#Fic# Game lost, fate changed //Chapter 4//
Title: Game lost, fate changed /Chapter 4/
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
genre: romance, minor angst, humor
Disclaimer: I don’t own KAT-TUN, Akanishi Jin and Kamenashi Kazuya. yet.. >D lol
warning: unbetaed!
Summary: Jin and Kame are in love with each other but living in denial. Koki plays a game with Ueda and they bet. After Koki loses the bet, the others join in the punishment game which is to go to Ueda's huge house and help gardening.
But Kame and Jin doesn't know that their fate will change by accepting the work to help.
AN: ehmm... yes, i am not a fast writer, i shame myself. I posted the previous chapter more than a year ago and i had this chapter written in a notebook, and the following ones too for years now ^^;; it was time to post it. ^^;
Koki was laughing so hard that even his tears were flowing. It had not been that bad after all. Even if the work was not what he dreamed of to do, watching Akanishi was worth all the pain of losing the bet.
"You... you cant even chop woods!!" Koki held his tummy and Jin got more and more irritated, hitting the tree with the hammer more violently, imagining it to be Koki's head. He was already sweating. The fuck he couldn't shut up and said he is the most manly so they should give him the manliest work. Here he was, chopping woods... or more precisely, trying to chop them. He had never done something like this and didn't imagine it to be this hard.
"Shut the fuck up Koki." His pride was more than hurt and his tone promised Koki danger.
"Ahahaha ukeru!! This sight worth everything!" the rapper didn't seem to mind the tone or be scared, he continued to annoy the A of KAT-TUN.
"Why don't you go to do your own part of the work??" Jin looked at him, stopping what he was doing, but clenching the hammer in his hands.
"Because i was thinking Mr man needs help." The T grinned.
"If you go on like this you will be the one needing help to collect your ripped parts from the ground and put them together." Jin raised the hammer and Koki just smiled sweetly.
"You wont hurt me Akanishi, KAT-TUN would be ruined without my rap."
The two continued to fight and didn't notice Kame was watching them. The youngest boy in the band got the task to water the flowers. Ueda thought it suits him the most and he got a little calmer in the presence of the beautiful flowers. He always liked them and colors as well. And the garden was colorful.
He saw how Jin was trying his best at fulfilling the task given to him and thought it is the time to at least get friends with him again.
"How is the work?" He asked friendly. He didn't know if it was a good idea or not, but he couldn't fight back the urge. Jin is the Jin he knew before, right? The same man. so it can't be that much of a bad move and Kazuya really wanted the old times back. He went to Jin with a scarf in his hand, whipping the sweat off of Jin's forehead. His heart was racing and times like this he would so like just one smile, just one friendly word from Jin. He hoped now too.
Jin's eyes widened a little and his body flooded with warmness. He got panicked and scared he will do something which would give him away, all his affection and forbidden feelings for the younger one, so he pushed Kame's hand away and hissed coldly.
"What the hell, don't you have your work to do Kamenashi? You are always so workaholic so why being here now? Go and do what you are here for. Work!"
Kame's heart broke into pieces. He needed all his acting ability to hide how messed up and sad he got at the moment. It was okay if Jin didn't say thank you, but at least he was expecting a smile, even if it was fake. But no... instead Jin made him remember again how unwanted he was and he stepped back, putting the scarf into his pocket.
"I...guess you are right..so...i go. Ganbatte ne." He faked a smile, but both Koki and Jin noticed how hurt the young man was. Kame was sensitive, they both knew it and Koki got a little pissed. They watched in silence as Kame walked away, getting a hold of the bucket again and started to water the flowers.
"Do you know what an ass you were?" Koki looked at Jin, but not teasingly, seriously this time. Jin said nothing, just stood there, feeling guilty. This time Koki was right.
"Now are you happy? You managed to hurt him. Don't you know how sensitive he is? For Gods sake he just wanted to be kind." Koki sighed. He really liked Kazuya and he was protective of him. He couldn't imagine what Jin's problem was with the young man, but he swore himself, if Jin hurt the other again he will beat him up.
Jin looked down. He really was an asshole. Kazuya did nothing wrong and he always tried to be nice to Jin. He didn't deserve this treatment, the idol was aware of it. His behaviour was unfair.
~Its easy for you Kazuya... you don't have to struggle with this feeling inside your heart. You don't know what i am going through~ he thought but yet again, it was not Kame's fault he had fallen in love. Kame never asked for it.
"I am going too, doing what i came here for. Work." Koki said, imitating Jin's words and left Jin alone. The boy sighed. He totally deserved it. His behaviour was improper and not nice at all.
He went to the edge of the little house like thing he chopped the woods in, settling his eyes on Kazuya who was just standing on the field, bucket in hand, watching the flowers. Jin's heart pained when he noticed how sad the younger one was and he knew it was because of him.
But even like this Kazuya was so beautiful... the flowers surrounding him as a carpet made out of rainbow, a picture perfect view with a picture perfect creature radiating beauty and grace. The flowers were all very beautiful but for Jin, the most breathtaking flower was Kazuya.
Kazuya looked up and Jin noticed that as their eyes met for a fleeting second, Kame immediately looked away starting to water the flowers.
Jin sighed again. He got it... Kazuya thought he was watching him because the younger one was not doing his work.
~It really will be a very long day.~
And it really was. The minutes were like hours to Jin and not because of wood chopping but because of the knowledge he hurt the one he loved the most. He couldn't really relax the whole day, tho when they worked together and even Ueda joined them they laughed and Kazuya was doing as if he was not sad and everything was alright.
But Jin knew that it was not the case. And he was afraid everyone knew it and maybe they even know that it was again his fault Kazuya was down.
The bandmates did everything to ease the tension, joking, doing silly things, and it was fun to work together, but somehow the tension between him and Kazuya didn't lessen.
"WATCH OUTT!!!" Koki screamed panicked as Jin was about to step into the house. He got so startled that he fell onto his ass, hissing in pain.
"Itee! Ouch!" He looked up in annoyance and kind of worry at Koki.
"What's wrong??" he asked and the rest of the band looked at the rapper too questioningly.
