Secrets That Can Never Be Revealed Coda (Superntural, Sam/Dean, #21)
Title: Secrets That Can Never Be Revealed Coda
Author/Artist: my_sam_dean
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Fandom: Supernatural
Theme: (include the # and the theme) 21 - life's many decisions
Disclaimer: I own nothing Supernatural
Warnings: slash, incest, mpreg
"Merry Christmas, Joey!" Dean entered their home with his arms overflowing with gifts. He set them down and swooped the little boy through the air until he giggled. He put him on his hip as he walked toward the living room. "Your parents at home, kid?"
Joey nodded eagerly. "They said you'd watch Frosty the Snowman with me."
"Oh, yeah?" Dean chuckled. Sam had told him about Joey's obsession with the cartoon. He knew Dean hated holiday shows. "He did, did he?"
"Yep. I've only watched it twice today. I was waiting for you." His big eyes shone with his honesty.
"I'm glad you waited," Dean lied. "You've been good this year? You expecting the big man in red?"
"Santa? Mommy took me to see him at the mall."
"Did you tell him what you wanted?"
"Yep. A toy truck that goes zoom, zoom." He imitated a motor and acted like he was running a Matchbox car on Dean's shoulder.
"That's how they go."
"Dean!" Sam came into the living room. "The munchkin attacked you already? I thought I told you to take it easy on Uncle Dean."
"I did, Daddy. I let him put down the presents before picking me up."
"Yeah, I guess that would qualify in your book." Sam held his arms out to take the boy but he clung to Dean. "How was the drive?"
"Luxurious, as always. You know my baby rides smooth." Dean gave Sam a smirk. "Now where's this awesome movie I've been hearing all about?"
Joey wiggled until Dean put him down. "I'll show you!" He happily ran to the television. "Can I put it in now?"
"Sure! I bet your dad is just dying to get us some snacks while we watch."
"Dean . . . " Sam warned. "He can't have too much sugar. He'll be bouncing off the walls."
"So? It's the afternoon. He has the whole day to run it off."
Sam raised an eyebrow, "Are you going to keep up with him?"
"I don't see why not," Dean shrugged. "I raised you."
"Sure, if you say so," Sam smiled as he turned to go to the kitchen. If only Dean knew how hellacious the sugar rush was going to be.
***
An hour later, Dean was ready to pull his hair out. They'd watched Frosty on a continuous loop since he'd arrived. Joey had downed a whole can of soda and over his half of a plate of cookies. Dean was just praying the kid didn't spew. He was jumping on the couch at the moment and Dean didn't think he'd have the energy to clean something like that up.
"Hey, hey," Dean reached out and made the boy stop jumping. "Why don't we do something fun?"
"Watch Frosty?" he suggested and took off toward the television.
"No, no, no," he picked the kid up to stop him from running. "I was thinking we could read a book instead."
"Books are boring."
"Yeah, but you haven't heard me read them. I do the voices."
"Really?"
Dean nodded. "Sure do. I wouldn't lie about something like that."
"Can I pick any story?"
"Sure." Dean set him down. "Go wild, kid. I can take anything you throw at me."
Joey ran past Sam in the doorway, almost knocking him over. The little burst of energy blew past and Jessica called after him to slow down.
"He's supercharged, Sammy. Why didn't you warn me?"
"You said you had it handled," Sam fought not to laugh. "Who am I to doubt Super Dean?"
"Whatever." Dean dismissed him. He heard Joey scampering from his room. "Get lost. You're too old for storytime."
Sam was still smiling on his way into the kitchen as he easily sidestepped the Tasmanian devil running towards him.
"I got three of them." The little guy's arms were full.
"What do we have here?" Dean took each book and read the title aloud as he set them aside. "Goodnight Moon, Runaway Bunny, and Bambi. Good choices. Which one do you want to read first?"
"Bunny." Joey clambered onto Dean's lap and made himself comfortable.
