Forever Leader (drabble)
Forever Leader
focus: yunho
author's note: i'm thinking about turning this into a longer fic or a one-shot, but maybe not. ah, being a leader must be really tough, so i feel a lot of sympathy for yunho, even now. i should have an update to 'skip beat!' posted sometime tomorrow and then i will begin work on 'bourne from hate' and 'the last scandal of my life'.
forever leader
I decided to be the leader when know one else would. It wasn't because I thought I was the best man for the job, it was merely because at that time it just made sense. I wasn't the oldest, but I seemed to embody everything that came with being a leader. If I'd known then that we would become the most famous boy group to ever come out of Korea, only to eventually split a mere six years later, I don't think I would have been as confident. I would have thought about it a little more before making my decision, before stepping up without thinking.
Just what does it mean to be a leader, a true leader? Was I ever really one, or was I merely just playing a role, to match up with all those stupid gimmicks. I'm starting to believe I failed. How could I not see what was right in front of me; their unhappiness, their unfullfilledness, their sadness, their lonliness. How could I be so blind? Is this what fame and fortune has cost me: everything. All that I held dear, is gone. I never wanted to go back to that before life, so I stayed arrogant and stubborn to the very end.
Jaejoong said: "I won't ever stop loving you, Yunho-ah."
And Changmin said: "You'll always be our leader."
They want the fans to continue to support us, even though we're now just half of a whole. I told myself I was going to pretend that I didn't care, even when I couldn't stop Changmin from crying when it was all over. There's still us, I thought, so I have to keep going. I can't stop. I don't know how to quit, how to not give it my all.
There are people who love me, and there are people who hate me.
Junsu said: "You're like my brother."
And Yoochun said: "You're are leader, that won't ever change."
I'm starting to think that I failed. How can I lead you now? Why do you still love me, why do I still love you? Things are so much clearer now, but is it too late? I see the signs: always keep the faith. And that's what keeps me going, because there is no me, without you. There is no life, without Dong Bang Shin Gi. Will we ever stand on stage as five again? I don't know, but I don't have the time to think about it. As leader, I must keep on going. You all still depend on me, right? Forever leader.