"Akanishi almost smashed a bug with his foot!!" the man in cap said totally horrified and seriously. "But it is gone now thanks God."
"Koooki!!!!!" Jin shouted and glared, but he was not that surprised. Once Koki did this on stage too. They all knew how Koki loved bugs and animals, and for the rapper it would really be a real crime if Jin killed that bug.
Everyone started to laugh, even Kazuya and Jin's face got softer. The pain of falling was worth after all if it made Kazuya laugh and smile. He decided. He will say sorry when the others won't be around. He will suppress his feelings and go back to be friends with the younger one, as good friends as they were back then.
He searched for opportunities but as it became evening and they went inside of the house he still couldn't talk to Kazuya. The younger one always made himself busy with something, apparently avoiding to be just the two of them with Jin and Jin didn't like it. Tho he knew it was his fault, but like this how can he ever say sorry and ask Kazuya to...no matter how stupid or childish it might seem but ask him to be friends again.
Tho he realized, it was not Kazuya who didn't behave as a friend, he was.
~Wait Kazuya, I will make everything okay again.~ he thought as they gathered around the table sitting down to eat.
The evening didn't go as Jin had planned and he found himself in his own room alone, rubbing his head. They played games, all of them after dinner and then Ueda said that because they didn't finish all the work that day they have to work the following day too, they all went to their own room to sleep. Just he couldn't sleep. He still didn't apologize and it bothered him. And everything bothered him. This denial thing slowly started to eat him up and he started to doubt if they can ever be friends with Kazuya again.
"Arghh I have to try, i have to!!" he tossed around in bed then sat up with a sudden move looking at the door. "Yossha!! I go!" he nodded, but he remained sitting on the edge of the bed.
"..." after half an hour of collecting strength and fighting his coward self he finally stood up but swore as he looked at the clock. 1:22 am. Kazuya might be sleeping. For a fleeting second he thought maybe it would be better if he apologized the next day, but then he gulped at the thought of getting the chance to see a sleeping Kazuya, which surely was a very beautiful sight. And very tempting at the same time.
Another half an hour fighting with himself he found himself on the corridor going towards Kazuya's room. Yes, his irrational part won.
He was wondering if he should knock, but decided not to. If the other was really sleeping he didn't want to wake him up.
~Great... just how low i am? I come here to apologize and again just thinking about my own needs... great Akanishi great...~ he scolded himself and shook his head.
With a very careful and slient movement he opened the door and the view greeting him was more amazing than he imagined it to be.
Kazuya was on the bed, sleeping peacefully, only halfly covered with the blanket. The weather was more than good so maybe the boy kicked it off unconsciously. His bare chest rose up and down gracefully as he was breathing slowly. Jin licked and bit his lower lip without realizing it.
~Perfect~ this was the word that popped into Jin's mind. His eyes were roaming up and down on Kazuya's body with desire and longing, his heart beating so fast it was about to erupt.
He didn't know what he did when he approached the sleeping beauty with hunger in his eyes. He fell in love more at that instant minute, this was all he knew. He couldn't think, just feel, letting the feeling absorb him. The sight blinded him and he slowly kneeled next to the bed, his lips approached the younger ones and they were dangerously close in no time. He would have kissed him but he heard a small crash as he moved further.
"Shit!" he hissed and hid himself as Kazuya stirred in his sleep. Much to Jin's fortune, he didn't wake up. Jin sighed in relief and searched for the thing that could cause the sound. His eyes widened as he found it and took it into his hand. He most likely made it fall down as he moved, it must have been next to Kazuya. But why?
It was a picture and he could see it in the glimmer of the moonlight. It was a photo of him and Kazuya, standing close to each other, smiling. They took it back then when they were still good friends. His heart began to race more and he looked up at Kazuya with surprised eyes and what he noticed surprised him even more.
On Kazuya's pinky ring there was a ring. THAT ring. The one they bought together when they started to shoot Gokusen. Jin's heart was really about to erupt now. Yes, he bought the ring to Kazuya because he was in love with him, but the other thought he bought it because of their roles. Why was Kazuya still wearing it? Even at night...
And why keeping picture of them next to him?
It was Ueda's house, one of Ueda's guestroom so Kame must brought it here. Why?
It didn't make sense.
Or was Jin just dreaming and imagining things?
The next moments made this option more likely to him.
Kazuya stirred in his sleep again, but Jin was too shocked to move. The other didn't wake up, but he whispered something in his sleep. At first the older man didn't hear it and he was too shaken up and decided to go, but the Kazuya whispered again and he saw a star under Kazuya's eyes for a fleeting second, realizing the small crystal light was a teardrop.
"Jin..." the sleeping man whispered and Jin's eyes widened more, lips slightly parted.
Kazuya was wearing the pinky ring... he was keeping a picture of them with him and he was whispering his name in sleep crying...
Jin stood up and went back to his room, slightly trembling from the emotions, unable to calm his body down for a long time. But then when he could he smiled tenderly and looked out of the window to the moon.
"Kazuya..." with this whisper he fell asleep, the tender smile still gracing his lips.
*****
The next day Jin felt it was worth to get up. He was thinking about what had happened the previous night and the hope that Kazuya might return his feelings flooded his heart. He knew he shouldn't hope much, but no matter how he was thinking of a rational solution, he found none. Only that Kazuya must feel something for him, else he wouldn't wear the ring nor do things like he did.
"Did you apologize?" Koki asked when noone else was around. He noticed Jin had a better mood and he could only come to the solution it was because they are fine with Kame again.
"Not yet." He smiled. He knew he shouldn't, but he was just too high. Maybe his dream is about to be fulfilled and this was the best ever. Koki however took the wrong impression and snorted.
"Whatever you are so happy about go and apologize, don't feel as if you waste your time, he deserves it." With this he went to his work shaking his head.
"Oh I will apologize." He smiled more and he couldn't wait to be alone with Kazuya to sort things out. He just hoped his determination and courage will be this high level the time when he will be standing face to face with the younger one.
