.diary.of.a.dead.girl
i was laying on the bed. half-naked and overheated from the summer night.
no breaks even at the darkest hours. a constant heavy blanket of humidity and warmth, smothering you until it was too much.
in the midst of one night i had stripped off the pants and the sweatshirt and the t-shirt as well. all had been worn in hopes i could sweat off a few pounds while i caught a few snores. the comforter was kicked off the bed, mostly, anyways- a small piece clung to the corner in a last ditch effort. the blanket had been stripped off long ago and only the sheet remained. said sheet had been jostled until it covered my left leg only. the boy shorts clung to my body, baggy over my once voluptuous backside.
no one had seen my body in nearly a year, though. i carefully kept it hidden under layers, which was helpful since i now was permanently chilled (for some odd reason). my spindly arms and legs splayed out across the queen sized bed, taking up every spare inch. my once large chest lay nearly flat against the mattress.
my mother had never been one to give me space.
what was mine was hers and what was hers was hers.
there was no such thing as privacy in my home.
she came barreling in that fateful morning, ready to pull me out of bed since it was nearly noon.
"up! up! it's time to..." she suddenly quieted spying my corpse. the thin red lines marked my side, peeking out just above the boy shorts line. my thighs were spread, even with the sheet covering one, showed enough on one leg to make you cringe. her arms crossed her chest and she didn't know whether to scream or cry or beat the shit out of me.
sure i'd been thin before.
and sure, maybe i'd admitted to drinking real young- but i'd gone through treatment and i had gotten my act together.
or so they thought.
i had only been in bed for a few hours, unbeknownst to her. i had slipped in through the window in the pre-dawn hours, high as a fucking kite.
"Elizabeth Marie Benton!"
i woke up finally. i was still slightly high, though she couldn't tell, because it wasn't as if she was searching for dilated pupils and blood shot irises. it took me a few moments until i started clamoring, pulling the sheets up until they covered my body.
"what are you doing?! GET OUT!"
the vein on her forehead was about to burst. my yelling didn't help matters.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE MARKS?" she pointed in the general direction of my body.
my mind, mostly drugged and half asleep couldn't form words. i shook my head and moved the sheet to take a look at myself. as if that would help.
"i fell down..." i finally spewed forth the worst excuse possible.
"you fell down and scrapped the inside of your thigh?!"
"yeah.. yeah... i guess... we were out the other night... i must have scrapped up my leg climbing the fence at Genny's."
"and your hip too? just your hip and your thigh??"
i was fucked. the angry, tired, drugged tears could not be stopped.
"GET OUT!" i screamed, chocking up suddenly, violently. she staggered back, surprised by my mood swing. "JUST GET OUT! LET ME SLEEP!"
"lizzy marie!" she was inching closer to the door, no doubt only going so she could come back with artillery.
"just... let me sleep for another hour. jesus christ! can't i just sleep?!" i fell back on the bed as she made her way to the door finally. she eyed me apprehensively. i knew what was coming. it had happened before... i was a lame duck just waiting from here on out.
"You stay here!" she demanded. i laughed and waited til the door was shut to flip her the bird. it took me a few moments to gather my self and my thoughts.
such a dangerous line i walked.
a single toe off and it's a thousand feet down.
her footsteps were down the hall when i flew for my iPhone.
'megs-
i need drugs. can you get me some?
i may also need a place to stay for a few nights, can you call lee?
-liz"