All My Loving
It seems our story is winding to a close. Although this is not the end, I do believe it is in sight, but one never knows what might happen next.
Here is the last post, in case you missed it. And now, on with the show...
Part 26: Misery
I arrived at my building back in London, and did not expect to see such a horrific sight. As I opened the door, Paul was on the floor, blood pouring from his face. I was so scared and terrified; I screamed bloody murder. I did not know what do. Figures the minute I get home, drama decides to re-appear. I couldn’t call John, so I called Anna in a panic.
“Jaymie? Why are you calling? What happened? What’s wrong?”, Anna said.
“I...It’s...I just got back and I came home but I couldn’t get Paul to the door, then I found it was unlocked and I came in and...Oh it’s just horrible!” I cried.
“Jaymie, calm down. What happened?”
“I don’t know! I came in and there he was on the floor! I think someone’s hit him on the head! Or he fell or something! He’s got a terrible gash sort of place just above his eye and I tried to wake him up but he just sort of woke up for a second and swooned back out again. Should I ring the police?”
“What’s going on? Anna! Is she alright? Is it Paul?” In the background, I could hear that George was hounding her with questions.
“Jaymie, don’t get upset. George said he’d ring the police and I’ll come right over. Don’t touch anything. See you in a minute.”
“I’m alright. I can call them. They’ll need details. Meet me at the hospital. I’ll see you soon”, I said, as I hung up the phone.
I immediately called the police. They brought an emergency car with him. The paramedics arrived in a matter of seconds. They came in and put on a stretcher, came down in the elevator and placed him in the emergency car. I followed their steps and into the car. The entire time, I held onto Paul’s hand. I cried the entire way, scared, nervous and fearful. We arrived at the hospital. The camera’s came out as soon as people noticed it was Paul coming out of the car. Somehow the word got out.
We rushed into the hospital, into an emergency room. They attempted to get Paul into a state of consciousness. Minutes later, Paul finally awoke. As he did, I saw George and Anna arrive in the room. The doctors told them to wait in the waiting room. I was allowed to stay though. When he was conscious, the doctors gave him some medicine to feel better. They bandaged him up, as well. After the medical attention, they left the room, so we could talk, and mainly have some rest.
“Paul!” I shouted.
“Jaymie?” Paul whispered. “Is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me Paul! I came back!”
“It’s so good to see you”.
“What happened do you remember?”
“Somewhat. Someone was in the flat. He…he rushed in and started screaming at me, for some reason I do not remember. I remember, though, that he slapped me across the face a few times, and then began to punch me. I have no idea who it was. It happened so fast.”
I had a feeling I knew who it could be. John.
“I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry you’re hurt. I should have never left here. I regret that decision. I’m just glad I’m here with you. I love you so much.”
“I love you. I’m glad you came back to me. I was a complete mess”, Paul laughed.
“Don’t worry. I’m here for good now. I’m just going to say ‘hi’ to George and Anna, OK? I’ll be back.”
Paul nodded and I left to go into the waiting, where George and Anna remained patiently.
“How is he doing?” George asked.
“He’s doing fine now. He’s conscious but does not remember who hit him. He knew it was someone though”, I replied. I paused and continued, “I have a feeling I know who it is.”
“I’m so sorry, Jaymie. About before”, Anna said.
“No, don’t be sorry. I’m the idiot. I’m so deeply sorry for acting out like that.”
“It’s OK. I completely understand.” Anna smiled. I smiled back. We both knew, somehow, that John was out of the picture in our love lives. But we had an instinct it was John who could have come in and attacked Paul.
“How was Liverpool?” George asked.
I had no idea what to say. I couldn’t say I saw Scott. “It was great to be home, but it’s even nicer to be back here. Everything is still the same. I even visited some of our old hangouts. I got so sad looking back on the past. I needed some time to get away, you know, and it did help. I resolved all of my issues.”
“I’m glad you’re back in London. Anna and I were really worried about you.“
“I appreciate it. But don’t worry. Things are going to be better.”
“Can we say ‘hello’ to Paul, now?”
“Of course! Come”, I said.
We then saw Mo and Ringo arrive at the hospital soon after. We visited Paul again, and sat around him, trying to make best of the situation. We all became so close, once again, just chatting about. It gave us all some time to sit and get to be friends again, as all our friendships have been strained recently.