As he glanced at the person who occupied his heart and mind he could see the boy was still troubled, burying himself into work, hiding his sorrow from everyone.
~Soon Kazuya... soon i will make a step.. i just hope i wont do the wrong thing with it.~
***
"Oh God..." Kazuya froze when he looked onto his hand and his pinky finger. The ring was gone. The ring so precious to him...which he valued more than his own life, was gone. He tried not to panic, but it was hard. He breathed in and out deeply, trying to fight the feeling to faint. Maybe he was overreacting it but the ring was the only thing connecting him to his memories and to Jin. He was clinging on it, it was his strength. That maybe one day they will be as close as at the Gokusen time. Even if Jin never returned his feelings, at least he can have the illusion he will, looking at that ring. And it was gone. Was it a sign? That their bond was broken and disappeared entirely for forever? That he should give up on hope, give up even on Jin's friendship?
He became sad and he sighed. Friendship...? Wasn't he just imagining it? Were they friends still? Never hanging out, Jin snapping at him all the time without a reason...Maybe... he really should just give it up.
He started to look around, searching for it. He can't not even try. He had to at least give a chance for himself to find it. Or was it for the best that he lost it? Lost the same way as he lost Jin?
"Are you looking for something?" Maru approached Kame and the latter gave him a faint smile.
"Yeah, I lost my ring." As soon as he said that he started to look for it again.
"Oh, THAT one? The one you used in Gokusen?" Maru asked curiously. He noticed it was very precious to the younger one.
"Yes." Kame smiled. "I really like that ring. It holds memories." It holds...Jin...
"It sure was fun ne? I watched the drama. It was good. It was the first time i saw Akanishi that wild and serious. If his fans knew he is the opposite..." Maru laughed amused. Kame on the other hand started to be more down.
"I think Jin didn't like his role so much that's why he doesn't wear the ring." Kame's voice was distant.
"Oh he does wear it and he liked his role very much." Maru informed him. The younger boy looked at him in surprise. Jin wears the ring? Then how come he never saw it? And how does Nakamaru know it was important to Jin too? Lately Maru and Jin were really good friends, they hang out a lot together. First Kame was a little jealous that Maru stole his best friend but then he had to acknowledge it was Jin's decision to choose to hang out with Maru rather than with him. Maru was not at fault at all.
"Really?"
This was the time Jin stepped outside, he thought Kame was alone and it was the best timing to tell everything and apologize but he heard Kame was talking with someone.
He thought of approaching them once he realized the other voice belong to Nakamaru, but when he heard they were talking about him, he decided to hide and listen to their conversation.
"Yeah." Maru answered. "He wears it as a pendant on his necklace. You know, he told fans misunderstood that the famous Akakame wears the same ring and so he decided to hide it since a fan asked him if he is actually married to you in real or not." Maru laughed and Kame felt as if his heart got stabbed with a knife and got more disappointed when Maru continued to speak. "But he said the ring was stylish so he wears it anyway."
"Ah...sou?" Kame tried to smile but he didn't know if it seemed fake or not. He hoped it didn't.
"I help you look---" his voice broke as he heard his cellphone ring. He picked it up and after hanging up he looked at Kame apologetic.
"I am sorry Ueda wants me in." He was not stupid, he noticed that something was wrong with Kame but he didn't think about it much, he thought it was because of the loss of the ring.
"Ah its okay!" Kame waved him and he was grateful to Ueda. He wanted to be alone, he needed it. He was looking after Nakamaru and turned to look for the ring again when he almost fainted hearing Maru say "Ah hi Akanishi! Would you help Kame-chan?"
~ Oh no no! Just not him, please God please. He will say no. Just say no!~ Kame prayed in thoughts but he didn't get any luck when he heard how Jin agreed and soon there he was.
Kame watched as Jin approaching him, stopping at a good distance between them.
"J...Jin?" He looked away. He didn't know what to say, how to behave.
"So you lost that ring?" Jin asked trying not to sound nervous. Since last time when he discovered Kame's secret he could hardly stay calm. All he had to do was to make sure what Kazuya was feeling for him. And apologize of course. But how should he do it? He hoped he was a good actor enough to act as if he was perfectly calm and determined. Well, determined he sure was, calm...not really.
"You heard what we were talking about?" Kazuya asked with raised eyebrows. His heart raced just because of the fact Jin was there and he was kind of curious too. Why
did Jin listen on on them?
"You were listening on to our conversation?" He asked again when he didn't get an answer for long.
"Well.... ehehe...You know... since I heard it was about me, I thought I listen to it. I was curious that's all." Yes, he indeed was. About what Kame will say about him to Nakamaru.
~Why? What did you expect me to say about you?~ This was the question that didn't leave Kazuya's mouth out loud.
"Jin?" he hoped his voice wasn't wavering.
"If I heard words form you like "Nakamaru, Jin is really troublesome I don't like him" or "That idiot ruins all my day with his stupidity" I would have a reason to continue to behave oddly and cold with you. But you see... I never had any reason and therefore, I owe you these words: sorry." Okay, this wasn't that bad, right? He can do it. The hardest part was yet to come, but he was trying to keep his determination on.
Kame couldn't believe Jin's words. Akanishi Jin was never the type of man who just say sorry, not even if he did something wrong. Well, in the end usually he apologized, but not like this and...he was totally confused. The apologize was one thing but what Jin said before just knocked the wind out of him. What was Jin saying? The other always expressed himself, his emotions in an awkward way and until now Kazuya always understood what Jin wanted to say, but he seemed to lost this ability which made him quite sad. He wanted to say "ah its alright", but he couldn't and couldn't meet Jin's gaze either.
The tension was that tight that you could almost literally cut it and the wind stopped and it felt as if time stopped too.
Jin watched Kazuya and he facepalmed himself in his head. He again said something weird. Not that it was so surprising after all.
"Its...okay" Kazuya whispered finally. ~You don't have to force yourself to act as if we are still friends~ He thought but of course didn't say it out loud. He felt tired all of a sudden and his mood dropped more. He wanted to be alone.
"I think... I should go back." the younger one said, but Jin didn't let him.
