(for glassfromscars) beauty and the stylist (who also happened to be a beauty)
For: glassfromscars
Title: beauty and the stylist (who also happened to be a beauty)
Genre: Romance, Fluff
Rating: G
Length: 3,700 words
Summary: Jongin believes that when he sees Kyungsoo again after a breakup that drove them apart, fate is trying to bring them back together. But Jongin is no longer just Jongin; this time he’s Kai, famous idol, and Kyungsoo is merely his stylist.
Notes: Thank you to the lovely prompter for this - I hope you enjoy your gift! Also thanks to Z and P for willing to beta my fic! You mean the world to me!
”You worry too much.”
Jongin turns to look at the shorter male who was staring out the car window. A car behind them honks and Jongin realises that the light had turned green while he was staring, and stomps on the gas pedal, lurching the car forwards. “I worry the perfect amount,” Jongin finally says, turning down the radio volume to hear himself better.
Kyungsoo sighs. “There’s no perfect amount to worry, Jongin.”
Jongin frowns, gripping onto the steering wheel. “Well, even if I do worry too much, I have every right to be.”
Jongin can feel Kyungsoo shift in the passenger seat and then turn to face him. He’s waiting for an explanation; Jongin knows he is. But still, Jongin stares straight ahead on the road, concentrating hard on the yellow dotted lines. “Jongin, I’m waiting.”
It’s Jongin’s turn to sigh. After a long pause, he says, “what if they don’t like me?”
Kyungsoo blinks, then turns to look out the window again. The car is silent and all Jongin can hear is the low volume of SNSD’s ‘I Got A Boy’ over the radio. It’s suddenly really hard to breath and Jongin rolls down the windows. Just a little bit.
”I mean, if I do become a famous dancer, that’ll mean a thousand million people will be watching me - “
”I’m pretty sure Korea isn’t that big.”
” - and if I ever mess up, god forbid, everyone will know and I’ll be judged and ridiculed like a criminal of some sort. It’s a make it or break it kind of business.” Jongin bits his lip, furrowing his eyebrows. “What if I’m not good enough to be a dancer? What if I break my leg and I ruin the singer’s act and they’ll have to find a replacement for me? What if the replacement is even better than me and they’ll fire me?”
Jongin wants Kyungsoo to comfort him, to tell him that it won’t happen and that it was highly unlikely for anything like that to happen. Jongin wants to hear Kyungsoo say there’s no one that raps than him, and there’s no one in the world who can dance like him but Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. He just stares out the window. He doesn’t say anything until Jongin pulls the car up in the dancing studio parking: “you really worry too much.”
“Jongin, you’re on in fifteen minutes, there’s no time for napping,” a set director yells, and Jongin jolts away in his sleep, groaning as his neck began to ache. Jongin stares at his reflection and grimaces at the clothes the director had thrown at him when he first entered the backstage. For sure the fans were going to say something on the internet tonight and Jongin is already cringing at the thought of it. Especially those international fans. Jongin never understood the jokes they made. If they were even jokes. Perhaps they really did think he was a baby.
”Where’s that new stylist? Is he late?” The set director barks again and Jongin sighs, his ears beginning to ring. You’d think after being so close to so many speakers, you’d be able to withhold his yelling. “I have a famous idol here and the stylist is late?”
”I got the word he just entered the building, sir.”
”Where is he?” The set director growls and marches off, leaving Jongin with a coordi noona. She smiles at Jongin warmly which made Jongin a little uncomfortable but relax his face nevertheless.
”Nervous?” Jongin doesn’t want to talk but he manages a wry smile and shrugs.
”Yeah, slightly.”
”You’ve done this thousands of times before. You’ll do fine.”
Jongin knows she’s right. Jongin will perform his act like he has been doing for the past months but Jongin had a feeling that tonight, something wasn’t right. There was a Terrible Thing on set.
”God, there you are!” Your manager is yelling again and Jongin lifts his gaze in the mirror, past his reflection. “You’re lucky you’re one of the best or I would have fired your ass half an hour ago.”
Then he saw it. A small, tiny man with wide eyes and round lips was clutching to his papers and bag, bowing solemnly and had his head down. But Jongin recognized that face anywhere.
It was right in front of him. The Terrible Thing.
”You need to be more confident with yourself,” Kyungsoo is saying one night when Jongin is staying past midnight to work on his dance performance. “Your routine is good enough.”
”I am confident.” Jongin pauses his dance to take a breath. Kyungsoo is laid on the couch that’s in the corner of the dance studio, his eyes on the phone. He wasn’t even watching Jongin practice. Jongin turns back to the full length mirror to start the dance over. “Good enough isn’t going to impress Lee Sooman though.”
”That’s a flaw of yours, you know.” Jongin lifts his head. Kyungsoo doesn’t even glance up.
”What is?”
”Your self-esteem issues.”
Jongin frowns, turning away from Kyungsoo again. “You know, if you don’t want to watch me practice, you can go home.” Jongin tries his best to come off nonchalant. “You don’t even like my dancing anyways.”
Jongin tries not to be too surprised or too hurt when he hears the door slam shut a moment later.
