SUPER JUNIOR - The One In Which Heechul Was A Man
Title: The One In Which Heechul Was A Man
Pairing: none, but you could read it as a ShiwonxHeechul, ShindongxSungmin
Rating: PG-13?
Genre: CRACK!fic
Summary: Being masculine sucks.
Notes: Written for Sophie. This is absolutely in no way to be taken seriously.
Where the idea had originally spawned from was still a mystery, even to Heechul himself. Perhaps it was the desperate need, or the severe lack thereof, to prove his masculinity; perhaps it had been the sight of Donghae shaving at 6 in the morning the other day. Possibly it was the result of utter boredom and the simple, constant drive to succeed in everything, but whichever it truly was, the outcome was Sungmin’s to witness first thing that day.
Before, the pink-loving singer had been preparing breakfast; fried rice and eggs. The spatula was now more or less hanging in his left hand, as if defeaten by the sheer undeniable force with which Heechul introduced his facial pubes.
The (now) hairy entertainer in his oversized girly PJ’s raised an eyebrow, almost challenging the other to comment on it, but in fact demanding him to do so. He placed a hand on his hip and waited.
“Hyung, that is really…”
An uncomfortable silence fell in which Heechul shuffled about some and cocked his head just a little more, granting the other a better view in his arrogance. Strained by the usual formalities he had to use when speaking, Sungmin chose to remain silent while the eggs slowly burnt.
A series of grunts and moans eventually broke the mood, Kangin and Shindong both trying to enter the kitchen at the same time. Their eyes met and Kangin grunted once more, morning breath almost visibly green around his mouth while he scratched his belly.
Shindong growled, baring his teeth and narrowing his eyes to slits before he shrugged a shoulder.
Defeaten, Kangin stepped aside, allowing Shindong to pass. This manly ritual was not to be questioned by anyone. It was a mutual understanding, testosterone leading the hungry.
Much like a robot, Shindong headed straight for the fridge, drinking milk in large gulps right out of the carton before scooping a fair amount of rice in a bowl. He completely ignored the still petrified being that was Sungmin and settled at the table. He spooned out some of the rice, chewing it loudly. With every bite his eyes opened more and in the end, he had his usual dopey smile gracing his features.
With crumbs of rice all over his mouth and chin, he looked at Heechul.
The beard-sprouting singer sleeked his hair back with one hand, looking a lot like the 40-year-old thugs on the streets of Itaewon that had a severe gambling addiction and a drinking problem.
“Hyung, you’re a…. guy,” Shindong exclaimed, frowning in confusion.
Nobody laughed. The bubbling lava in Heechul’s stomach was ready to reintroduce Pompei to his dongsaengs. He reached out and took the spatula out of Sungmin’s hand to point it at Shindong, threatening.
However, when Heechul stepped into sight of Kangin, there was more awkwardness, followed by a howling sort of laughter coming from the previously sleepy man’s man. Kangin had to hold onto the frame of the door, knees giving away under his giggles.
Where Kangin was free to laugh and point, Sungmin worried at how much longer he could take it not to at least smile. He briefly wondered whether it would be a good idea to turn off the stove, but he didn't exactly wanted to step any closer to Heechul. What if it was contagious?
“STOP IT!” Heechul ordered, waving the spatula in Kangin’s general direction. “You foul-breathed baboon! At least I don’t have hair on my ass. I can’t believe that you of all people find this funny. You can’t grow facial hair, you just envy me!”
Kangin hiccoughed, sprawled out over the kitchen floor. “I’m so envious of your face pubes,” his eyes were tearing up, hands tugging on Heechul’s sweatpants. “Please. Teach me. What’s next? Growing a dick out of your nose?”
Choosing a very fortunate time to visit with freshly rolled croissants from Seoul’s most expensive bakery, Shiwon took a step into the kitchen with a smile on his face.
Sungmin quickly busied himself with wiping the rice off Shindong’s chin,
Kangin exclaimed something that echoed in the room as ‘PUBES’,
And Heechul… grinned.
He grinned because he was good at grinning and he always grinned in situations where he didn’t know what to do. He grinned and his facial hair stretched, moving along with his once so smooth features. It was as if someone had rolled out some tobacco above his mouth.
“I… will be leaving now,” Shiwon excused himself, his face somehow frozen in the same odd, yet now eerie smile. He feared he would never get over this.
That triggered Kangin’s laughter once more and throwing the spatula unceremoniously at the man on the floor, Heechul stepped out of the kitchen while scratching his face irritably.