"I help you look for it." he offered with a smile which just confused Kazuya more. When was the last time Jin was smiling at him? And like this...
"You...don't have to." He just wanted to be really away, not now Jin, not now. But Jin had different intentions than letting him escape. The older man calmed his racing heart.
Now or never.
"Kame, why is that ring so important to you?" Okay, the first question is out, comeon Jin you can do it!
Bangggg. It was the last drop in the glass for Kame. He could hardly stay calm. He clenched his fists and looked away, eyes fixated on a flower beside him. ~Why cant you just leave me alone? Why asking this? Why cant you just ignore me as you usually do? Do you enjoy torturing me this much?~ These were the questions running trough Kazuya's mind, but he didn't voice them out. He couldn't...and shouldn't. And God... what was with Jin? This was the first time in years he didn't call him Kamenashi.
"You ask this as if it was a crime that the ring is important to me. Now, if you excuse me..." He walked past Jin and started to go towards to house. He couldn't take it any longer.
"Kame!" Jin turned around a little panicked. Yabai! Kazuya will go away if he didn't do something!
"Kazuya..." he said the name in a soft and tender way which caused Kame to stop, eyes wide. The younger stood with his back to him but Jin thought it was for the best, because maybe if he looked into Kazuya's eyes he couldn't say a word.
"It is... important to me too." He confessed in a low voice watching Kazuya's back. Now all of a sudden he wished the other to turn around and as if Kazuya heard his thoughts he turned around, confusion written onto his face. They just stared into each other's eyes, neither dared to break the silence.
Jin noticed how surprised the other was but he didn't blame him. He had been rude, cold and unfair to Kazuya lately leaving the other wonder if they were even friends or
not. Jin swore to himself he will make this man happy. As happy as noone was before. But he was scared. Scared that Kame had enough of him. That the confusion will turn into rejection.
Kazuya was confused even more as he watched Jin's expression. Jin looked like a little kid, afraid that someone will take his treasure away.
~What is your treasure? Why are you watching me with those eyes?~
"Do you know why I wear it as a pendant?" Jin broke the silence and his expression softened. Again that tender smile appeared. He had to give all. He had to show Kazuya his real feelings. He was so stupid he didn't do it earlier.
The younger one looked away.
"Yeah. Nakamaru told me. It's okay, you---" Jin didn't let him finish his sentence.
"It was a lie. It's true I didn't want people to mock me always, but the true reason is...if I wear it on my necklace like this - he touched his necklace and pulled it out from under his tshirt. It was a silver chain with the silver pinkyring on it - it is closer to my heart."
The confession was silent, and maybe a little cheesy too, Jin thought. He was aware of the fact his voice was wavering when he said the last words, uncertain of what Kazuya will say. Maybe he misunderstood Kazuya the previous night and he shouldn't have said this? His heart was pounding hard in his chest, he looked down.
He didn't dare to meet Kazuya's eyes and he clenched the ring in his fist which rested on his chest.
Kame was at a loss of words and his eyes still wide. What was that? If it came from other person he would say its a confession of love, but from Jin...the boy always expressed himself strangely. He did so many weird things one cant be surprised. Jin was easily misunderstood and Kazuya didn't trust his ability of always knowing what the other was up to and what he wanted to say. He realized earlier that day that he lost the ability. So what did this one mean? He wanted it to be a love confession, but he didn't dare to believe it was. He would have said something if Jin didn't look up at him. Those eyes... they made Kazuya speechless and numb, he forgot who he was, where he was, all he wanted to do was to hug Jin tightly...Kiss him... He wanted him so badly.
Jin's expression was tender, but scared. As a prisoner who was waiting for the final decision whether his life will be saved or sentenced to death.
Time seemed to stop again and Kame realized he had to react something before Jin turn totally blue, and he himself miss a chance of a lifetime of telling his feelings.
But...what should he say? How?
"Oh...then...I guess..." he muttered, searching for the right words and he blushed a little. "...If I find mine... I will wear it on my necklace too." It was quite awkward, he knew it.
This time it was Jin's turn to be confused.
"Kazuya?" He asked unsure, not knowing what the other meant.
"You know... I really like it. It brings back Gokusen memories. How I loved that drama." Kazuya mentally scolded himself. Here goes his super chance. How could he end the sentence like that? Didn't he want to confess? But he couldn't just say "The ring is important to me because I love you" right?
Jin's face fell a little with disappointment. What was he expecting Kazuya to say anyway?
Now...this is his last chance and he will grab it. Without a word he undid his necklace, walked close to Kame and carefully put it around the other guy's neck.
Kame's heart skipped a beat and he forgot to breath. Jin put the necklace on him from the front so the face of the man was close to his and Jins arms rested on his shoulder and the other buckled the jewelry.He felt Jin's hot breath on his cheek and felt as if his stomach has thousands of butterflies in it. The atmosphere was so sensual, or only he imagined it to be? He wished so much for Jin to close the gap between their lips.
~Don't go away please! Don't!~ he prayed in his head.
As Jin finished the task he smiled warmly, arms still on Kazuya's shoulders and it would have been just a simple movement for his arms to lock around the younger boy's neck.
"Until you find yours..." his voice died as he looked down into the eyes of the man he loved more than anything. Kazuya was so close to him, his heart beated so fast... It felt so wonderful, so comfortable. He studied the other's face and he felt he could no longer control his feelings. He slowly started to bend down, starting to close the gap between their lips, feeling excited and happy. Kazuya closed his eyes. He could barely believe it is not a dream. Soon his wish will become real...
~Jin...i love you so much!~ he thought.
There was only milliseconds until their lips meet, but they heard a distant voice.
"Kame, did you find it?"
They recognized it was Maru. He couldn't see them from where he was, not until he came out of the house entirely.
The magic broke, both realizing what they did and felt the adrenaline rush in their bodies. The knowledge it almost happened...
"What's wrong?" Maru asked when he approached them, stopping in front of them, looking at them with raised eyebrows. Kame quickly hid the necklace under his t-shirt.
"Nothing." he managed to say and left hurriedly, running into the house.
