#Fic# Unable to respond //Chapter 8//
Title: Unable to respond (Ch 8)
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
CHAPTER 8
Jin felt happy and full of hope. Kazuya was better, he hadn’t woken up yet but Jin was positive he will soon. He couldn’t wait it, he felt so impatient. He daydreamed about situations he will make happen when his love was finally awake. How he will welcome him, hold him in his arms, whispering sweet things, and ah, he will arrange a welcome party for him.
He made a crane and played with it, danced it between his fingers smiling, looking at it but not really paying attention to it.
He felt tired. Last night he woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep from excitement. He couldn’t help but smile as he imagined maybe Kazuya will open his eyes to the world soon.
He let his head rest on the desk watching the pink bird still and he chuckled.
Pink… The color of love, happiness and… lovesickness. Yes, he really felt lovesick. For a very long time now. For him Kazuya was everything. Every time he closed his eyes Kazuya was there, smiling or laughing sweetly and now that he closed his eyes it hadn’t been different. He immediately started thinking of Kazuya and with a little smile on his face he drifted to sleep.
**
He was so excited, standing in front of Kazuya’s hospital room. With a determined nod he stepped into the room and his eyes grew wide.
Kazuya sat in the bed, gazing out of the window, his brown hair past his shoulders which gave him the look of a princess. He was so graceful no woman could ever be. ’He is perfect…’ Jin thought and his heart raced. The young man turned his head in the direction of the door, and his face brightened, a smile marked his beautiful lips.
Jin was amazed as every time he was when he looked at Kazuya. His mouth unable to be closed, his breathings unsteady.
„Jin…” Kazuya whispered to the boy who only could just stand there. He was so happy, too happy to move. Kazuya… his Kazuya returned.
„..Jin?” Kazuya started to look sad and extended an arm in the direction of the older boy. There was tears of happiness in the corner of Jin’s eyes as he ran to the bed, hugging the other tightly.
„Kazuya…Kazuya!!” he cried and felt the hug is returned. „Y..You are here… you are really here… awake and.. I..” Kazuya felt Jin pull away to look into his eyes. He saw the tears run down the older man’s face and his eyes reflected unsureness and fear.
„Yes, I am finally awake but… what’s wrong?” Kazuya wiped his tears away.
„I…I ….when you were in coma …you know…” Jin started and Kazuya began to realize what the other is babbling about. He smiled warmly at Jin and leaned in to kiss his lips.
„I love you too Jin.” he smiled but as he wanted to kiss him again Jin heard a song „Ima wa kurushikute…setsunakute nageku koto mo~” ehh? Kazuya is here kissing him, how can he sing? And why is everything fading? Kazuya? Hey.. Kazuya?
„Kazu..ya?” he mumbled and opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was his desk and the pink crane. He rose up from his half laying position and sat on the chair stretching his sore arms, looking at his ringing mobile phone.
„So… my cellphone.. damn… I’m gonna kill the one who called…….” he checked the screen and read „Yamapi”. He raised his eyebrows and answered it with a lethargic tone. He wanted to continue his dream!
„Yeah?”
„Jin! What’s up? Hangover again?” Yamapi laughed at the other end of the line. Jin hissed at him.
„What? You forgot to speak? You were at a party last night? With hot chicks?” Yamapi’s voice was teasing.
„No. I just… ehh.. woke up and had a nice dream…” Jin rose from the chair and said a faint „oww” because of his sore back.
„You alright Jin?”
„Yes, I am, just slept in a weird position…” Jin yawned.
„How many girls were in the dream…?” Yamapi laughed loudly.
„None…” Jin touched his forehead to the desk.
„Ehh?! You turned gay?” Pi joked and at that Jin’s head popped up and blushed a little… was he gay? He was falling for Kazuya… no… he already was madly in love with Kazuya… but the thought of any other men naked made him sick. Only Kazuya didn’t. When he was thinking of Kazuya he felt warmness, love, so wonderful. Just Kazuya and no other guys.
„Pi…” He said in a sarcastic tone.