The night drew upon us, and one by one we started to leave the hospital and head home. Paul and I were the last ones to leave. He was a bit drowsy from the medicine, but I helped him into a taxi. Fans filled the streets, but were escorted away. As we drove away, Paul suddenly said to me, “It was John. He came in and punched. I remember it all now.”
“I had a feeling it was. He got his revenge. He took his anger out on you from me leaving him. It’s all my fault…yet again.”
“No, it’s not. It’s him! He’s the maniac. He needs some help, eh?”
“Yeah, I just feel terrible. I don’t want him to hurt you over something you had nothing to do with!”
“We do not deserve any more of him. He’s ruining everything. You and me, that’s it. He’ll be in the band, still but he’ll just have nothing to do with you anymore. I don't want him coming near you anymore.”
I pondered on what he said and I still felt that John was still a friend of mine, even though he put me through so much hurt. He, for God sakes, put Paul in the hospital! How could he do such a thing? Yet, I wanted to see him again. How would the band hold up from all of this?
27: Behind That Locked Door
“I hope Paul will be okay,” George said, as we drove back home from the hospital.
“Me too. I can’t imagine anyone doing that to him.” Well, anyone but John. I hoped it wasn’t John. He can be really a nice guy but he can snap at the slightest thing sometimes.
“Must have been some crazed fan or something.”
“Yeah,” I half-heartedly agreed.” There was a lull in the conversation and I contemplated switching on the radio, but I thought it would be in poor taste. Luckily, or maybe not so luckily, George broke the silence.
“What was that between you and Jaymie back there?”
“What? Oh, we just had sort of an argument the other day. It was nothing really. You know silly girl stuff. But it’s alright now. I think we’ve sorted it all out.” I said hopefully.
“Was it about John?”
“Why?”
“No need to get defensive. I just wondered since she said she thought she knew something about what happened to Paul and then you sort of started talking in the middle of things.
“Oh. Well, if you must know it was,” I’d no idea where I was going with this speech but I felt like something should be said to make up for it. I hated to lie again but what else could I do?
“She had said something about leaving Paul and I sort of played Devil’s advocate. But I didn’t know he would hit her and all. But I guess things didn’t work so well between her and John either.”
“He hit her?!”
“Oh! You didn’t know about that? Yes. They’d had that row, remember? When she left him and he hit her or slapped her or something. I don’t quite remember.” I tried my best to cover up where I’d heard that from and who.
“That must be some sort of love they’ve got then. I hope ours is that strong.”
“What do you mean? You think our marriage is unstable?”
“No, of course not. I just mean that if we went through something like that, I would hope that we could work it out and still be together.”
“I think we’d be okay. We’ve had a few bumps before and we’re still here aren’t we?”
“That we are. You know, we’ve still got a weekend and all our bags are packed and ready to go. What do you say to heading on up to the cottage?” The question was almost perfectly timed to us pulling up in front of our building.
“Do you think we should? I mean, what if Jaymie needs us? What if Paul’s not alright and he gets worse while we’re gone?” I said a little worried.
“Anna, there’s nothing we can do about it. If Jaymie needs something Ritchie and Maureen are here and they know that we were planning to go. If something happens, they can find us. It’s not terribly far away; don’t you think we need to relax for a while? It’s just two days. Just a day really, because we’ll be back Sunday.”
“Well, alright. But what about Archie? We can’t leave him.”
“No, I don’t suppose we can. I’ll wait here if you’ll run up and get him. I don’t want to risk a double assault by the cameras after what happened at the hospital.”
“Alright, I’ll be back in a tic,” I said, opening the door.
“Wait,” George said.
“What?” I asked, leaning back in. He kissed me.
“What was that for?”
“Nothing. Just because.” He smiled and I returned the gesture as I made my way into the building.
I will have to say one good thing is that the fans don’t notice me much. I guess since George keeps such a low profile, they don’t know me as well as they could. I can usually slip under most of their radar. The press are about the same unless they’ve been at their job awhile and see us go out together and whatnot. Thankfully I got in with little trouble. I went up to our place and unlocked the door.
Archie ran to me and I grabbed him up. I decided that I should probably give the place a once over just in case we’d forgotten something. As I walked in, I noticed an envelope on the floor, like it had been slipped under the door. It being addressed to me, I ripped it open and I had to read it three times before I could fully take in its message.
Dear Anna,
I heard about Paul’s accident. I would’ve been by but I wasn’t sure how everyone would react. The papers will probably blow everything out of proportion once they realise I wasn’t there, I guess. Since you’re really the only person I can talk to anymore, I just wanted you to let you know I really am sorry for what happened and I wish I could’ve been there.
