A Dream for Us, PG, JA/JP, 1/1, Complete
Title: A Dream for Us
Author: 3rd_leg
Pairing: J2
Rating: PG
Summary: Jensen's taking a break from the Hollywood scene, but its all a cover for something neither Jared or Jensen truly want to face. Sick!Jensen, Angst-ing Jared
Disclaimer: yeah....lol sure, I'll believe it if you will
A/N: Music/Lyrics by Appleseed Cast
A Dream for Us
The memories of me will seem more like bad dreams. Just a series of blurs like I never occurred.---Death Cab for Cutie 'Someday You Will Be Loved'
Jared dumped the pile of mail unceremoniously onto the kitchen counter, the skidding swish of paper against the expensive stone top filling his ears as he slumped his upper body against the granite island. The tall actor ducked his head in exhaustion. Today had been one of the worse he'd ever had since he started out as the new kid on the block what seemed like eons ago.
He'd forgotten how different LA was from his past haven in Vancouver during his Supernatural days. If he chose to be honest, being back in the bleach-blonde, frantic and severely over trafficked city was steadily fraying his last sane nerve.
"Hey you."
Jared titled his head toward the deep, raspy greeting. He grinned at his sleep-drunk boyfriend clad in the rocket covered pajama bottoms with the words 'lift off' pasted on. Jared had bought him those for his birthday last year and still loved 'em. The long sleeve shirt, however, was going to have to go, Jared decided, because damn, he loved when Jensen's hair was pillow smushed and body was bed warm.
"Hey yourself," Jared returned, sauntering up to the archway and pressing his body against Jensen's, long arms embracing his lover and hands seeking out the hem of the overwashed Tee. "You do realize you're the only man I know who wears long sleeves in seventy-five degree weather."
"The house feels like forty. Southern bones and chilly air don’t mix, Jay." Jensen quipped, giving Jared a quick kiss before stepping back and pulling the sleeves of his shirt over his hands to prove his point. "We got a lot of mail today?"
"Correction," Jared stated with a sigh as he leaned against the wall. "I got mail, you got a bill."
"Well, at least they love me," Jensen returned, sorting through the stack of mail until he found the right envelope.
Jared watched Jensen's lean back as the older man tore open the seal. "Maybe if you didn't turn down every script you get sent, they'd mail you more. Don't want to have my boyfriend doing car commercials so we can eat, Jen."
He meant it playfully, and usually Jensen would return his snarky comment with a challenge that Dean could so roll in some serious bank. Today, however, Jensen was apparently having one of those days too, and the look he shot Jared would've driven the evilest of villains to humblest apologies.
"I'm taking a break, Jared. It's just a damn break. Not all of us want to work ourselves to death."
Jared didn't fail to notice the crumpled bill clenched in Jensen's fist. Too tired to argue, he had to diffuse--fast. "Look, Supernatural wore me out too. Five years of that and god, thought I'd never be able to function, but you took all of last year off and you know how this business works. If you don't want to do it anymore just let me know, I'm okay with that. I'm just worried--I mean, you love it, and I don't want you to miss out. You're good, you know?"
"Yeah. Maybe.” Jensen set the envelope down on the counter, hands gripping the edge while he took a deep breath. "Besides, it's my diabolical plan."
"What?" Jared chuckled. God, he'd known Jensen for six years, had been with the guy for almost four, and still didn't understand all his facets or pension for randomness.
"Letting you be my suga daddy. 'Bout damn time if you ask me." Jensen retorted with a soft, easy smile and Jared felt the tension dissipate. "You up for a jam session tonight?"
Jared's countenance brightened and he nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yeah! I'm gonna be rockin' like a pro, dude!"
"Easy there, turbo. If I remember right you almost took your eye out last time," Jensen pointed out, shuffling into the living room.
"That's because your hands were down my pants before I could move the guitar," Jared shot back.
Jensen smirked. "Not my fault you get all excited."
Jared bounded into the recesses of the hallway, only to re-emerge none to happy, shiny new guitar in tow. "Where's the strings, Jen?"
"Your dogs ate 'em."
"Hilarious," Jared griped, frowning petulantly. "Where are they?"