”If you keep up the world, you’ll rule the world,” is what his manager says, patting Jongin on the back.
”Your performance was beautiful,” is what the older sunbaenim says, nodding approvingly.
”You perfected every dance move I taught you,” is what his dance coach says, folding his arms across his chest.
”You’ll definitely win the countdown next week,” is what the MC says, grinning brightly.
Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything.
Jongin had hoped maybe Kyungsoo would compliment Jongin the most, and tell him how much he had improved. But Kyungsoo isn’t even looking at the TV backstage when Jongin finishes, all sweaty and tired. He watches as Kyungsoo helps another idol with their make-up. Kyungsoo looks the exact same, just two years older. For a moment, Jongin wonders if it’s not Kyungsoo. Perhaps Kyungsoo had a doppelganger. But when the idol seated in the chair says something humorous and makes Kyungsoo laugh, Jongin knows.
He’d know that smile anywhere.
But if it really was Kyungsoo, wouldn’t he recognize Jongin?
”Excuse me, hyung!” Jongin calls and Kyungsoo doesn’t even look up. Jongin pauses, blinking before calling him again. “”Kyungsoo-hyung!”
Both, the idol in the chair and Kyungsoo, look up at Jongin and he wonders if he should have waited until Kyungsoo was done. Jongin wonders if Kyungsoo had a boyfriend, or maybe a girlfriend, or was single. Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo.
”I’ll be right there.”
Okay, so now that he was coming over, what was Jongin supposed to ask him? ‘Hi, do you remember me, the boyfriend of yours for three years?’ Certainly not. Jongin plays with his fingers and waits for Kyungsoo to arrive. And when he does, all he does is stare. And Jongin stares right back.
”Well?”
”Well?” Jongin echoes, because he doesn’t have anything to say. Perhaps if he just continued staring, Kyungsoo would notice; perhaps something would click. But nothing happens except an awkward silence and Jongin is forced to clear his throat.
”Um, I’m not sure I understand what you mean.” Kyungsoo still talked the same way he used to - slowly, and softly but clear and bold. “You called me over so I’m asking what for.”
”I just…” Jongin smiles and it’s a grim one. “You’re new here, aren’t you?”
Kyungsoo nods, slowly. “Yes, I’m Kyungsoo. You must be Kai.”
Ah, that must be it. Why Kyungsoo wasn’t recognizing him. Because of his stage name. “Well, yes, but actually you can call me Jongin. That’s my real name.”
”Okay…Jongin.” His name rolls off his tongue so easily and it fits perfectly. Kyungsoo shifts on his feet and Jongin glances down to realize he really hasn’t grown much. Jongin is still waiting. He’s waiting for a ‘oh, jongin!’, a ‘I’ve missed you so much’ and even a ‘I love you’. But Kyungsoo just eyes everywhere but Jongin. He’s bored. He doesn’t remember. “Is that everything? I have other idols to tend to.”
”Oh, yes, of course.” Jongin sits straighter and waves him off and Kyungsoo nods curtly before leaving. Jongin watches him leave. Perhaps, this was another chance. A clean slate. An opportunity for Jongin to make things better than they were last time.
”What do you think my role would be in a band?” Jongin’s breath is seen as he breathes in and out. It’s cold in the park and although it was his idea to go for a walk in the park at night, he still wants to hold Kyungsoo’s hand madly but the shorter male had his hands shoved into his pockets.
”I don’t know,” Kyungsoo hums.
”Leader is too big of a responsibility for me. I’m not good enough to be a main dancer, or a main vocalist, or even a rapper. Maybe I’ll be the visual.” Jongin pauses. “But even then, there are people more attractive than me.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just continues walking and sighs. “Jongin.”
Jongin quickly picks up his speed to follow. “Kyungsoo.”
But then Kyungsoo stops walking and Jongin knows something’s not right. “You know, in relationships, people say you often have to be with people that inspire you to be better, right? Your girlfriend or boyfriend should inspire you to be better at whatever you do.”
”Yes,” Jongin says because that’s all he can think of to say.
”Well, I’m not doing that. I’m not inspiring you. You always think you’re not good enough and that’s my fault. I’m not doing my part.”
”I don’t get it.”
Kyungsoo turns to him. “That’s why I think we should break up.”
The next day, Jongin arrives at M!Countdown earlier than he usually does.
He claims it’s for more practice, but really Jongin’s looking for someone. But once Jongin is there, he supposes it wouldn’t make any sense for the stylist to show up five hours before the actual show went on air. So Jongin asks his manager to call up his stylist so they can go over concepts and his manager calls after giving him an odd look.
”You’re here early.” Jongin turns to see its Taemin, and gives him a small smile. “I’ve never even seen you be one hour early, let alone five.”
”I wanted to practice.”
”Right, because your stylist would be plenty of help for that.” Taemin laughs and Jongin turns a bright red. “Okay, but seriously, what’s the real reason?”
”I just want to practice.”
”God, I remember when you were a trainee. You practiced for ages but you never were happy with how good you were, and trust me, you’re good. But look where you are now.” Taemin pauses. “Say, you were dating a boy at that time, weren’t you?”
