to one's guests in a prescribed, ritualistic manner. It takes years of practice to master the art," Robin explained.
"How the hell is the marimo gonna do that without making any mistakes?" Sanji howled.
"Oi," Zoro growled. "As if you know anything about it."
"At least I know how to serve ordinary tea, you barbarian!"
"Ahhhhhh! We're gonna lose Sanji!" Chopper squealed.
"Shishishi! Don't worry, Chopper, Zoro won't let us lose Sanji," Luffy declared confidently.
"Um, Luffy, I wouldn't be so sure about that," Nami said, glancing at the swordsman and the cook, who were currently glaring daggers at each other across the clearing separating the two pirate crews.
"I'm sure," Luffy grinned. "Right, Zoro?"
"Huh? What?" Zoro asked, pulling away reluctantly from the staring contest.
"You'll get Sanji back, won't you?"
"Do we really have to?" Zoro snarled.
Usopp, Franky and Chopper promptly burst into tears.
Zoro sighed. "Okay! Okay, I'll get the shit cook back." He looked over at Shirahama. "I assume you be providing the tearoom and all the equipment?"
"Naturally."
"So who's going to be the host?"
"We'll toss a coin for that."
"Heads or tails?" Shirahama asked.
"Heads," Zoro answered.
"Tails. That makes you the host. I will be the guest."
Zoro shrugged. "Fine." He turned and headed off.
"Zoro, where are you going?"
"Back to the ship to change."
"The ship's that way!"
"I KNEW THAT!"
"Great," Sanji grumbled. "He can't even find his way to his own ship and he's supposed to fumble his way through this artistic, cultural ceremony?"
"Zoro-san may surprise us yet," Brook offered.
"Yeah, he's full of surprises all right. Like how he can miss that the ship's right there in front of his eyes," Sanji muttered.
They were forced to wait some time for Zoro to return, presumably while he went on an unscheduled exploration of the rest of the island, but when he did, the Strawhats were taken aback. "Zoro, what're you wearing?" Luffy asked, wide-eyed at the lack of the usual white shirt, dark pants and green haramaki.
"Kimono and hakama," Zoro replied shortly.
"Remember when we rented those wedding costumes from the island before Clockwork Island? When the Going Merry got stolen?" Usopp reminded them.
Zoro looked towards Shirahama and asked, "Would you show me the tea room and the utensils?"
"Of course. This way."
"Excuse me, Shirahama-san, but may we also observe the ceremony?" Robin inquired.
Zoro frowned, but Shirahama immediately said, "Of course, dear lady! If we leave the sliding door to the adjoining room open, you should be able to watch to your heart's content."
"I wanna watch too!" Luffy immediately said.
"Me too!" Chopper added, raising a hoof.
It was soon established that all of the Strawhats and all the Shirahama Pirates, now including Sanji, wanted to be spectators, and they trooped off in one mass to view the rather stark tea-room.
Zoro took a quick look around and observed, "The alcove is empty."
"Ah yes, what a pity," Shirahama smirked with exaggerated regret. "I should have explained earlier that you were supposed to use the ikebana arrangement and calligraphy from the first two rounds to decorate it."
"That's not fair! If you'd told me it was meant for this, I would have done the calligraphy in a completely different style!" Usopp objected.
"And we'd have made our flower arrangement last! Here, Zoro-bro, I'll make up another one for you. It'll be super!" Franky offered.
"No. This is my match." Zoro glowered at them, daring them to suggest giving him any more help, so no one did. "What about the equipment?"
"In here. You may take your pick of any of these." They watched as Zoro browsed the shelves of pottery, finally selecting a bowl and some other equipment, as well as a simple vase to use for the flower arrangement.
"I'll need ten minutes to get ready," he said.
"Of course. Take as much time as you like," Shirahama said with a fake-polite smile. "Would you also like another scroll and ink?"
"Please," Zoro said, with a curt incline of his head, and Shirahama departed.
"Zoro's talking like Brook all of a sudden," Luffy said in wonder.
"Must be killing him to be polite for once," Sanji grumbled. That his fate was in the marimo's hands wasn't doing any favours for his temper. Seeing Zoro stride outside and bend over to grab a handful of grass from the ground and place it in the vase made it even worse.
"Oi! Marimo! You consider that a flower arrangement? It's supposed to be pretty!" he yelled.
"Yeah, Zoro-bro! You gotta make it big and flashy!" Franky added.