"They were looking a little worn, so I went to the shop and bought some. And then, it occurred to me that as long as we've been doing this you still don't know how to string yours up," Jensen smirked wickedly, tossing Jared a pack of strings and clapping his hands together. "I think I'll have dinner done by the time you figure that out. Figured, you know, a pro would."
"But I like it when you do it," Jared whined, hoping to god it worked. Jensen laughed at that and Jared pursed his lips, rolling his eyes as he plopped down onto the sofa. "Fine, ten bucks says I got this done before you even grease the pan."
"Good, we can use it for something else then," Jensen replied, eyebrow raised lewdly as he hopped off the sofa, leaving Jared to his task as he walked to the kitchen.
XXXXX
Jensen's slow on the chord changes in a way he hasn't been since his Daddy sat him down and handed him the shiny new instrument for the first time. He couldn’t admit it but his fingers ached by the time they finished the first song-a Cash classic--and his voice was raspier than his great grandma who smoked a pack a day by the end of the chorus.
If Jared noticed, he didn't say a thing. Jensen sunk lower into the sofa, watching Jared sigh and shift through their mound of sheet music. When he finally chose one, Jensen smirked unsurprised. Maybe it's because the song Jared picked is one the younger man had been trying to learn for quite some time.
The lyrics are slow and hesitant when they pour from Jared's mouth and Jensen’s totally lost in the tenor quality of it.
Setting the guitar down with a gentle thunk, Jensen pulled his sleeves over his freezing, aching hands and crossed his arms to keep in warmth. Its official-Jared got way too comfortable in the Vancouver chill.
What Jensen wanted was body heat, what he got was the spread of fire from watching Jared play through his inner most parts. It's soothing and tiring all at the same time. He’d take that any day.
And stripes on fire, these hands are tired.
In all fairness, Jensen tried to stop his eyes from drooping when Jared finished the first verse. He did manage a nod of praise before he fell asleep on the sofa, body curled up and soft snores escaping his lips, like he hasn't done since…well, he's done it a hell of a lot more lately.
I'm making plans to drink away all these words I can't escape
XXXXX
It's the middle of the night and Jensen can't stop coughing. If his lungs didn't start cooperating and obey his brain's screaming signals to stop exiting via his throat soon, Jensen was fairly certain he was going to end up on his hands and knees and not in the waiting for pleasure kind of way.
He was also fairly certain Jared was going to smother him with a pillow when the light switched on 'cause he so had an early shoot tomorrow. But the only thing staring back at Jensen was Jared's wide, worried eyes blinking owl-like at the glow from the bedside lamp.
"Jen?" Jared's voice was smothered by a lion's yawn, and he ran his fingers through the blinding mess of hair that had fallen into his eyes. "You okay?"
"Y-yeah," Jensen replied, irritated as hell when his answer was highlighted by a sniff-cough-gasp trifecta.
Jared smirked, hand snaking out to rest on his boyfriend's forehead. "You're a little warm."
"Thanks mom, I've been laying next to the you and your mass of blankets." Jensen retorted, pulling away from Jared's touch and flopping back down on the mattress, on his side, back turned to his worried lover. "It's just a cold, Jar. Go back to sleep."
Jensen shut his eyes, and waited in still silence for Jared to do the same. He worked helplessly to suppress another cough when his face was infiltrated by a mop of brown locks and upside down Jared-face. The sneeze he let go so wasn't intentional but he had to smile wickedly when Jared scrunched his face in disgust.
"Nice," Jared frowned, but refusing to get off or shift from his bent hovering over Jensen’s body. "I got your cooties now."
Jensen rolled his eyes, and smacked Jared's tree trunk arms because hell, if sneezing didn't get him to move, lack of balance would do it. He was a little disappointed his plan resulted in the bulk of Jared's weight toppling onto his side, the force flipping Jensen onto his back and bringing ten ton Padalecki to a stop on his stomach. God, if his chest wasn't tight enough already. "Shit! What the fuck do you want, man?"
"Hey, you're the one that woke me up remember?" Jared defended, scrambling back to his side of the bed, and crossing his arms, head thunking back on the headboard. "It's a cold you've had for like almost a week, Jen."