Jongin doesn’t answer but it’s mostly due to the fact that someone approaches them and once Jongin notices who it is, his back straightens again. It was becoming a habit.
Kyungsoo bows slightly and his eyes stare at Jongin. “Your manager said you called for me. I came here as soon as I could.”
”Ah, yes.” Jongin glances at Taemin who raises his eyebrows and laughs.
”Okay, I’ll leave you two to it then.” And he walks off, leaving Jongin and Kyungsoo alone.
And they really are alone. Sort of. Around them are several cameramen, and stage crew but they don’t pay any attention to them. Mostly because idols and performers weren’t supposed to come in till at least 4PM, and right now it was only 1:30PM. So, they awkwardly stand with each other again because it seemed like it was what they knew how to do best.
”I was thinking - I need help with fashion,” Jongin blurts out and Kyungsoo looks at him interested.
”Fashion?”
”Yes, so, I was wondering if maybe you could help me. Perhaps we could go shopping together or something,” Jongin says, trying his best to make it sound like it was a date (because it wasn’t).
”Like a date?”
”God, no, not like a date.” Jongin shakes his head. Obviously he wasn’t doing such a good job. “Like an idol to stylist kinda thing.”
”Right.”
Jongin waits for an answer but Kyungsoo just stands there, biting his lip. God. “Well?”
”I don’t know. It depends when we go and where, and who will be with us and - “
”How about tomorrow?”
Kyungsoo thinks. “Tomorrow is my day off.”
”Oh.” He realizes that perhaps Kyungsoo does not want to spend time with him after all. But Jongin is dedicated to make Kyungsoo fall in love with him again. “Is it okay if I join you?”
Kyungsoo blinks. “You don’t even know what I’m doing.”
”Yes but tomorrow is also my day off and I have nothing to do. If I stay at the company, I’ll have to be practicing something and if I stay at my dorm, there’s nothing to do. So please let me tag along on whatever you’re doing tomorrow.”
Kyungsoo thinks again, staring at the ground as he does so. “Okay.” And assuming the conversation was done, Kyungsoo sighs and begins to walk away.
Jongin’s startled and hurries to catch up with his fast pace. It reminds him of that time in the park. “May I ask where we’re going?”
”Grocery shopping.”
So on a Friday morning, Jongin wakes up at 8AM to get ready for his day out with Kyungsoo.
He sits on his bed, half dressed, because he’s not sure how to dress. How did someone dress for grocery shopping? His sisters and mom always did that. So after some research (and by asking Taemin), Jongin had decided to wear casual jeans and a black t-shirt. He stares at himself in the mirror, satisfied, and makes his way out.
Of course, Jongin must wear sunglasses when leaving his home because he didn’t want his fame to ruin today.
But by the time he’s reached the hotel that they were supposed to meet at, Jongin has managed to bring along one too many fans. Kyungsoo takes note of this too when he comes out of the hotel building, eyeing the fans.
”You brought company?”
”Not that I wanted to.”
Kyungsoo shakes his head before walking and Jongin has no choice but to follow him. Kyungsoo’s steps are small, but his strides are long. He shoves his hands in his pocket and again, Jongin is remembered of the night at the park. He really hasn’t changed at all.
”So, tell me about yourself,” Jongin prods and Kyungsoo glances at him before staring straight ahead. “Also, don’t you have a car of some sorts?”
”No, I’d prefer walking.” Kyungsoo just walks. “And, why do you want to know about me?”
”Why, because you seem interesting.” Jongin bites his lip, fixing his sunglasses (which, he began to realize, were no use).
”You’re Kai. I’m your stylist.” Kyungsoo turns to look at Jongin. “Am I also being paid for being your friend?”
And for the third time in that hour, Jongin is reminded of the night in the park again.
”So, you’re saying that the hardest tomato is the best one.” Jongin picks up a red fruit (vegetable, to Jongin, but Kyungsoo insisted they were fruits) and examines it as Kyungsoo digs around in the bin. Although they had arrived early, the supermarket was already alive and awake. People were musing about, picking up fishes and noodles left and right.
”How do you not know how to grocery shop? Surely, you’d have went shopping when you were a trainee.”
”Only at convenience stores. And even then, it was for junk food.” Jongin places the tomato back on the others and sighs. “I didn’t think grocery shopping needed so much thinking.”
”It’s common sense, Kai,” Jongin begins to notice how Kyungsoo’s blunt and honest self hadn’t changed much.
Jongin watches as Kyungsoo wheels their shopping cart past the rest of the vegetables and begins to walk in the aisle with noodles. There’s more kinds of noodles than Jongin can name - buckwheat, jjolmyeon rice, garak guksu, egg, cellophane…Kyungsoo stops in front of one brand, making Jongin crash into him.
”What are you even cooking?” Jongin asks, grimacing as he rubs the back of his neck.
Kyungsoo doesn’t answer and Jongin is stuck studying the various noodles. Jongin’s mind begins to wander as he watches Kyungsoo bend down to examine another package of noodles. Jongin was going to mend what was broken. The question was how?
Kyungsoo had broken up with Jongin because he believed Jongin had self-esteem issues. It bothered Kyungsoo that Jongin wasn’t confidant in who he was and Jongin was going to prove to him that he was different - he’s fixed himself. But how?