"Shut up. Like you two know anything about this," Zoro replied.
"Actually, Franky, flower arrangements in the tea ceremony tradition are meant to be extremely simple. Even a single flower stalk will do," Robin corrected.
"But this is grass!"
"It's flowering grass, dumbass," Zoro said, "and that's good enough."
Sanji looked to Robin for confirmation, and she nodded. "On summer islands, flowering grasses are often used in ikebana."
Shirahama returned with a scroll and calligraphy set like the one Usopp had used earlier. Zoro sat at the table Usopp had used in the second round and laid out the equipment methodically, then picked up a piece of practice paper and dipped the brush in ink and tested it with various strokes. Nami shushed the rest of the Strawhats into silence as Zoro set aside the practice paper and laid out the scroll in front of him. His brush hovered contemplatively over the scroll for a moment, then he began to write, his hand moving fluidly down the scroll.
"What the hell is that, I can't even read the marimo's handwriting," Sanji muttered, trying to figure out the six scrawled kanji. Something about tigers...?
"The tiger roars, and far away the wind blows," Robin read for them. "Excellent calligraphy, Swordsman-san."
"That's considered good?" Sanji exclaimed, moderating the level of disbelief in his voice in deference to Robin's judgment.
"It's very artistic, yes," Robin said, again with that enigmatic smile, and judging by the amazed look on the face of the Shirahama crew's resident calligrapher, they knew she was speaking the truth - it was good calligraphy.
"But what does it mean?" Chopper asked.
"Roughly, when a man of abilities rises to the occasion, he will attain excellent results," Robin explained.
"In other words, 'just shut up and let you get on with it'?" Nami translated into standard Zoro-speak.
"Please," Zoro said sarcastically. He put away the calligraphy equipment and picked up the scroll and "flower" arrangement, disappearing into the little tea-room to decorate it. After a few minutes, he emerged once more and said something in a low voice to Robin. She nodded and went over to Shirahama. "Zoro-san wishes me to inform you that everything is ready, Shirahama-san."
A look of mixed curiosity and pleasure came over Shirahama's face. He nodded and strode into the tea-room via the guest's entrance, while the Strawhats and Shirahama's men crammed themselves into an adjoining room. They peeked inside to see Shirahama sitting patiently in the tea-room, gazing at the scroll hanging in the alcove.
"How dare the marimo keep his guest waiting!" Sanji raged, though careful to keep his voice in a low whisper in unconscious deference to the austere atmosphere.
"Actually, it is customary to allow the guest some time to contemplate his surroundings before beginning the ceremony, Cook-san."
"Er, is that so?" Sanji said, only slightly mollified. At that moment, the door to the preparation room slid open two-thirds of the way, and then fully open. Zoro picked up the bowl between his knees and rose to his feet, entered the room and knelt again, placing it in front of his guest and bowing. "Please have some sweets," he offered, and left again.
"Swordsman-san is doing very well," Robin observed, interrupting their stunned silence at seeing Zoro lower his head to anyone.
"But all he's done is come in the door and put down the bowl of sweets and bow!"
"And yet, there were at least twenty different things he could have got wrong," Robin explained, still watching intently as Zoro entered and exited the room several times, carrying several different types of tea equipment. "For example, have you noticed that he has been very careful to walk into the room starting with his left foot?"
"There's a rule even for that?" Usopp asked, open-mouthed.
"That is why it takes years to master this art."
"Shishishi!" They were interrupted by Luffy's giggling. "Zoro just bowed to a teapot!"
"It's very important to show proper reverence for the items used in the tea ceremony. In some cases, they may be heirlooms dating back hundreds of years."
Robin continued answering their questions for a while, but gradually all the spectators, even Luffy, lapsed into silence as they watched Zoro prepare the tea and serve it to Shirahama, mesmerised by the sights and sounds of the tea ceremony. The satisfying sharp knock of wood against wood as Zoro put down the ladle. The swish of the brush as it scraped the bottom of the bowl. The fluid, elegant gestures of both host and guest, made natural by years of practice. The rare sight of Zoro doing the closest thing to dancing that any of them would ever get to see him do.
But most of all, what entranced them was the growing atmosphere of mutual respect between the two opponents, as Shirahama broke with ceremony to invite Zoro to join him in tasting the bowl of tea. Finally the ritual culminated in a deep bow on both sides. Zoro left the room, and they blinked, as if they'd just woken up from a dream and returned to the present.