Actually, I have something else I need to say. I know you’re trying to move on and I know that that’s the best thing for everyone but I can’t stop thinking about you or the other night. I keep dreaming the whole thing over and over again and sometimes I wake up thinking you’re still there. I know it would never work between us, I keep telling myself that, but I don’t know how I can keep going on without you. I’m just not myself anymore. I thought I’d be okay with you leaving but I feel sort of guilty for the other night and I don’t think I really expected you to go through with it. I’m sure you’re trying to forget about me as much as you can so I don’t suppose you’ll return any feelings or even talk to me again for awhile but I just had to tell you how I feel.
Love always,
John
I was suddenly overcome by a feeling of utter vulnerability. I almost wanted to cry again like the blubbering idiot I seem to have become. I tried my best to compose myself and think this through. I was trying to move on and forget my feelings for John. We both knew that, but I felt so sorry that he couldn’t forget me. I wondered if he had even tried. I was wrong to have that one last night with him, I knew better. I had felt awful leaving while he was asleep but there was no other way. I left him a note saying how very sorry I was and restating our earlier talk about how I couldn’t put him through all the pain I would cause by trying to stay with him. I never thought he would feel guilty; if anything I should. I was touched that he could be so open with me when he always seemed like such an introvert. I guess when you put two people like that together; they help bring each other out of their shells.
Archie began squirming, breaking my concentration. I came back to reality and folded the letter back into its envelope. I wanted to leave it there so I wouldn’t be reminded of John while at the cottage, but I didn’t exactly have clever hiding places around the house. Instead I put the letter inside my coat pocket and hoped no one would find it there.
“What took you so long?”
“Oh, you know, I was just making sure we hadn’t forgotten anything.”
“I hardly think we could have. I think we’ve packed everything that wasn’t nailed down.”
“It does seem like that doesn’t it? Imagine if we had kids; then we’d be better off staying home.” I laughed. George half-smiled but he seemed a little sad.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing. I was just thinking about kids and everything.” There was a pause and I reflected on the many times the subject had come up recently.
“George, remember...you know, before when you said we should pick out names? Did you have one already in mind?”
“No, not really,” he said but I could tell he wasn’t being entirely honest. “Well, I kind of like the name Grace,” he finally said.
“That’s pretty. I don’t think I ever really thought about names. So were you hoping it was a girl?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I think it would be easier to have a daughter than a son. Of course, I don’t know that much about it.”
“Well, you know she’d have you wrapped around her little finger. And think of when she’s a teenager. She’ll want to go out and date and you’d have to let her go.”
“I didn’t think of it like that. I guess you’ve got a point. Did you want it to be a boy, then?”
“No. I mean, I didn’t care either way.”
“Didn’t you? I saw that names book you had. You had circled all these boys’ names and only a few girl ones. I don’t know about Max. It sounds more like a dog’s name. But it’d make a good comic book. ‘Max Harrison: Private Eye.’ This was followed by the humming of what I assumed was theme music.
“Very funny, ‘Georgie Porgie.’ I guess choosing names is a little harder than I thought. I kind of like Daniel, but it’s pretty common. What about Arthur? The fans would get a kick out of that one, I bet.”
“They probably would. Daniel’s not bad. There was another one of yours that I liked but I don’t remember.”
“That’s okay. We don’t have to worry about names any time soon.”
“The night is young,” he said suggestively and I couldn’t help but laugh.
We travelled to the cottage, our conversation a little more normal. He told me about some songs he’d been working on and all sorts of things like that. I listened as best I could while trying to absorb all of the technical terms of recording. I was quite proud of myself for being able to remember what we had talked about because as I mentioned earlier, I used to pay little attention to George’s work. He seemed pleased to have someone to talk to so it worked out well, I think. Things were so nice and blissful that I almost forgot about John and Paul and Jaymie and all the drama, not just of the day but of the past few weeks. That was until we arrived at the cottage.
Part 28: Golden Slumbers
The night Paul and came home was a dramatic one. I was glad to be home with Paul, for good, hopefully, but I was deeply disturbed by John's antics. Why would he ever want to hurt Paul? Because of me? No, he wouldn't. He would never touch Paul. I was worried what he would do next. I felt the need to see him, just once more, to say how I felt about leaving, and of course, about Paul.