”Are you good at cooking?” Jongin attempts again and Kyungsoo stands up straight, staring at Jongin. He eyes the several fans around them and raises an eyebrow.
”What are you doing?”
Jongin blinks. “What do you mean?”
”I mean, like, why are you grocery shopping with me? You’re Kai - you can be back at your dorm practicing.”
”You get bored of practicing.” Jongin leans against the shopping cart. “That’s all I do. Practice, practice, practice.”
”What if you’re not good enough?” The question shakes Jongin, making his eyes go wide and his heart beat a little faster but Kyungsoo is unmoved, proceeding with his noodle study.
”That doesn’t matter.”
Kyungsoo eyes Jongin again and when he turns back to the noodles, Jongin swears he saw the shorter male smile.
”Where were you?” Jongin glances up from his book just in time to see Taemin enter his room. He should have locked it. “Yesterday, I mean.”
”Why?”
”You’re usually practicing but - “ Taemin fakes realization. “Ah, right, you were busy grocery shopping.”
Jongin can hear the mockery in his voice. He goes back to his book, deciding to ignore him. “I was bored. I wanted something new to do.”
”God, surely you’ve went shopping with your mom before?”
”I never paid attention.”
”God.” Taemin doesn’t say anything for a few minutes and Jongin lets his curiosity get the best of him - he looks up. Taemin’s squinting at Jongin, studying him. “What is it about that stylist that interests you so much? We’ve had plently of new stylists but you never took the time to know them. God, you never even took the time to remember their names.”
”That’s not true. I have a bad memory.”
Taemin’s not taking it but he leaves it where it is. Instead, Taemin eyes the book Jongin was reading and smirks before backing out of his room.
Jongin frowns and then realizes: his book was ‘How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back in Seven Days’.
As the weeks go by, Kyungsoo grows from a stylist to a friend, and from a friend into the boy he knew five years ago. With each passing day, Do Kyungsoo, stylist shows parts of Do Kyungsoo, boyfriend.
Jongin notices this especially when Kyungsoo is staring at his phone, his eyebrows scrunching as he frowned. Jongin laughs when he leans over Kyungsoo’s shoulder to see animated characters dashing across the screen. “What anime is it this time?”
Kyungsoo brings a finger to his lips, signalling for Jongin to quiet down. Jongin had just finished his performance and although it’d be nice for a compliment, Jongin decides it’s enough for him to be here. Even though he kind of has to be. You know, because he’s a stylist and all.
The episode ends and Kyungsoo turns off his phone, putting it in his pocket before turning to Jongin. “When will you stop watching anime?” Jongin laughs and Kyungsoo smiles back. But then, Kyungsoo’s smile slowly fades and he stares at Jongin. It makes Jongin uncomfortable and eye contact is something he cannot do.
”You know, people say you’re one of the most popular and biggest idols right now.”
”Really?” Jongin did know. He just didn’t really…know how to react to it.
”Yes.”
Kyungsoo is still staring at Jongin and he’s not sure why. “Why are you doing this, Jongin?”
It’s the first time since they’ve re-met that Kyungsoo’s used his real name. “What do you mean? Do what?”
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. “Pretending as if we don’t know each other.”
Jongin is still not grasping the situation.
”You did good.”
Jongin nods curtly before excusing himself. Kyungsoo knows. Kyungsoo knew, and probably knew from the moment they met.
Perhaps Jongin was expecting Kyungsoo not to know it was him. Perhaps, Jongin wanted more time.
Perhaps he wanted his clean slate to stay clean.
But it was never clean. It might not have any stains, or leftovers but it still had the same scratches, the same fissures, and the same cracks.
Jongin just goes to practice and back to his room. It wasn’t much trouble considering his promotions were ending. Practice, room, practice, room. It became a routine.
Kyungsoo hadn’t come looking for him once.
It’s another sleepless night and Jongin is awake thinking of Kyungsoo.
This was annoying Jongin. It was bothering him that this was bothering him so much. So he decides to just call up Kyungsoo and get it over with. Rip off the band-aid along with his pride and ego.
It rings three times before Kyungsoo picks up.
”Hello?”
”Kyungsoo.”
Nothing. Then: “hello.”
Jongin waits a little more than takes a deep breath. “If you knew, why didn’t you say anything?”
Jongin can imagine Kyungsoo shrugging. “I don’t know. I didn’t want to - I thought it’d be better if we just pretended we didn’t know each other. It didn’t seem real. You didn’t seem real.
”What do you mean?” Jongin’s been asking this a lot nowadays.
It’s silent on the other end for many moments. “You’re a lot different, Jongin. You’ve grown a lot.”
This is what Jongin has wanted to hear but not like this. “I know,” he whispers. “It’s because of you.”
Kyungsoo laughs lightly. “This is weird.”
”Kyungsoo.”
”Yes.”
”I want to inspire you like you inspire me.” They’re still whispering.
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. “I’d like to give a suggestion.”
”What is it?”
”I’d like for us to start all over.”
And Jongin realizes that this was his second chance. His second chance to make Kyungsoo love him and love him forever because Jongin never really stopped.
