#Fic# Unable to respond //Chapter 3//
Title: Unable to respond (Ch 3)
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
Chapter 3
Sometimes people can see more things when they are in dark, no matter how silly it might seem, Kazuya started to think like this. When people are closed into darkness, they begin to observe everything with their soul and heart and that tells more than thousand of rainbow colored fake worlds.
Even words have different meaning, because like this you hear them spoken in such different light.
It was a weird feeling, hard to be used to, but Kazuya waited patiently. Although he didn’t lose hope the Kazuya sitting in the box still couldn’t see the outline of the door to the outside world.
Isn’t everyone like that? They think they are free, but isn’t just everyone closed in their own worlds? Between fame, money and so many fake things people tend to lose the real meaning of life, lose sight of what is really important.
Kazuya had really much time to think now. It didn’t even pass more than one and a half day since he is here, half day passed since Jin left. Kazuya wondered how much more question he will have. Will he find answers to them? He doubted it.
He lost sense of time, he didn’t know what time it is, what day it is, but it was not even important. Even when he was in the real world, he used to lose sense of time, just in much different way.
He was closed and still scared but he had something to wait for… Jin… his Jin. He felt free thinking of Jin and to keep his mind away from the situations he is in, he daydreamed happy moments that he wants to share with Jin in the future.
Will Jin really come every day like he promised?
Kazuya was thinking the whole day, with nurses and doctors check upon him in every two hours. Every time the door opened, he hoped it will be Jin, but he had to be disappointed all the time, no Akanishi Jin came into the room.
He didn’t know how much time passed but then he heared the door open again.
~Jin…?~
„Kazuya my dear!” He heared his mother’s voice and she broke down crying. Kazuya’s heart ached, hearing his mother so desperate.
„Calm down, our son is strong.” he heared his father’s voice too, but that voice wavered a bit.
Kazuya wanted to get up, hug his parents and reassure them he is alright. But he still couldn’t and didn’t know how long this situation will last. He felt sorry for his parents, he hated the fact everyone is sad because of him. It made him more desperate and exhausted.
Why? Why can’t he go back to the normal life? He can hear, he can feel! Why is he still closed in that box? What is the something that is missing for him to be able to break free?
What is freedom anyway?
Jin… Jin is freedom… Jin is… love ~ Where is he? Where?? ~
Kazuya knew he is impatient but he really didn’t know how much time passed and of course he was glad his parents are there, but he had enough of tears, he felt frustrated. He knew he was being unfair, they all just feel sorry for him, worried about him, but he needed hope, he needed to know someone hopes he will be alright. He needed someone who come and tell him good stories, jokes or whatever… does really everyone think that he is absolutely unaware? It made him disappointed but then again, he didn’t blame them. How could they know…
Every minute without Jin seemed like hours. Even when his parents were there. How could he be that much in love?
His parents stayed for more hours, telling they will come often… telling the same Jin told the day before. The promise, he didn’t even start to fulfill yet.
Just after they left the door opened again. The Kazuya in the box looked up hopefully into the dark from where he rested his head and waited.
„Yo Kame-chan!” Koki greeted and he came into the room, followed by others. Koki decided he will act strong and funny for several reasons. Firstly, maybe Kazuya hears him and it will help him wake up, positive energy never harms. The question is how positive he can be without faking.
The second reason was himself. He liked Kazuya much and acting strong helped him not to break apart. Or he hoped so. Seeing Kazuya like this was more than terrible to him.
The „sleeping” boy could recognize the voices. Koki, Maru, Junno, Ueda… and that’s all. Jin was not there. Realizing this, the Kazuya in the box hid his face in his embraced legs disappointed and hurt. He couldn’t help it. Of course he was glad that they came to visit him, but somehow he felt empty. Jin was his life energy and he felt weaker and weaker without Jin next to him. It was as if Jin was kind of a medicine that was needed in this state to keep him alive.
„Oi Kame, wake up soon ne!” Maru said and Kazuya could feel them come closer to the bed.