Jin watched him in silence, dazed, confused of what will happen from now on.
***
TBC
Free counters
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
genre: romance, minor angst, humor
Disclaimer: I don’t own KAT-TUN, Akanishi Jin and Kamenashi Kazuya. yet.. >D lol
warning: unbetaed!
Summary: Jin and Kame are in love with each other but living in denial. Koki plays a game with Ueda and they bet. After Koki loses the bet, the others join in the punishment game which is to go to Ueda's huge house and help gardening.
But Kame and Jin doesn't know that their fate will change by accepting the work to help.
AN: ehmm... yes, i am not a fast writer, i shame myself. I posted the previous chapter more than a year ago and i had this chapter written in a notebook, and the following ones too for years now ^^;; it was time to post it. ^^;
Koki was laughing so hard that even his tears were flowing. It had not been that bad after all. Even if the work was not what he dreamed of to do, watching Akanishi was worth all the pain of losing the bet.
"You... you cant even chop woods!!" Koki held his tummy and Jin got more and more irritated, hitting the tree with the hammer more violently, imagining it to be Koki's head. He was already sweating. The fuck he couldn't shut up and said he is the most manly so they should give him the manliest work. Here he was, chopping woods... or more precisely, trying to chop them. He had never done something like this and didn't imagine it to be this hard.
"Shut the fuck up Koki." His pride was more than hurt and his tone promised Koki danger.
"Ahahaha ukeru!! This sight worth everything!" the rapper didn't seem to mind the tone or be scared, he continued to annoy the A of KAT-TUN.
"Why don't you go to do your own part of the work??" Jin looked at him, stopping what he was doing, but clenching the hammer in his hands.
"Because i was thinking Mr man needs help." The T grinned.
"If you go on like this you will be the one needing help to collect your ripped parts from the ground and put them together." Jin raised the hammer and Koki just smiled sweetly.
"You wont hurt me Akanishi, KAT-TUN would be ruined without my rap."
The two continued to fight and didn't notice Kame was watching them. The youngest boy in the band got the task to water the flowers. Ueda thought it suits him the most and he got a little calmer in the presence of the beautiful flowers. He always liked them and colors as well. And the garden was colorful.
He saw how Jin was trying his best at fulfilling the task given to him and thought it is the time to at least get friends with him again.
"How is the work?" He asked friendly. He didn't know if it was a good idea or not, but he couldn't fight back the urge. Jin is the Jin he knew before, right? The same man. so it can't be that much of a bad move and Kazuya really wanted the old times back. He went to Jin with a scarf in his hand, whipping the sweat off of Jin's forehead. His heart was racing and times like this he would so like just one smile, just one friendly word from Jin. He hoped now too.
Jin's eyes widened a little and his body flooded with warmness. He got panicked and scared he will do something which would give him away, all his affection and forbidden feelings for the younger one, so he pushed Kame's hand away and hissed coldly.
"What the hell, don't you have your work to do Kamenashi? You are always so workaholic so why being here now? Go and do what you are here for. Work!"
Kame's heart broke into pieces. He needed all his acting ability to hide how messed up and sad he got at the moment. It was okay if Jin didn't say thank you, but at least he was expecting a smile, even if it was fake. But no... instead Jin made him remember again how unwanted he was and he stepped back, putting the scarf into his pocket.
"I...guess you are right..so...i go. Ganbatte ne." He faked a smile, but both Koki and Jin noticed how hurt the young man was. Kame was sensitive, they both knew it and Koki got a little pissed. They watched in silence as Kame walked away, getting a hold of the bucket again and started to water the flowers.
"Do you know what an ass you were?" Koki looked at Jin, but not teasingly, seriously this time. Jin said nothing, just stood there, feeling guilty. This time Koki was right.
"Now are you happy? You managed to hurt him. Don't you know how sensitive he is? For Gods sake he just wanted to be kind." Koki sighed. He really liked Kazuya and he was protective of him. He couldn't imagine what Jin's problem was with the young man, but he swore himself, if Jin hurt the other again he will beat him up.
Jin looked down. He really was an asshole. Kazuya did nothing wrong and he always tried to be nice to Jin. He didn't deserve this treatment, the idol was aware of it. His behaviour was unfair.
~Its easy for you Kazuya... you don't have to struggle with this feeling inside your heart. You don't know what i am going through~ he thought but yet again, it was not Kame's fault he had fallen in love. Kame never asked for it.
"I am going too, doing what i came here for. Work." Koki said, imitating Jin's words and left Jin alone. The boy sighed. He totally deserved it. His behaviour was improper and not nice at all.
He went to the edge of the little house like thing he chopped the woods in, settling his eyes on Kazuya who was just standing on the field, bucket in hand, watching the flowers. Jin's heart pained when he noticed how sad the younger one was and he knew it was because of him.
But even like this Kazuya was so beautiful... the flowers surrounding him as a carpet made out of rainbow, a picture perfect view with a picture perfect creature radiating beauty and grace. The flowers were all very beautiful but for Jin, the most breathtaking flower was Kazuya.
Kazuya looked up and Jin noticed that as their eyes met for a fleeting second, Kame immediately looked away starting to water the flowers.
Jin sighed again. He got it... Kazuya thought he was watching him because the younger one was not doing his work.
~It really will be a very long day.~
And it really was. The minutes were like hours to Jin and not because of wood chopping but because of the knowledge he hurt the one he loved the most. He couldn't really relax the whole day, tho when they worked together and even Ueda joined them they laughed and Kazuya was doing as if he was not sad and everything was alright.
But Jin knew that it was not the case. And he was afraid everyone knew it and maybe they even know that it was again his fault Kazuya was down.
The bandmates did everything to ease the tension, joking, doing silly things, and it was fun to work together, but somehow the tension between him and Kazuya didn't lessen.
"WATCH OUTT!!!" Koki screamed panicked as Jin was about to step into the house. He got so startled that he fell onto his ass, hissing in pain.
"Itee! Ouch!" He looked up in annoyance and kind of worry at Koki.
"What's wrong??" he asked and the rest of the band looked at the rapper too questioningly.
