this language tastes bitter / Taoris
this language tastes bitter/ PG/ 1788-ish wc/ angst fluff fluff~/ tao centric, hint of taoris.
God only knows what a heart can survive
So many tears from all the pain in our lives
And where else could we go after all we've been through
I still believe my life is right here with you
-- Crack Of My Broken Heart, Eric Benet.
1.
Zi Tao is in Korea, and he is having a hard time trying to understand the damned language. He is seventeen, young and vulnerable, naive despite of his master wushu title and badass look (or so his cousin said back way then in china).
People stares at him, lingering their gazes on him longer than it supposed to be and it intoxicates him, judges him.
He is uncomfortable under his skin and he doesn’t dare to meet everyone’s eyes. So he does the most natural thing to do, keep his mouth shut and not meeting everyone’s gazes. All he wants to do is get out of there.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t try. He tries hard. But every time he attempts to initiate a small talk, greets, smiles , or simply lifting the corner of his lips, people would just stare at him like he is some kind of alien.
(Later, he learns that only girls call older boy ‘oppa’)
2.
Honestly, he is so fucking scared.
The first time he accidentally hears the other trainees talk about him behind his back; he rushes into bathroom and cries. He hasn’t been mastering his Korean yet, but he certainly notices words like Zi Tao, pabo, can’t sing, awkward and ugly. He recalls his memory from the past two month he lives in Korea, tries hard to remember what he has done, is any of his words of actions are hurting anyone or other trainees in particular.
But he finds none.
He just doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand why.
Maybe it because they are just saying the truth.
He is awkward and ugly and can’t sing.
His mouth feels like he is swallowing sands, his head hurts. But no one asks him why his eyes are so puffy the next morning.
3.
The first time his manager informs he would meet other Chinese trainees, Zi Tao is so giddy until he can’t sleep.
Rolling restlessly on his bunk bed, he finally gives up and gives the ceiling in his bedroom a spectacular pout.
He ends up using his time arranging scenarios of conversation in his head.
“hi, I’m Zi Tao”
Okay that’s too short.
“annyeong, I’m Zi Tao and I’m from china and i like wushu and shopping and.....”
No, too much and(s).
Ah whatever, he smacks his forehead. The corner of his brain reminds him the important task to do. Don’t forget to smile, Zi Tao.
4.
Zi Tao forgets to smile. Actually, he almost forgets how to breathe when people in front of him give him smile. A genuine one instead of business-like and fake smiles he often gets.
“this is Wu Fan” his manager chirped. A tall tall boy nods at him from his seat. Zi Tao’s having a hard time moving his gaze from the Canadian boy’s spectacular eyebrow.
“Yi Xing, and that one is luhan”.
The boy with child-like face springs up from out of the chair and extends his hand to Zi Tao. Zi Tao stares at the hand, blinking at them after two seconds.
“he is so cute!” luhan laughs as he nudges Zi Tao’s side to grab his hand, shaking it in a friendly manner and keep smiling at him and suddenly Zi Tao’s mind wanders far far away to china where his mom’s smile is.
The boy wearing green hoodie beside him (Yi Xing, Zi Tao reminds himself) smiles as well as Zi Tao grins a little, feels so light and relieved and he finally mumbling the line he has practiced beneath his breath.
“hi, I’m Huang Zi Tao”
5.
Later in bed, when he is lying across the floor grinning to his panda plushy (because it’s summer and is too hot on his bed), he remembers there is a particular someone who didn’t talk much during their small talk. He reaches on his side to grab a bag of chips and munch it silently.
Wu Fan is so scary.
6.
It approximately takes Zi Tao a week to even greet a boy named Wu Fan. An awkward hi and small bow to him.
He is so unbelievably handsome, awesome eyebrows and lips and.. everything that calls to be adored and Zi Tao can’t help but liking it. But he also constantly giving a cold aura around him and is sort of the leader of his new trainee group contains 11 other boys.
He tells Suho hyung this someday (a boy with beautiful smile and milky white skin) and the older boy just laughs, ruffling Zi Tao’s ponytailed hair and tells him to eat his ramen before it goes cold.
Zi Tao wonders why he should eats ramen with meat and eggs at 3 in the afternoon when no one’s eating, other trainees are resting for a while from their hectic dance routine. he swears he hears chanyeol hyung’s laugh from somewhere in the dorm, (his laugh is kind of scary, but it’s contagious and Zi Tao feels like he want to laugh for no particular reasons every time he laughs ). He shrugs mentally and smiles gratefully at suho hyung who leans in the kitchen counter, writing something like groceries shopping list to his little notebook.
he finishes his ramen with a satisfied sigh and goes to fridge searching on some dessert, cake or pudding.
“i told you he’s hungry, he's just too shy to ask”. The comment comes from the doorway of their kitchen, where Wu Fan standing by, leaning lightly, lips curls upwards in amusement. Zi Tao almost drops his bowl.
