#Fic# Unable to respond //Chapter 5//
Title: Unable to respond (Ch 5)
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
CHAPTER 5
Jin always had the hope he will go to a room where Kazuya was waiting for him awake. Before entering the room, he always stopped in front of the door to reign composure and to take a deep breath, preparing whatever was awaiting him, he will be strong and will show smile to Kazuya. But it was harder and harder every day. Weeks passed since Kazuya was in the same state and the sad thing was: no progress in his condition. It was still the machines that kept him alive, he still didn’t react to things. But Jin didn’t lose hope. No matter how hard it was, he kept the faith. He looked down to the crane he brought this time and gave a faint smile.
As he promised, there was no day he didn’t bring rose and a crane, and people started to wonder who the mysterious admirer was, who keeps bringing these presents. Jin wondered how they didn’t realize it was him… how they didn’t realize that it was a person who comes every day?
Kazuya’s parents were puzzled, and T-TUN talked often about this case and Koki even joked he will be a detective and will watch who the one is who brings presents. Of course they still didn’t know Jin visits Kazuya, and they were a little pissed off at him because of that, especially Koki, who knew how important Jin still was to Kame and he felt Jin betray Kazuya by never visiting him. He wished he could be in Jin’s place.
Jin opened the door and the usual view greeted his eyes. He couldn’t help to feel a little disappointment wash over him, but he kept smiling. Maybe Kazuya feels everything that happens, even if he can’t see him… but sometimes Jin thought he is kind of baka for thinking like this. But hey… everything is fine to think if it helps yo keep hope.
„Kazu-chan…” he greeted the lying boy and as always, showed him the presents. „A green crane this time. You know why?”
The Kazuya in the box looked up and sighed. Every day the same… no matter how he wanted to respond, how he wanted to move, he just couldn’t. If he tried really hard, he could stand, but this was all. If he stepped one step, he stumbled back exhausted and he hated himself for being weak. Over and over again he heard the sentence „The rest is up to Kazuya” He knew it wasn’t true. He wanted to be in Jin’s arms, go places with him and he felt he can’t be patient. But no matter how desperately he tried, it was just all worse. The frustration he felt for not being able to respond took his energy and ate him up inside and the fear of losing sight of the again oh-so-blurry outline of the door made him no good either.
His trail of desperate thoughts were calmed a little by a comforting hand in his, that played with his fingers gently. „It is green…” - Jin continued - „because green is the color of hope.”
~Hope… ~ Kazuya repeated the word in his mind and was so grateful to Jin. The other, despite his busy schedule and the possibility of being found out, was always there and believed in him. He started to be ashamed because of his desperation. Why couldnt’t he be strong as Jin? Why couldn’t he hope more? Maybe that is the something that was missing.
He felt fingers brush through his hair and he suddenly felt light and calm. Only this little touch of Jin made miracles and made his pessimistic thoughts fade away. But Jin was so silent today. Something happened?
„After you wake up, I have a surprise for you. Just… please give me the strenght to be able to tell you how much I love you after you wake up too. I… sometimes it is so hard Kazu… when I am alone in my apartment and think of things… I feel guilt… I just… decided as long as you are here, I will behave as your lover but… thinking of what you might say if you find this out after you are healed scares me sometimes. Yet I am not able to stop myself… just.. I sometimes think I hold you back with these feelings…that you know them and hate me so much you don’t want to return.” Jin babbled, his voice broke at times, not able to form complete sentences.
~Jin… you are so stupid.. you really deserve the name Bakanishi…If you won’t confess to me, I will confess to you… and I will smack your head hard for saying this… I just hope I won’t forget everything what happened here when I wake up… but even if it happens, I will confess to you. I will! ~
The Kazuya in the box extended his hand in the direction of the door, hoping it will come close and then he can open it. But it didn’t happen. The door stayed where it always was and the boy couldn’t reach it.
~ Todokanai… nande??~
„Gomen… I think I said some nonsence now…” Jin looked at the boy’s face…and lips. Every day the desire grew stronger, but he didn’t kiss Kame yet… he couldn’t.