When we got home, we went right to bed. Paul was out like a light as soon as he put his head on the pillow. I had trouble sleeping that night, thinking of everything. I'm glad I made up with Anna, though. I did not want our relationship to be ruined over John. I tossed and turned. Falling asleep and waking up. This routine kept going the entire night. I went into the kitchen to have a glass of milk, to make me go to sleep. I made a plan in my head of what to say to John. I hope he would be at his apartment. As I was imagining the conversation between us, in my head, I heard some rumbling noises outside, behind the door. Could it be? John? I went over to the door, and opened it very quietly. Paul could not probably hear it, as he was dead tired.
"Uh, hi, Jaymie", John said quietly. "I'm so sorry to come at a bad time, but I need to talk.
"John, why are you here at the flat at 3 o'clock in the morning? What's on your mind? The fact maybe that you almost gave me a heart attack while seeing Paul bleeding on the floor?” I responded. We moved into the hallway and shut the door.
"Jaymie, I need to explain."
"Go ahead. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"I'm sorry, but I went over to talk to Paul to apologize for everything that's been happening lately, he slapped me...real hard. I tried to explain everything that happened between you and me, but he got...got so furious that he went ballistic! I tried to defend myself, and by accident punched him while doing so, I guess too hard and he fell down on the floor. I got nervous, so I left. I was in complete shock."
"Wait...you...you went over to apologize?"
"Yeah, I mean...you know. It's been a little hectic lately. I did not want it to affect our music, you know?"
"But when Paul told me about the fight, it sounded like you were upset at him? He said you were a maniac! I thought you came over here because you were mad at me for leaving you, so you took it out on Paul".
"No, not at all. I went over to explain myself...in a calm matter. I know that's not something I do usually, but I wanted to make all this just go away."
"I do, too. I did not know that happened. He told me to stay away from you. Why would he lie to me like that?
"He wants you bad. Real bad. I can tell."
"I know he does, but if he wants me so bad, he should be honest!”
"Yeah, well, I guess not. He wants to make it seem like I'm the bad guy all the time. I know I did something bad, but I apologized and he refused to forgive me."
"I don't know what to do now. If he keeps lying like this, how can I trust him? I came back partly to be with him...he should respect that."
"I don't know. I mean just talk to him about it, I guess."
"Yeah. Even though things got messy between us, I still feel the want to see you. You're still my best friend in the whole friend. I cannot lose you."
"I don't want to lose you either. I thought I did, because you left and everything, but I was not expecting you back. I heard that you were in town from the gossip swirling around from Paul's hospital visit. What made you come back?"
"Me. I could not stand being a coward. Leaving my life and all. I did it for myself. Being home was nice, but I could not shun Paul and you away forever. You guys are my life."
"I know, you're my life, too."
"I was going to see you tomorrow to apologize for leaving, but you really hurt me, John! How could you do that to me? I don't think we're going to work anymore...I think we're finished."
"I did it...I know, I don't know. I was stupid. Confused."
"Damn right you were."
"Look, I understand if you don't want anything to do with me. You should listen to Paul."
"John, I still want to see you, but none of the funny stuff. You have no idea how hard it is not to be with you, but it's the best for everyone. I do not want to make you more upset, but don't you think it will...just be better this way? I'm sure you're going to meet someone that makes you complete. You will. I know it."
"But you're that person, Jaymie."
"John, stop--"
"Seriously. That's how I feel and I hope you know it."
"I do, I do. But we just have to keep...keep being friends, OK? I still love you, no matter what happens, but it's just how it has to be."
"I get it."
"John, don't get like that. I know you know it, too."
"I know we should keep our distance, in that matter, but it's seeing you everyday...not being able to kiss you-"
"John, it's enough, you're making me feel guilty here. You betrayed me, John. You did!" We paused. "Listen, I better be going", I continued.
"Alright, well, good luck with Paul and everything. What are you going to do with him?"
"Uh, not sure yet, John. I don't know. Maybe I really should go back to Liverpool. I've had enough with this grammar school drama. I'll see you around?"
"Yeh, see you, Jaymie. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, prince charming", I said jokingly, with a smile, trying to make light of the situation.
"Bye, my princess."
I waved goodbye and went back into the flat, noticing an all too familiar shadow just behind the door I thought I had closed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ooh. Nice. I think this is running rather smoothly now as far as soap operas go. lol. Yeah, just to let you know, 29 is epic, if I do say so myself. haha. Well, epic in the sense it was six pages handwritten and four typed [with edting some of it out] and is mostly dialogue.