„Okay okay, anyway, lately we meet so rarely, what about meeting me in the evening and go for a drink? You could give me infos about how Kame had been, I don’t have time to visit him much and… I am sure you do.” Yamapi suggested.
„Okay. At the usual place the usual time then. And…err… yeah….” Was Jin’s reply, but his mind was still on the dream he had.
„Gottcha. But… Bakanishi…”
„Hm?” Jin raised an eyebrow.
„Glance at the clock…” as he heard this he glanced at it and popped up right away.
„Shit!! I am going to be late from work!”
„Yup yup!”
„Bastard, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Jin hurried to dress, stumbled in his way and hit the desk.
’owww!!’
„I didn't know you are at home.”
„Lame excuse Yamapink!”
„Anyway, hurry, I am already here.”
„Hah! Nice!” Jin hung the phone up but he didn’t forget to looking at the picture of Kazuya he kept on the desk and smiled at him.
„It was a dream now, but I know that we will be together soon Kazu-chan!” With this, and a shouting of „itteki~” Jin left his house in a hurry.
**
After work Jin was more than glad to go pack his things and go to the hospital. He felt excited and imagined his dream becomes reality, he dared to imagine so far that he will go home hand in hand with Kazuya today.. ah, it would be so nice! He didn’t wait until evening. He simply couldn’t. He hummed a song as he parked a car at the parking lot of the hospital. How lucky he was, the work ended earlier than usual and the other guys decided to hang out together somewhere, they mentioned where but Jin didn’t really care.
It was around 14:00 and he decided he will spend his whole day on Kazuya’s side. He pulled his baseball cap more on his head and took on the sunglass, he had to cover his identity on street, paparazzis are everywhere. He hurried to the building and pushed the elevator button to Kazuya’s floor. In his way along the corridor he met Tomoko, who greeted him with a blush.
„K…Konnichi wa Akanishi-san!”
„Yo!” was Jin’s reply and he hurried to the room where Kazuya was, of course carrying a rose and the crane was in his bag.
„A rose again?” the girl was surprised and confused. Why does Akanishi bring Kamenashi a rose?… And this is the second time...
She shrugged and started to walk back to continue her work but she stoped suddenly.
~Can it be all the roses to Kamenashi was brought by Akanishi?~ The girl was so curious.
She decided she will find out and with silent steps she tiptoed to the door of Kazuya’s room. She slowly opened it but just a little bit and peeked in. The view shocked her, she lost her breath and her eyes widened.
She couldn’t believe it. Akanishi, sitting on the edge of the bed leaning on Kamenashi and kisses his lips.
The girl immediately looked away, a furious blush covered her face and she walked away from the scene feeling angry, jealous and her world seemed to scatter into pieces. Her idol, her big love Akanishi Jin is….gay?
No!! Surely not! It.. it can’t be, Jin always said in interview how annoyed he feels when someone ask him about what his relationship is to Kame, saying they are not together like that. And yes… Jin can’t be gay… not with those girls all around him in the magazines and parazzi photos… She promised herself she won’t let it. Jin will be hers. It has to be a mistake… Or she didn’t see well.
She picked her phone out of her pocket and dialed a number.
„Moshi moshi!”
„Chinami? I need help!” Tomoko said determined. She walked back and hide herself, listening to what Jin was saying.
Meanwhile back in the room Jin and Kazuya didn’t know what awaited them. Jin was now sitting on the chair and chuckled as he was busy to talk to Kazuya about his dream and how he imagines the future together with him.
„And then you said: „I love you too Jin” Jin’s eyes shone bright and smiled at Kazuya who.. of course didn’t respond.
~Ah Jin! I wish I dreamed the same, but I have dreams about you.. no.. not just you, about us too. Ah, once I dreamed about our honeymoon, I am so baka!~ If Kazuya could have blush he would have now. And he wished nothing more than to just be able to say this to Jin out loud.
The Kazuya in the box could walk around now and he was just one step away from the door.
„How I wish you’d say these words to me one day.” Jin sighed and caressed the other’s face.