Jensen rolled his head to the side making damn sure Jared could see his disbelief at the accusation. Either Jared was gaining perception or this break from career was making Ackles rusty. "Oh, c'mon."
"I'm serious," Jared sighed, pursing his lips thoughtfully. "It makes sense. You've been cold all the time, you know? You probably have a slight fever at least. Your chest is bothering you from the way you constantly rub it and you started coughing the other day-thought I didn't notice huh?"
"No," Jensen replied, although even he didn't believe it and he was the one lying. Damn, he was really losing his touch.
"So…"
"So what?" If you don't want to answer, deflect. That was Jensen Ackles' philosophy. Or give an Oscar worthy performance. Yeah, he was still capable of that, thank you.
"Don't. I know you're not feeling good. Do I need to call in?" Jared inquired so rapidly Jensen's head would be spinning if it already wasn't on a tilt-o-whirl.
"I'll be fine, just need to sleep," Jensen muttered, eyes sliding shut and a stuttered breath rattling his chest. Christ, fine, no sleeping on his back--the two ton truck resting on his chest might crush his sternum. He shifted onto his side, cringing at the laser beams of his boyfriend searing through his back.
Jensen couldn't help it, Jared jostled the bed getting his giant ass comfortable and sent him groaning and gasping through another coughing fit. Tears were creeping out of his eyes by the time Jensen realized Jared's hand was rubbing his back and talking to him.
"…Breathe, easy there, man," Jared coaxed, hand splayed on the clenched muscles of Jensen's back. "Maybe I should stay home tomorrow."
"N-no," Jensen wheezed, regaining a small fragment of his dignity and shrugging off Jared's touch. "One of us needs to make some kind of money."
"Careful, Jen, you're dangerously close to admitting you're my bitch," Jared snarked, a bark of laughter hitting the air so loudly Jensen wanted to cover his ears. Shit, even they ached. Life sucked.
"Whatever lets you sleep better, butch," Jensen murmured, sinking into the bed and pulling the covers tighter around his body. He was only slight irritated when Jared didn't copy the action. "Dude, I can't sleep if you're staring at me.”
“Yes you can.”
“Shut up.”
XXXX
“He didn’t mention anything to me, honey.”
Jared blinked slowly, shoulders slumping in a tangle of relief and uncertainty. He willed his gaze to fall back to the Ziploc in his hand, the plastic crumpled from its hidden stay behind the guest bathroom towels. Pressing the cell phone closer to his ear, Jared cleared his throat roughly. “Are-are you sure?”
“Yes, I talked to him yesterday. He said he was under the weather, but he didn’t sound bad. But that boy could always put one big wool over your eyes when he’s sick. I ever tell you about that time he got sick the night before his first play…my lord, that was quite a sight. Never knew the wise men gave Joseph a box of Kleenex.”
Sweet Mama Ackles. She’d been too accepting, too loving and just one hell of an awesome second mother to him. “I guess I just worry too much, you know?”
“Oh, honey, we all do.”
Jared hung up, a soft goodbye barely stifling the bitter lie he’d spun. The taller man trudged back to the living room, casting a glance at his sleeping boyfriend, guitar resting across his torso and sheet music sprawled out at his feet.
The taller man paused, hand gently brushing the tops of Jensen’s socked feet. He could wake him up, demand an answer. But Jensen would tell him if it was serious, right? He didn’t look really sick, just sick.
Okay, bottom line, Jared didn’t really want to know. Damn it to hell, he didn’t. Their lives were so good now, so comfortable. They had each other, everyone knew it, and accepted it. Nothing was going to screw that up. Except maybe the prescriptions in his hand, but Jensen would be on a ton of pills if he had a big problem. Yeah, this was only two. Just Jensen’s pride. That’s all. Didn’t want to admit he was getting old. But who would?
Jared smiled softly when Jensen shifted, and didn’t even berate himself when he quietly crept back to the guest bathroom and shoved the bag right back where he’d found it.
XXXXX
Lightheaded doesn’t even begin to describe what Jensen felt when he rose from the kitchen chair. Jared caught him before he face planted, and really that warranted the older man being thankful. Lucky for Jensen, he can hide behind the small temperature and runny nose. At least for another day.