Sam listened to Dean's voice rumble through the house. The sound reminded him of the comics Dean used to read to him before bed. Sam got a warm feeling from the memory.
"The end." Dean closed the book. "Not bad. Want another book or do you want to play?"
"Trucks! I've got Tonka." He shot off Dean's lap to the basket filled with toy cars, trucks and other machines. "You can have this one," he handed Dean a black car. "It looks like yours."
"Yes, it does. That's pretty smart there for a five year old. Who usually plays cars with you?"
"Mommy or Daddy. But, you were wrong."
"About what?"
"I'm a big boy. I'm six, not five." Joey paid him no attention as he raced his toy around.
"Your dad said you were five the last time I came over."
"I had a birthday since then. Didn't you know?"
There were the words that made Sam clench the counter. He'd known there was no way he could really hide Joey's birthday if Dean stuck around, but he'd counted on him to be driven by hunting and rarely stop by.
"Let's chat," Dean's barely controlled rage seeped through into his words as his eyes shot daggers at Sam.
Sam nodded toward the front door and grabbed his coat. He called to Jessica that he and Dean were stepping out and heard her reply before leaving the house. He'd barely stepped clear of the door when Dean slugged him in the stomach. Gasping for air, he placed his hands on his knees and tried to breathe.
"Anything you want to tell me, Sammy?"
It took Sam a moment to be able to beg, "Dean . . ."
He stuck Sam one more time in the chest. "Anything pertaining to a certain fertility curse?"
"I wanted to tell you," Sam couldn't see through his tears.
"Why the hell didn't you? Didn't I deserve to know that I had a son? Do you hate me that much?"
"I don't hate you," Sam was shocked at Dean's conclusion. "I didn't want to be in your way. You've always been determined to hunt."
"Lame excuse, Sam. Know what happened after you left? We didn't know how long the effects of the spell would last."
"It should have stopped after succeeding once--"
"But I didn't know that it had, did I? I was terrified of what would happen if I hooked up with a girl and got her pregnant. I went and got fixed so I couldn't have kids. It was all for nothing! Not only did you take Joey away from me, you took away any future children, too!"
Sam didn't have the words to answer. His mind was awash with the guilt he felt for how much he had taken from Dean. He'd thought he'd done the right thing.
"What did you tell Jessica? Obviously it wasn't the truth, since she's been so nice. Did you tell her you slept with your brother? Did you explain hunting and break our rule? How, exactly, did you manage to get the normal life you craved while you left the past behind in shambles?"
"I picked up the phone so many times--"
"I called you! I remember calling all the time when you first moved, making sure that you were okay. I was worried about how you were and you lied to me!"
"Do you know what it was like, Dean? Have you thought about that? I was scared, alone and pregnant. I gave birth in a skuzzy apartment with only the knowledge I'd gleamed from the internet. I've worked damn hard to give Joey the best life possible!"
"I, I, I. Do you hear yourself? When did you become so self-centered, or did I just refuse to notice? Joey's best life was without me? "
"Decisions had to be made. I did the best I could under the circumstances."
"Not good enough. The only reason you're not beat to a pulp is because my son, whom I love dearly, calls you Daddy."
"Let me explain--"
"No. You've had enough time to explain on your own. Now we're doing it my way."
Sam swallowed, knowing he wasn't going to like where the conversation was going.
"I'm going to bond with my son. You take Jessica someplace and tell her."
"It's Christmas Eve!"
"I've lost six years of his life! Maybe Jessica will forgive you if she's in the holiday spirit."
***
Talking to Jessica went about as well as Sam expected. She left. Sam walked home slowly after she stormed off.
"Mommy! What's wrong?" Joey wanted to cry when he saw her so upset.
"Nothing, Joey." She gave him a watery smile. "Grandma needs me, so I'm going to her house."
"I want to come, too."
"No, baby." She gave him a hug and tried not to sob. "Grandma's sick and I don't want you to catch it. I'm going to make her chicken noodle soup."