Hope you enjoyed this. And as always, stay tuned!
Love,
Anna
Here is the last post, in case you missed it. And now, on with the show...
Part 26: Misery
I arrived at my building back in London, and did not expect to see such a horrific sight. As I opened the door, Paul was on the floor, blood pouring from his face. I was so scared and terrified; I screamed bloody murder. I did not know what do. Figures the minute I get home, drama decides to re-appear. I couldn’t call John, so I called Anna in a panic.
“Jaymie? Why are you calling? What happened? What’s wrong?”, Anna said.
“I...It’s...I just got back and I came home but I couldn’t get Paul to the door, then I found it was unlocked and I came in and...Oh it’s just horrible!” I cried.
“Jaymie, calm down. What happened?”
“I don’t know! I came in and there he was on the floor! I think someone’s hit him on the head! Or he fell or something! He’s got a terrible gash sort of place just above his eye and I tried to wake him up but he just sort of woke up for a second and swooned back out again. Should I ring the police?”
“What’s going on? Anna! Is she alright? Is it Paul?” In the background, I could hear that George was hounding her with questions.
“Jaymie, don’t get upset. George said he’d ring the police and I’ll come right over. Don’t touch anything. See you in a minute.”
“I’m alright. I can call them. They’ll need details. Meet me at the hospital. I’ll see you soon”, I said, as I hung up the phone.
I immediately called the police. They brought an emergency car with him. The paramedics arrived in a matter of seconds. They came in and put on a stretcher, came down in the elevator and placed him in the emergency car. I followed their steps and into the car. The entire time, I held onto Paul’s hand. I cried the entire way, scared, nervous and fearful. We arrived at the hospital. The camera’s came out as soon as people noticed it was Paul coming out of the car. Somehow the word got out.
We rushed into the hospital, into an emergency room. They attempted to get Paul into a state of consciousness. Minutes later, Paul finally awoke. As he did, I saw George and Anna arrive in the room. The doctors told them to wait in the waiting room. I was allowed to stay though. When he was conscious, the doctors gave him some medicine to feel better. They bandaged him up, as well. After the medical attention, they left the room, so we could talk, and mainly have some rest.
“Paul!” I shouted.
“Jaymie?” Paul whispered. “Is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me Paul! I came back!”
“It’s so good to see you”.
“What happened do you remember?”
“Somewhat. Someone was in the flat. He…he rushed in and started screaming at me, for some reason I do not remember. I remember, though, that he slapped me across the face a few times, and then began to punch me. I have no idea who it was. It happened so fast.”
I had a feeling I knew who it could be. John.
“I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry you’re hurt. I should have never left here. I regret that decision. I’m just glad I’m here with you. I love you so much.”
“I love you. I’m glad you came back to me. I was a complete mess”, Paul laughed.
“Don’t worry. I’m here for good now. I’m just going to say ‘hi’ to George and Anna, OK? I’ll be back.”
Paul nodded and I left to go into the waiting, where George and Anna remained patiently.
“How is he doing?” George asked.
“He’s doing fine now. He’s conscious but does not remember who hit him. He knew it was someone though”, I replied. I paused and continued, “I have a feeling I know who it is.”
“I’m so sorry, Jaymie. About before”, Anna said.
“No, don’t be sorry. I’m the idiot. I’m so deeply sorry for acting out like that.”
“It’s OK. I completely understand.” Anna smiled. I smiled back. We both knew, somehow, that John was out of the picture in our love lives. But we had an instinct it was John who could have come in and attacked Paul.
“How was Liverpool?” George asked.
I had no idea what to say. I couldn’t say I saw Scott. “It was great to be home, but it’s even nicer to be back here. Everything is still the same. I even visited some of our old hangouts. I got so sad looking back on the past. I needed some time to get away, you know, and it did help. I resolved all of my issues.”
“I’m glad you’re back in London. Anna and I were really worried about you.“
“I appreciate it. But don’t worry. Things are going to be better.”
“Can we say ‘hello’ to Paul, now?”
“Of course! Come”, I said.
We then saw Mo and Ringo arrive at the hospital soon after. We visited Paul again, and sat around him, trying to make best of the situation. We all became so close, once again, just chatting about. It gave us all some time to sit and get to be friends again, as all our friendships have been strained recently.
The night drew upon us, and one by one we started to leave the hospital and head home. Paul and I were the last ones to leave. He was a bit drowsy from the medicine, but I helped him into a taxi. Fans filled the streets, but were escorted away. As we drove away, Paul suddenly said to me, “It was John. He came in and punched. I remember it all now.”
