"The Mississippi rolls because there are skeletons rocking in cypress knee chairs under the silt."

[8_tigerlily_8]

 I put my ear to your chest
and heard the sound of the ocean
as far and as cold
as the seas were to me

On the Mississippi side I keep my thoughts low
for things too great for me to know,
reside everywhere I turn

Comments

[anonymous]

It took a few readings, but once the second half sunk in I realised I was digging it.

I'd like to see a line break after "...seas were to me", what with the change in tense and the overall brevity of the thing.

Scattered rhymes are nice and subtle (seas/me; side/reside).

With something short and sweet like this, I'd be zooming into every syllable and cropping/twisting the hell out of it to max out the dynamics and bog up any drafts, but I'm pretty defensive.

Booya.

[8_tigerlily_8]

tres helpful thanks

[anissa_c]

Lovely. I don't understand what the Mississippi side is though....otherwise, it resonated