Strange Dream
contents may be disturbing, read with discretion
SO I woke up remembering a really disturbing dream I had last night. In my dream...
"I was lying in my bed and I started to choke on some mucus that was caught in my throat. So I jumped up quickly and ran to the bathroom. (This is something that happens often in real life during this season because I have allergies so I'll wake up with a violent urge to hawk a loogie into the toilet... or sink if I don't make it to the toilet) It is a really uncomfortable feeling in my throat and I have to just cough really hard to get whatever is stuck there out of my throat.
This time when I run into the bathroom I cough up what I thought was mucus into a bowl. Only this time I did not only cough out mucus but there was blood as well. When I looked closely into the bowl there was a very small fetus in the bowl. So it is like I had a miscarriage or although for some reason it seemed forced, so it was more like I vomited an abortion through my mouth. It made me so so sad that I couldn't look into the bowl again. I knew my unborn child lie there dying. I quickly dumped the fetus and mucus into the toilet and flushed without looking down into the bowl. I had my head turned completely away. I couldn't face the reality that I had somehow caused the death of my unborn child.
At the end of my dream I felt so sad and somehow knew that the reason I vomited my unborn child because a few days before I had taken emergency contraception after having unprotected sex."
Then I woke up.
I still felt sad.
I feel like many of the choices that I make to live a free and independent life and be a globetrotter and get my education all come at the high price of sacrificing having children at this point... Who knows if... when I am ready to have them, if my body will still let me...
SO I woke up remembering a really disturbing dream I had last night. In my dream...
"I was lying in my bed and I started to choke on some mucus that was caught in my throat. So I jumped up quickly and ran to the bathroom. (This is something that happens often in real life during this season because I have allergies so I'll wake up with a violent urge to hawk a loogie into the toilet... or sink if I don't make it to the toilet) It is a really uncomfortable feeling in my throat and I have to just cough really hard to get whatever is stuck there out of my throat.
This time when I run into the bathroom I cough up what I thought was mucus into a bowl. Only this time I did not only cough out mucus but there was blood as well. When I looked closely into the bowl there was a very small fetus in the bowl. So it is like I had a miscarriage or although for some reason it seemed forced, so it was more like I vomited an abortion through my mouth. It made me so so sad that I couldn't look into the bowl again. I knew my unborn child lie there dying. I quickly dumped the fetus and mucus into the toilet and flushed without looking down into the bowl. I had my head turned completely away. I couldn't face the reality that I had somehow caused the death of my unborn child.
At the end of my dream I felt so sad and somehow knew that the reason I vomited my unborn child because a few days before I had taken emergency contraception after having unprotected sex."
Then I woke up.
I still felt sad.
I feel like many of the choices that I make to live a free and independent life and be a globetrotter and get my education all come at the high price of sacrificing having children at this point... Who knows if... when I am ready to have them, if my body will still let me...