Title: beauty and the stylist (who also happened to be a beauty)
Genre: Romance, Fluff
Rating: G
Length: 3,700 words
Summary: Jongin believes that when he sees Kyungsoo again after a breakup that drove them apart, fate is trying to bring them back together. But Jongin is no longer just Jongin; this time he’s Kai, famous idol, and Kyungsoo is merely his stylist.
Notes: Thank you to the lovely prompter for this - I hope you enjoy your gift! Also thanks to Z and P for willing to beta my fic! You mean the world to me!
”You worry too much.”
Jongin turns to look at the shorter male who was staring out the car window. A car behind them honks and Jongin realises that the light had turned green while he was staring, and stomps on the gas pedal, lurching the car forwards. “I worry the perfect amount,” Jongin finally says, turning down the radio volume to hear himself better.
Kyungsoo sighs. “There’s no perfect amount to worry, Jongin.”
Jongin frowns, gripping onto the steering wheel. “Well, even if I do worry too much, I have every right to be.”
Jongin can feel Kyungsoo shift in the passenger seat and then turn to face him. He’s waiting for an explanation; Jongin knows he is. But still, Jongin stares straight ahead on the road, concentrating hard on the yellow dotted lines. “Jongin, I’m waiting.”
It’s Jongin’s turn to sigh. After a long pause, he says, “what if they don’t like me?”
Kyungsoo blinks, then turns to look out the window again. The car is silent and all Jongin can hear is the low volume of SNSD’s ‘I Got A Boy’ over the radio. It’s suddenly really hard to breath and Jongin rolls down the windows. Just a little bit.
”I mean, if I do become a famous dancer, that’ll mean a thousand million people will be watching me - “
”I’m pretty sure Korea isn’t that big.”
” - and if I ever mess up, god forbid, everyone will know and I’ll be judged and ridiculed like a criminal of some sort. It’s a make it or break it kind of business.” Jongin bits his lip, furrowing his eyebrows. “What if I’m not good enough to be a dancer? What if I break my leg and I ruin the singer’s act and they’ll have to find a replacement for me? What if the replacement is even better than me and they’ll fire me?”
Jongin wants Kyungsoo to comfort him, to tell him that it won’t happen and that it was highly unlikely for anything like that to happen. Jongin wants to hear Kyungsoo say there’s no one that raps than him, and there’s no one in the world who can dance like him but Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. He just stares out the window. He doesn’t say anything until Jongin pulls the car up in the dancing studio parking: “you really worry too much.”
“Jongin, you’re on in fifteen minutes, there’s no time for napping,” a set director yells, and Jongin jolts away in his sleep, groaning as his neck began to ache. Jongin stares at his reflection and grimaces at the clothes the director had thrown at him when he first entered the backstage. For sure the fans were going to say something on the internet tonight and Jongin is already cringing at the thought of it. Especially those international fans. Jongin never understood the jokes they made. If they were even jokes. Perhaps they really did think he was a baby.
”Where’s that new stylist? Is he late?” The set director barks again and Jongin sighs, his ears beginning to ring. You’d think after being so close to so many speakers, you’d be able to withhold his yelling. “I have a famous idol here and the stylist is late?”
”I got the word he just entered the building, sir.”
”Where is he?” The set director growls and marches off, leaving Jongin with a coordi noona. She smiles at Jongin warmly which made Jongin a little uncomfortable but relax his face nevertheless.
”Nervous?” Jongin doesn’t want to talk but he manages a wry smile and shrugs.
”Yeah, slightly.”
”You’ve done this thousands of times before. You’ll do fine.”
Jongin knows she’s right. Jongin will perform his act like he has been doing for the past months but Jongin had a feeling that tonight, something wasn’t right. There was a Terrible Thing on set.
”God, there you are!” Your manager is yelling again and Jongin lifts his gaze in the mirror, past his reflection. “You’re lucky you’re one of the best or I would have fired your ass half an hour ago.”
Then he saw it. A small, tiny man with wide eyes and round lips was clutching to his papers and bag, bowing solemnly and had his head down. But Jongin recognized that face anywhere.
It was right in front of him. The Terrible Thing.
”You need to be more confident with yourself,” Kyungsoo is saying one night when Jongin is staying past midnight to work on his dance performance. “Your routine is good enough.”
”I am confident.” Jongin pauses his dance to take a breath. Kyungsoo is laid on the couch that’s in the corner of the dance studio, his eyes on the phone. He wasn’t even watching Jongin practice. Jongin turns back to the full length mirror to start the dance over. “Good enough isn’t going to impress Lee Sooman though.”
”That’s a flaw of yours, you know.” Jongin lifts his head. Kyungsoo doesn’t even glance up.
”What is?”
”Your self-esteem issues.”
Jongin frowns, turning away from Kyungsoo again. “You know, if you don’t want to watch me practice, you can go home.” Jongin tries his best to come off nonchalant. “You don’t even like my dancing anyways.”
Jongin tries not to be too surprised or too hurt when he hears the door slam shut a moment later.
”If you keep up the world, you’ll rule the world,” is what his manager says, patting Jongin on the back.