"Akanishi almost smashed a bug with his foot!!" the man in cap said totally horrified and seriously. "But it is gone now thanks God."
"Koooki!!!!!" Jin shouted and glared, but he was not that surprised. Once Koki did this on stage too. They all knew how Koki loved bugs and animals, and for the rapper it would really be a real crime if Jin killed that bug.
Everyone started to laugh, even Kazuya and Jin's face got softer. The pain of falling was worth after all if it made Kazuya laugh and smile. He decided. He will say sorry when the others won't be around. He will suppress his feelings and go back to be friends with the younger one, as good friends as they were back then.
He searched for opportunities but as it became evening and they went inside of the house he still couldn't talk to Kazuya. The younger one always made himself busy with something, apparently avoiding to be just the two of them with Jin and Jin didn't like it. Tho he knew it was his fault, but like this how can he ever say sorry and ask Kazuya to...no matter how stupid or childish it might seem but ask him to be friends again.
Tho he realized, it was not Kazuya who didn't behave as a friend, he was.
~Wait Kazuya, I will make everything okay again.~ he thought as they gathered around the table sitting down to eat.
The evening didn't go as Jin had planned and he found himself in his own room alone, rubbing his head. They played games, all of them after dinner and then Ueda said that because they didn't finish all the work that day they have to work the following day too, they all went to their own room to sleep. Just he couldn't sleep. He still didn't apologize and it bothered him. And everything bothered him. This denial thing slowly started to eat him up and he started to doubt if they can ever be friends with Kazuya again.
"Arghh I have to try, i have to!!" he tossed around in bed then sat up with a sudden move looking at the door. "Yossha!! I go!" he nodded, but he remained sitting on the edge of the bed.
"..." after half an hour of collecting strength and fighting his coward self he finally stood up but swore as he looked at the clock. 1:22 am. Kazuya might be sleeping. For a fleeting second he thought maybe it would be better if he apologized the next day, but then he gulped at the thought of getting the chance to see a sleeping Kazuya, which surely was a very beautiful sight. And very tempting at the same time.
Another half an hour fighting with himself he found himself on the corridor going towards Kazuya's room. Yes, his irrational part won.
He was wondering if he should knock, but decided not to. If the other was really sleeping he didn't want to wake him up.
~Great... just how low i am? I come here to apologize and again just thinking about my own needs... great Akanishi great...~ he scolded himself and shook his head.
With a very careful and slient movement he opened the door and the view greeting him was more amazing than he imagined it to be.
Kazuya was on the bed, sleeping peacefully, only halfly covered with the blanket. The weather was more than good so maybe the boy kicked it off unconsciously. His bare chest rose up and down gracefully as he was breathing slowly. Jin licked and bit his lower lip without realizing it.
~Perfect~ this was the word that popped into Jin's mind. His eyes were roaming up and down on Kazuya's body with desire and longing, his heart beating so fast it was about to erupt.
He didn't know what he did when he approached the sleeping beauty with hunger in his eyes. He fell in love more at that instant minute, this was all he knew. He couldn't think, just feel, letting the feeling absorb him. The sight blinded him and he slowly kneeled next to the bed, his lips approached the younger ones and they were dangerously close in no time. He would have kissed him but he heard a small crash as he moved further.
"Shit!" he hissed and hid himself as Kazuya stirred in his sleep. Much to Jin's fortune, he didn't wake up. Jin sighed in relief and searched for the thing that could cause the sound. His eyes widened as he found it and took it into his hand. He most likely made it fall down as he moved, it must have been next to Kazuya. But why?
It was a picture and he could see it in the glimmer of the moonlight. It was a photo of him and Kazuya, standing close to each other, smiling. They took it back then when they were still good friends. His heart began to race more and he looked up at Kazuya with surprised eyes and what he noticed surprised him even more.
On Kazuya's pinky ring there was a ring. THAT ring. The one they bought together when they started to shoot Gokusen. Jin's heart was really about to erupt now. Yes, he bought the ring to Kazuya because he was in love with him, but the other thought he bought it because of their roles. Why was Kazuya still wearing it? Even at night...
And why keeping picture of them next to him?
It was Ueda's house, one of Ueda's guestroom so Kame must brought it here. Why?
It didn't make sense.
Or was Jin just dreaming and imagining things?
The next moments made this option more likely to him.
Kazuya stirred in his sleep again, but Jin was too shocked to move. The other didn't wake up, but he whispered something in his sleep. At first the older man didn't hear it and he was too shaken up and decided to go, but the Kazuya whispered again and he saw a star under Kazuya's eyes for a fleeting second, realizing the small crystal light was a teardrop.
"Jin..." the sleeping man whispered and Jin's eyes widened more, lips slightly parted.
Kazuya was wearing the pinky ring... he was keeping a picture of them with him and he was whispering his name in sleep crying...
Jin stood up and went back to his room, slightly trembling from the emotions, unable to calm his body down for a long time. But then when he could he smiled tenderly and looked out of the window to the moon.
"Kazuya..." with this whisper he fell asleep, the tender smile still gracing his lips.
*****
The next day Jin felt it was worth to get up. He was thinking about what had happened the previous night and the hope that Kazuya might return his feelings flooded his heart. He knew he shouldn't hope much, but no matter how he was thinking of a rational solution, he found none. Only that Kazuya must feel something for him, else he wouldn't wear the ring nor do things like he did.
"Did you apologize?" Koki asked when noone else was around. He noticed Jin had a better mood and he could only come to the solution it was because they are fine with Kame again.
"Not yet." He smiled. He knew he shouldn't, but he was just too high. Maybe his dream is about to be fulfilled and this was the best ever. Koki however took the wrong impression and snorted.
"Whatever you are so happy about go and apologize, don't feel as if you waste your time, he deserves it." With this he went to his work shaking his head.
"Oh I will apologize." He smiled more and he couldn't wait to be alone with Kazuya to sort things out. He just hoped his determination and courage will be this high level the time when he will be standing face to face with the younger one.
As he glanced at the person who occupied his heart and mind he could see the boy was still troubled, burying himself into work, hiding his sorrow from everyone.
