attention, attention.
i'll update you on warped tour and my generic, non-spoiling opinions on harry potter at another time. today, i feel like boring you, my faithful readers.
today is the first difficult day of being single. and not because i don't like being single or i miss any exes or anything, 'cause that all is simply not true. what makes today so difficult is that i realized i'm really becoming an adult.
all my friends have commented on how many girlfriends i've had. it's not that many, yet to everyone else, even if it's a year-long relationship, it doesn't mean anything to anyone. but they're right in the main point of it all, though: by now, i've had a lifetime's worth of relationships, both good and bad. i know how to get to the character flaws in girls before they surface, and i can decide whether or not i want to embrace that flaw or get away from the girl based on my better judgement. i also know exactly what kind of girl is my kind of girl. i'm 100% certain of what it is that i want!
where it gets scary is that, knowing that i realize what it is that i want, i can bypass the bullshit of settling for less. i am done having girlfriends unless i'm sure that it's going to become a very serious, meaningful relationship that will last a very long time. i'm starting to look for the kind of girl that's meant for the long-haul. metaphorically, i've now moved into the "semi-finals" stage of dating and finding someone for life.
told you it's scary. not that i'm looking to marry anytime soon. i'm DEFINITELY not. i'm just saying, it's time to really be selective and put as much effort into a relationship as possible.
but here's the thing: i'm not even looking for a girlfriend! she'll come along. i REALLY needed the time away, and i'm gonna continue to take it and just be my own person and take care of my own needs and refine my own flaws and make myself as good and as happy a person as i can be.
i'm not looking for a girl, but if i feel it, fine. it'll come along when it's meant to. i mean, after all, every girl i've had a crush on for the past year that i haven't dated has either been taken, or i don't know the girl well enough to treat it more seriously than a crush.
in fact, i have a very very intense crush right now. but guess what? i'm not telling you who. because according to my Honesty Box on facebook, i've got eight girls crushing on me. yet i don't have the slightest idea who. and that's frustrating. it's my turn to frustrate in return.
back to the matter at hand. today has been very difficult. i think i've really grown up. i'm really happy with the place that i'm at. but knowing this happiness and certainty is something that really surfaced a few years earlier than i thought it would. i'm still going to be the same way in relationships, only hopefully with less faults and far more patient (but still staying firm in my beliefs). i want to be with a girl and not have to force a laugh, and i want to be able to trust, and feel respected. i'm tired of living lies of happiness when i'm being treated like shit. i'm ready to find a girl and see every reason to smile just lying next to me looking in my eyes, and never have to worry about her being uncertain or unkind.
so then again, maybe today isn't hard at all. maybe it's just new. in the meantime, i'm gonna live. not "wait", not "look", just "live". =]
today is the first difficult day of being single. and not because i don't like being single or i miss any exes or anything, 'cause that all is simply not true. what makes today so difficult is that i realized i'm really becoming an adult.
all my friends have commented on how many girlfriends i've had. it's not that many, yet to everyone else, even if it's a year-long relationship, it doesn't mean anything to anyone. but they're right in the main point of it all, though: by now, i've had a lifetime's worth of relationships, both good and bad. i know how to get to the character flaws in girls before they surface, and i can decide whether or not i want to embrace that flaw or get away from the girl based on my better judgement. i also know exactly what kind of girl is my kind of girl. i'm 100% certain of what it is that i want!
where it gets scary is that, knowing that i realize what it is that i want, i can bypass the bullshit of settling for less. i am done having girlfriends unless i'm sure that it's going to become a very serious, meaningful relationship that will last a very long time. i'm starting to look for the kind of girl that's meant for the long-haul. metaphorically, i've now moved into the "semi-finals" stage of dating and finding someone for life.
told you it's scary. not that i'm looking to marry anytime soon. i'm DEFINITELY not. i'm just saying, it's time to really be selective and put as much effort into a relationship as possible.
but here's the thing: i'm not even looking for a girlfriend! she'll come along. i REALLY needed the time away, and i'm gonna continue to take it and just be my own person and take care of my own needs and refine my own flaws and make myself as good and as happy a person as i can be.
i'm not looking for a girl, but if i feel it, fine. it'll come along when it's meant to. i mean, after all, every girl i've had a crush on for the past year that i haven't dated has either been taken, or i don't know the girl well enough to treat it more seriously than a crush.
in fact, i have a very very intense crush right now. but guess what? i'm not telling you who. because according to my Honesty Box on facebook, i've got eight girls crushing on me. yet i don't have the slightest idea who. and that's frustrating. it's my turn to frustrate in return.
back to the matter at hand. today has been very difficult. i think i've really grown up. i'm really happy with the place that i'm at. but knowing this happiness and certainty is something that really surfaced a few years earlier than i thought it would. i'm still going to be the same way in relationships, only hopefully with less faults and far more patient (but still staying firm in my beliefs). i want to be with a girl and not have to force a laugh, and i want to be able to trust, and feel respected. i'm tired of living lies of happiness when i'm being treated like shit. i'm ready to find a girl and see every reason to smile just lying next to me looking in my eyes, and never have to worry about her being uncertain or unkind.
so then again, maybe today isn't hard at all. maybe it's just new. in the meantime, i'm gonna live. not "wait", not "look", just "live". =]