„Yeah, we can’t deal with Akanishi’s mood swings, you are the only one who can.” Koki rubbed his head, maybe with a little jealousity in his voice.
Kazuya’s heart raced hearing that name.
„Ah that guy! Where is he anyway? Didn’t he want to come in and visit Kame too? It’s nearly evening…” Junno asked and if Kazuya could speak he would have demanded the same question to be answered.
„He said he has something to do so he can’t come with us.” Ueda replied.
„Ah sou ka…What a jerk!” Koki said pissed. „Does he invite girls to his place or what? Really, Akanishi has guts… I thought he cares for Kame-chan.”
~ He has something to do? Girls?? ~ The Kazuya in the box felt sick and really not well. He didn’t know where the exit was, but he felt as if he was being pulled far away from it and he didn’t even had the power to raise his head anymore. ~Why Jin, why? You promised…~
„Ah sou! Speaking of girls! Kame-chan, I brought you the breast-shaped pillow I once bought you for your birthday to make you heal faster!” Koki announced, showing the pillow and faking a grin. Inside he was crying seeing Kazuya like this. Where is the lively young man who always showed such kind and tender smile to everyone?
Maru slapped the back of Koki’s head and this caused him to jump out of his thoughts.
„Koki! Man, what are you thinking? Bring that thing back home. How could you go into Kame’s apartment anyway?”
It was a question of which Kame wanted an answer too.
„Ah, I told his parents that I left something in his apartment and I borrowed the keys.” Koki confessed, rubbing his head grinning.
~ You did what?!~ If Kazuya could, he would have strangled Koki right away.
„What? Koki…yarisugi….”
Ueda went to Kazuya’s bed and put down a small crystal onto the table next to the bed.
„They say it helps in recovering” Ueda said Kazuya as if he knew that the lying boy hears everything. Ueda was always mysterious in his own way. He looked at Kame and saw how thin and pale he was. Worry casted his heart.
„Get well soon Kame.” He whispered.
The athmosphere was quite friendly and they tried their best to give Kame hope in case he really hears them. They sang, Taguchi told many dajare again, but they really kicked his ass when he said „Iriguchi deguchi Taguchi desu” the 5th time. Time flew by and Kazuya tried to feel good too, but couldn’t get over his disappointment.
„We have to go now, the visiting time ends soon. And don’t worry, we will kick Akanishi’s ass hard for not coming.” Koki announced and they bid farewell. Kazuya heard as more „get well soon” wishes flew into his direction and the noisy band went out, leaving more silence behind them.
He felt so lost, so sad that he did’t even heared the beeping of the machines. ~ Why didn’t Jin come?~ That was in his head all the time. He felt phatetic. Was he always this weak? Or just living half-dead and in darkness made him go crazy? What if Jin decided otherwise and given up on him? He couldn’t answer to Jin’s confession and neither he nor the doctor or Jin knew when he will wake up. Will he ever? Thinking of this scared him more and made him to be exhausted.
But suddenly the door opened again. Kazuya thought it was the nurse to check up on his condition and didn’t pay much attention, but he soon heared a familiar voice whisper „I am here Kazu.”
Kame couldn’t decide if it was real or not.
~J..Jin?~
The taller man walked close to the bed and looked down at the sleeping beauty.
„How are you today?” He asked, knowing very well he won’t get a reply. How he wished to hear Kazuya’s voice again. No matter what he says… he can behave cold, he can say -Akanishi, you are such a child, grow up- or scold him any other way. Jin didn’t care. He just wanted to hear his voice. That sweet voice which always made his heart soar.
He always told he is freedom in KAT-TUN, but without Kazuya next to him he couldn’t even be free nor calm. He felt as if he had wings, but those wings are soaked with water and are too heavy to carry. Wings that don’t fly. They can’t… not until someone dries them.
