Dammit. Stop thinking why I'm not treating you like my mother.
HELLO? MY MOM DIED IN 1995, ARE YOU?
And for crying out loud, YOU ARE NOT my mother's blasted REPLACEMENT! YOU will NEVER be able to be my mom. In fact you're too good to be a replacement for something that no longer exists physically on planet earth so pleaseeeeeeee understand that I'm loving you for you, and not a blasted replacement.
So quit accusing me of not treating you like my family and not opening up to you.GAH!!
Its always the thing about me not treating you guys as a family, I mean, WHAT THE HELL??
If I wasn't I wouldn't be doing what I'm trying to do, NOT TO ADD ON ANY BURDEN TO YOU SINCE YOU HATE THAT FROM ME, and yet every time I try not to get you involve you scold me for not being a family, and when I DO get you involve you scold me for adding on your burden for the family. I'm sorry, but WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??
And then you had to tell me to fuck off from my family. MY VERY OWN FAMILY, what the fuck?
So what? My dad's with my brother's mother, I've got a half-brother and a sister who's giving my dad plenty of head-aches, so now I'm supposed to leave the place you called a sty? Har Har, VERY FUNNY. Is that what you call a family then? Leaving them when they've got problems or that the environment is not as advanced ( or advancing -if it is- ) as KL?
Right... Just like the time when you asked me why do I have to go back home. I could ask the same to you as to why your son had to come back home after just a week away from home at work.
Oh! Don't you know I'm pretty much a bloody Introvert at some point? If you haven't ALREADY realized that gazillion years ago so quit pushing me to open up and then I start screwing up ALL my words and pissing you off.
I'm just not good a communicator you expect me to be. And apparently, my confidence was killed by you years back when you commented ( in my opinion ) harshly on my choice of tertiary education. I WAS being totally honest with you that I wanted to pursue arts and you slammed right at my face with what you do best. COMPARISONS. GAH!
And I'm also VERY positive no SANE-caring mother would care for her young ones the way you do. I know you're doing your best at motivating us to push ourselves harder but don't you think calling us up everyday just to yell at us and give us the mental treatment is more than what one'll do? Not to say that you're out of your mind or that you're not caring, its just that the way you present your love is a little waaay overboard.
And then you had to tell others that its better you get to US, the youngsters before we get to you? So that's supposed to explain all the mental job you gave to us? Come on, you've got to be kidding me. You can't even take a joke that's on you and yet you enjoy making fun of others at their expense. Not a very good example as a supposedly mature adult. =/
And haven't you realized that every time your fit occurs when its nearing/during our examination period? My god, aren't we the ones who should be stressed out rather then YOU having to add on to the stress?
And why are you the only one to have the privilege to pin point our mistakes and laminate it into your brain and then use it again in future to make us feel shittier? Don't you know what history is? It's called THE PAST! PAST! gosh! And haven't we talked past about this issue like centuries ago?
And THAT'S why people say old habits die hard.
Sigh. And why do you enjoy comparing others to us and berating us the way you do. I mean, I understand the reason you're doing this but the way you present it is really, offensive.
Well, all in all, in response to today's event, I guess the reason I never bother arguing with you is because I'm really tired. I'm really tired of having to go through all these shit when I am at top spirit for my examination. And as to your actions towards me, there's only one conclusion to be derived: I'm a family member, but NOT a family member.
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Guess I'm getting nearer to the edge and couldn't stand it any longer. =(
Man, I've tried to write this as rational as possible. And I WAS supposed to be mature and not be bothered by the what-nots, guess I'm just human after all.
And I'd be REALLY amused as to what will happen to me if the person I dedicated this post to were to find out about this. LOL!
I mean, its not like I don't love her, I really do, but oh well, life's like a roller coaster ride plus the bumpy roads, and at the end of the day, I have to admit, I love her and couldn't thank her more for shaping me to who I am today.
On a different note, finals had been a pain in the ass, and still is.
English for Management wasn't bad and I really hope I could get A this time. Wait, let me rephrase that, I AM getting an A for THAT no matter what! *roar*
But Management for Information System was really shitty. Well, the paper did say that common sense was acceptable so hopefully the lecturer isn't a picky one. TT_TT
And today I had my Business Finance paper and surprisingly, I came out 45 minutes early and had already triple checked and was really MORE than satisfied. I was excited at the thought that I am pretty damn sure at least a C was coming for that paper and then my friend double checked my answers and said maybe even a B if the lecturer is lenient. LOL!*boogie dances*
So, 3 down, 2 more to go. Marketing's on Thursday, I can see an A coming *fingers crossed* and then Organizational Behavior, god, I hope I get, at the very least, a C for that. *dies*
After this, I shall indulge myself in drawing and reading and sewing dolls and MAKAN session~! <3