~Soon Kazuya... soon i will make a step.. i just hope i wont do the wrong thing with it.~
***
"Oh God..." Kazuya froze when he looked onto his hand and his pinky finger. The ring was gone. The ring so precious to him...which he valued more than his own life, was gone. He tried not to panic, but it was hard. He breathed in and out deeply, trying to fight the feeling to faint. Maybe he was overreacting it but the ring was the only thing connecting him to his memories and to Jin. He was clinging on it, it was his strength. That maybe one day they will be as close as at the Gokusen time. Even if Jin never returned his feelings, at least he can have the illusion he will, looking at that ring. And it was gone. Was it a sign? That their bond was broken and disappeared entirely for forever? That he should give up on hope, give up even on Jin's friendship?
He became sad and he sighed. Friendship...? Wasn't he just imagining it? Were they friends still? Never hanging out, Jin snapping at him all the time without a reason...Maybe... he really should just give it up.
He started to look around, searching for it. He can't not even try. He had to at least give a chance for himself to find it. Or was it for the best that he lost it? Lost the same way as he lost Jin?
"Are you looking for something?" Maru approached Kame and the latter gave him a faint smile.
"Yeah, I lost my ring." As soon as he said that he started to look for it again.
"Oh, THAT one? The one you used in Gokusen?" Maru asked curiously. He noticed it was very precious to the younger one.
"Yes." Kame smiled. "I really like that ring. It holds memories." It holds...Jin...
"It sure was fun ne? I watched the drama. It was good. It was the first time i saw Akanishi that wild and serious. If his fans knew he is the opposite..." Maru laughed amused. Kame on the other hand started to be more down.
"I think Jin didn't like his role so much that's why he doesn't wear the ring." Kame's voice was distant.
"Oh he does wear it and he liked his role very much." Maru informed him. The younger boy looked at him in surprise. Jin wears the ring? Then how come he never saw it? And how does Nakamaru know it was important to Jin too? Lately Maru and Jin were really good friends, they hang out a lot together. First Kame was a little jealous that Maru stole his best friend but then he had to acknowledge it was Jin's decision to choose to hang out with Maru rather than with him. Maru was not at fault at all.
"Really?"
This was the time Jin stepped outside, he thought Kame was alone and it was the best timing to tell everything and apologize but he heard Kame was talking with someone.
He thought of approaching them once he realized the other voice belong to Nakamaru, but when he heard they were talking about him, he decided to hide and listen to their conversation.
"Yeah." Maru answered. "He wears it as a pendant on his necklace. You know, he told fans misunderstood that the famous Akakame wears the same ring and so he decided to hide it since a fan asked him if he is actually married to you in real or not." Maru laughed and Kame felt as if his heart got stabbed with a knife and got more disappointed when Maru continued to speak. "But he said the ring was stylish so he wears it anyway."
"Ah...sou?" Kame tried to smile but he didn't know if it seemed fake or not. He hoped it didn't.
"I help you look---" his voice broke as he heard his cellphone ring. He picked it up and after hanging up he looked at Kame apologetic.
"I am sorry Ueda wants me in." He was not stupid, he noticed that something was wrong with Kame but he didn't think about it much, he thought it was because of the loss of the ring.
"Ah its okay!" Kame waved him and he was grateful to Ueda. He wanted to be alone, he needed it. He was looking after Nakamaru and turned to look for the ring again when he almost fainted hearing Maru say "Ah hi Akanishi! Would you help Kame-chan?"
~ Oh no no! Just not him, please God please. He will say no. Just say no!~ Kame prayed in thoughts but he didn't get any luck when he heard how Jin agreed and soon there he was.
Kame watched as Jin approaching him, stopping at a good distance between them.
"J...Jin?" He looked away. He didn't know what to say, how to behave.
"So you lost that ring?" Jin asked trying not to sound nervous. Since last time when he discovered Kame's secret he could hardly stay calm. All he had to do was to make sure what Kazuya was feeling for him. And apologize of course. But how should he do it? He hoped he was a good actor enough to act as if he was perfectly calm and determined. Well, determined he sure was, calm...not really.
"You heard what we were talking about?" Kazuya asked with raised eyebrows. His heart raced just because of the fact Jin was there and he was kind of curious too. Why
did Jin listen on on them?
"You were listening on to our conversation?" He asked again when he didn't get an answer for long.
"Well.... ehehe...You know... since I heard it was about me, I thought I listen to it. I was curious that's all." Yes, he indeed was. About what Kame will say about him to Nakamaru.
~Why? What did you expect me to say about you?~ This was the question that didn't leave Kazuya's mouth out loud.
"Jin?" he hoped his voice wasn't wavering.
"If I heard words form you like "Nakamaru, Jin is really troublesome I don't like him" or "That idiot ruins all my day with his stupidity" I would have a reason to continue to behave oddly and cold with you. But you see... I never had any reason and therefore, I owe you these words: sorry." Okay, this wasn't that bad, right? He can do it. The hardest part was yet to come, but he was trying to keep his determination on.
Kame couldn't believe Jin's words. Akanishi Jin was never the type of man who just say sorry, not even if he did something wrong. Well, in the end usually he apologized, but not like this and...he was totally confused. The apologize was one thing but what Jin said before just knocked the wind out of him. What was Jin saying? The other always expressed himself, his emotions in an awkward way and until now Kazuya always understood what Jin wanted to say, but he seemed to lost this ability which made him quite sad. He wanted to say "ah its alright", but he couldn't and couldn't meet Jin's gaze either.
The tension was that tight that you could almost literally cut it and the wind stopped and it felt as if time stopped too.
Jin watched Kazuya and he facepalmed himself in his head. He again said something weird. Not that it was so surprising after all.
"Its...okay" Kazuya whispered finally. ~You don't have to force yourself to act as if we are still friends~ He thought but of course didn't say it out loud. He felt tired all of a sudden and his mood dropped more. He wanted to be alone.
"I think... I should go back." the younger one said, but Jin didn't let him.
"I help you look for it." he offered with a smile which just confused Kazuya more. When was the last time Jin was smiling at him? And like this...