"Can I send her a teddy to make her feel better?"
"Sure." Jessica watched the boy she considered her son go into his room. She turned to Dean and wiped her eyes, "I suppose I can't be mad at you for taking what wasn't mine in the first place."
"You have a right to be upset."
"I didn't know."
"I believe you."
"Will you love him?" her voice wobbles.
"I already do."
Before she could say anything else, Joey bounced back into the room. "Here, Mommy. Grammy will feel better with teddy to protect her."
"Yes, she will." Jessica choked on her words. "You be a good for Dean."
"Okay. Will you call to tell me goodnight?"
His question brought tears to Dean's eyes. Joey had no idea how much his life was going to change when Jessica walked out the door. Dean planned on going all her could to make it easier on Joey, but he was under no delusion that it would be simple.
"Sure, sweetie. Remember, Santa comes tonight."
"Will we set out cookies?"
"I'm sure Dean will help you. I have to go, honey." She lingered, savoring every last moment she had with him. Then, she nodded to Dean.
"Come on, kiddo. You ready to show me how to play your video game?"
Joey's eyes lit up as he seemed to forget all about Grandma being sick and Mommy going away.
Jessica watched them walk away. After they had started their game, the door clicked shut behind her.
***
Dean stayed in town. He worked odd jobs until he got on at the hardware store. The work was tedious and his missed hunting, but he loved Joey more.
He got a place within walking distance from Sam's house. One bedroom had just a bed in it. The other one was filled with everything Dean never had as a kid. There were pictures of Joey and Dean all over. There were none of Sam.
They worked their schedule out so that Joey stayed overnight at both houses. If there was ever a way that time couldn't be split evenly, Dean had the bigger half. Sam didn't complain because he'd had Joey the first six years.
Sam was not forgiven for what he'd done. Dean was civil to him and they got along for Joey's sake, but Sam had taken too much from Dean.
He'd had Dean's heart. He broke it when he took a baby and himself away. Dean couldn't chance losing anything more.
Author/Artist: my_sam_dean
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Fandom: Supernatural
Theme: (include the # and the theme) 21 - life's many decisions
Disclaimer: I own nothing Supernatural
Warnings: slash, incest, mpreg
"Merry Christmas, Joey!" Dean entered their home with his arms overflowing with gifts. He set them down and swooped the little boy through the air until he giggled. He put him on his hip as he walked toward the living room. "Your parents at home, kid?"
Joey nodded eagerly. "They said you'd watch Frosty the Snowman with me."
"Oh, yeah?" Dean chuckled. Sam had told him about Joey's obsession with the cartoon. He knew Dean hated holiday shows. "He did, did he?"
"Yep. I've only watched it twice today. I was waiting for you." His big eyes shone with his honesty.
"I'm glad you waited," Dean lied. "You've been good this year? You expecting the big man in red?"
"Santa? Mommy took me to see him at the mall."
"Did you tell him what you wanted?"
"Yep. A toy truck that goes zoom, zoom." He imitated a motor and acted like he was running a Matchbox car on Dean's shoulder.
"That's how they go."
"Dean!" Sam came into the living room. "The munchkin attacked you already? I thought I told you to take it easy on Uncle Dean."
"I did, Daddy. I let him put down the presents before picking me up."
"Yeah, I guess that would qualify in your book." Sam held his arms out to take the boy but he clung to Dean. "How was the drive?"
"Luxurious, as always. You know my baby rides smooth." Dean gave Sam a smirk. "Now where's this awesome movie I've been hearing all about?"
Joey wiggled until Dean put him down. "I'll show you!" He happily ran to the television. "Can I put it in now?"
"Sure! I bet your dad is just dying to get us some snacks while we watch."
"Dean . . . " Sam warned. "He can't have too much sugar. He'll be bouncing off the walls."
"So? It's the afternoon. He has the whole day to run it off."