”Your performance was beautiful,” is what the older sunbaenim says, nodding approvingly.
”You perfected every dance move I taught you,” is what his dance coach says, folding his arms across his chest.
”You’ll definitely win the countdown next week,” is what the MC says, grinning brightly.
Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything.
Jongin had hoped maybe Kyungsoo would compliment Jongin the most, and tell him how much he had improved. But Kyungsoo isn’t even looking at the TV backstage when Jongin finishes, all sweaty and tired. He watches as Kyungsoo helps another idol with their make-up. Kyungsoo looks the exact same, just two years older. For a moment, Jongin wonders if it’s not Kyungsoo. Perhaps Kyungsoo had a doppelganger. But when the idol seated in the chair says something humorous and makes Kyungsoo laugh, Jongin knows.
He’d know that smile anywhere.
But if it really was Kyungsoo, wouldn’t he recognize Jongin?
”Excuse me, hyung!” Jongin calls and Kyungsoo doesn’t even look up. Jongin pauses, blinking before calling him again. “”Kyungsoo-hyung!”
Both, the idol in the chair and Kyungsoo, look up at Jongin and he wonders if he should have waited until Kyungsoo was done. Jongin wonders if Kyungsoo had a boyfriend, or maybe a girlfriend, or was single. Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo.
”I’ll be right there.”
Okay, so now that he was coming over, what was Jongin supposed to ask him? ‘Hi, do you remember me, the boyfriend of yours for three years?’ Certainly not. Jongin plays with his fingers and waits for Kyungsoo to arrive. And when he does, all he does is stare. And Jongin stares right back.
”Well?”
”Well?” Jongin echoes, because he doesn’t have anything to say. Perhaps if he just continued staring, Kyungsoo would notice; perhaps something would click. But nothing happens except an awkward silence and Jongin is forced to clear his throat.
”Um, I’m not sure I understand what you mean.” Kyungsoo still talked the same way he used to - slowly, and softly but clear and bold. “You called me over so I’m asking what for.”
”I just…” Jongin smiles and it’s a grim one. “You’re new here, aren’t you?”
Kyungsoo nods, slowly. “Yes, I’m Kyungsoo. You must be Kai.”
Ah, that must be it. Why Kyungsoo wasn’t recognizing him. Because of his stage name. “Well, yes, but actually you can call me Jongin. That’s my real name.”
”Okay…Jongin.” His name rolls off his tongue so easily and it fits perfectly. Kyungsoo shifts on his feet and Jongin glances down to realize he really hasn’t grown much. Jongin is still waiting. He’s waiting for a ‘oh, jongin!’, a ‘I’ve missed you so much’ and even a ‘I love you’. But Kyungsoo just eyes everywhere but Jongin. He’s bored. He doesn’t remember. “Is that everything? I have other idols to tend to.”
”Oh, yes, of course.” Jongin sits straighter and waves him off and Kyungsoo nods curtly before leaving. Jongin watches him leave. Perhaps, this was another chance. A clean slate. An opportunity for Jongin to make things better than they were last time.
”What do you think my role would be in a band?” Jongin’s breath is seen as he breathes in and out. It’s cold in the park and although it was his idea to go for a walk in the park at night, he still wants to hold Kyungsoo’s hand madly but the shorter male had his hands shoved into his pockets.
”I don’t know,” Kyungsoo hums.
”Leader is too big of a responsibility for me. I’m not good enough to be a main dancer, or a main vocalist, or even a rapper. Maybe I’ll be the visual.” Jongin pauses. “But even then, there are people more attractive than me.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just continues walking and sighs. “Jongin.”
Jongin quickly picks up his speed to follow. “Kyungsoo.”
But then Kyungsoo stops walking and Jongin knows something’s not right. “You know, in relationships, people say you often have to be with people that inspire you to be better, right? Your girlfriend or boyfriend should inspire you to be better at whatever you do.”
”Yes,” Jongin says because that’s all he can think of to say.
”Well, I’m not doing that. I’m not inspiring you. You always think you’re not good enough and that’s my fault. I’m not doing my part.”
”I don’t get it.”
Kyungsoo turns to him. “That’s why I think we should break up.”
The next day, Jongin arrives at M!Countdown earlier than he usually does.
He claims it’s for more practice, but really Jongin’s looking for someone. But once Jongin is there, he supposes it wouldn’t make any sense for the stylist to show up five hours before the actual show went on air. So Jongin asks his manager to call up his stylist so they can go over concepts and his manager calls after giving him an odd look.
”You’re here early.” Jongin turns to see its Taemin, and gives him a small smile. “I’ve never even seen you be one hour early, let alone five.”
”I wanted to practice.”
”Right, because your stylist would be plenty of help for that.” Taemin laughs and Jongin turns a bright red. “Okay, but seriously, what’s the real reason?”
”I just want to practice.”
”God, I remember when you were a trainee. You practiced for ages but you never were happy with how good you were, and trust me, you’re good. But look where you are now.” Taemin pauses. “Say, you were dating a boy at that time, weren’t you?”
Jongin doesn’t answer but it’s mostly due to the fact that someone approaches them and once Jongin notices who it is, his back straightens again. It was becoming a habit.