“YOU MEN ARE ALL THE SAME!”
Pairing: none, but you could read it as a ShiwonxHeechul, ShindongxSungmin
Rating: PG-13?
Genre: CRACK!fic
Summary: Being masculine sucks.
Notes: Written for Sophie. This is absolutely in no way to be taken seriously.
Where the idea had originally spawned from was still a mystery, even to Heechul himself. Perhaps it was the desperate need, or the severe lack thereof, to prove his masculinity; perhaps it had been the sight of Donghae shaving at 6 in the morning the other day. Possibly it was the result of utter boredom and the simple, constant drive to succeed in everything, but whichever it truly was, the outcome was Sungmin’s to witness first thing that day.
Before, the pink-loving singer had been preparing breakfast; fried rice and eggs. The spatula was now more or less hanging in his left hand, as if defeaten by the sheer undeniable force with which Heechul introduced his facial pubes.
The (now) hairy entertainer in his oversized girly PJ’s raised an eyebrow, almost challenging the other to comment on it, but in fact demanding him to do so. He placed a hand on his hip and waited.
“Hyung, that is really…”
An uncomfortable silence fell in which Heechul shuffled about some and cocked his head just a little more, granting the other a better view in his arrogance. Strained by the usual formalities he had to use when speaking, Sungmin chose to remain silent while the eggs slowly burnt.
A series of grunts and moans eventually broke the mood, Kangin and Shindong both trying to enter the kitchen at the same time. Their eyes met and Kangin grunted once more, morning breath almost visibly green around his mouth while he scratched his belly.
Shindong growled, baring his teeth and narrowing his eyes to slits before he shrugged a shoulder.
Defeaten, Kangin stepped aside, allowing Shindong to pass. This manly ritual was not to be questioned by anyone. It was a mutual understanding, testosterone leading the hungry.
Much like a robot, Shindong headed straight for the fridge, drinking milk in large gulps right out of the carton before scooping a fair amount of rice in a bowl. He completely ignored the still petrified being that was Sungmin and settled at the table. He spooned out some of the rice, chewing it loudly. With every bite his eyes opened more and in the end, he had his usual dopey smile gracing his features.
With crumbs of rice all over his mouth and chin, he looked at Heechul.
The beard-sprouting singer sleeked his hair back with one hand, looking a lot like the 40-year-old thugs on the streets of Itaewon that had a severe gambling addiction and a drinking problem.
“Hyung, you’re a…. guy,” Shindong exclaimed, frowning in confusion.
Nobody laughed. The bubbling lava in Heechul’s stomach was ready to reintroduce Pompei to his dongsaengs. He reached out and took the spatula out of Sungmin’s hand to point it at Shindong, threatening.
However, when Heechul stepped into sight of Kangin, there was more awkwardness, followed by a howling sort of laughter coming from the previously sleepy man’s man. Kangin had to hold onto the frame of the door, knees giving away under his giggles.
Where Kangin was free to laugh and point, Sungmin worried at how much longer he could take it not to at least smile. He briefly wondered whether it would be a good idea to turn off the stove, but he didn't exactly wanted to step any closer to Heechul. What if it was contagious?
“STOP IT!” Heechul ordered, waving the spatula in Kangin’s general direction. “You foul-breathed baboon! At least I don’t have hair on my ass. I can’t believe that you of all people find this funny. You can’t grow facial hair, you just envy me!”
Kangin hiccoughed, sprawled out over the kitchen floor. “I’m so envious of your face pubes,” his eyes were tearing up, hands tugging on Heechul’s sweatpants. “Please. Teach me. What’s next? Growing a dick out of your nose?”
Choosing a very fortunate time to visit with freshly rolled croissants from Seoul’s most expensive bakery, Shiwon took a step into the kitchen with a smile on his face.
Sungmin quickly busied himself with wiping the rice off Shindong’s chin,
Kangin exclaimed something that echoed in the room as ‘PUBES’,
And Heechul… grinned.
He grinned because he was good at grinning and he always grinned in situations where he didn’t know what to do. He grinned and his facial hair stretched, moving along with his once so smooth features. It was as if someone had rolled out some tobacco above his mouth.
“I… will be leaving now,” Shiwon excused himself, his face somehow frozen in the same odd, yet now eerie smile. He feared he would never get over this.
That triggered Kangin’s laughter once more and throwing the spatula unceremoniously at the man on the floor, Heechul stepped out of the kitchen while scratching his face irritably.
“YOU MEN ARE ALL THE SAME!”