Sam raised an eyebrow, "Are you going to keep up with him?"
"I don't see why not," Dean shrugged. "I raised you."
"Sure, if you say so," Sam smiled as he turned to go to the kitchen. If only Dean knew how hellacious the sugar rush was going to be.
***
An hour later, Dean was ready to pull his hair out. They'd watched Frosty on a continuous loop since he'd arrived. Joey had downed a whole can of soda and over his half of a plate of cookies. Dean was just praying the kid didn't spew. He was jumping on the couch at the moment and Dean didn't think he'd have the energy to clean something like that up.
"Hey, hey," Dean reached out and made the boy stop jumping. "Why don't we do something fun?"
"Watch Frosty?" he suggested and took off toward the television.
"No, no, no," he picked the kid up to stop him from running. "I was thinking we could read a book instead."
"Books are boring."
"Yeah, but you haven't heard me read them. I do the voices."
"Really?"
Dean nodded. "Sure do. I wouldn't lie about something like that."
"Can I pick any story?"
"Sure." Dean set him down. "Go wild, kid. I can take anything you throw at me."
Joey ran past Sam in the doorway, almost knocking him over. The little burst of energy blew past and Jessica called after him to slow down.
"He's supercharged, Sammy. Why didn't you warn me?"
"You said you had it handled," Sam fought not to laugh. "Who am I to doubt Super Dean?"
"Whatever." Dean dismissed him. He heard Joey scampering from his room. "Get lost. You're too old for storytime."
Sam was still smiling on his way into the kitchen as he easily sidestepped the Tasmanian devil running towards him.
"I got three of them." The little guy's arms were full.
"What do we have here?" Dean took each book and read the title aloud as he set them aside. "Goodnight Moon, Runaway Bunny, and Bambi. Good choices. Which one do you want to read first?"
"Bunny." Joey clambered onto Dean's lap and made himself comfortable.
Sam listened to Dean's voice rumble through the house. The sound reminded him of the comics Dean used to read to him before bed. Sam got a warm feeling from the memory.
"The end." Dean closed the book. "Not bad. Want another book or do you want to play?"
"Trucks! I've got Tonka." He shot off Dean's lap to the basket filled with toy cars, trucks and other machines. "You can have this one," he handed Dean a black car. "It looks like yours."
"Yes, it does. That's pretty smart there for a five year old. Who usually plays cars with you?"
"Mommy or Daddy. But, you were wrong."
"About what?"
"I'm a big boy. I'm six, not five." Joey paid him no attention as he raced his toy around.
"Your dad said you were five the last time I came over."
"I had a birthday since then. Didn't you know?"
There were the words that made Sam clench the counter. He'd known there was no way he could really hide Joey's birthday if Dean stuck around, but he'd counted on him to be driven by hunting and rarely stop by.
"Let's chat," Dean's barely controlled rage seeped through into his words as his eyes shot daggers at Sam.
Sam nodded toward the front door and grabbed his coat. He called to Jessica that he and Dean were stepping out and heard her reply before leaving the house. He'd barely stepped clear of the door when Dean slugged him in the stomach. Gasping for air, he placed his hands on his knees and tried to breathe.
"Anything you want to tell me, Sammy?"
It took Sam a moment to be able to beg, "Dean . . ."
He stuck Sam one more time in the chest. "Anything pertaining to a certain fertility curse?"
"I wanted to tell you," Sam couldn't see through his tears.
"Why the hell didn't you? Didn't I deserve to know that I had a son? Do you hate me that much?"
"I don't hate you," Sam was shocked at Dean's conclusion. "I didn't want to be in your way. You've always been determined to hunt."
"Lame excuse, Sam. Know what happened after you left? We didn't know how long the effects of the spell would last."
"It should have stopped after succeeding once--"
"But I didn't know that it had, did I? I was terrified of what would happen if I hooked up with a girl and got her pregnant. I went and got fixed so I couldn't have kids. It was all for nothing! Not only did you take Joey away from me, you took away any future children, too!"