~Jin! I will! I will say it to you so many times that you will get bored of it. I will tell you every day… After every sentence, no no, after every word! I love you Akanishi Jin! Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouuu!!~
Kazuya could jump from joy. Ah, this damn coma, he really had enough of it. He could have a nice life along Jin’s side, he would even sacrifice his carrier, nothing mattered to him just Jin. Kazuya felt how he gets better every day, how Jin’s voice fills him with hope and willingness for living.
„I love you too Kazuya.” It was the sentence that got Kazuya back from his thoughts and he was surprised. Jin answered him? But it can’t be… Jin heard him? He noticed how sometimes he actually sees Jin’s shiluette, how he i moving without opening his eyes. Their bond started to turn transcendence and kazuya knew it is really rare. Only if he could send messages to Jin through this bond… Buti t seemed it is not strong enough yet.
„Uhh… I mean.. haha.. I could swear I heard you think that. I begin to get paranoid I think.” Jin rubbed his head and blushed a little, as if he heard Kazuya’s voice somewhere deep inside his head, as if sometimes he sees the world with an eyes of someone other… at that times he sees a door, framed with light, and he is just sitting there and can’t go there, can’t open it. He had these visions more often nowdays and he didn’t really know what to make of it.
~Jin…~
„Just the others shouldn’t know it or else they will call me Paranoidnishi…” He chuckled and the Kazuya in the box chuckled too.
~silly.~
Tomoko decided she heard enough and figured out the situation quickly. She walked into the elevator thinking. she was feeling a little guilty but excited too. It is sure just a fling, Kame and Jin can’t be real. No way. Tomoko remembered the first time she saw KAT-TUN sing together and she always went to their concerts. It was heaven, at that time she couldn’t tore his eyes off of Jin. Next to her, fans were screaming „AkaKame” all the way, and it really annoyed her. Why does everyone think they are gay? This Akakame thing is nothing more than marketing. And what Jin says, it is fact. And Jin said they are just friends. Tomoko tried to erase the scene she just saw minutes ago. She always disliked Kame. Although she never believed int hat the „Akakame couple” are together that way, but she couldn’t help but feeling jealous of Kazuya every time Jin looked at him. She brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and heard the elevator arrived to its destination.
When she got out of it she simply waited, leaning her back against the wall at the entrance, waited for her companion to come. She had a plan she surely will succeed in.
Back in the room Jin was playing with one of the cranes, made them fly with moving their wings with his fingers and spoke instead of them, imitating actors and comedians in hilarious way.
Kazuya was more than stunned when he realized… he sees Jin. Nothing more, not where he sits, not where he himself lies, just Jin. As if he was sitting in front of the Kazuya in the box. Kazuya blushed and his eyes filed with happiness and became wet, as he extended his hand towards Jin, trying desperately to touch him, to tell him „I see you, i am here…hold me!” but the more far his hands could reach, more and more distance got between them. Kazuya stepped some steps but he collapsed exhausted. He just sat there, watching Jin and soon a small smile formed on his lips, watching his love playing and talking to him. He didn’t know how it is possible, but he was grateful he can see the other.
~Jin… only if I could touch you… to go and sit by you… ~ but he knew, he shouldn’t be that discontent. He should be glad for the amount he can get now. How strange human being is… There is never enough. First humans say: it is enough only if I see what I want… then they are like: no, I want to touch it… and at the end: I want to possess it.
Kazuya felt a little guilty. He was like that too, he could never get enough of Jin. Of his Jin…
~Jin is already mine, isn’t he? Noone can change it, ne?~ He suddenly had a bad feeling, he couldn’t really know why, just he felt something will happen. He looked at Jin who didn’t know he is being watched and felt more worry.
~But… I see Jin… so, everything got better… Why am I so negative now? Nothing will happen, nothing!~
He looked away and when he looked back he didn’t see Jin anymore, but felt warm breath upon his face. The Kazuya in the box blushed immediately.
„And Kazu-chan… I will just do this after I asked you to marry me.” What was Jin talking about? Kazuya was so lost in his thoughts that he lost track of what his love is talking to him about and now it surprised him, and he blushed furiously.
~M..marry? Oh yes! yes yes!!~
He could almost feel Jin’s lips on his when he heard the door opens.