(later that night, suho hyung whispers to Zi Tao’s ear the ramen is cooked by Wu Fan. That’s why the meats are over cooked because suho never fails at cooking like that).
7.
Zi Tao’s black t-shirt is missing for the 7th time for that month, he is in his way to the dorm with damp shirt clinging at his body when he sees a familiar fabric hanging on one of the door of practice room, ugly red handwriting stain covering almost the entire surface.
“LOSER >:| AWKWARD UGLY LOSER LOSER”
A lump forms in his throat and he swallows around it. this is not the first time but it’s his favorite shirt this time, damnit.
He faintly hears heavy footsteps draw to him. A tall figure with a very good scent passes by, fingers reaching the ruined t-shirt and takes Zi Tao’s hand, dragging him to the corridor.
“Wu Fan ge?”
“hey kiddo” the older smiles.
there are no fireworks nor sakura drifts around them, but Zi Tao’s heart skips a beat.
They skip vocal practice that night to wander in Seoul’s night market. Zi Tao orders lot of mouthwatering Chinese dumplings from an ahjussi and they eat together, laughing at a dog that tries to catch its own tail and enjoying some performance in the crowded street.
When their manager stops scolding them after they arrived to the dorm, it’s already passes midnight. The manager accidentally bangs his head when chanyeol barges to the room, curious big eyes and all.
Zi Tao giggles at the sight as Wu Fan rolls his eyes. chanyeol ignores the poor manager, entering the room and giving Zi Tao catcalls plus a wiggling eyebrow at Wu Fan.
“what.” Wu Fan deadpans.
“how was your dateee?” he teases in a sing song tone.
Wu Fan throws his wallet at him.
8.
They eat together, they practice together, breathing in the same air every night in their shared dorm. Whispering one another comforting words when someone feels like giving up and too tired to continue, laughing at Sehun who is cranky after he tries doing aegyo for the first time (so cuuute! Baekhyol barks and hides behind chanyeol’s shoulder when sehun shoots him a heated glare, a glare that quickly becomes a pout as he stomps his feet and runs to his room), and Zi Tao laughs with them, singing with them, cries immediately when someone of them is crying.
It’s weird how they are imperfectly perfect together, seeing each other’s flaws but it’s okay. It’s okay because no one of them is judging.
And then somewhere along the way, the boy named Zi Tao finds his family.
“i don’t get it. i really really don't get it ”. Kyung Soo hyung tells him one day with his forever o_o expression. “how you are so good at kicking people’s ass, yet cries at horror movies.”
“shudup hyung” Zi Tao’s voice muffled at his tissues he’s been shoving at his face.
He feels someone pats his back, the hand is big and warm and Zi Tao’s unconsciously leaning at it, selfishly takes its warmth to comfort himself.
Taking a shaky breath, he wipes his eyes with the tissue once more before opens his puffy eyes and turns at the source of the warmth, seeing a tall figure glances down at him.
the light of their small TV room is dim, but Zi Tao swears Wu Fan is glowing. (or it just because Zi Tao’s eyes are hurting from too much crying, he doesn’t quite sure)
the older boy doesn’t say anything, carefully takes Zi Tao smaller hand and pulls him off from the couch, accidentally steps at Jongdae’s hand in the process.
Zi Tao can’t help but grinning when he hears Jongdae yelps loudly, earning a yell from the intrigued-from-the-suspense Jong In and a shut up you allllllll yo-yo from chanyeol. Someone erupts into a fit of giggles and Soon the quiet room is in chaos. everyone is laughing and shouting and talking non-sense and Wu Fan is laughing as well, a manly and deep sound Zi Tao likes so much.
The television is still on, but no one is really paying attention to the device; it works as white noise at the edge of their senses as they are enjoying each other’s presence.
And Zi Tao’s suddenly feeling so content and sleepy, almost falls asleep halfway to his bedroom. His body is tired, they are all. His muscles are screaming and his legs hurt from too much dancing but it’s the happiest moment in his trainee life. he is chewing on his bottom lip to hide his grin when Wu Fan drags him further into his bedroom, the back of his knees hit the bed’s frame and soon his pillow scene greets him.
The last thing he heard before drifting off is a “have a nice dream” from Wu Fan.
you too, gege.
They are one, they are twelve but they are one. It’s sure not the most logic theory in the world but Zi Tao finds himself clutching hard at that phrase.
Zi Tao is still an ordinary boy who (actually) can dance and sing. He is still scared, he is still not sure how the future will be, but as long as his family with him, he’s sure everything’s gonna be okay.
----
AN: unbeta'd. please forgive the awkward grammar. gosh this is so crappy i can't ヾ(｡｀Д´｡)ﾉ彡.
but still, i hope you enjoy this. o（≧▽≦）o
and let's forget the fact that now Exo M is in my country and i can't watch them dsjhfalksdjhfalksdjfakjhds.