Jensen let Jared tuck him in bed and wondered if today would be a good day to destroy Jared’s life with the unexpected. But when Jared finds his sheet music and picks up his guitar, Jensen shut his eyes, letting the halting chords and rich tenor wash over him, and decided maybe tomorrow.
XXXX
Everything’s normal.
Jared never realized how much he lied to himself daily until Jensen started struggling to even get out of bed. Getting up required way too much effort and oxygen than Jensen seemed capable of producing. All he wanted to do was sleep, lay curled up in the blankets and never get out.
Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem.
Normally, it wouldn’t scare the shit out of Jared.
Jared watched Jensen clip yet another Oscar buzz article from an entertainment magazine while the dogs napped on and the guitars rested dustily in the corner. Despite his mood, a smile crossed his lips. “Why do you do that?”
Jensen looked up from his task and returned the smile. “So when you win I can brag on how I knew it before all these so called experts.”
Shaking his head, Jared snatched the article away, scanning it warily. “No doubt in your mind, huh?”
“Nope,” Jensen replied gravelly through a cough as he reached for the remote. “Don’t worry, dude. So what if that Denzel guy is a rumored nominee as well.”
“Always worry.” Jared replied, almost drowned out by the TV volume.
Jensen flipped through the channels, a wheeze brushing past his lips as Animal Planet came on the screen. He smirked at the wailing bark of the sea lions and rolled his head toward Jared. “Tell me I sound better than that.”
“You don’t,” Jared returned, palming the car keys and shrugging on his jacket.
“Have a good day at work,” Jensen stated, lifting his fist to smother a cough.
“It’s been a week and change, Jen.” Jared chided, voice tight with concern.
Jensen nodded shortly, understanding the connotation, and chose to ignore it.
XXXX
Jared really shouldn't have been blindsided by the phone call from his panicked neighbor rambling about how Harley half-destroyed his yard before Jensen was found, unconscious, leash in hand.
Remarkably, he was.
XXXX
Jensen never believed his father when the man had told him the really bad shit in life blindsides you on random, idle Wednesdays and never is something you could've thought up yourself. He thought Dad was just being his usual 'carpe diem', sage advice self. That was until the Wednesday his dad was referring to hit him upside the head with the reality shit stick.
If he didn't comprehend it then, he sure as hell did now staring at the sea of wires hooked all over him. He supposed the irony was worth laughing it. It was literally a Wednesday, granted, almost midnight.
Eleven forty-three to be exact and no Jared in sight.
Jensen guessed he should've seen this coming about a week and a half ago. He probably should’ve warned Jared sooner.
XXXX
"Hey." Slow, worn, and barely audible.
Jared gingerly seated himself at the foot of the bed, large hand kneading Jensen's blanket covered feet. "Mornin'. How you feeling?"
A weak smile cracked Jensen's lips. "'M okay."
"Yeah," Jared murmured, ducking his head and swallowing back the residual emotions of the evening. "Yeah."
"Wha'd I miss? How was work?"
Jared looked up, eyebrows raised and a smirk on his face. "I took out two PA's on the way to the Tahoe and then threatened to take out the ER doctor when he told me to wait outside in admitting."
Jensen didn't smile in return though, something that sent Jared's stomach churning and his mouth desert dry. "Sorry, I-I didn't mean for it to be so-I thought…" A raspy cough and averted glance.
"Well, it's not your fault, Jen," Jared soothed, thumb circling over the cold skin of Jensen's hand. "I should've made you see the doctor sooner."
Jensen cleared his throat, fingers interlocking with Jared's and stilling his boyfriend's hand. "Speaking of…did you…um, talk to him?"
Jared nodded, eyes rolling to showcase the annoyance. "Mr. Personality? Oh, yeah. Said you got a moderate case of bronchitis. He thinks you can come home later today if you rest and take the prescribed antibiotics. You're going to have to make an appointment for later in the week so he can see if they are working though."
"Oh, okay." Jensen murmured, slipping his hand out from under Jared's and reaching for the multipurpose remote, flicking on the TV and flipping channels until the early morning news popped up.
Jared licked his lips, shifting restlessly. "Jensen."
Jensen's attention never left the TV. "Yeah."