“I had a feeling it was. He got his revenge. He took his anger out on you from me leaving him. It’s all my fault…yet again.”
“No, it’s not. It’s him! He’s the maniac. He needs some help, eh?”
“Yeah, I just feel terrible. I don’t want him to hurt you over something you had nothing to do with!”
“We do not deserve any more of him. He’s ruining everything. You and me, that’s it. He’ll be in the band, still but he’ll just have nothing to do with you anymore. I don't want him coming near you anymore.”
I pondered on what he said and I still felt that John was still a friend of mine, even though he put me through so much hurt. He, for God sakes, put Paul in the hospital! How could he do such a thing? Yet, I wanted to see him again. How would the band hold up from all of this?
27: Behind That Locked Door
“I hope Paul will be okay,” George said, as we drove back home from the hospital.
“Me too. I can’t imagine anyone doing that to him.” Well, anyone but John. I hoped it wasn’t John. He can be really a nice guy but he can snap at the slightest thing sometimes.
“Must have been some crazed fan or something.”
“Yeah,” I half-heartedly agreed.” There was a lull in the conversation and I contemplated switching on the radio, but I thought it would be in poor taste. Luckily, or maybe not so luckily, George broke the silence.
“What was that between you and Jaymie back there?”
“What? Oh, we just had sort of an argument the other day. It was nothing really. You know silly girl stuff. But it’s alright now. I think we’ve sorted it all out.” I said hopefully.
“Was it about John?”
“Why?”
“No need to get defensive. I just wondered since she said she thought she knew something about what happened to Paul and then you sort of started talking in the middle of things.
“Oh. Well, if you must know it was,” I’d no idea where I was going with this speech but I felt like something should be said to make up for it. I hated to lie again but what else could I do?
“She had said something about leaving Paul and I sort of played Devil’s advocate. But I didn’t know he would hit her and all. But I guess things didn’t work so well between her and John either.”
“He hit her?!”
“Oh! You didn’t know about that? Yes. They’d had that row, remember? When she left him and he hit her or slapped her or something. I don’t quite remember.” I tried my best to cover up where I’d heard that from and who.
“That must be some sort of love they’ve got then. I hope ours is that strong.”
“What do you mean? You think our marriage is unstable?”
“No, of course not. I just mean that if we went through something like that, I would hope that we could work it out and still be together.”
“I think we’d be okay. We’ve had a few bumps before and we’re still here aren’t we?”
“That we are. You know, we’ve still got a weekend and all our bags are packed and ready to go. What do you say to heading on up to the cottage?” The question was almost perfectly timed to us pulling up in front of our building.
“Do you think we should? I mean, what if Jaymie needs us? What if Paul’s not alright and he gets worse while we’re gone?” I said a little worried.
“Anna, there’s nothing we can do about it. If Jaymie needs something Ritchie and Maureen are here and they know that we were planning to go. If something happens, they can find us. It’s not terribly far away; don’t you think we need to relax for a while? It’s just two days. Just a day really, because we’ll be back Sunday.”
“Well, alright. But what about Archie? We can’t leave him.”
“No, I don’t suppose we can. I’ll wait here if you’ll run up and get him. I don’t want to risk a double assault by the cameras after what happened at the hospital.”
“Alright, I’ll be back in a tic,” I said, opening the door.
“Wait,” George said.
“What?” I asked, leaning back in. He kissed me.
“What was that for?”
“Nothing. Just because.” He smiled and I returned the gesture as I made my way into the building.
I will have to say one good thing is that the fans don’t notice me much. I guess since George keeps such a low profile, they don’t know me as well as they could. I can usually slip under most of their radar. The press are about the same unless they’ve been at their job awhile and see us go out together and whatnot. Thankfully I got in with little trouble. I went up to our place and unlocked the door.
Archie ran to me and I grabbed him up. I decided that I should probably give the place a once over just in case we’d forgotten something. As I walked in, I noticed an envelope on the floor, like it had been slipped under the door. It being addressed to me, I ripped it open and I had to read it three times before I could fully take in its message.
Dear Anna,
I heard about Paul’s accident. I would’ve been by but I wasn’t sure how everyone would react. The papers will probably blow everything out of proportion once they realise I wasn’t there, I guess. Since you’re really the only person I can talk to anymore, I just wanted you to let you know I really am sorry for what happened and I wish I could’ve been there.