Jin remembered a picture he saw earlier. There were two angels on the picture. One of them was dead and lying on the floor, only with one wing. The other angel stood next to her, one of her wings in her arms. They both had only one wing, because in reality the other wing, that was now in their hands was each other who they lost. Jin whinced. He didn’t want to lose his Kazuya… his Kazuya?..
Every day he spent with the boy, he had that little chance to tell about his feelings. But at the same time he knew he won’t tell it. Never. Because he didn’t want to lose Kazuya. Being around the other like this, carrying forbidden feelings became hard and the only way he saw was to act cold. He didn’t look in Kame’s direction much and he didn’t speak with him much either. He knew he was hurting Kazuya, but he couldn’t help it. He always told himself, being cold was not only for his sake, it was also for Kazuya’s sake.
Even through he knew that the day of confession will never come, he felt desperate now when he thought that maybe it can really never come and started to regret he didn’t tell his feelings to the other boy. He made Kame sad all the time and it was such a long time ago he saw Kazuya laugh sincere and carefree. Jin felt guilty, he only could think of the fact that he made Kame’s life a living hell… he saw things like that at the moment. Even through he never wanted more than to give Kazuya back that smile he lost. He had to realize he did the opposite. Jin remembered all what had happened on that day.
When he could no longer stand the coldness between them he told Kame they need to speak. He didn’t know what he will say, he just knew it can’t go on like this anymore. He invited Kame for a drink.
When they headed towards the bar… it happened all of a sudden. A drunken driver appeared on the road and drove his car at Jin’s direction with full speed. But it never hit Jin, Kazuya pushed the boy out of the way, so the car hit him instead… and so he ended up here. In the hospital, lying between beeping machines, dancing at the edge of life and death.
If Kazuya dies, Jin knew he will never forgive himself.
„I am sorry because I came so late.” he apologized. He knew he had phatetic reasons. He wanted to pretend again that he is Kazuya’s lover. All that Kazuya need. He wanted to be alone with him, to tell him things only lovers tell each other. He couldn’t come with the others. He knew when Kazuya wakes up, this little privilege of him will be gone, so he needed to enjoy it until they last… enjoy?.. this was something Jin really didn’t do in this situation. And he felt rather guilty for taking advantage of Kazuya like this.
„I brought you a red rose and.. hora! I made a crane out of paper.” He showed them to Kazuya and rubed the back of his own head with his free hand chuckling.
„I know it turned out really… weird, I am not good at origami, gomen napai.” Jin laughed.
~ Oh my cute baka! Thank you. I wish I could see them… and see you. I am so glad you came. I missed you…Jin, hold my hand! I need to feel you. Only with you I can survive. ~
Jin’s smile faded and he turned serious.
„I will bring you these every day. There will not be a single day when a rose and a crain wouldn’t wait for you. They will represent me as long as I am at work and will protect you instead of me, but when I come, then I will be your guardian angel, not them. And don’t try to make me jealous.” He joked, but his tone was rather too serious for a joke.
~ Oh Bakanishi… you always were…~
Jin put the rose into a vase that stood on the small table next to the bed and put the little crane next to it. He sat down on a chair next to the bed and as if reading Kazuya’s mind, he immediately took his hand, entwining their fingers. His heart felt sore. What would Kazuya say if he could see he was holding his hand every time he visited?
Kazuya started to relax, feeling warm and not so tired anymore.
„You know…” Jin started „There is a legend that says, if someone makes 1000 crane for a sick person, the person will be healthy again. I will make them. Day by day… you will get one. In different colors and they are important too. This time… the color of the crane I made you is the same color as the rose. Red. Do you know why?” Jin paused a little and a small smile spread on his lips and he squeezed the hand in his more. „Red means life. And not just because you saved my life. It’s because you are and always were my life. Thank you for saving me Kazuya, but if you… die, my life will have no meaning at all.” He looked away, trying not to tremble so much because of unshead tears.