"He’s going to change your meds.” Jared grimaced at his word choice, but shook his head. Blunt. Too blunt, but also too late to go back anyway.
Jensen hit the power button on the TV and turned toward Jared, pale face tight with barely controlled anger. “He told you-“
"I knew." Jared answered softly, eyes brimming with tears he refused to cry. Dammit, he’d cried enough when he found the damn pills in the first place.
“You knew.” Jensen repeated softly, but seriously. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“Just found ‘em the other day when I was cleaning up,” Jared explained, voice bordering a whisper. “I was waiting on you.”
Silence wasn't what Jared was hoping for. Neither was the fact that Jensen refused to look at him.
"Jensen?"
The question was supposed to be Jared's gentle nudge to get Jensen to continue but when Jensen lifted his gaze back to Jared his green eyes shone with a pain Jared knew had nothing to do with his sickness. "Please, Jay, don't."
"Jensen," Jared whispered, struggling to keep the panic out of his voice and edged closer to the head of the bed. "Tell me what's wrong."
Jensen sucked in a haggard breath, and if it were possible Jared would swear his face drained of what little color it had held. "The doctor-"
"Wouldn’t tell me anything." Jared responded dejectedly; body rigid with tension. Jensen's cheeks were red as he cleared his throat, eyes downcast. Jared couldn't take the suspense one second longer and prodded gently. “Please, Jen.”
"I wanted to tell you sooner," Jensen began, voice low and flooded with remorse, "Didn't know how."
“Yeah, me either. Couldn’t even bring myself to Google the prescription.” Jared admitted sullenly, but fuck he had never heard of any good news starting out with that intro. "Tell me what?"
God, he hoped he didn't sound scared…but Jensen wasn't looking at him again, and suddenly the room felt way to damn small, claustrophobic small, I'm going to suffocate if I don't get out of here small.
Jensen sucked in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "We've been together for a while, and I really do love you, Jay--"
"I love you too," Jared interjected in a shaky whisper, reaching out and cupping Jen's cheek, thumb stroking the stubbled, clammy skin. "Jensen, look at me. Tell me"
Jared wished like hell he'd of left that last part in his fuckin' mouth because Jensen's eyes were laced with crystal wetness and his bottom lip quivered.
"It's um…a heart…they said it's hypertrophic obstructive cardiomyopathy." Jensen muttered bitterly, wide eyes taking in Jared's reaction and darting away rapidly. The young man hoped to god he wasn't radiating freak out despite the fact his mind was screaming it. His face must've shown the stilted reaction because Jensen was opting to talk at the wall now. "One of the walls in my heart enlarged and is blocking some of the blood flow."
Jared's hand felt as though it had been burnt, his face as if slapped, and he pulled back, shaking his head. He didn't want to hear anymore of it. Not a single word more and yet his lips begged the question. "W-when?"
"Almost a month. You were on that location shoot for the weekend and my chest was bugging me." Jensen admitted, sorrowful eyes pleading with Jared's stunned demeanor. “I’m so sorry, Jared. I tried to tell you, I did. But I didn’t want to ruin it. Was planning on telling you when you got back, but then figured maybe after you wrapped the re-shoots would be better.”
"I would’ve come home, Jensen." Jared muttered quietly, ducking his head and hoping his long bangs hid the welling tears. “Work comes second to you, always. I hope you know that.”
Jensen swallowed thickly, words getting stuck in his throat. "I'm sorry."
“Quit apologizing,” Jared replied, wincing at the sharpness, "God, how the hell did I miss this?"
"You didn't know, Jared."
"I should've. Found the pills, should’ve made you tell me.” Jared choked on his words, unwanted tears spilling down his cheek.
“It’s not your fault,” Jensen murmurs, IV-ed hand reaching out and wiping the tears away. “I’m so sorry. Never want to hurt you.”
“You don’t.” Jared leaned into his lover’s touch, and pressed a gentle kiss to Jensen’s palm. “You’re gonna be fine, okay? We’ll figure this out.”
“Okay.” Jensen murmured, breaking his touch.
Jared frowned, sensing Jensen’s hesitance. “We will.”
“Okay.”
