049. “What’s the Difference?” Hankyung/Hankyung
Title: "What's the Differenc?"
Rating: PG possibly PG-13
Genre: Angst?
Disclaimer: Don't own them
Word Count: 515
A/N: This one...I like it but I dont...
049. “What’s the Difference?” Hankyung/Hankyung
What’s the difference?
‘What’s the difference?’ You wonder one day; depressed and alone staring at your reflection in the mirror as if to force the answers from the blank eyes that stare back at you.
What’s the difference between ‘Hangeng’ the normal everyday person from China and ‘Hankyung’ the Chinese member of Super Junior?
Why did people see you as such an oddity that they had to whisper and giggle and then try to convince you to say something in Chinese for them?
It’s like you’re two different people entirely.
You are Hangeng when you’re at home; in China, because nobody here calls you Hangeng anymore.
And then you’re Hankyung the rest of the time…
You watch, transfixed, as time goes on; leaving you behind as it tends to do.
And as the days passed you could feel who you really were slip farther and farther away from you….The days flew past and as they left they took more of you, the real you, with them. You became more and more the person you were paid to be instead of the person you knew you were, or had been once upon a time… But…’What’s the difference?’
It made you feel bitter, but you hide it well; under your clueless façade you knew that none of them were really who they had started out as. You knew that they had been shaped and molded into what everyone around them wanted them to be…
You knew, because not only had you watched them break the naive beginners and then mold them, but because once you had been that naive beginner being broken. But you hadn’t broken, you had only cracked, and when you cracked you got stronger. You were still you, but you had to hide the real you and pretend to be what they wanted.
There were many things you hated about the life you led; more things than you could name even if you had the time, but you mainly hated how your Chinese heritage made others treat you differently.
What, just because you weren’t Korean that meant that they had to exploit that?
‘This is Hankyung, he’s from China’
‘Super Junior Hankyung from China!’
‘Can you say something for us in Chinese?’
All of these were things you frequently heard. Once you hadn’t minded, but once they had stopped being a nickname for your nickname, once it had become permanently attached to your name, you had begun to get bothered by it…
But you never let on.
After all, getting pissed and throwing tantrums wasn’t your style; it would be an unseemly thing for ‘Hankyung from China’ to do. Heechul could get away with it…But not you…
And you couldn’t disappoint, now could you?
They controlled you.
They owned you.
And you weren’t stupid enough to bite the hand that fed you.
‘What’s the difference?’
Once there was Hankyung who watched yet didn’t care; and there was Hangeng who was always living in the moment and wore his heart on his sleeve.
Yet now….
There is no difference anymore.
Rating: PG possibly PG-13
Genre: Angst?
Disclaimer: Don't own them
Word Count: 515
A/N: This one...I like it but I dont...
049. “What’s the Difference?” Hankyung/Hankyung
What’s the difference?
‘What’s the difference?’ You wonder one day; depressed and alone staring at your reflection in the mirror as if to force the answers from the blank eyes that stare back at you.
What’s the difference between ‘Hangeng’ the normal everyday person from China and ‘Hankyung’ the Chinese member of Super Junior?
Why did people see you as such an oddity that they had to whisper and giggle and then try to convince you to say something in Chinese for them?
It’s like you’re two different people entirely.
You are Hangeng when you’re at home; in China, because nobody here calls you Hangeng anymore.
And then you’re Hankyung the rest of the time…
You watch, transfixed, as time goes on; leaving you behind as it tends to do.
And as the days passed you could feel who you really were slip farther and farther away from you….The days flew past and as they left they took more of you, the real you, with them. You became more and more the person you were paid to be instead of the person you knew you were, or had been once upon a time… But…’What’s the difference?’
It made you feel bitter, but you hide it well; under your clueless façade you knew that none of them were really who they had started out as. You knew that they had been shaped and molded into what everyone around them wanted them to be…
You knew, because not only had you watched them break the naive beginners and then mold them, but because once you had been that naive beginner being broken. But you hadn’t broken, you had only cracked, and when you cracked you got stronger. You were still you, but you had to hide the real you and pretend to be what they wanted.
There were many things you hated about the life you led; more things than you could name even if you had the time, but you mainly hated how your Chinese heritage made others treat you differently.
What, just because you weren’t Korean that meant that they had to exploit that?
‘This is Hankyung, he’s from China’
‘Super Junior Hankyung from China!’
‘Can you say something for us in Chinese?’
All of these were things you frequently heard. Once you hadn’t minded, but once they had stopped being a nickname for your nickname, once it had become permanently attached to your name, you had begun to get bothered by it…
But you never let on.
After all, getting pissed and throwing tantrums wasn’t your style; it would be an unseemly thing for ‘Hankyung from China’ to do. Heechul could get away with it…But not you…
And you couldn’t disappoint, now could you?
They controlled you.
They owned you.
And you weren’t stupid enough to bite the hand that fed you.
‘What’s the difference?’
Once there was Hankyung who watched yet didn’t care; and there was Hangeng who was always living in the moment and wore his heart on his sleeve.
Yet now….
There is no difference anymore.