"You...don't have to." He just wanted to be really away, not now Jin, not now. But Jin had different intentions than letting him escape. The older man calmed his racing heart.
Now or never.
"Kame, why is that ring so important to you?" Okay, the first question is out, comeon Jin you can do it!
Bangggg. It was the last drop in the glass for Kame. He could hardly stay calm. He clenched his fists and looked away, eyes fixated on a flower beside him. ~Why cant you just leave me alone? Why asking this? Why cant you just ignore me as you usually do? Do you enjoy torturing me this much?~ These were the questions running trough Kazuya's mind, but he didn't voice them out. He couldn't...and shouldn't. And God... what was with Jin? This was the first time in years he didn't call him Kamenashi.
"You ask this as if it was a crime that the ring is important to me. Now, if you excuse me..." He walked past Jin and started to go towards to house. He couldn't take it any longer.
"Kame!" Jin turned around a little panicked. Yabai! Kazuya will go away if he didn't do something!
"Kazuya..." he said the name in a soft and tender way which caused Kame to stop, eyes wide. The younger stood with his back to him but Jin thought it was for the best, because maybe if he looked into Kazuya's eyes he couldn't say a word.
"It is... important to me too." He confessed in a low voice watching Kazuya's back. Now all of a sudden he wished the other to turn around and as if Kazuya heard his thoughts he turned around, confusion written onto his face. They just stared into each other's eyes, neither dared to break the silence.
Jin noticed how surprised the other was but he didn't blame him. He had been rude, cold and unfair to Kazuya lately leaving the other wonder if they were even friends or
not. Jin swore to himself he will make this man happy. As happy as noone was before. But he was scared. Scared that Kame had enough of him. That the confusion will turn into rejection.
Kazuya was confused even more as he watched Jin's expression. Jin looked like a little kid, afraid that someone will take his treasure away.
~What is your treasure? Why are you watching me with those eyes?~
"Do you know why I wear it as a pendant?" Jin broke the silence and his expression softened. Again that tender smile appeared. He had to give all. He had to show Kazuya his real feelings. He was so stupid he didn't do it earlier.
The younger one looked away.
"Yeah. Nakamaru told me. It's okay, you---" Jin didn't let him finish his sentence.
"It was a lie. It's true I didn't want people to mock me always, but the true reason is...if I wear it on my necklace like this - he touched his necklace and pulled it out from under his tshirt. It was a silver chain with the silver pinkyring on it - it is closer to my heart."
The confession was silent, and maybe a little cheesy too, Jin thought. He was aware of the fact his voice was wavering when he said the last words, uncertain of what Kazuya will say. Maybe he misunderstood Kazuya the previous night and he shouldn't have said this? His heart was pounding hard in his chest, he looked down.
He didn't dare to meet Kazuya's eyes and he clenched the ring in his fist which rested on his chest.
Kame was at a loss of words and his eyes still wide. What was that? If it came from other person he would say its a confession of love, but from Jin...the boy always expressed himself strangely. He did so many weird things one cant be surprised. Jin was easily misunderstood and Kazuya didn't trust his ability of always knowing what the other was up to and what he wanted to say. He realized earlier that day that he lost the ability. So what did this one mean? He wanted it to be a love confession, but he didn't dare to believe it was. He would have said something if Jin didn't look up at him. Those eyes... they made Kazuya speechless and numb, he forgot who he was, where he was, all he wanted to do was to hug Jin tightly...Kiss him... He wanted him so badly.
Jin's expression was tender, but scared. As a prisoner who was waiting for the final decision whether his life will be saved or sentenced to death.
Time seemed to stop again and Kame realized he had to react something before Jin turn totally blue, and he himself miss a chance of a lifetime of telling his feelings.
But...what should he say? How?
"Oh...then...I guess..." he muttered, searching for the right words and he blushed a little. "...If I find mine... I will wear it on my necklace too." It was quite awkward, he knew it.
This time it was Jin's turn to be confused.
"Kazuya?" He asked unsure, not knowing what the other meant.
"You know... I really like it. It brings back Gokusen memories. How I loved that drama." Kazuya mentally scolded himself. Here goes his super chance. How could he end the sentence like that? Didn't he want to confess? But he couldn't just say "The ring is important to me because I love you" right?
Jin's face fell a little with disappointment. What was he expecting Kazuya to say anyway?
Now...this is his last chance and he will grab it. Without a word he undid his necklace, walked close to Kame and carefully put it around the other guy's neck.
Kame's heart skipped a beat and he forgot to breath. Jin put the necklace on him from the front so the face of the man was close to his and Jins arms rested on his shoulder and the other buckled the jewelry.He felt Jin's hot breath on his cheek and felt as if his stomach has thousands of butterflies in it. The atmosphere was so sensual, or only he imagined it to be? He wished so much for Jin to close the gap between their lips.
~Don't go away please! Don't!~ he prayed in his head.
As Jin finished the task he smiled warmly, arms still on Kazuya's shoulders and it would have been just a simple movement for his arms to lock around the younger boy's neck.
"Until you find yours..." his voice died as he looked down into the eyes of the man he loved more than anything. Kazuya was so close to him, his heart beated so fast... It felt so wonderful, so comfortable. He studied the other's face and he felt he could no longer control his feelings. He slowly started to bend down, starting to close the gap between their lips, feeling excited and happy. Kazuya closed his eyes. He could barely believe it is not a dream. Soon his wish will become real...
~Jin...i love you so much!~ he thought.
There was only milliseconds until their lips meet, but they heard a distant voice.
"Kame, did you find it?"
They recognized it was Maru. He couldn't see them from where he was, not until he came out of the house entirely.
The magic broke, both realizing what they did and felt the adrenaline rush in their bodies. The knowledge it almost happened...
"What's wrong?" Maru asked when he approached them, stopping in front of them, looking at them with raised eyebrows. Kame quickly hid the necklace under his t-shirt.
"Nothing." he managed to say and left hurriedly, running into the house.
Jin watched him in silence, dazed, confused of what will happen from now on.
***
TBC
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