XXXX
"We had him on beta-blocker pills and they aren't working like I had hoped,” Dr. Walden closed the manila file and sighed. “I’d like to try a new mix, and see if that will reduce the blockage.”
"The pills can fix it though, right?” Jared half-demanded. He sounded like a fuckin' madman and yet couldn't bring himself to give a fuck.
"Not really," Jensen interrupted softly, gently, "There are other things they can try, but some of it is still developmental, I guess."
"What does that mean?" Jared questioned, fist clenched at his side and breath steadily growing more erratic than the quickening beep of Jensen's heart monitor. Acceptance be damned.
“This is usually an inherited trait,” Dr. Walden interjected, “It just doesn’t always present itself early on in life.”
“So, because it’s genetic, you’re saying he’s screwed?” Jared retorted angrily, jaw line jumping beneath tight skin.
"Jay, they got some ideas okay?" Jensen defended meekly, shooting the doctor a sorrowful glance, but voice lacking the hopeful quality Jared desperately needed to hear. “The doctor thinks that could be what happened to my mom’s dad. Ha, guess we gonna have to get our kids screened for that, huh?”
“Not funny,” Jared returned, shooting Jensen a chiding glance.
The doctor cleared his throat. "If the next batch of pills don't work, surgery would be the next step, but by waiting to see whether or not the pills work we risk that arrhythmias might become a problem and although the bronchitis is clearing up, another bout of it could still put strain on his heart."
“So do you keep him here?” Jared inquired, tone trembling with forced calm. He handled this a hell of a lot better when he didn’t know all the facts. God, he hated doctors. “To make sure nothing goes wrong?”
“No,” Dr. Walden answered, turning toward his patient. “I’ll write out the prescription and have the discharge papers finalized for you to sign within a couple hours.”
Jared didn’t like that one damn bit. Jensen on the other hand was more than thrilled to sign the paperwork, and while Jared fought for just one more day in the medical staffed building, the truth was there was nothing else to be done.
XXXX
"You're gonna be fine," Jared stated firmly, fingers running through Jensen’s sweat soaked hair. The statement would’ve been said with more conviction if Jensen hadn’t nearly crumpled onto the living room floor all of two seconds ago, and if Jared’s body wasn’t the only thing keeping Jensen’s slumped form upright.
"Maybe," Jensen muttered quietly, his chest rising and falling heavily in exhaustion. "I don't feel fine, Jay."
"No." Jared snapped, a little too harshly and far more desperate than he planned to. "You're gonna be fine, okay? They'll fix it."
"You don't have to do this."
Jared shot his boyfriend an incredulous look. "Do what?"
"I'd understand if you didn't want to stick around," Jensen whispered hollowly.
Breathing, Jared decided, was highly overrated. "What?!? Why the hell would you think that, Jensen? We've been together for four years and I love you, you idiot."
"I don't want-Jared, if I don't-I just don't want you to feel like you have to stay because all this could go south." Jensen admitted, stumbling over the words with quivering chin and his shaky voice betrayed his composure.
"You honestly think I want an out?" Jared questioned in disbelief. "I don't."
"Not now," Jensen pointed out, head flopping back to rest on Jared’s shoulder limply and a wheeze escaping his lips. "But you aren't going to be missing out because I can't get out of bed without the floor moving."
"Is that what this is about?" Jared asked, voice tight. "You think you're going to hold me back?"
"Don't think. Know." Jensen admitted resigned, eyes blinking slowly as exhaustion's grip tightened on his worn body.
"Bull shit." Jared returned brokenly, heart damn close to shattering and stomach convulsing-the revelation churning and gnawing at his very core.
“Already am. You haven’t even looked at the new scripts.”
“Maybe I want a break, too, huh?” Jared countered, voice wavering on the fine line that is brokenness and agony.
Jensen’s glassy eyes rolled upward to meet Jared’s downcast ones. “No. You don’t.”
Jared clenched his jaw in finality. "I'm not leaving."
"Maybe I should. S'not fair." Jensen mumbled sleepily, the confession taking quite a toll as he drifted off.
Jared was sure he hadn't heard his boyfriend correctly. But then why would the walls be crushing in on him? Wrapping his arms around Jensen’s slack body tightly, Jared inhaled his boyfriend’s scent deeply. “Please don’t leave me, Jen.”