Jin quickly sat back and tried to hide his blush and racing heartbeat, he hoped they are not discovered. He slowly looked at the direction of the door to see who the visitor is.
„Oh Akanishi-kun, it’s a surprise to see you here.” Kazuya’s mother smiled while bowing her head and Jin quickly regained composure and bowed back to the two adults.
„Thank you for visiting our son again.” Kame’s father said and they walked to the bed, greeting their son.
„Kazuya, we are here. How are you today?” his mother took his hand and couldn’t hide the hope that his son will answer him this time. But no miracle happened.
~Mom, dad!~ the Kazuya in the box smiled happily. ~Good that you are here! Nee! I am so happy, when I wake up I will marry Jin! Please mother, call him Jin from now on, not Akanishi, he is part of our family.~ Kazuya said as if his voice reached is parents. But of course it reached noone. He was being used to this by now, but it still made him sad a little.
And as for the marriage.. nah.. he knew it will not be that easy. And now they both are too desperate, they speak about everything but things won’t be so carefree when they have to face reality. They are idols, stars… everyone’s idols. They are not allowed to fall in love, Kazuya sometimes had the feeling they are not even allowed to have feelings. Johnny told them everything, how to move, how to act, how to behave with each other. And Johnny didn’t like when he is with Jin.
He was getting more and more impatient and looked at the door determined. His eyes widened as he could go to it and grab the knob. His heart raced, one second felt like hours and his trembling hand pushed the doorknob down, preparing to go to the outside world. At last… he will be free… the first thing he will do is jump out of the bed and into Jin’s arms… and then tell his parents about them… and then kissing Jin and hugging him…and then… and then… He was so excited.
But his face fell… the door was locked. Kazuya felt like crying, he was so happy that he finally can be with the ones he loves, but… it seemed he has to wait some more. He collapsed disappointed and sighed.
~Damn the waiting. I want out I want out!! Help me, Jin help me! Say you love me… and then it will open I am sure… just… come here, sit here next to me.. hold my hand… kiss me again… Jin… I want to be by your side… I want to be with you so badly… why is fate so cruel?~
Kazuya felt desperate but calm at the same time. He felt Jin’s presence and it made him calm. It always did. When he was awake, lately they had not bee non good terms… or it was what it seemed. Kazuya realized everything is acting… now he understood all. Being in come cleared his mind and made him look at things differently. Like this he knew now why Jin was so cold, and he just now understood his own behaviour.
~I won’t give up hope do you hear me Jin? I won’t. We will be together very soon. Ganbarimasu Jin!~
„I am glad that your son is better Kamenashi-san, when I came here that day I found Kazu--- Kamenashi’s room empty and I thought the worst happened… but I was relieved that it was all good. He doen’t need the machines anymore, it is great!” Jin smiled buti n his head he slapped himself and thought: Remember not to say Kazuya in front of his parents… say Kamenashi! Kamenashi Kamenashi… Wahh, why is this so hard?
„Oh, so you visit our son often?” Kame’s mother seemed glad.
„Ermm.. y..yes… when I have time that is…” Jin tried to sound normal, not too nervous, but he doubted he succeeded it.
~ Yes yes! He is here every day mother, be proud of him, he cares for me so much! Mother, he loves me so much! I wish I could tell you how happy I am when he is here. Mom, I am so much in love.~ Kazuya chuckled in his thoughts and he imagined the day when he will tell this to his parents.
Before the parents could say anything else they heard the door open once again. They turned around to see who it is and they got a little surprised.
Kazuya’s nurse was standing there with an unknown girl, who looked quite shocked as she looked at Kazuya.
„Oh God… Kazuya…” she was nearly in tears. Kazuya’s parents turned to the girl and asked who she is. Jin was at a loss of words. Who could this girl be? And why is she calling his Kame ’Kazuya’?
The Kazuya in the box stopped daydreaming and his happy thoughts soon vanished. This voice was unknown. And… why is someone he not even know calls him Kazuya?
„I’m sorry, do I know you? I am Kazuya’s mother.” the woman asked kindly and the girl bowed deeply.
