100. Regrets
Title: Regrets
People: Suju
Rating: PG? PG-13?
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but if I did I'd make them take better care of themselves.
100. Regret W/C
I regret letting you do this to yourself.
You might not think it, but we all really do care about you, I guess you couldn’t tell by our actions, but we really do…
You always used to be so carefree and happy, always willing to take care of everyone else instead of yourself. You never seemed to tire; you were always at the center of everything…
Looking back on it, I think we all took advantage of your willingness to help out, your desire to look after everyone and everything before yourself. I don’t think we ever thanked you either…I wish we had, I don’t know if we can anymore…
You never seem to be there anymore. Oh, on the TV shows and the Game shows and the concerts everything seems fine. But it’s not….It’s really not…
You changed after the accident. You withdrew into yourself. We thought it was just a reaction and you’d get over it and come back out of your shell. But you never did…And you still haven’t; you’ve retreated farther into it than ever…And you blamed yourself. You’d been the driver, but that didn’t make it your fault! We never should have let you withdraw like that and place all the blame upon yourself. We should have been there when you were crying or gone to you when it happened. But we walked away and we ignored it. Despite all you had and have done for us, the one time when you needed us the most…We walked away and didn’t look back…I know that we broke you, the look on your face when you’re standing off to the side, away from the rest of us, tells me so…You always look after us wistfully, bitterly, but all the while acceptingly. Like it hurt you badly (I’m sure it did), like you hated us for leaving you behind (could you hate us?), but still like you had expected it to happen…
We promised that we’d always be there for each other. And you had been there for all of us, many times over, but we were never there for you…I regret that now, I did then too but I didn’t know what to do about it. It doesn’t fix anything but I’m really sorry. Really, honestly, truly I am…I wish that I could go back in time and fix everything I know we did wrong, but I can’t…
Now, too late I realize, I want to help you. We want to help you. But we don’t know how anymore…You’ve changed so much, we don’t know you anymore…Have you changed too much, or are you just hiding behind a mask so we can’t hurt you as bad as we did again?
This is our entire fault; we let it go to far.
When your smiles had begun to have a bitter edge to them, we should have hugged you tight until the bitterness went away. When you stood off by yourself, we should have all moved over to your side. When you began to push yourself harder than you ever had before, too hard I see now, we should have pulled you away from it made you spend time with us instead. When you began to stop eating, we definitely should have done something. You may be our Hyung, but sometimes you need us to take care of you too…
Now it may be too late.
When you collapsed on stage, in the middle of Missin’ U, everything went silent. You’d been smiling and singing your part, despite the fact that your pre-recorded voice was singing too, and suddenly your bright, fake, smile had fallen and a grimace replaced it. And then you’d begun to fall. I watched it all, but I couldn’t get to you in time. You’d fallen and your eyes slid shut even as a small surprised cry fell from your lips. You’d hit the stage floor hard enough for the impact to bring you back up into the air and back down again. And that was where you’d stayed. Stayed until we all ran over to you with identical looks of horror upon our faces, and the fans were screaming and sobbing in the background. Someone, I don’t know who, had called the ambulance and we’d followed it back to the hospital, and then we had to wait. The doctor came out a long time later and informed us that you’d cracked your skull when you fell, you were dehydrated and malnourished and suffering from exhaustion and lack of sleep. Your body had fallen into a coma from the shock. We all felt ashamed. How could we not have noticed?
I sent everyone home an hour ago; they’d been here non-stop for almost a week. I was the only one left and as I look around your room I feel a smile tug at the corner of my lips. There almost isn’t room to move with all the flowers and balloons, the gifts and the cards. On your bedside table we put the things we got for you.
Heechul got you a rose and a card.
Hankyung got you a card and a stuffed panda.
Siwon got you chocolate and a rose.
Sungmin got you chocolates and a balloon.
Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, and Yesung wrote you a song.
Shindong got you chocolates.
Kibum got you a card.
Eunhyuk and Donghae got you a dozen carnations.
I got you a locket, with the U group picture inside it.
We don’t know when you’ll wake up, or if you’ll wake up at all…We all want to apologize, we don’t know if you’ll forgive us, we wouldn’t in your place, but you need to know that we’re sorry; that we care.
We should have seen this.
We should have been prepared.
We should have stopped it.
We should have let you know you’re not alone.
We should have…
But we didn’t.
We failed, the one time we should have succeeded.
We’re sorry.