If he only knew how Kame wished the same, how he waited for the day Jin kisses him. Once he almost did, but just almost. In one hand Kame was glad Jin appreciate what he might feel, but he was a little tired of Jin always second guessing everything. But then again, it surely must be really hard for the older boy.
The long awaited kiss didn’t come this time either. Jin just bent down and kissed the other on the forehead gently. He stayed for awhile, talking to Kame about many things. But the time he had to go came too quickly in both of their opinion.
„Ittekimasu my Kazu-chan. Promise me you will behave well.” He joke and smiled faintly.
~Baka…~
As Jin opened the door and wanted to exit, he dumped into the nurse who was standing at the door and just wanted to go in. She almost fell but Jin grabbed her wrist so she didn’t fall to the ground.
„I.. I am sorry…” she muttered and her heart almost stopped and blushed as she saw who was the one who caught her.She watched the sexy deep brown eyes, hair that were curled a little and almost brushed the young man’s shoulder. She couldn’t believe her luck.
„It’s allright.” Jin said with a smile and bowed his head.
„A...Akanishi Jin-san?” she asked in awe, she was always a fan of Jin.
„Hai.” the man said and bowed „Shitureishimasu then turned away and walked out of the building. The girl looked after him, still blushed with racing heartbeat.
~~~
Jin was laying on his bed exhausted. No noise came from the open window, and even the air was motionless, the dark curtains stayed still as no breeze passed by. He still wore his work clothes, didn’t bother to change to pajama as he was watching the ceiling for a long time, arms behind his head as a pillow, his dark hair in his eyes. He sighed heavily and looked at the his side where the small night-table was. There was a same green crane he made for Kazuya and a picture of them together. They were not so young anymore, but it was not even taken in the present era, rather 1 or 2 years ago. He just kept watching the picture, he couldn’t tear his eyes off Kazuya’s smile, his beautiful face and figure. He really looked like a girl sometimes, with that quite long velvet hair and tender expression on his face. When will be the next time he will see it?
This was agony. He missed Kazuya so much. At night, he felt he is more pessimistic. When everything was silent, and dark outside he had more time to think and he became more sad. The fleeting thoughts that he might never see Kazuya’s smile again pained his heart and he felt desperate. But he knew, he couldn’t do anything to help. He wished he could.
He reached out and took the crane and the picture into his hand and his fingers uncounsciously caressed Kazuya’s face on it. How he wished he could do this in real.
He was playing with the crane between his fingers, watching it carefully and thoughtful. The same thing lays next to Kazuya now.. maybe it will connect them and he can have dreams of him today. Was this too much to ask for?
Jin closed his eyes and imagined Kazuya is at the bathroom and he could step into the room every minute to lay down next to him and give that wonderful smile and warm kisses, cuddled together the whole night.
„If you really have the power to make wish come true… please listen to me now. I want to dream about him…” he whispered to the crane and let it slip out of his finger and onto the other side of the huge bed.
„Oyasumi Kazu-chan…” he told and opened his eyes, kissed the picture then closed his eyes again. Wake up soon please… I can’t live witout you.
~~~
Jin wanted to open his eyes but he couldn’t. He tried again and again but it was futile.
~Oi, what’s going on?~ he wanted to say, but couldn’t. ~Okay, it is not funny anymore…~ he thought as he couldn’t move. He felt he is pissed. Did the others pull a trick on him? Or what on Earth is happening to him?
„I am sorry, we can’t know if he wakes up from his coma or not.” he heard a sad voice and he couldn’t believe his ears. ~Coma??? wait wait….. something is not right here, I am not the one who is in coma… or did something happened to me too?~ he panicked but mostly because he thought of Kazuya. What’s with him? Where is he?
„I believe in Jin” He heard a voice he was dying to hear for weeks. ~Kazuya…~ It was like deja vu. It all happened… just the other way around. He was told the same sentence and he answered the same before… it can’t be real. He was confused. But he felt relieved Kazuya is allright. Just… how did they switch places?
„Jin…” he heard Kazuya speak.
~Kazu-chan… DAMN it! Why can’t I speak? The hell with this shit! Kazuya!! Oi! Are you allright?~
„I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I love you. That’s why I saved your life… don’t feel guilty… I…”
Jin didn’t undertand this all. This was confusing. Who saved who? and why is he there in coma? Not that he minded taking Kazuya’s place, but it was agonizing. The fect he can’t respond. He stopped dead in his track as he slowly realized the words…love?