~Jin, you… I want you to tell how much I think the same. You are my life. Why can’t I speak or move? I need to let you know this! I need to let you know it’s fine if you touch me and tell me things like these.~
„But you won’t die nee. You will come back to me and kicking my ass for being a sentimental jerk… and saying how childish I am again….will you Kazuya?” Jin tried to keep strong but his voice wavered, although he smiled.
~ I will return to you Jin! But I won’t say those things. All I will say is that I want to be by your side forever.~ The Kazuya in the box tried to stand up, but his weak legs couldn’t support him, he couldn’t stand up.
Jin fell silent, he just observed Kazuya while holding his hand tight.
„ I wonder what you feel now. Where are you? I am sometimes afraid you don’t even know I am here. Give me a sign that you hear me Kazu-chan… please…” Jin’s voice trembled more and Kame felt like his heart was clenched in a fist.
~ I hear you Jin, I feel you are here! I would gladly give you signs but I can’t. Don’t be sad. i am here Jin!! I have enough I don’t want to see you suffer! Don’t blame yourself, I am fine. Believe me, please Jin!~
The window was open and the cool breeze moved the light colored curtains slowly, the pattern, which looked like butterflies danced in the slow rhythm. Kame felt Jin stand up and he thought panicked he will go away.
~So soon? No Jin, stay! Just a little longer! ~
But Jin didn’t even had the intention to go away. Instead he kneeled down next to the bed, still holding Kazuya’s hand tight as he put his head next to Kame’s, burying his head into the crook of Kame’s neck than he sighed.
„Kazuya…” He closed his eyes and pretended they are not here. That they are in a big house, that they call home… THEIR home. Where they live together as lovers, healthy, now laying on the bed they share. Just laying there after a tiring day of work, holding hands and smiling.
~Jin…~ Kazuya felt content, but he realized Jin’s eyes are wet. He imagined the same thing as the other. A life together, in happiness, full of love. And the sitting Kazuya in the box smiled for the first time.
Soon Jin raised his head suddenly, with very surprised eyes. He heard music flowns into the open window. It seemed someone on the other stair didn’t close the window either and listeing to the radio. Their song was played in it.
„No no no, you show me the faith!
Kanarazu I’ll keep it for you
hitori ja ashita miushinau kara
hade ni sakebu no sa Keep the faith!”
(„No no no, you show me the faith,
surely I’ll keep it for you
because alone we will lose sight of tomorrow
we shout out harshly Keep the faith”)
Their song… Keep the faith… Kazuya was as stunned as Jin was.
„Yes…” Jin whispered. „We have to keep the faith”
Was it a sign from God? They both thought it in union and Jin looked down at the other boy.
„Everything will be allright.” Jin answered, hiding another song title in his sentence. He wished to spend the night here so much, watching over Kazuya whatever he was dreaming but he knew he can’t.
He had work tomorrow. Yes, KAT-TUN continued to sing, and they just told Kame is taking a break. They didn’t tell the fans and people where Kazuya actually was. There were already several rumors, but they didn’t care. They already learned to ignore rumors long time ago.
They didn’t know what they do if Kame doesn’t wake up for long time, but everyone killed that thought away.
„I have to go Kazuya.” Came the whispered sentence Kame was always afraid of when it came from Jin.
~No… Don’t…~
The taller boy didn’t want to think of work. It was only two days since Kame was not with them, but he already missed him dearly. And he knew, he is not the only one. KAT-TUN without Kame was not the same.
Jin stood up, but before he let the hand linked with his go, he gave it a kiss and whispered „love you”.
~ I love you too Jin. ~
„Kono koe hanaretete mo kokoro wa kono basho ni aru (Even if our voice is seperated, my heart is always in this place)” Jin sang low into Kazuya’s ears, another promise, stronger than the previous ones.Then he stood up completely.
„See you tomorrow… Kazu.” he told softly and after closing the window (because he was afraid Kame will catch a cold), exited the room.
That night Jin didn’t sleep. He sat by his desk, writing and composing a song, looking at Kazuya’s photo all the time he looked up from his work.
