I hope I'm just having a bad day. I haven't felt so... worried, so uncertain, so confused in such a long time. In fact, I don't remember the last time I've felt this way
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That's what LJ is for... to vent and get stuff off your chest.
I feel the same way about my journey to gaijin hate land... of course, I'll be living by myself, and not in daily routine Japanese houselife. Sooo... It'll be different for me, but still the same in the most regards.
As selfish as it may sound, you can't make everyone else happy unless you're first happy with yourself. Do and say whatever you feel in your heart to be right. As long as you are yourself I don't think you have any worries about offending people. And the only person's expectations you should try living up to are your own. If you don't want to go to Japan, don't go. If you don't want to go to NY, don't go. I know it sounds difficult but in the end it is your life and I'm sure everyone would understand that you had good reasons for doing whatever you decide to do.
Hey buddy. While I obviously can't relate from an identical situation (after all, I don't have a steady g/f currently, nor am I going overseas for a year), I do understand and empathize with everything you've said. I know what it's like to be the "rock" or the steady thing in peoples' lives, being expected to give off unwavering confidence and positive vibes in all situations. I also understand how even when a seemingly obvious path is set in front of you, there can be great internal indecision. You shouldn't feel bad or guilty about anything you've said. It sounds like it's been a long time coming, and you deserve to get this all off your chest. I'm not going to say, "Don't worry, everything will be just fine," because life isn't so simple, and you wouldn't want to hear that anyway! All I can say is (as has already been stated by others), do what makes YOU happy, first and foremost! Even if it seems "lazy" or "illogical" to others. You are the one that ultimately has to live with yourself at the end of the day. =)
Don't throw every plan and everything you've been working twoards for years away just because Carrie came along. She's just a girlfriend, and to be blunt as you were in your live journal, it probably won't last. Sure make plans for the future, it's fun, but don't expect things to last forever.
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I feel the same way about my journey to gaijin hate land... of course, I'll be living by myself, and not in daily routine Japanese houselife. Sooo... It'll be different for me, but still the same in the most regards.
Life is hard.
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Good luck with everything.
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