And then he starts to hum-a song he started and can’t bring himself to finish.
XXXXX
They called their families on a Tuesday. Jensen wanted to fly home and do it in person, but since the surgery was scheduled for Friday it just wasn’t an option. Jared sat at the kitchen island while Jensen struggled to make it sound all okay.
“Don’t cry, momma. It’s going to be alright.”
Jared wished he could bring himself to believe that. He tried at first, but that ended up with his own sobbing phone call and don’t even get him started on the breakdown in the kitchen making dinner the other night.
Jared never loved his family and extended family more than when they all showed up Friday morning.
XXXXX
Cardiac Care Units suck and so does Jensen for giving the surgeons such a damn hard time. Too much strain and ‘complications’ have left Jared lost in a world that wasn’t even fathomable months ago.
Jared heard enough carefully worded sentences to realize hope can’t be trusted any longer. Doesn’t stop him from sugar coating it though when he looked into Mama Ackles’ eyes. Jensen would kick his ass for doing it, but Jensen’s not conscious.
Boredom and worry have brought him to this, just a crashed out, thinning shell of a man, fingers strumming the guitar strings effortlessly, but automated as he stumbled through the lyrics.
‘Cause I've got a dream for us running through my mind
Jared paused mid-chord change, focus drifting back to the monitor. It’s got to be a bad sign when you’ve been here so long you can actually understand what the numbers mean.
And we're old and tired and time has made us smile as we go on counting things
The song he struggled for months to learn is on repeat, the only playlist Jared can offer. It’s played out in entirety with an expertise Jensen would be proud of though, and Jared won’t let himself imagine the possibility Jensen won’t.
But it's just you and me, if the day never comes and I sink beneath the tide will you still be with me or disappear?
XXXXX
Jared dumped the pile of mail on the counter, leaned against the granite top and turned his attention to the front door. Almost a year had come and gone and he still can’t get used to coming home to an empty house.
With a heavy sigh, Jared dumped a scoopful of food into the dog’s bowls, checked the answering machine, and grabbed a cookbook from the kitchen cabinet. He flipped through the pages absently unsure of when exactly he’d lost his appetite because nothing looked appealing.
“You gonna make me dinner or just use the power of your mind?”
Jared jumped at the deep voice, and shot up nearly conking his head on the overhead cabinets. His countenance brightened immediately when he spotted the source.
“What? No hello kiss?” Jensen teased, dropping his messenger bag and giving Jared a wide smile.
“You wish.” Jared returned, slamming the cookbook shut a little more forceful than he’d anticipated. “How was work?”
“Good, good. Yelled at few people, nearly pulled a few hairs out. I tell you man, I don’t know how Kripke handled us all those years.”
“Why he was practically bald.”
Jensen’s laughed swelled in Jared’s chest and the younger man found himself meeting his partner halfway and embracing him in a fierce hug.
“Missed you today.”
Jensen froze momentarily in the unanticipated hug, before returning the gesture with a warm smile. “Missed you too.”
“Yeah,” Jared murmured, pulling back a little to meet Jensen’s gaze, but neither man released his hold. “I think we need to figure out some way to get you home sooner. I don’t like being stuck in an empty house. I say being a producer should have it’s perks.”
Jensen snorted, shaking his head in mock exasperation. “You just don’t like to eat your own cooking.”
Jared leaned back, one hand coming to rest over Jensen’s chest and smiled. “Yeah, something like that.”
“You’re one silly Padalecki.”
Jared’s dimples came out in full force. “Yeah, but I’m your Padalecki.”
“The one and only,” Jensen replied, fingers threading though Jared’s unruly hair.
“And don’t you forget it,” Jared quipped, dimples unleashing in full force as he rested his forehead to Jensen’s.
“Impossible,” Jensen whispered, giving Jared a chaste kiss before pulling back. “You won’t let me.”
“Damn straight.” Jared shot back, “You’re stuck with me. Forever.”
“Yeah.” Jensen replied, “I’m not going anywhere until I’m old and gray either.”
Jared smiled. “But it’ll be you and me.”
“Always.”
The End