Who cares.
Well.
Take That were amazing, I managed to scream, shake and cry a lot and got to see Jason from like, about a yard away.
Newcastle was lovely, as was spending time with my lovely girlfriend, though I wish we'd had more time together.
Then I got home and lay in bed for three days. Whilst not eating or drinking. Almost passed out on Thursday due to that. Started to force myself to eat food, and at regularish times.
Hay was lovely. Didn't make it out the door early enough to get there for the mythic gods lecture or the What Are We Worth lecture sadly. Had a lovely, relaxing and intellectual time with Nat and Ella.
Hay On Wye is in a valley in Wales, and as such o2 decided that I didn't need any signal, apart from one point on the bus on my way to the festival site. Not sure where that point was, but I would receive the odd message or two. By the time I'd realised though, there was no signal to send any replies. Plus my phone is a hungry bastard and ate all of my battery by Saturday morning. I finally found a plug to charge it up slightly in a pub at Sunday lunchtime. Still no signal but I had a small amount of wifi with which to quickly check my replies and the first page of my twitter before tucking in to a gorgeous roast lunch and cider and then heading off back to the festival.
Nat's house is lovely, as are her goats, sheep, chickens, ducks and slow worms. And no doubt her eggs too but I've yet to cook any of them. Her wif was pretty good when we settled in her office after watching Doctor ho (ooooh!) but my phone doesn't hold a charge very well and I was engaged in watching River's first couple of episodes. And then I was shattered after driving all over the place, slept, woke up the next morning and drove all over the place again.
I'm not going to my exam today. Haven't revised a jot. Have been too insular and worried and unfocused. Am going to actually revise for next weeks and the one the week after and then will look at taking my tax exams again. The only reason we're taking them at this time is so that we can fit in retakes before the course is changed for next year.
Today I'm going to plan out my life a bit.
The problem with having no routine is that I find it far, far, far too easy to go along with what other people want to do and don't know how to say "Sorry, I have to do this thing now." As such I am trying to go the opposite direction and plan my life with military efficiency. There is no happy balance for me at the moment.
Everything is broken. And instead of picking it all up again and trying to fit the pieces back together I've convinced myself that they'll never fit and have walked off. And yet I don't feel I leave destruction in my wake. I feel like they would have been broken even if I was never there.
I think I need to go and eat/drink something. Will that help?