Cataclysm Chapter 1

[a_lotzy]

Haha...ok here I am. This book isn't what I'd choose to have read first, but the other one was written in like junior high and is probably the worst piece of writing on the face of the earth. The only thing good about it is the idea. At least the idea's still good right? I can still tear it to pieces someday and rewrite it.

But that would take far

Comments

[sundance_icons]

i saved it to my jump drive i'll crit and comment tomorrow. ♥

[lastofthewildes]

Ooh, I really like this! It is very well written, IMO, and not over fluffed. Some of the small here-let-me-explain-this-really-quick sentence fragments are well placed.

Just one tiny punctuation mark you missed. ...he held it level in front of him, balanced neatly in the center on top of his finger. “Perfectly balanced.”

Other than that, I see nothing really in need of changing. Your characters are developed well, and the plot seems to be moving rather nicely.

Two random things:
1. Ana strikes me as a ninja. XD
2. I love this line: “I don’t know how you can say that when no one even knows what’s on the other side of the world." It follows the king's comment perfectly, and stuck me as a "good point" moment.

♥ More? lol

[sundance_icons]

lol i made a new post with my crit. keep in mind it was 1am so it's a little goofy. i put all my comments in bold. i hope it is entertaining