(Untitled)

[40oztofreedom_]

I was enjoying another last cigarette of the night when I heard syncopated wailing that we all recognize as a baby. I was watching the projection of white and blue lights interrupt each other out of a television set. The baby is screaming because he is unhappy, probably in pain. The television must be distracting. I often wonder if we all want to

Comments

[dft]

we suppress our rage
from a very young age.

I was trained like a dog
to not cry like a wolf.

so true. i was reading something about this the other day and i really dont know how to feel about it.

[40oztofreedom_]

well, I like that the baby reminds me when I am in extreme pain (physical or emotional) that my gut reaction is to scream and cry.

I try to turn that primal energy into something constructive on paper but sometimes I feel words aren't really enough. Sometimes I wonder if I use my ability to describe intense emotions as a replacement for truly feeling them.

what were you reading/thinking/feeling about this phenomena?

[dft]

i've been reading bits and pieces of this book called 'the sibling society' which is about how people never fully grow up. and what i think is specific to your post is the part about male anger, and how men come to this oedipal wall at a certain point in their lives where they either become a man that suppresses his anger or a man who indulges it. most suppress but now even those who suppress are still children, not adults.
the author is sometimes very vague in his explanations so a lot of it is interpretive. it's interesting though. he made me think about my dad and my brothers, but not in a good way necessarily :s

[40oztofreedom_]

so are there basically those two options? supress or indulge?

I'd like to think that there is a possibility of coming to terms with my anger and its root causes in order to ovecome it completely. at this point I definitely have to supress some of it because to feel it totally would be socially destructive and I indulge in some of it because its a part of who I am.

so maybe there can be a healthy balance between these two unhealthy reactions? get enough anger out that you don't feel imprisoned by it, but keep enough in to not scare the neighbours. or is that all wrong and two wrongs cannot make a right?

what do you think?

[movielife__girl]

I saw a guy on the bus sometime a few months ago. I'm not certain on what was wrong with him, but my guess is that he had some advanced neurological disorder. He couldn't speak, but knew a little sign language. He kept giving me the thumbs up. He had a bunch of bags and the bus was packed so he had to stand. Every time the bus would stop he would stumble a little, look at me frightened, and then scream really loudly.

I read this post and thought of that. I'm too frustrated with Aristotle to develop this thought any further.

[40oztofreedom_]

I have undying sympathy for his condition and unintended bravery.

Of course this is all abstract, theoretical and as the nature of this discussion cannot lead to tangible solutions, no amount of thinking will lead to a change in the way i live my life, but...

I often wonder if I repress too much rage. If we all do. If we really need to scream alot more often than we do. The word tantrum is thrown around too much and it has the connotation of childish, immature, irresponsible. When I had my terrible fight with my brother in law this summer, I screamed for the first time since I was a little kid. It wasn't a choice to scream, it came from somewhere in my core and I was merely a witness to it, I could not have stopped it if I wanted to. I noticed then that the need to make noise is primal.

Sometimes no words will do.
Sometimes no one will listen.
Sometimes your words will be used against you.
Sometimes the pressure is so great that you erupt like a volcano.

[dft]

autism, maybe?