Sam didn't have the words to answer. His mind was awash with the guilt he felt for how much he had taken from Dean. He'd thought he'd done the right thing.
"What did you tell Jessica? Obviously it wasn't the truth, since she's been so nice. Did you tell her you slept with your brother? Did you explain hunting and break our rule? How, exactly, did you manage to get the normal life you craved while you left the past behind in shambles?"
"I picked up the phone so many times--"
"I called you! I remember calling all the time when you first moved, making sure that you were okay. I was worried about how you were and you lied to me!"
"Do you know what it was like, Dean? Have you thought about that? I was scared, alone and pregnant. I gave birth in a skuzzy apartment with only the knowledge I'd gleamed from the internet. I've worked damn hard to give Joey the best life possible!"
"I, I, I. Do you hear yourself? When did you become so self-centered, or did I just refuse to notice? Joey's best life was without me? "
"Decisions had to be made. I did the best I could under the circumstances."
"Not good enough. The only reason you're not beat to a pulp is because my son, whom I love dearly, calls you Daddy."
"Let me explain--"
"No. You've had enough time to explain on your own. Now we're doing it my way."
Sam swallowed, knowing he wasn't going to like where the conversation was going.
"I'm going to bond with my son. You take Jessica someplace and tell her."
"It's Christmas Eve!"
"I've lost six years of his life! Maybe Jessica will forgive you if she's in the holiday spirit."
***
Talking to Jessica went about as well as Sam expected. She left. Sam walked home slowly after she stormed off.
"Mommy! What's wrong?" Joey wanted to cry when he saw her so upset.
"Nothing, Joey." She gave him a watery smile. "Grandma needs me, so I'm going to her house."
"I want to come, too."
"No, baby." She gave him a hug and tried not to sob. "Grandma's sick and I don't want you to catch it. I'm going to make her chicken noodle soup."
"Can I send her a teddy to make her feel better?"
"Sure." Jessica watched the boy she considered her son go into his room. She turned to Dean and wiped her eyes, "I suppose I can't be mad at you for taking what wasn't mine in the first place."
"You have a right to be upset."
"I didn't know."
"I believe you."
"Will you love him?" her voice wobbles.
"I already do."
Before she could say anything else, Joey bounced back into the room. "Here, Mommy. Grammy will feel better with teddy to protect her."
"Yes, she will." Jessica choked on her words. "You be a good for Dean."
"Okay. Will you call to tell me goodnight?"
His question brought tears to Dean's eyes. Joey had no idea how much his life was going to change when Jessica walked out the door. Dean planned on going all her could to make it easier on Joey, but he was under no delusion that it would be simple.
"Sure, sweetie. Remember, Santa comes tonight."
"Will we set out cookies?"
"I'm sure Dean will help you. I have to go, honey." She lingered, savoring every last moment she had with him. Then, she nodded to Dean.
"Come on, kiddo. You ready to show me how to play your video game?"
Joey's eyes lit up as he seemed to forget all about Grandma being sick and Mommy going away.
Jessica watched them walk away. After they had started their game, the door clicked shut behind her.
***
Dean stayed in town. He worked odd jobs until he got on at the hardware store. The work was tedious and his missed hunting, but he loved Joey more.
He got a place within walking distance from Sam's house. One bedroom had just a bed in it. The other one was filled with everything Dean never had as a kid. There were pictures of Joey and Dean all over. There were none of Sam.
They worked their schedule out so that Joey stayed overnight at both houses. If there was ever a way that time couldn't be split evenly, Dean had the bigger half. Sam didn't complain because he'd had Joey the first six years.
Sam was not forgiven for what he'd done. Dean was civil to him and they got along for Joey's sake, but Sam had taken too much from Dean.
He'd had Dean's heart. He broke it when he took a baby and himself away. Dean couldn't chance losing anything more.