~Y…you love me? Me too! Kazuya, me too!~
„But I don’t know how you feel for me, so… I can’t do things, I can only watch you from afar.”
~Fuck! Don’t you dare! I am here, I can hear you! Kazuya! Do you know what? Kiss me, kiss me I might wake up!! ~
It is a horrible feeling when you know someone loves you but you can’t confess back. And not because you don’t want to, rather because you can’t bring your voice out. This is the worse he ever felt.
„I have to go now… but I will come again… Jin…you are my life and I believe that one day we will be together. Thank you for the presents… you keep me alive.”
~ Presents?? Don’t leave! Not yet! Kazuya!!!... fuck, isn’t there a way I can let him know what I think?~
„KAZUYAAA!!” He was sitting in the bed with heavy breath and looked at the ground where the crane fell because of his sudden movement. It was a dream… just a dream but it seemed so real… too real… and the sadness in Kazuya’s voice…
He buried his face into his hands.
What if this is how Kazuya feels when he visits him? That he hears everything and maybe he was messaging Jin through a dream, to let him know how and what he feels?
The boy chuckled bitterly. Was he really that insane that he believes this? Yet he couldn’t think of anything else. His heart didn’t let him to. He couldn’t convience himself it is not true. He needed to see Kazuya, as soon as possible. He didn’t know if he can wait until the next day.
He was sweating and shivering a little, lost in his thoughts again. If it really is the way Kazuya is, it is more than agony. His eyes turend wide as he remembered a sentece form the dream Kazuya „Thank you for the presents.”
Then… maybe… Kazuya really feels the way he felt int he dream.
***
TBC ^^
An: sorry that it took me so long to update! >_< I will have exams come up and I don’t have much freetime. I have no PC in my apartment, so I only can use PC at home, and I don’t really spend much time here becasue of uni. I have not much self-confidence and I don’t even have a beta, I don’t know how the story is, so any constructive critics and all kind of comments are welcome. Thanks! *hugs all*
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Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
CHAPTER 5
Jin always had the hope he will go to a room where Kazuya was waiting for him awake. Before entering the room, he always stopped in front of the door to reign composure and to take a deep breath, preparing whatever was awaiting him, he will be strong and will show smile to Kazuya. But it was harder and harder every day. Weeks passed since Kazuya was in the same state and the sad thing was: no progress in his condition. It was still the machines that kept him alive, he still didn’t react to things. But Jin didn’t lose hope. No matter how hard it was, he kept the faith. He looked down to the crane he brought this time and gave a faint smile.
As he promised, there was no day he didn’t bring rose and a crane, and people started to wonder who the mysterious admirer was, who keeps bringing these presents. Jin wondered how they didn’t realize it was him… how they didn’t realize that it was a person who comes every day?
Kazuya’s parents were puzzled, and T-TUN talked often about this case and Koki even joked he will be a detective and will watch who the one is who brings presents. Of course they still didn’t know Jin visits Kazuya, and they were a little pissed off at him because of that, especially Koki, who knew how important Jin still was to Kame and he felt Jin betray Kazuya by never visiting him. He wished he could be in Jin’s place.
Jin opened the door and the usual view greeted his eyes. He couldn’t help to feel a little disappointment wash over him, but he kept smiling. Maybe Kazuya feels everything that happens, even if he can’t see him… but sometimes Jin thought he is kind of baka for thinking like this. But hey… everything is fine to think if it helps yo keep hope.
„Kazu-chan…” he greeted the lying boy and as always, showed him the presents. „A green crane this time. You know why?”
The Kazuya in the box looked up and sighed. Every day the same… no matter how he wanted to respond, how he wanted to move, he just couldn’t. If he tried really hard, he could stand, but this was all. If he stepped one step, he stumbled back exhausted and he hated himself for being weak. Over and over again he heard the sentence „The rest is up to Kazuya” He knew it wasn’t true. He wanted to be in Jin’s arms, go places with him and he felt he can’t be patient. But no matter how desperately he tried, it was just all worse. The frustration he felt for not being able to respond took his energy and ate him up inside and the fear of losing sight of the again oh-so-blurry outline of the door made him no good either.