„Oh I am sorry I was rude I should introduce myself first.” she walked to the parents and smiled. „My name is Wada Chinami. I am Kazuya’s…. girlfriend.” The girl said and blushed a little.
Jin’s heart froze and he felt it stopped beating for a second. He was shocked and his eyes wide, he felt his legs start to tremble and he was about to faint… ’girlfriend…? K..Kazuya has a ….girlfriend?’ Jin felt like crying, his world turned upside down.
~WHAT?!?! My what?!?~ the Kazuya in the box lost his breath and he jumped up from his sitting position. ~It is not true! I don’t have a girlfriend! I don’t!!~ He ran to the door and desperately tried to open it, pulling the knob and then shoving his fists against it. He felt angry a little. How dare someone come here and lie like that? And anyway, how could fans know where he is? The JE told he is abroad as far as he knew, so how could a fan knew he is here?
„Oh dear… I didn’t know our son has a girlfriend. Did you know Akanishi-san?” Mrs Kamenashi asked and looked at the young man with a smile but her smile frowned as she observed her son’s friend. Jin looked like he could faint at any minute, his eyes still wide and a horrified mixed surprise was viewable on his face.
„Are you allright Akanishi-kun? You look pale… maybe you should sit down.” the woman said concerned.
„N..no… I..am..allright…yeah…i am…” Jin stuttered out, trying to get out of the shock. Allright? He was more than not allright. He felt like throwing up from the sudden shock and not even aware of his surrounding anymore. He saw his daydreaming image as photos that started to burn and only ashes remained. Ashes that were blew away by the wind and got changed by Kame smiling next to this girl… It was terrible! It was… unbearable…
What had he done? He pretended he is Kazuya’s lover… he even kissed him… caressed him… told him things… he managed to be caged by his own fantasies, telling himself it is reality and he believed it as time went by… Believed it.. .without confirmation of Kazuya… His dreams got scattered and now his soul was in pieces, his heart ached… ’I deserve it… it is all my fault…’
~Jin?~ the Kazuya in the box was startled and his tears began to flown down his face.
~Jin!! It is not true!! Jiiiiin!~ He hit the door more with his fits and sobbed, his tears fell uncontrolled down his cheeks. ~I love only you Jin! I… don’t need any girl.. she is a liar… Jin! Don’t believe her!!~
No matter how hard Kazuya cried he knew noone hears him. He knew, if Jin lied there and a girl went there saying she is Jin’s girlfriend he would believe it too.
He suddenly felt pain… pain in his heart, he felt Jin’s pain… He could understand what the man felt, but not just that, he really felt it physically. He touched the spot on his chest where his heart was and clenched it while he cried more. He felt lost. What could he do?
The happiness he felt earlier was no longer present. It changed to desperation and sadness… and fear. Fear of losing Jin, of losing the light of his life.. the purpose of living. He hated the girl. He hated her with all his heart. Why? Why does someone lie like this?
~I want to be by Jin’s side… by his side forever… Jin… please…~ Here, Kazuya had a thought. If their bond is so strong that he could see Jin’s outlines… that sometimes he sees the world with Jin’s eyes… then his voice will reach the other. He tried to calm his heart and concentrated.
~Jin… Jin please… hear me… Jin it is not true…. i love you… only you.~ Kazuya said, his fingers entwined, he was praying.
Jin felt he sway a little and could hear Kazuya’s voice call his name… Illusion… hallucination… He got a hold onto the wall and Kame’s father rushed to him for support. He had enough of this, now he deserves pain.. because of his own stupidity… How could he believe Kame is talking to him? To much work and crazy thoughts can really harm. He felt cold, he felt lonely, he felt like he has no purpose to live anymore… Drop that shit life… who needs it? Without Kazuya by his side… who needs it??
„Akanishi-kun you really are not okay, are you feeling sick?” the man asked worried.
„N…no.. I am fine.” Jin replied and tried to force a smile, but he didn’t manage to. He couldn’t look on the girl and he was sure, he can’t face Kame either when the other wakes up.
