in which my sister and I discuss businesstuck
Antixmonday 1:41 am
I'll look up horse puns I guess
I'm so doing salesstuck now though
vanityremix 1:42 am
asdflkajsdf
yessss
Antixmonday 1:42 am
just door to door eridan, karkat, terezi, and equius
no one else is interesting enough
maybe one with tavros
just being a loser with his wheelchair
vanityremix 1:43 am
oh god
he can't even get to most people's doors
Antixmonday 1:43 am
and like, bitching about how he can't get up the front steps
vanityremix 1:43 am
because of steps
Antixmonday 1:43 am
jkdgaskdg
vanityremix 1:43 am
he brings a pole so he can ring their doorbells
Antixmonday 1:43 am
he starts like, rolling up to the windows and asking to be let in
vanityremix 1:44 am
asdflj lmfao
Antixmonday 1:44 am
or he goes up their driveways and waits
Vriska would be like, the boss
vanityremix 1:45 am
lmfao yes
Antixmonday 1:45 am
mind control erreone to buy her stupid 8 balls
vanityremix 1:45 am
the only reason she doesn' tfire tav is because she's madly in love with him
Antixmonday 1:45 am
she keeps his office next to hers but totally denies favoritism
vanityremix 1:46 am
WH8T 8RE YOU LOOKING 8T
THIS IS JUST C8NVENIENT OK8Y
Antixmonday 1:46 am
she'd have like WICKED HUGE pointy shoulder pads
like angelica's mom from Rugrats
vanityremix 1:47 am
lmfao yes
and slutty stilletos all day erreday
pointy shoulder pads are also part of the dress code
Antixmonday 1:47 am
haha
Antixmonday 1:47 am
Eridan asked for the office next to the water cooler so he had more chances to score
also he is aquatic so I guess he likes water
vanityremix 1:47 am
asdlfjlj
he gets put in the basement instead
Antixmonday 1:48 am
hjfgkhl;jgl;sdg
vanityremix 1:48 am
his stapler is his only friend
he talks to it
asks it for advice
Antixmonday 1:48 am
he named it Feferi or something
vanityremix 1:48 am
and he brings it with him everywhere
Antixmonday 1:48 am
he has one of those european manpurses
because it makes him look fly
vanityremix 1:49 am
yes of course
everyone will think he is the pinnacle of fashion
no eridan you look like a douche
Antixmonday 1:49 am
he needs to have some like, mad obsession with getting his shoes polished or something
or ties
he could like ties
vanityremix 1:50 am
karkat is the only one who takes his job seriously
except he's horrible atit
no one wants to buy something from a guy that's yelling at them
CAN YOU CUT THROUGH YOUR SHOE WITH ANY OF YOUR KNIVES?
DIDN'T THINK SO
BUY THIS
Antixmonday 1:50 am
FUCKFACE
Vriska would fire him if he didn't entertain her with all his failings
which he sees as Vriska believing in him or something
Antixmonday 1:52 am
HE SHARES AN OFFICE WITH
terezi or equius
vanityremix 1:52 am
john it has to be john
suddenly john works there
Antixmonday 1:52 am
kdsjhfaslkdghasdg YES
vanityremix 1:52 am
john tries to coach him on being friendly withhis sales pitches
FUCK OFF EGBERT MY SALES ARE FINE
john sets up a basketball hoop on their door
Antixmonday 1:53 am
there's a small framed portrait of Nic Cage on his desk
vanityremix 1:53 am
yes
john always offers to hold office birthday parties in their office
Antixmonday 1:54 am
Terezi comes to every single one
vanityremix 1:54 am
their office is always full of balloons
karkat spends his time popping them
Antixmonday 1:54 am
fffffyes
vanityremix 1:55 am
john decorates their office for every holiday
every
holiday
arbor day
boxing day
veteran's day
Antixmonday 1:55 am
jewish christmas
because I can't spell hanuahghkak
:<
vanityremix 1:55 am
lmao john is jewish
this is now my headcanon
Antixmonday 1:56 am
Dave is like, the face of the company
he just knocks on peoples' doors and they throw their money at him because he's so fly
vanityremix 1:56 am
yes
vriska makes herself employee of the month every month
there's just a wall covered in photos of her
Antixmonday 1:57 am
all blingeed
vanityremix 1:58 am
yes
Antixmonday 1:58 am
she has a small pile of treasure in her office
and her chair is like, made of gold and swag
vanityremix 1:58 am
dave is her rival in swag
Antixmonday 2:00 am
Nepeta needs to be the company's motivational speaker
vanityremix 2:00 am
yes
she is always hosting workships
vanityremix 2:00 am
discofuring your true you
Antixmonday 2:00 am
(in karkat's office, because john keeps volunteering)
vanityremix 2:01 am
yes
they have a meeting room
but it nevergets used
because meetings are always in johnkats office
Antixmonday 2:02 am
so Terezi, Aradia, Tavros, and Vriska FLARP in the meeting room
there are chalk drawings on all the walls
vanityremix 2:02 am
the walls of terezi'soffice are just whiteboards
Antixmonday 2:02 am
yessss
she gets her own office
vanityremix 2:02 am
yes
because she has a disability!!