His trail of desperate thoughts were calmed a little by a comforting hand in his, that played with his fingers gently. „It is green…” - Jin continued - „because green is the color of hope.”
~Hope… ~ Kazuya repeated the word in his mind and was so grateful to Jin. The other, despite his busy schedule and the possibility of being found out, was always there and believed in him. He started to be ashamed because of his desperation. Why couldnt’t he be strong as Jin? Why couldn’t he hope more? Maybe that is the something that was missing.
He felt fingers brush through his hair and he suddenly felt light and calm. Only this little touch of Jin made miracles and made his pessimistic thoughts fade away. But Jin was so silent today. Something happened?
„After you wake up, I have a surprise for you. Just… please give me the strenght to be able to tell you how much I love you after you wake up too. I… sometimes it is so hard Kazu… when I am alone in my apartment and think of things… I feel guilt… I just… decided as long as you are here, I will behave as your lover but… thinking of what you might say if you find this out after you are healed scares me sometimes. Yet I am not able to stop myself… just.. I sometimes think I hold you back with these feelings…that you know them and hate me so much you don’t want to return.” Jin babbled, his voice broke at times, not able to form complete sentences.
~Jin… you are so stupid.. you really deserve the name Bakanishi…If you won’t confess to me, I will confess to you… and I will smack your head hard for saying this… I just hope I won’t forget everything what happened here when I wake up… but even if it happens, I will confess to you. I will! ~
The Kazuya in the box extended his hand in the direction of the door, hoping it will come close and then he can open it. But it didn’t happen. The door stayed where it always was and the boy couldn’t reach it.
~ Todokanai… nande??~
„Gomen… I think I said some nonsence now…” Jin looked at the boy’s face…and lips. Every day the desire grew stronger, but he didn’t kiss Kame yet… he couldn’t.
If he only knew how Kame wished the same, how he waited for the day Jin kisses him. Once he almost did, but just almost. In one hand Kame was glad Jin appreciate what he might feel, but he was a little tired of Jin always second guessing everything. But then again, it surely must be really hard for the older boy.
The long awaited kiss didn’t come this time either. Jin just bent down and kissed the other on the forehead gently. He stayed for awhile, talking to Kame about many things. But the time he had to go came too quickly in both of their opinion.
„Ittekimasu my Kazu-chan. Promise me you will behave well.” He joke and smiled faintly.
~Baka…~
As Jin opened the door and wanted to exit, he dumped into the nurse who was standing at the door and just wanted to go in. She almost fell but Jin grabbed her wrist so she didn’t fall to the ground.
„I.. I am sorry…” she muttered and her heart almost stopped and blushed as she saw who was the one who caught her.She watched the sexy deep brown eyes, hair that were curled a little and almost brushed the young man’s shoulder. She couldn’t believe her luck.
„It’s allright.” Jin said with a smile and bowed his head.
„A...Akanishi Jin-san?” she asked in awe, she was always a fan of Jin.
„Hai.” the man said and bowed „Shitureishimasu then turned away and walked out of the building. The girl looked after him, still blushed with racing heartbeat.
~~~
Jin was laying on his bed exhausted. No noise came from the open window, and even the air was motionless, the dark curtains stayed still as no breeze passed by. He still wore his work clothes, didn’t bother to change to pajama as he was watching the ceiling for a long time, arms behind his head as a pillow, his dark hair in his eyes. He sighed heavily and looked at the his side where the small night-table was. There was a same green crane he made for Kazuya and a picture of them together. They were not so young anymore, but it was not even taken in the present era, rather 1 or 2 years ago. He just kept watching the picture, he couldn’t tear his eyes off Kazuya’s smile, his beautiful face and figure. He really looked like a girl sometimes, with that quite long velvet hair and tender expression on his face. When will be the next time he will see it?
This was agony. He missed Kazuya so much. At night, he felt he is more pessimistic. When everything was silent, and dark outside he had more time to think and he became more sad. The fleeting thoughts that he might never see Kazuya’s smile again pained his heart and he felt desperate. But he knew, he couldn’t do anything to help. He wished he could.