**
Free counters
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
Chapter 3
Sometimes people can see more things when they are in dark, no matter how silly it might seem, Kazuya started to think like this. When people are closed into darkness, they begin to observe everything with their soul and heart and that tells more than thousand of rainbow colored fake worlds.
Even words have different meaning, because like this you hear them spoken in such different light.
It was a weird feeling, hard to be used to, but Kazuya waited patiently. Although he didn’t lose hope the Kazuya sitting in the box still couldn’t see the outline of the door to the outside world.
Isn’t everyone like that? They think they are free, but isn’t just everyone closed in their own worlds? Between fame, money and so many fake things people tend to lose the real meaning of life, lose sight of what is really important.
Kazuya had really much time to think now. It didn’t even pass more than one and a half day since he is here, half day passed since Jin left. Kazuya wondered how much more question he will have. Will he find answers to them? He doubted it.
He lost sense of time, he didn’t know what time it is, what day it is, but it was not even important. Even when he was in the real world, he used to lose sense of time, just in much different way.
He was closed and still scared but he had something to wait for… Jin… his Jin. He felt free thinking of Jin and to keep his mind away from the situations he is in, he daydreamed happy moments that he wants to share with Jin in the future.
Will Jin really come every day like he promised?
Kazuya was thinking the whole day, with nurses and doctors check upon him in every two hours. Every time the door opened, he hoped it will be Jin, but he had to be disappointed all the time, no Akanishi Jin came into the room.
He didn’t know how much time passed but then he heared the door open again.
~Jin…?~
„Kazuya my dear!” He heared his mother’s voice and she broke down crying. Kazuya’s heart ached, hearing his mother so desperate.
„Calm down, our son is strong.” he heared his father’s voice too, but that voice wavered a bit.
Kazuya wanted to get up, hug his parents and reassure them he is alright. But he still couldn’t and didn’t know how long this situation will last. He felt sorry for his parents, he hated the fact everyone is sad because of him. It made him more desperate and exhausted.
Why? Why can’t he go back to the normal life? He can hear, he can feel! Why is he still closed in that box? What is the something that is missing for him to be able to break free?
What is freedom anyway?
Jin… Jin is freedom… Jin is… love ~ Where is he? Where?? ~
Kazuya knew he is impatient but he really didn’t know how much time passed and of course he was glad his parents are there, but he had enough of tears, he felt frustrated. He knew he was being unfair, they all just feel sorry for him, worried about him, but he needed hope, he needed to know someone hopes he will be alright. He needed someone who come and tell him good stories, jokes or whatever… does really everyone think that he is absolutely unaware? It made him disappointed but then again, he didn’t blame them. How could they know…
Every minute without Jin seemed like hours. Even when his parents were there. How could he be that much in love?
His parents stayed for more hours, telling they will come often… telling the same Jin told the day before. The promise, he didn’t even start to fulfill yet.
Just after they left the door opened again. The Kazuya in the box looked up hopefully into the dark from where he rested his head and waited.
„Yo Kame-chan!” Koki greeted and he came into the room, followed by others. Koki decided he will act strong and funny for several reasons. Firstly, maybe Kazuya hears him and it will help him wake up, positive energy never harms. The question is how positive he can be without faking.
The second reason was himself. He liked Kazuya much and acting strong helped him not to break apart. Or he hoped so. Seeing Kazuya like this was more than terrible to him.
The „sleeping” boy could recognize the voices. Koki, Maru, Junno, Ueda… and that’s all. Jin was not there. Realizing this, the Kazuya in the box hid his face in his embraced legs disappointed and hurt. He couldn’t help it. Of course he was glad that they came to visit him, but somehow he felt empty. Jin was his life energy and he felt weaker and weaker without Jin next to him. It was as if Jin was kind of a medicine that was needed in this state to keep him alive.
„Oi Kame, wake up soon ne!” Maru said and Kazuya could feel them come closer to the bed.