But can you forgive us?
People: Suju
Rating: PG? PG-13?
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but if I did I'd make them take better care of themselves.
100. Regret W/C
I regret letting you do this to yourself.
You might not think it, but we all really do care about you, I guess you couldn’t tell by our actions, but we really do…
You always used to be so carefree and happy, always willing to take care of everyone else instead of yourself. You never seemed to tire; you were always at the center of everything…
Looking back on it, I think we all took advantage of your willingness to help out, your desire to look after everyone and everything before yourself. I don’t think we ever thanked you either…I wish we had, I don’t know if we can anymore…
You never seem to be there anymore. Oh, on the TV shows and the Game shows and the concerts everything seems fine. But it’s not….It’s really not…
You changed after the accident. You withdrew into yourself. We thought it was just a reaction and you’d get over it and come back out of your shell. But you never did…And you still haven’t; you’ve retreated farther into it than ever…And you blamed yourself. You’d been the driver, but that didn’t make it your fault! We never should have let you withdraw like that and place all the blame upon yourself. We should have been there when you were crying or gone to you when it happened. But we walked away and we ignored it. Despite all you had and have done for us, the one time when you needed us the most…We walked away and didn’t look back…I know that we broke you, the look on your face when you’re standing off to the side, away from the rest of us, tells me so…You always look after us wistfully, bitterly, but all the while acceptingly. Like it hurt you badly (I’m sure it did), like you hated us for leaving you behind (could you hate us?), but still like you had expected it to happen…
We promised that we’d always be there for each other. And you had been there for all of us, many times over, but we were never there for you…I regret that now, I did then too but I didn’t know what to do about it. It doesn’t fix anything but I’m really sorry. Really, honestly, truly I am…I wish that I could go back in time and fix everything I know we did wrong, but I can’t…
Now, too late I realize, I want to help you. We want to help you. But we don’t know how anymore…You’ve changed so much, we don’t know you anymore…Have you changed too much, or are you just hiding behind a mask so we can’t hurt you as bad as we did again?
This is our entire fault; we let it go to far.
When your smiles had begun to have a bitter edge to them, we should have hugged you tight until the bitterness went away. When you stood off by yourself, we should have all moved over to your side. When you began to push yourself harder than you ever had before, too hard I see now, we should have pulled you away from it made you spend time with us instead. When you began to stop eating, we definitely should have done something. You may be our Hyung, but sometimes you need us to take care of you too…
Now it may be too late.
When you collapsed on stage, in the middle of Missin’ U, everything went silent. You’d been smiling and singing your part, despite the fact that your pre-recorded voice was singing too, and suddenly your bright, fake, smile had fallen and a grimace replaced it. And then you’d begun to fall. I watched it all, but I couldn’t get to you in time. You’d fallen and your eyes slid shut even as a small surprised cry fell from your lips. You’d hit the stage floor hard enough for the impact to bring you back up into the air and back down again. And that was where you’d stayed. Stayed until we all ran over to you with identical looks of horror upon our faces, and the fans were screaming and sobbing in the background. Someone, I don’t know who, had called the ambulance and we’d followed it back to the hospital, and then we had to wait. The doctor came out a long time later and informed us that you’d cracked your skull when you fell, you were dehydrated and malnourished and suffering from exhaustion and lack of sleep. Your body had fallen into a coma from the shock. We all felt ashamed. How could we not have noticed?
I sent everyone home an hour ago; they’d been here non-stop for almost a week. I was the only one left and as I look around your room I feel a smile tug at the corner of my lips. There almost isn’t room to move with all the flowers and balloons, the gifts and the cards. On your bedside table we put the things we got for you.
Heechul got you a rose and a card.
Hankyung got you a card and a stuffed panda.
Siwon got you chocolate and a rose.
Sungmin got you chocolates and a balloon.
Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, and Yesung wrote you a song.
Shindong got you chocolates.
Kibum got you a card.
Eunhyuk and Donghae got you a dozen carnations.
I got you a locket, with the U group picture inside it.
We don’t know when you’ll wake up, or if you’ll wake up at all…We all want to apologize, we don’t know if you’ll forgive us, we wouldn’t in your place, but you need to know that we’re sorry; that we care.
We should have seen this.
We should have been prepared.
We should have stopped it.
We should have let you know you’re not alone.
We should have…
But we didn’t.
We failed, the one time we should have succeeded.
We’re sorry.
But can you forgive us?