Why am I up right now!?
What the hell am I doing up this late? Oh yes, Pete and I talked on the phone for over 2 hours, interesting. He's the sweetest guy I know but not in the cliche way. I mean I don't know. It's disheartening though, he wants my affection so much, he talks to me like I'm his girlfriend, he talks like it's even a possibility and it isn't. I don't lead him on at all. I wouldn't even tell him I'd miss him when we were getting off the phone, even though he tried to make me for 5 minutes. I just want to draw a very big line so he knows that we're friends and that's all. I know what he wants, he tells me straight out. He wants love, he wants to be loved, he wants to be cared for. I tell him I care for him because I do, very, very deeply. And to some degree I love him a lot, but I don't want him to see that as we can maybe be together because I know we can't and I don't want it. I just want a deep friendship with him and I want him to be as happy as humanly possible with someone else. I guess I can really say I love him. Should I tell him? No. But I never stopped loving him even after all the shit that happened, that he did.. I never stopped. He should know that but I won't tell him, it isn't something I can say to him at this point. I was like him before but I learned and I snapped out of it and I'm very happy wth myself now, well content. I wish I could help him out. Our conversation was so carefree and happy and I just enjoyed talking to him.. Then he got all depressed and tired and I wish I could've done something, I helped a little.
I know in the end I'm not what he needs and I refuse to put myself out there only for him to realize when I'm deep in it. I'm going to be the bigger one and I'm not going to get into anything with him. I do care for him though, unconditionally. I have for over a year now.