„Yeah, we can’t deal with Akanishi’s mood swings, you are the only one who can.” Koki rubbed his head, maybe with a little jealousity in his voice.
Kazuya’s heart raced hearing that name.
„Ah that guy! Where is he anyway? Didn’t he want to come in and visit Kame too? It’s nearly evening…” Junno asked and if Kazuya could speak he would have demanded the same question to be answered.
„He said he has something to do so he can’t come with us.” Ueda replied.
„Ah sou ka…What a jerk!” Koki said pissed. „Does he invite girls to his place or what? Really, Akanishi has guts… I thought he cares for Kame-chan.”
~ He has something to do? Girls?? ~ The Kazuya in the box felt sick and really not well. He didn’t know where the exit was, but he felt as if he was being pulled far away from it and he didn’t even had the power to raise his head anymore. ~Why Jin, why? You promised…~
„Ah sou! Speaking of girls! Kame-chan, I brought you the breast-shaped pillow I once bought you for your birthday to make you heal faster!” Koki announced, showing the pillow and faking a grin. Inside he was crying seeing Kazuya like this. Where is the lively young man who always showed such kind and tender smile to everyone?
Maru slapped the back of Koki’s head and this caused him to jump out of his thoughts.
„Koki! Man, what are you thinking? Bring that thing back home. How could you go into Kame’s apartment anyway?”
It was a question of which Kame wanted an answer too.
„Ah, I told his parents that I left something in his apartment and I borrowed the keys.” Koki confessed, rubbing his head grinning.
~ You did what?!~ If Kazuya could, he would have strangled Koki right away.
„What? Koki…yarisugi….”
Ueda went to Kazuya’s bed and put down a small crystal onto the table next to the bed.
„They say it helps in recovering” Ueda said Kazuya as if he knew that the lying boy hears everything. Ueda was always mysterious in his own way. He looked at Kame and saw how thin and pale he was. Worry casted his heart.
„Get well soon Kame.” He whispered.
The athmosphere was quite friendly and they tried their best to give Kame hope in case he really hears them. They sang, Taguchi told many dajare again, but they really kicked his ass when he said „Iriguchi deguchi Taguchi desu” the 5th time. Time flew by and Kazuya tried to feel good too, but couldn’t get over his disappointment.
„We have to go now, the visiting time ends soon. And don’t worry, we will kick Akanishi’s ass hard for not coming.” Koki announced and they bid farewell. Kazuya heard as more „get well soon” wishes flew into his direction and the noisy band went out, leaving more silence behind them.
He felt so lost, so sad that he did’t even heared the beeping of the machines. ~ Why didn’t Jin come?~ That was in his head all the time. He felt phatetic. Was he always this weak? Or just living half-dead and in darkness made him go crazy? What if Jin decided otherwise and given up on him? He couldn’t answer to Jin’s confession and neither he nor the doctor or Jin knew when he will wake up. Will he ever? Thinking of this scared him more and made him to be exhausted.
But suddenly the door opened again. Kazuya thought it was the nurse to check up on his condition and didn’t pay much attention, but he soon heared a familiar voice whisper „I am here Kazu.”
Kame couldn’t decide if it was real or not.
~J..Jin?~
The taller man walked close to the bed and looked down at the sleeping beauty.
„How are you today?” He asked, knowing very well he won’t get a reply. How he wished to hear Kazuya’s voice again. No matter what he says… he can behave cold, he can say -Akanishi, you are such a child, grow up- or scold him any other way. Jin didn’t care. He just wanted to hear his voice. That sweet voice which always made his heart soar.
He always told he is freedom in KAT-TUN, but without Kazuya next to him he couldn’t even be free nor calm. He felt as if he had wings, but those wings are soaked with water and are too heavy to carry. Wings that don’t fly. They can’t… not until someone dries them.
