Brown

[312z]

Alexander's room was not unlike the rooms of most boys his age. It had a wall with a window, a wall with a door, a wall plastered in posters and a wall of shelves - a vast pigeon-pocketed clutter of toys and books. The posters over his bed reached across the room, spreading slightly onto the ceiling. The mysterious eyes of astronauts and racing

Comments

[mojojojoe]

I think I've figured out what your writing style is. It's a strangely childish innocence, one that usually hides dark overtones and sinister backstory (and although there are dark over tones to this story, for the life of me I cannot find the hidden meaning, which adds to its charm). It's like reading a children's book, but a children's book designed for adults who read books when they were young. Nice technique, but you could employ it better. Try fitting the story-teller narrator into a truly adult story, maybe something bordering on pornographic, for an experiment (think of Flight of the Conchord's "Aldi the Racist Dragon", viewable via YouTube). I'm interested to see the results.

Two flaws in this; at times you use more grown-up language and it disrupts the innocence of the piece, and you need to work on your rhetoric when it comes from changing speech into narration and back to speech again.