Sanji scratched his head, annoyed at finding himself strangely moved by the ceremony. "So, um, what now?"
"As far as I can tell, neither side made a single mistake," Robin said.
"Then who won?" Luffy asked, utterly confused by now. He liked Davy Back games a lot more when they involved more action, even if seeing Zoro do that weird ceremony was cool.
"Perhaps we should discuss it outside with Roronoa-san," was all that Shirahama was willing to say for the moment.
They exited the tea-room to find Zoro waiting there, swords back at his side and arms folded. "Well?" he asked shortly.
"I would say I counted three mistakes on your part, Roronoa-san," Shirahama replied.
Zoro shrugged. "Yeah, I'm kinda out of practice."
"And how many mistakes would you say I made as the guest?" Shirahama asked, with an odd smile on his face.
Zoro looked him squarely in the eye. "I forgot to count."
"WHAT! But you count everything else! How could you forget to count this?" Sanji despaired.
But Shirahama's smile stretched wider. "Apparently I made a strategic mistake. I should have chosen you first and then your cook. I should not have misjudged one with so illustrious a surname. Take back your nakama. You deserve the victory," he said graciously.
"That means we won?" Nami gasped.
"Supa! We got Sanji-bro back!" Franky cheered.
"I knew Zoro could do it!" Usopp sobbed.
"Welcome back, Sanji!" Chopper hurled himself on the bewildered cook.
"Yahoo! Let's have a party, Sanji! With lots of meat and sake!" Luffy began dragging Sanji off towards the ship.
"I don't suppose it would do me any good to offer you a place in my crew," Shirahama said, his voice tinged with regret. "It has been a very long time since I have so enjoyed a bowl of tea."
"Ichigo, ichie," Zoro replied. "Treasure every opportunity, for it will never come again."
Shirahama raised his hands in a self-deprecating gesture. "Spoken like a true practitioner of the tea ceremony."
"In any case," Zoro shrugged, watching the retreating backs of his cook and captain, "I'll take sake over tea, anyday."
...
Dissection of the day's events stretched well into the party, much to Zoro's disgruntlement.
"But Robin-san, what did Shirahama-san mean about Zoro-san's surname?" Brook asked.
"The fact that Swordsman-san has a surname at all is somewhat unusual. Though not iron-clad evidence, it is an indication that he descends from a noble family," Robin explained.
"Zoro, NOBLE?"
"Then you must also be descended from a noble family, Robin!"
"Perhaps. I confess I have never looked into the matter," Robin replied vaguely, giving as usual the impression that she knew a lot more than she had revealed.
"So, Zoro, what's your family history?" Nami asked curiously.
"I have no idea and I don't give a shit," Zoro lied.
"But how did you know how to perform the tea ceremony?" Nami was dying to know.
Zoro shrugged, his hand moving down unconsciously to finger the hilts of his katana. "By the time I left the dojo I was Sensei's senior disciple. Naturally, I had to perform the tea ceremony for guests and stuff."
"It is no surprise," Robin said, smiling at Zoro. "After all, Swordsman-san has probably had the most traditional upbringing of any of us."
Zoro frowned a little, wondering if there was some hidden meaning to the archaeologist's words. When Robin met his eyes fearlessly, though, he just shrugged and reached out for a piece of sea king that had miraculously evaded the Luffy-vacuum, only to have his hand slapped away by Nami.
"Ow! What the hell was that for?" he demanded.
"No more eating with your bare hands, Zoro. No more talking with food in your mouth, either."
"Huh?" Zoro gaped. "But why? We've always done it! Look, Luffy's eating with his bare hands right now!" Zoro pointed.
"Buh Bowo, ib'f obay bauf I'b we bapbain!"
Nami ignored the muffled interruption. "Yes, Zoro, but now we know you can be civilised if you only try. You should be setting a better example! Like Sanji-kun!"
Zoro groaned and looked up at Sanji. "I knew I was gonna regret trying to get you back, shit cook."
Sanji laid down a fresh plate of sea king in front of Zoro, and leaned over to top up Zoro's mug of sake. "Yeah," he said grudgingly. "Thanks anyway, shitty marimo."
.....
I feel like Sanji would have come up with a way better ending line, but oh well :-P
EDIT: slight change of text so Sanji doesn't seem so unwanted (poor puppy), in response to mishagirl's feedback.