Jin remembered a picture he saw earlier. There were two angels on the picture. One of them was dead and lying on the floor, only with one wing. The other angel stood next to her, one of her wings in her arms. They both had only one wing, because in reality the other wing, that was now in their hands was each other who they lost. Jin whinced. He didn’t want to lose his Kazuya… his Kazuya?..
Every day he spent with the boy, he had that little chance to tell about his feelings. But at the same time he knew he won’t tell it. Never. Because he didn’t want to lose Kazuya. Being around the other like this, carrying forbidden feelings became hard and the only way he saw was to act cold. He didn’t look in Kame’s direction much and he didn’t speak with him much either. He knew he was hurting Kazuya, but he couldn’t help it. He always told himself, being cold was not only for his sake, it was also for Kazuya’s sake.
Even through he knew that the day of confession will never come, he felt desperate now when he thought that maybe it can really never come and started to regret he didn’t tell his feelings to the other boy. He made Kame sad all the time and it was such a long time ago he saw Kazuya laugh sincere and carefree. Jin felt guilty, he only could think of the fact that he made Kame’s life a living hell… he saw things like that at the moment. Even through he never wanted more than to give Kazuya back that smile he lost. He had to realize he did the opposite. Jin remembered all what had happened on that day.
When he could no longer stand the coldness between them he told Kame they need to speak. He didn’t know what he will say, he just knew it can’t go on like this anymore. He invited Kame for a drink.
When they headed towards the bar… it happened all of a sudden. A drunken driver appeared on the road and drove his car at Jin’s direction with full speed. But it never hit Jin, Kazuya pushed the boy out of the way, so the car hit him instead… and so he ended up here. In the hospital, lying between beeping machines, dancing at the edge of life and death.
If Kazuya dies, Jin knew he will never forgive himself.
„I am sorry because I came so late.” he apologized. He knew he had phatetic reasons. He wanted to pretend again that he is Kazuya’s lover. All that Kazuya need. He wanted to be alone with him, to tell him things only lovers tell each other. He couldn’t come with the others. He knew when Kazuya wakes up, this little privilege of him will be gone, so he needed to enjoy it until they last… enjoy?.. this was something Jin really didn’t do in this situation. And he felt rather guilty for taking advantage of Kazuya like this.
„I brought you a red rose and.. hora! I made a crane out of paper.” He showed them to Kazuya and rubed the back of his own head with his free hand chuckling.
„I know it turned out really… weird, I am not good at origami, gomen napai.” Jin laughed.
~ Oh my cute baka! Thank you. I wish I could see them… and see you. I am so glad you came. I missed you…Jin, hold my hand! I need to feel you. Only with you I can survive. ~
Jin’s smile faded and he turned serious.
„I will bring you these every day. There will not be a single day when a rose and a crain wouldn’t wait for you. They will represent me as long as I am at work and will protect you instead of me, but when I come, then I will be your guardian angel, not them. And don’t try to make me jealous.” He joked, but his tone was rather too serious for a joke.
~ Oh Bakanishi… you always were…~
Jin put the rose into a vase that stood on the small table next to the bed and put the little crane next to it. He sat down on a chair next to the bed and as if reading Kazuya’s mind, he immediately took his hand, entwining their fingers. His heart felt sore. What would Kazuya say if he could see he was holding his hand every time he visited?
Kazuya started to relax, feeling warm and not so tired anymore.
„You know…” Jin started „There is a legend that says, if someone makes 1000 crane for a sick person, the person will be healthy again. I will make them. Day by day… you will get one. In different colors and they are important too. This time… the color of the crane I made you is the same color as the rose. Red. Do you know why?” Jin paused a little and a small smile spread on his lips and he squeezed the hand in his more. „Red means life. And not just because you saved my life. It’s because you are and always were my life. Thank you for saving me Kazuya, but if you… die, my life will have no meaning at all.” He looked away, trying not to tremble so much because of unshead tears.