Actually, I have something else I need to say. I know you’re trying to move on and I know that that’s the best thing for everyone but I can’t stop thinking about you or the other night. I keep dreaming the whole thing over and over again and sometimes I wake up thinking you’re still there. I know it would never work between us, I keep telling myself that, but I don’t know how I can keep going on without you. I’m just not myself anymore. I thought I’d be okay with you leaving but I feel sort of guilty for the other night and I don’t think I really expected you to go through with it. I’m sure you’re trying to forget about me as much as you can so I don’t suppose you’ll return any feelings or even talk to me again for awhile but I just had to tell you how I feel.
Love always,
John
I was suddenly overcome by a feeling of utter vulnerability. I almost wanted to cry again like the blubbering idiot I seem to have become. I tried my best to compose myself and think this through. I was trying to move on and forget my feelings for John. We both knew that, but I felt so sorry that he couldn’t forget me. I wondered if he had even tried. I was wrong to have that one last night with him, I knew better. I had felt awful leaving while he was asleep but there was no other way. I left him a note saying how very sorry I was and restating our earlier talk about how I couldn’t put him through all the pain I would cause by trying to stay with him. I never thought he would feel guilty; if anything I should. I was touched that he could be so open with me when he always seemed like such an introvert. I guess when you put two people like that together; they help bring each other out of their shells.
Archie began squirming, breaking my concentration. I came back to reality and folded the letter back into its envelope. I wanted to leave it there so I wouldn’t be reminded of John while at the cottage, but I didn’t exactly have clever hiding places around the house. Instead I put the letter inside my coat pocket and hoped no one would find it there.
“What took you so long?”
“Oh, you know, I was just making sure we hadn’t forgotten anything.”
“I hardly think we could have. I think we’ve packed everything that wasn’t nailed down.”
“It does seem like that doesn’t it? Imagine if we had kids; then we’d be better off staying home.” I laughed. George half-smiled but he seemed a little sad.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing. I was just thinking about kids and everything.” There was a pause and I reflected on the many times the subject had come up recently.
“George, remember...you know, before when you said we should pick out names? Did you have one already in mind?”
“No, not really,” he said but I could tell he wasn’t being entirely honest. “Well, I kind of like the name Grace,” he finally said.
“That’s pretty. I don’t think I ever really thought about names. So were you hoping it was a girl?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I think it would be easier to have a daughter than a son. Of course, I don’t know that much about it.”
“Well, you know she’d have you wrapped around her little finger. And think of when she’s a teenager. She’ll want to go out and date and you’d have to let her go.”
“I didn’t think of it like that. I guess you’ve got a point. Did you want it to be a boy, then?”
“No. I mean, I didn’t care either way.”
“Didn’t you? I saw that names book you had. You had circled all these boys’ names and only a few girl ones. I don’t know about Max. It sounds more like a dog’s name. But it’d make a good comic book. ‘Max Harrison: Private Eye.’ This was followed by the humming of what I assumed was theme music.
“Very funny, ‘Georgie Porgie.’ I guess choosing names is a little harder than I thought. I kind of like Daniel, but it’s pretty common. What about Arthur? The fans would get a kick out of that one, I bet.”
“They probably would. Daniel’s not bad. There was another one of yours that I liked but I don’t remember.”
“That’s okay. We don’t have to worry about names any time soon.”
“The night is young,” he said suggestively and I couldn’t help but laugh.
We travelled to the cottage, our conversation a little more normal. He told me about some songs he’d been working on and all sorts of things like that. I listened as best I could while trying to absorb all of the technical terms of recording. I was quite proud of myself for being able to remember what we had talked about because as I mentioned earlier, I used to pay little attention to George’s work. He seemed pleased to have someone to talk to so it worked out well, I think. Things were so nice and blissful that I almost forgot about John and Paul and Jaymie and all the drama, not just of the day but of the past few weeks. That was until we arrived at the cottage.
Part 28: Golden Slumbers
The night Paul and came home was a dramatic one. I was glad to be home with Paul, for good, hopefully, but I was deeply disturbed by John's antics. Why would he ever want to hurt Paul? Because of me? No, he wouldn't. He would never touch Paul. I was worried what he would do next. I felt the need to see him, just once more, to say how I felt about leaving, and of course, about Paul.