Antixmonday 2:03 am
she also has a guillotine next to her desk
for justive
vanityremix 2:03 am
1 N33D MY SP4C3
Antixmonday 2:03 am
*justice
and her office is cluttered with dumb things
vanityremix 2:03 am
stuffed animals
Antixmonday 2:04 am
Jade would invent all the stuff they sell
vanityremix 2:04 am
dragon figurines
she is the queen of knicknacks
she has like a million things that have "#1 boss" on them
terezi you are not even the boss why doyou have these things
Antixmonday 2:05 am
SH3 H4S 4 DIS4BILITY
vanityremix 2:05 am
DONT D1SCR1M1N4T3
Antixmonday 2:06 am
Gamzee's the creative director/head of advertisement
all his posters and billboards are like, fucking mIrIcLeS
vanityremix 2:06 am
no one understands them
they make no sense
Antixmonday 2:06 am
ie splashed with every obnoxious color
vanityremix 2:06 am
they don't advertise anything
and it drives people crazy
they must figure out what they mean
and so they get tons of attention
Antixmonday 2:07 am
meanwhile, eridan is still in the basement
vanityremix 2:07 am
him and his stapler
he offers to throw birthday parties and meetings in his office
no one comes
Antixmonday 2:07 am
no one even knows there is a basement
vanityremix 2:08 am
someone's like, sure eridan, I'll come
then they ask where his office is
everyone just shrugs
Antixmonday 2:08 am
"dOES hE eVEN wORK hERE?"
vanityremix 2:08 am
even vriska doesn't know where his office is
and she's the one that assigned it to him
Antixmonday 2:09 am
she doesn't really care to find out where he is, either
Antixmonday 2:09 am
somehow he's still employed
Aradia and Feferi can share an office
since they're like, normal
vanityremix 2:10 am
lmfao yes
except feferi sometimes goes through
gothic periods
suddenly the entire office is decked out in black
and everyone's like who died
Antixmonday 2:11 am
"A------RADIA"
she says
and then Aradia walks through the door
vanityremix 2:11 am
she already knows what's up
so she doesn't even say anything
just shrugs
goes about her day
she wears black too
Antixmonday 2:12 am
John volunteers to throw a funeral/goodbye party for her
they eat cake in karkat's office
vanityremix 2:12 am
this happens every month
Antixmonday 2:12 am
aradia goes, too
vanityremix 2:12 am
every month there's a funeral for aradia in the office
which she attends
equius cries
and sweats
Antixmonday 2:13 am
there's a new salty stain on the carpet each month, a mixture of tears and sweat
john says it adds character to the office
vanityremix 2:13 am
he reads a eulogy
Antixmonday 2:13 am
he writes a new one each month
vanityremix 2:13 am
yes
it's what he does instead of working
Antixmonday 2:14 am
let's see
that just leaves Sollux, Rose, and Kanaya I think
vanityremix 2:14 am
lmfao
suddenly everyone is involved in this
Antixmonday 2:14 am
*no1 currr*
hmmm
nope
they don't fit anywhere interesting
they're customers
Antixmonday 2:15 am
but eridan doesn't even try to sell anything to sollux anymore
there were too many lawsuits
"Restraining orders. Wwhat an insult"
vanityremix 2:16 am
he still writes sollux letters
using office stationary
Antixmonday 2:16 am
he stands exactly 100 yards away from sollux's house
vanityremix 2:16 am
trying to mask them as professional
sol givve me another chance
Antixmonday 2:17 am
jsdbgkasdg yes
.... to sell you my wwares.
vanityremix 2:17 am
i wwont evven put any movves on you
unless thats wwhat you wwant
Antixmonday 2:18 am
i'm cool wwith anything
THIS IS MY EIGHTH LETTER SOL. WWHY WWON'T YOU WWRITE BACK?
he gets desperate eventually
vanityremix 2:19 am
sollux changes his address
somehow eridan's letters still get delivered
Antixmonday 2:19 am
Dave helped with that
in an ironic way
which makes it cool
vanityremix 2:21 am
yes
dave knows sollux's new address
because aradia is their mutual friend
Antixmonday 2:23 am
yesss
vanityremix 2:23 am
dave secretly hates sollux
because he's a loser but aradia likes him
Antixmonday 2:26 am
Wayward Vagabond, the mayor of the city, is a regular buyer
at least from John
vanityremix 2:27 am
yes
also
what do they even sell
Antixmonday 2:27 am
whatever Jade makes
vanityremix 2:27 am
such as
Antixmonday 2:28 am
various knickknacks that don't really make sense
it's something new each time
vanityremix 2:28 am
haha yes
the kind of thing you don't need more than one of
and WV buys hundreds
Antixmonday 2:29 am
a cup holder for a cup holder
a screwdriver that lights up
Karkat is eternally frustrated at the uselessness of most of the products
vanityremix 2:29 am
but he is so committed to selling them
he also owns everything she's ever made
Antixmonday 2:30 am
that's how dedicated he is
vanityremix 2:30 am
and it's totally not because he has a crush on her shut up strider!
Antixmonday 2:30 am
haha
he also has a picture of him after his first sale
vanityremix 2:31 am
alskdjf lmfao
vanityremix 2:31 am
like
he's trying to smile in it
but he can't smile
and it's horrifying
Antixmonday 2:31 am
haha
it's photobombed by gamzee or something
vanityremix 2:32 am
yes
no
gotta be dave
Antixmonday 2:32 am
he tried to glue another picture of himself over it but it keeps mysteriously disappearing
lol yes
vanityremix 2:32 am
chilling in the background
ruining karkat's big moment
Antixmonday 2:32 am
aw man
shit just got real
vanityremix 2:33 am
wow karkat you sound super mad bro
dont give yourself a hernia
FUCK YOU