(Untitled)

[5thofnovember]

Title: Downfall
Pairing: Jack/Elizabeth
Rating: PG-13 (character death x2)
Summary: Elizabeth's very old, and she remembers Jack in his last moments. It's a one-shot/drabble.

Comments

[erinya]

Okay, you just gave me a shiver. And I love that first paragraph.

One would be hard pressed to find, tucked away in any book, the mention of the look that used to cross his face while sleeping; an entire poem dedicated to horizons, and the sharpness of stars against the cold, black of sea-faring nights. Through the endless process of creating heroes, and villains, the steady rise and fall of his breath gets lost in translation.

Gorgeous. (Although, tiny concrit note: you've got an extra comma in there between "cold" and "black" since black is a noun in this context.)

[5thofnovember]

So glad you enjoyed it, it's always nice to know the people I read enjoy reading me. For whatever reason, that first paragraph was some random spark of genius that came out all at once, it happens rarely, but I always welcome it.

And, yes, you're right, I get a bit comma happy sometimes. XD Fixed-ed.

[sparrows_swann]

Congratulations, this made me tear up a little!
Especially this line: Elizabeth does not recount the details of his laughter when children come to hear the tales of the infamous pirate captain

And this part:
He wraps a gentle arm around her waist, guiding her to the retreating longboat, and his strength is too much for her to resist.
"Into the boat, 'lizabeth, shhh," he strokes her hair, trying to be tender, and quick, all at the same time. Ever aware of the approaching danger, and of the hopelessness of his situation. "Don't you worry about ole' Jack, now, luv, I always find a way."

Guh. Just beautifully tragic.

[5thofnovember]

I seem to be making people cry today. I don't know if I should feel all that bad, though.

That death scene has been in my head for awhile, with only minor details changing, but I'd never actually given into the plot bunny. I still can't help but thinking this needs a bit of revising, though. But I'm my own worst critic.

Glad you dug it!

[rejerito]

Waaahh!! You made me cry!

[5thofnovember]

Sorry!

[geekmama]

Tears seem to be the order of the day here. Beautifully written. I think I need to add this one to our J/E recs page.

[5thofnovember]

Thank you, very much. I see you've already got links to a few of my pieces (I'm heroics), so feel free to add anything you'd like. I need to dig up all my stuff and tag/memory it, at some point.

[tephroliah]

Good Lord, woman.... Depressing, much?

Beautiful, though. God, that last paragraph. So bittersweet.

And despite the fact that you've successfully invoked in me a fantastic morbid depression, I'll forgive you, because it made me really happy to see that you'd posted a new piece.

[5thofnovember]

I wrote this just to depress you, actually. It was my goal for the day.

So there.