Kyungsoo bows slightly and his eyes stare at Jongin. “Your manager said you called for me. I came here as soon as I could.”
”Ah, yes.” Jongin glances at Taemin who raises his eyebrows and laughs.
”Okay, I’ll leave you two to it then.” And he walks off, leaving Jongin and Kyungsoo alone.
And they really are alone. Sort of. Around them are several cameramen, and stage crew but they don’t pay any attention to them. Mostly because idols and performers weren’t supposed to come in till at least 4PM, and right now it was only 1:30PM. So, they awkwardly stand with each other again because it seemed like it was what they knew how to do best.
”I was thinking - I need help with fashion,” Jongin blurts out and Kyungsoo looks at him interested.
”Fashion?”
”Yes, so, I was wondering if maybe you could help me. Perhaps we could go shopping together or something,” Jongin says, trying his best to make it sound like it was a date (because it wasn’t).
”Like a date?”
”God, no, not like a date.” Jongin shakes his head. Obviously he wasn’t doing such a good job. “Like an idol to stylist kinda thing.”
”Right.”
Jongin waits for an answer but Kyungsoo just stands there, biting his lip. God. “Well?”
”I don’t know. It depends when we go and where, and who will be with us and - “
”How about tomorrow?”
Kyungsoo thinks. “Tomorrow is my day off.”
”Oh.” He realizes that perhaps Kyungsoo does not want to spend time with him after all. But Jongin is dedicated to make Kyungsoo fall in love with him again. “Is it okay if I join you?”
Kyungsoo blinks. “You don’t even know what I’m doing.”
”Yes but tomorrow is also my day off and I have nothing to do. If I stay at the company, I’ll have to be practicing something and if I stay at my dorm, there’s nothing to do. So please let me tag along on whatever you’re doing tomorrow.”
Kyungsoo thinks again, staring at the ground as he does so. “Okay.” And assuming the conversation was done, Kyungsoo sighs and begins to walk away.
Jongin’s startled and hurries to catch up with his fast pace. It reminds him of that time in the park. “May I ask where we’re going?”
”Grocery shopping.”
So on a Friday morning, Jongin wakes up at 8AM to get ready for his day out with Kyungsoo.
He sits on his bed, half dressed, because he’s not sure how to dress. How did someone dress for grocery shopping? His sisters and mom always did that. So after some research (and by asking Taemin), Jongin had decided to wear casual jeans and a black t-shirt. He stares at himself in the mirror, satisfied, and makes his way out.
Of course, Jongin must wear sunglasses when leaving his home because he didn’t want his fame to ruin today.
But by the time he’s reached the hotel that they were supposed to meet at, Jongin has managed to bring along one too many fans. Kyungsoo takes note of this too when he comes out of the hotel building, eyeing the fans.
”You brought company?”
”Not that I wanted to.”
Kyungsoo shakes his head before walking and Jongin has no choice but to follow him. Kyungsoo’s steps are small, but his strides are long. He shoves his hands in his pocket and again, Jongin is remembered of the night at the park. He really hasn’t changed at all.
”So, tell me about yourself,” Jongin prods and Kyungsoo glances at him before staring straight ahead. “Also, don’t you have a car of some sorts?”
”No, I’d prefer walking.” Kyungsoo just walks. “And, why do you want to know about me?”
”Why, because you seem interesting.” Jongin bites his lip, fixing his sunglasses (which, he began to realize, were no use).
”You’re Kai. I’m your stylist.” Kyungsoo turns to look at Jongin. “Am I also being paid for being your friend?”
And for the third time in that hour, Jongin is reminded of the night in the park again.
”So, you’re saying that the hardest tomato is the best one.” Jongin picks up a red fruit (vegetable, to Jongin, but Kyungsoo insisted they were fruits) and examines it as Kyungsoo digs around in the bin. Although they had arrived early, the supermarket was already alive and awake. People were musing about, picking up fishes and noodles left and right.
”How do you not know how to grocery shop? Surely, you’d have went shopping when you were a trainee.”
”Only at convenience stores. And even then, it was for junk food.” Jongin places the tomato back on the others and sighs. “I didn’t think grocery shopping needed so much thinking.”
”It’s common sense, Kai,” Jongin begins to notice how Kyungsoo’s blunt and honest self hadn’t changed much.
Jongin watches as Kyungsoo wheels their shopping cart past the rest of the vegetables and begins to walk in the aisle with noodles. There’s more kinds of noodles than Jongin can name - buckwheat, jjolmyeon rice, garak guksu, egg, cellophane…Kyungsoo stops in front of one brand, making Jongin crash into him.
”What are you even cooking?” Jongin asks, grimacing as he rubs the back of his neck.
Kyungsoo doesn’t answer and Jongin is stuck studying the various noodles. Jongin’s mind begins to wander as he watches Kyungsoo bend down to examine another package of noodles. Jongin was going to mend what was broken. The question was how?
Kyungsoo had broken up with Jongin because he believed Jongin had self-esteem issues. It bothered Kyungsoo that Jongin wasn’t confidant in who he was and Jongin was going to prove to him that he was different - he’s fixed himself. But how?
