An update on my turmoilous love life
So after saturday things got kind of awkward and jorin avoided hanging out with me on sunday with the excuse that he's busy with the festival we're putting on together. I offered to give him a hand with it if he'd come with me to help boogle write a paper but he said no and didn't answer any of my calls after that, even when I was just telling him that I needed to pick up my bag and if he wanted me to pick him up some mcdonalds on the way.
Boogle was really weird too, she got mad at me for offering to pick up jorin and before he canceled she insisted on doing it herself even though I had to go over there anyways for my bag. Then when she at first couldn't get a hold of him, but I could, she got mad and blamed me because obviously he likes me more. It was frustrating because we'd just had the same dumb conversation the night before.
Anyways, I helped her write her paper on black equality then went and had a nice mothers day dinner with my mom, read my trashy novel then went to bed.
This morning I was almost late to school because I was burning jorin the commercial we filmed for the festival (which is funny as hell) and other than saying thanks for it, he blew me off for the rest of the day and all I really wanted to do was ask him about the conversation we'd had on friday and all the shit that happened monday.
We had a club meeting together that afternoon, which he skipped but told me that he needed a ride to the print shop to pick up the fliers for the festival so I agreed to take him, thinking it would give us some alone time to talk about feelings and other girly things. He stayed at a non-mandatory theater meeting until about six and then came out and was like "lets not go to the print shop, I'll buy you dinner instead" so I agreed because a friend was already making a different flier and would have more than 300 copies ready by tomorrow. But I'd already promised to give boogle a ride home thinking that I could just drop her off because she didn't want to go to the print shop.
She ended up comming with us to dinner (which was nothing special, just the mcdonalds dollar menu and then ice cream from baskin robins) and by that time it was almost seven and I still hadn't gotten any alone time with him and we were closer to his house so if I was dropping people off I'd have to let him out first.
So I made up some bogus thing about needing help with chemistry (I'm rocking a 99 in chem. I don't need help) and so boogle instantly offered we all go to her house to study. When I pulled out my chem work I really didn't understand it so he started helping me and we ended up helping eachother and understood the problem at the same time. He got excited and was like "man it's so awesome whenever something happens between people at the exact same time." and boogle got all awkward and excused herself from the room.
When she came back, me and jorin were showing each other some cartoonie art that we'd drawn (he draws comics, I draw anime, he wants to collaborate on something and I laughed and called him gay) and then we ended up getting into a poking war because he made fun of a gesture drawing I'd done and said it looked like her cheek was falling off her face.
I guess boogle got jealous of all the flirting and connections and physical contact and whatnot because she tried to jump in and join us but instead of poking him she punched him really hard in the stomach. He got kind of pissed and I had to drag him off to the side and tell him to just let it go and not to make her angry because I really did need to finish my homework so we sat down again and everything was fine.
Then I finished my work and started to draw on his arm and his fingers and stuff with my pen. She got jealous... again so she took her pencil and started stabbing his skin with it and drew blood so he got pissed at her again and we just kind of decided to leave after that.
So I was finally alone with him and wanted to talk about what was going on but by then we weren't that awkward anymore and ended up talking about all of boogles emotional hang ups and jealousy issues. I tol dhim that he just needs to hang out with her by himself and he asked me if maybe she liked him. And she doesn't, she tells me all the time that she doesn't. I think that she isn't used to people liking me over her, especially guys. She's always the one with the guy friends and I'm always this lame tag along thing and lately its been turning around on her.
Anyways, right when we were about to turn down his street I told him that I'd talked to one of our friends, Amerita, and that she'd told me about how they'd hooked up over spring break and that she'd brought up him asking me for sex. I knew that I had to be completely honest with him, otherwise things were just kind of going to be stalled forever. And I told him how she made it sound like he didn't really want to have sex with me but just wanted to have it with somebody and knew that I was willing. He told me that he sincerely did want to sleep with me and that he only reason he was awkward around Amerita afterwards was because he was used to cuddling and she didn't want to. I'd want to, but I didn't tell him that.
I told him that I was thinking more about sleeping with him and stuff and that I might be comfortable with it, because the more I thought about it the more I wanted it. I'd pulled up to his house before he could say anything other than that didn't make him awkward (previously I said I hoped I didn't creep him out) then just said he'd see me tomorrow.
I don't know if we're going to try something or not but I'm a little bit worried about it. It felt great to say what I want because honestly I love the relationship I have with jorin now, he acts like everything I'd want from a boyfriend except he doesn't sleep with me. And if he'd do that too then I think I can handle being non-exclusive. I don't know, I guess I'll just see. If anything happens, though, it'll probably be over summer. We're both swamped right now with AP's, the music festival and Finals.
I still just don't know what to think. I'm not used to guys thinking that I'm pretty and had almost felt kind of relieved when I thought he was only trying to fuck me because he knew he could. I just... don't want him to see me naked and suddenly realize I'm fat and gross and change his mind. I wish I'd figured all of this out a little sooner so I could drop some weight or something... merrrr