~Jin, you… I want you to tell how much I think the same. You are my life. Why can’t I speak or move? I need to let you know this! I need to let you know it’s fine if you touch me and tell me things like these.~
„But you won’t die nee. You will come back to me and kicking my ass for being a sentimental jerk… and saying how childish I am again….will you Kazuya?” Jin tried to keep strong but his voice wavered, although he smiled.
~ I will return to you Jin! But I won’t say those things. All I will say is that I want to be by your side forever.~ The Kazuya in the box tried to stand up, but his weak legs couldn’t support him, he couldn’t stand up.
Jin fell silent, he just observed Kazuya while holding his hand tight.
„ I wonder what you feel now. Where are you? I am sometimes afraid you don’t even know I am here. Give me a sign that you hear me Kazu-chan… please…” Jin’s voice trembled more and Kame felt like his heart was clenched in a fist.
~ I hear you Jin, I feel you are here! I would gladly give you signs but I can’t. Don’t be sad. i am here Jin!! I have enough I don’t want to see you suffer! Don’t blame yourself, I am fine. Believe me, please Jin!~
The window was open and the cool breeze moved the light colored curtains slowly, the pattern, which looked like butterflies danced in the slow rhythm. Kame felt Jin stand up and he thought panicked he will go away.
~So soon? No Jin, stay! Just a little longer! ~
But Jin didn’t even had the intention to go away. Instead he kneeled down next to the bed, still holding Kazuya’s hand tight as he put his head next to Kame’s, burying his head into the crook of Kame’s neck than he sighed.
„Kazuya…” He closed his eyes and pretended they are not here. That they are in a big house, that they call home… THEIR home. Where they live together as lovers, healthy, now laying on the bed they share. Just laying there after a tiring day of work, holding hands and smiling.
~Jin…~ Kazuya felt content, but he realized Jin’s eyes are wet. He imagined the same thing as the other. A life together, in happiness, full of love. And the sitting Kazuya in the box smiled for the first time.
Soon Jin raised his head suddenly, with very surprised eyes. He heard music flowns into the open window. It seemed someone on the other stair didn’t close the window either and listeing to the radio. Their song was played in it.
„No no no, you show me the faith!
Kanarazu I’ll keep it for you
hitori ja ashita miushinau kara
hade ni sakebu no sa Keep the faith!”
(„No no no, you show me the faith,
surely I’ll keep it for you
because alone we will lose sight of tomorrow
we shout out harshly Keep the faith”)
Their song… Keep the faith… Kazuya was as stunned as Jin was.
„Yes…” Jin whispered. „We have to keep the faith”
Was it a sign from God? They both thought it in union and Jin looked down at the other boy.
„Everything will be allright.” Jin answered, hiding another song title in his sentence. He wished to spend the night here so much, watching over Kazuya whatever he was dreaming but he knew he can’t.
He had work tomorrow. Yes, KAT-TUN continued to sing, and they just told Kame is taking a break. They didn’t tell the fans and people where Kazuya actually was. There were already several rumors, but they didn’t care. They already learned to ignore rumors long time ago.
They didn’t know what they do if Kame doesn’t wake up for long time, but everyone killed that thought away.
„I have to go Kazuya.” Came the whispered sentence Kame was always afraid of when it came from Jin.
~No… Don’t…~
The taller boy didn’t want to think of work. It was only two days since Kame was not with them, but he already missed him dearly. And he knew, he is not the only one. KAT-TUN without Kame was not the same.
Jin stood up, but before he let the hand linked with his go, he gave it a kiss and whispered „love you”.
~ I love you too Jin. ~
„Kono koe hanaretete mo kokoro wa kono basho ni aru (Even if our voice is seperated, my heart is always in this place)” Jin sang low into Kazuya’s ears, another promise, stronger than the previous ones.Then he stood up completely.
„See you tomorrow… Kazu.” he told softly and after closing the window (because he was afraid Kame will catch a cold), exited the room.
That night Jin didn’t sleep. He sat by his desk, writing and composing a song, looking at Kazuya’s photo all the time he looked up from his work.
**
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