”Are you good at cooking?” Jongin attempts again and Kyungsoo stands up straight, staring at Jongin. He eyes the several fans around them and raises an eyebrow.
”What are you doing?”
Jongin blinks. “What do you mean?”
”I mean, like, why are you grocery shopping with me? You’re Kai - you can be back at your dorm practicing.”
”You get bored of practicing.” Jongin leans against the shopping cart. “That’s all I do. Practice, practice, practice.”
”What if you’re not good enough?” The question shakes Jongin, making his eyes go wide and his heart beat a little faster but Kyungsoo is unmoved, proceeding with his noodle study.
”That doesn’t matter.”
Kyungsoo eyes Jongin again and when he turns back to the noodles, Jongin swears he saw the shorter male smile.
”Where were you?” Jongin glances up from his book just in time to see Taemin enter his room. He should have locked it. “Yesterday, I mean.”
”Why?”
”You’re usually practicing but - “ Taemin fakes realization. “Ah, right, you were busy grocery shopping.”
Jongin can hear the mockery in his voice. He goes back to his book, deciding to ignore him. “I was bored. I wanted something new to do.”
”God, surely you’ve went shopping with your mom before?”
”I never paid attention.”
”God.” Taemin doesn’t say anything for a few minutes and Jongin lets his curiosity get the best of him - he looks up. Taemin’s squinting at Jongin, studying him. “What is it about that stylist that interests you so much? We’ve had plently of new stylists but you never took the time to know them. God, you never even took the time to remember their names.”
”That’s not true. I have a bad memory.”
Taemin’s not taking it but he leaves it where it is. Instead, Taemin eyes the book Jongin was reading and smirks before backing out of his room.
Jongin frowns and then realizes: his book was ‘How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back in Seven Days’.
As the weeks go by, Kyungsoo grows from a stylist to a friend, and from a friend into the boy he knew five years ago. With each passing day, Do Kyungsoo, stylist shows parts of Do Kyungsoo, boyfriend.
Jongin notices this especially when Kyungsoo is staring at his phone, his eyebrows scrunching as he frowned. Jongin laughs when he leans over Kyungsoo’s shoulder to see animated characters dashing across the screen. “What anime is it this time?”
Kyungsoo brings a finger to his lips, signalling for Jongin to quiet down. Jongin had just finished his performance and although it’d be nice for a compliment, Jongin decides it’s enough for him to be here. Even though he kind of has to be. You know, because he’s a stylist and all.
The episode ends and Kyungsoo turns off his phone, putting it in his pocket before turning to Jongin. “When will you stop watching anime?” Jongin laughs and Kyungsoo smiles back. But then, Kyungsoo’s smile slowly fades and he stares at Jongin. It makes Jongin uncomfortable and eye contact is something he cannot do.
”You know, people say you’re one of the most popular and biggest idols right now.”
”Really?” Jongin did know. He just didn’t really…know how to react to it.
”Yes.”
Kyungsoo is still staring at Jongin and he’s not sure why. “Why are you doing this, Jongin?”
It’s the first time since they’ve re-met that Kyungsoo’s used his real name. “What do you mean? Do what?”
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. “Pretending as if we don’t know each other.”
Jongin is still not grasping the situation.
”You did good.”
Jongin nods curtly before excusing himself. Kyungsoo knows. Kyungsoo knew, and probably knew from the moment they met.
Perhaps Jongin was expecting Kyungsoo not to know it was him. Perhaps, Jongin wanted more time.
Perhaps he wanted his clean slate to stay clean.
But it was never clean. It might not have any stains, or leftovers but it still had the same scratches, the same fissures, and the same cracks.
Jongin just goes to practice and back to his room. It wasn’t much trouble considering his promotions were ending. Practice, room, practice, room. It became a routine.
Kyungsoo hadn’t come looking for him once.
It’s another sleepless night and Jongin is awake thinking of Kyungsoo.
This was annoying Jongin. It was bothering him that this was bothering him so much. So he decides to just call up Kyungsoo and get it over with. Rip off the band-aid along with his pride and ego.
It rings three times before Kyungsoo picks up.
”Hello?”
”Kyungsoo.”
Nothing. Then: “hello.”
Jongin waits a little more than takes a deep breath. “If you knew, why didn’t you say anything?”
Jongin can imagine Kyungsoo shrugging. “I don’t know. I didn’t want to - I thought it’d be better if we just pretended we didn’t know each other. It didn’t seem real. You didn’t seem real.
”What do you mean?” Jongin’s been asking this a lot nowadays.
It’s silent on the other end for many moments. “You’re a lot different, Jongin. You’ve grown a lot.”
This is what Jongin has wanted to hear but not like this. “I know,” he whispers. “It’s because of you.”
Kyungsoo laughs lightly. “This is weird.”
”Kyungsoo.”
”Yes.”
”I want to inspire you like you inspire me.” They’re still whispering.
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. “I’d like to give a suggestion.”
”What is it?”
”I’d like for us to start all over.”
And Jongin realizes that this was his second chance. His second chance to make Kyungsoo love him and love him forever because Jongin never really stopped.