He reached out and took the crane and the picture into his hand and his fingers uncounsciously caressed Kazuya’s face on it. How he wished he could do this in real.
He was playing with the crane between his fingers, watching it carefully and thoughtful. The same thing lays next to Kazuya now.. maybe it will connect them and he can have dreams of him today. Was this too much to ask for?
Jin closed his eyes and imagined Kazuya is at the bathroom and he could step into the room every minute to lay down next to him and give that wonderful smile and warm kisses, cuddled together the whole night.
„If you really have the power to make wish come true… please listen to me now. I want to dream about him…” he whispered to the crane and let it slip out of his finger and onto the other side of the huge bed.
„Oyasumi Kazu-chan…” he told and opened his eyes, kissed the picture then closed his eyes again. Wake up soon please… I can’t live witout you.
~~~
Jin wanted to open his eyes but he couldn’t. He tried again and again but it was futile.
~Oi, what’s going on?~ he wanted to say, but couldn’t. ~Okay, it is not funny anymore…~ he thought as he couldn’t move. He felt he is pissed. Did the others pull a trick on him? Or what on Earth is happening to him?
„I am sorry, we can’t know if he wakes up from his coma or not.” he heard a sad voice and he couldn’t believe his ears. ~Coma??? wait wait….. something is not right here, I am not the one who is in coma… or did something happened to me too?~ he panicked but mostly because he thought of Kazuya. What’s with him? Where is he?
„I believe in Jin” He heard a voice he was dying to hear for weeks. ~Kazuya…~ It was like deja vu. It all happened… just the other way around. He was told the same sentence and he answered the same before… it can’t be real. He was confused. But he felt relieved Kazuya is allright. Just… how did they switch places?
„Jin…” he heard Kazuya speak.
~Kazu-chan… DAMN it! Why can’t I speak? The hell with this shit! Kazuya!! Oi! Are you allright?~
„I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I love you. That’s why I saved your life… don’t feel guilty… I…”
Jin didn’t undertand this all. This was confusing. Who saved who? and why is he there in coma? Not that he minded taking Kazuya’s place, but it was agonizing. The fect he can’t respond. He stopped dead in his track as he slowly realized the words…love?
~Y…you love me? Me too! Kazuya, me too!~
„But I don’t know how you feel for me, so… I can’t do things, I can only watch you from afar.”
~Fuck! Don’t you dare! I am here, I can hear you! Kazuya! Do you know what? Kiss me, kiss me I might wake up!! ~
It is a horrible feeling when you know someone loves you but you can’t confess back. And not because you don’t want to, rather because you can’t bring your voice out. This is the worse he ever felt.
„I have to go now… but I will come again… Jin…you are my life and I believe that one day we will be together. Thank you for the presents… you keep me alive.”
~ Presents?? Don’t leave! Not yet! Kazuya!!!... fuck, isn’t there a way I can let him know what I think?~
„KAZUYAAA!!” He was sitting in the bed with heavy breath and looked at the ground where the crane fell because of his sudden movement. It was a dream… just a dream but it seemed so real… too real… and the sadness in Kazuya’s voice…
He buried his face into his hands.
What if this is how Kazuya feels when he visits him? That he hears everything and maybe he was messaging Jin through a dream, to let him know how and what he feels?
The boy chuckled bitterly. Was he really that insane that he believes this? Yet he couldn’t think of anything else. His heart didn’t let him to. He couldn’t convience himself it is not true. He needed to see Kazuya, as soon as possible. He didn’t know if he can wait until the next day.
He was sweating and shivering a little, lost in his thoughts again. If it really is the way Kazuya is, it is more than agony. His eyes turend wide as he remembered a sentece form the dream Kazuya „Thank you for the presents.”
Then… maybe… Kazuya really feels the way he felt int he dream.
***
TBC ^^
An: sorry that it took me so long to update! >_< I will have exams come up and I don’t have much freetime. I have no PC in my apartment, so I only can use PC at home, and I don’t really spend much time here becasue of uni. I have not much self-confidence and I don’t even have a beta, I don’t know how the story is, so any constructive critics and all kind of comments are welcome. Thanks! *hugs all*
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