(Untitled)

[5thofnovember]

TITLE: (untitled)or(epilogue)
PAIRING: Will and Elizabeth (not in a good way ;p) & Jack and Elizabeth
RATING: PG-13
AN: This is an epilogue to the piece I just recently wrote, Consequence, because I felt like it needed something at the end, some mention of Will, and his opinion of all this Sparrabeth nonsense. It's drabble sized, but, that's

Comments

[desiring_me]

This story definitley has potential, you should write more of it!

[5thofnovember]

I'm considering it, but I don't know how far it can go. Pretty much the only other option I'm thinking of is doing a chapter devoted to Elizabeth's post-sex reactions, with italicized flashbacks of arguments with Will throughout. :: shrugs :: We'll see how long the inspiration holds out.

&thank you!

[robes_of_earth]

Ohh.

That's lovely, really lovely. Poor Will (and I don't say that very often!). I particularly enjoyed 'the lullaby of her breath'.

If I could make one teeeeny suggestion, I would like to see the word 'sex' replaced with something more subtle, something more...Will. Sex is quite a bold word, and a bit modern.

Perhaps lengthen that sentance a bit more, talk about the scent of sweat, and he tries not to visualise what she's been up to, or something. It's all down to personal tastes of course, it might just be me. :)

[5thofnovember]

he pretends to be asleep, until he notices, she smells like sweat, and guilt, too.

S'that better? I like it, I think, it struck me on the way to get a pack of smokes after reading your comment.

Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it.

[robes_of_earth]

Yes! Much better. Well done you. I get struck by fic bits out and about as well, I need to get myself a little tape recorder.

[writing_samsara]

Oh lovely. So far away from the universe I'm imagining and writing, and I love-love-love it. I can totally see these things happening, and I do hope you decide to feed us even more. Will it help if I beg? :)

Greedily,
Nasmat

[5thofnovember]

I started to read your challenge piece, about gold, but then I had to go to work, I think I'll go finish that now, actually, because I really liked the first two paragraphs (which is as far as I got, cursed work place). Thank you so much for the feedback, I'm glad you dug it.

[writing_samsara]

Work is a beast. I nicknamed my office "The Locker." Hope you enjoyed browsing my works, and I'll be looking forward to reading more of yours. :)

[kathrynsparrow]

ooo! Once again, so glad that I read!!! I would love to see more from this little universe you have created... I love how Will knows what she does...

-He pretends to be oblivious, staring across the room, and out the open window, he pretends to be asleep, until he notices, she smells like sweat, and guilt, too.-
As much as I love to think of Will as a naive little whelp, we all know that he would know if she did something... O my! I loved it! Can't wait to see more from you!

[5thofnovember]

A person always knows when they're being cheated on, even if they don't actively know it.

Thanks!

[ladydi75]

This is refreshingly different from a lot of Jack/Liz stories because so many of us (myself included!) neatly dispatch Will from the story because his presence makes it too "messy." You give us an Elizabeth who is not really lying when she says that she loves Will... there's loyalty/affection love that she would share with a childhood sweetheart, and then there's, well, there's Jack... which makes things that much more interesting to resolve. Really enjoyed this!

[5thofnovember]

Thank you, there aren't many people out there who'll readily admit that she does, indeed, love Will. Or, those are the people who simply kill him to make Sparrabeth happen. But me? I think it's far more complicated than that, that she does love Will, very much, and that's the problem. Because there's really nothing left but that innocent love, and it's killing her.

Glad you liked it.