When we got home, we went right to bed. Paul was out like a light as soon as he put his head on the pillow. I had trouble sleeping that night, thinking of everything. I'm glad I made up with Anna, though. I did not want our relationship to be ruined over John. I tossed and turned. Falling asleep and waking up. This routine kept going the entire night. I went into the kitchen to have a glass of milk, to make me go to sleep. I made a plan in my head of what to say to John. I hope he would be at his apartment. As I was imagining the conversation between us, in my head, I heard some rumbling noises outside, behind the door. Could it be? John? I went over to the door, and opened it very quietly. Paul could not probably hear it, as he was dead tired.
"Uh, hi, Jaymie", John said quietly. "I'm so sorry to come at a bad time, but I need to talk.
"John, why are you here at the flat at 3 o'clock in the morning? What's on your mind? The fact maybe that you almost gave me a heart attack while seeing Paul bleeding on the floor?” I responded. We moved into the hallway and shut the door.
"Jaymie, I need to explain."
"Go ahead. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"I'm sorry, but I went over to talk to Paul to apologize for everything that's been happening lately, he slapped me...real hard. I tried to explain everything that happened between you and me, but he got...got so furious that he went ballistic! I tried to defend myself, and by accident punched him while doing so, I guess too hard and he fell down on the floor. I got nervous, so I left. I was in complete shock."
"Wait...you...you went over to apologize?"
"Yeah, I mean...you know. It's been a little hectic lately. I did not want it to affect our music, you know?"
"But when Paul told me about the fight, it sounded like you were upset at him? He said you were a maniac! I thought you came over here because you were mad at me for leaving you, so you took it out on Paul".
"No, not at all. I went over to explain myself...in a calm matter. I know that's not something I do usually, but I wanted to make all this just go away."
"I do, too. I did not know that happened. He told me to stay away from you. Why would he lie to me like that?
"He wants you bad. Real bad. I can tell."
"I know he does, but if he wants me so bad, he should be honest!”
"Yeah, well, I guess not. He wants to make it seem like I'm the bad guy all the time. I know I did something bad, but I apologized and he refused to forgive me."
"I don't know what to do now. If he keeps lying like this, how can I trust him? I came back partly to be with him...he should respect that."
"I don't know. I mean just talk to him about it, I guess."
"Yeah. Even though things got messy between us, I still feel the want to see you. You're still my best friend in the whole friend. I cannot lose you."
"I don't want to lose you either. I thought I did, because you left and everything, but I was not expecting you back. I heard that you were in town from the gossip swirling around from Paul's hospital visit. What made you come back?"
"Me. I could not stand being a coward. Leaving my life and all. I did it for myself. Being home was nice, but I could not shun Paul and you away forever. You guys are my life."
"I know, you're my life, too."
"I was going to see you tomorrow to apologize for leaving, but you really hurt me, John! How could you do that to me? I don't think we're going to work anymore...I think we're finished."
"I did it...I know, I don't know. I was stupid. Confused."
"Damn right you were."
"Look, I understand if you don't want anything to do with me. You should listen to Paul."
"John, I still want to see you, but none of the funny stuff. You have no idea how hard it is not to be with you, but it's the best for everyone. I do not want to make you more upset, but don't you think it will...just be better this way? I'm sure you're going to meet someone that makes you complete. You will. I know it."
"But you're that person, Jaymie."
"John, stop--"
"Seriously. That's how I feel and I hope you know it."
"I do, I do. But we just have to keep...keep being friends, OK? I still love you, no matter what happens, but it's just how it has to be."
"I get it."
"John, don't get like that. I know you know it, too."
"I know we should keep our distance, in that matter, but it's seeing you everyday...not being able to kiss you-"
"John, it's enough, you're making me feel guilty here. You betrayed me, John. You did!" We paused. "Listen, I better be going", I continued.
"Alright, well, good luck with Paul and everything. What are you going to do with him?"
"Uh, not sure yet, John. I don't know. Maybe I really should go back to Liverpool. I've had enough with this grammar school drama. I'll see you around?"
"Yeh, see you, Jaymie. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, prince charming", I said jokingly, with a smile, trying to make light of the situation.
"Bye, my princess."
I waved goodbye and went back into the flat, noticing an all too familiar shadow just behind the door I thought I had closed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ooh. Nice. I think this is running rather smoothly now as far as soap operas go. lol. Yeah, just to let you know, 29 is epic, if I do say so myself. haha. Well, epic in the sense it was six pages handwritten and four typed [with edting some of it out] and is mostly dialogue.
Hope you enjoyed this. And as always, stay tuned!
Love,
Anna