Kazuya’s mother talked with the girl and the next thing Jin heared made him a little angry, but he was too lost to protest and… what would it bring? He lost Kazuya… lost? What a phase, Kazuya was never his to begin with.
„So, you brought roses to my son every day? And the cranes too? You can do origami well!” She smiled and the girl nodded.
„Yes, I brought them, I would do everything for my beloved Kazuya to wake up.”
Jin clenched his fists and looked away. He couldn’t bear this any longer. He didn’t feel sane anymore. It was he who brought all of them.. but it will be better… For Kazuya, being with a woman… it is the normal thing to do.
What will Kazuya say if he really heard and felt everything he did to him while he was in coma?… Laying helpless…unable to protest… what had he done? Now he was sure he was holding Kazuya back from waking up. Who would want to wake up to a world where his best friend awaits him with such a weird and forbidden… disgusting desire?
„I ..am sorry…I….have to go…Wish your son getting better.” ’I promise Kazuya, I will get out of your way… I will never…never pretend something this selfish again…’ he thought and he knew he can’t hold his tears much longer.
~Noo!! nonono! Jin… Jin… I want Jin…~ the Kazuya in the box sobbed hysterically, his fists physically hurt and he felt exhausted, sad and as if his heart was ripped out of him. Where is Jin’s warmness? Where are Jin’s smooth words? His tears made his face wet and he closed his eyes, unable to stand and he looked at the door. He was shocked. It faded and it went far away.
~Jiiin…please… I… I can’t live… without you….~ He felt weak and left alone. He heard his parents laugh together with his „girlfriend”
~i hate you… whoever you are… I really…hate you…~ Kazuya cried, hugging his shivering body.
~You took my light away… my Jin…~ Kazuya didn’t want to think, didn’t want to feel anything…or..he did… but only one thing… he wanted to feel Jin’s strong arms around him. He shouldn’t lose hope, no he shouldn’t. He has to believe in their bond. Kienai kono kizuna….kizuna… bond… where did these lines come from? He could write a song now… for Jin…
~No no no…just show me…the faith…surely i will..keep it for you…~ he mumbled and was too exhausted to even cry.
~Jin… come back to me… take me away.. Jin…I am so cold…help..me…~
He wanted to shut his ears not to ear what the girl lies. She told storys of him and her, stories which never happened.
Soon he felt a hand in his, it felt strange… it was not the warm hand of Jin he was used to… not those hands which always made him feel safe. Which made his fingers want to dance. Yes.. Jin radiated music… music, warmness and had an area of calmness.
~I miss you Jin… i want you to hold my hand. Noone else! Girl, get away!! Get away!!! Don’t touch me!~ Kazuya felt he will faint, he felt his world is spinning.
„Kazuya my love, I promise we will make wonderful memories.” The girl said and Kazuya’s parents smiled at her.
„We have to go now Chinami-chan.” Mrs Kamenashi said in a calm tone, she was happy his son had such a caring girlfriend. If she knew the truth…
~Mom, dad, no! Don’t go! Don’t leave me alone with her!~ Kazuya panicked and felt scared, he really started to lose consciousness, he never felt like that. Will he die?
„Kazuya…” the girl whispered his name the same way Jin always did, but it felt not so nice, he didn’t want this girl to be here, he didn’t want her to whisper his name lovingly and when he felt her arms embracing his body he wanted to kick and shove.
~No! NOO!! Let me go!! Mom, dad, help!! Bring Jin back!! Bring him back!!~ he cried hard. ~I want my Jin, i want my Jin!!!!!~
Kazuya’s body began to shake and the girl stepped away startled. The parents, who were about to leave turned their heads back and their eyes went wide with worry and shock. Kazuya’s body was shaking furiously, as if he entered into a shock.
„Call a doctor! Hurry!! Call a doctor!” Kazuya’s father shouted at the corridor and all heads turned to him. Tomoko was nearby and she looked at the panicking man. She was a little startled and hurried to call Kame’s doctor.
Kazuya’s mother rushed back to the shaking boy.
„Kazuya!! Kazuya what’s wrong?? Don’t die, please, don’t die!!” she took his hand.
~J…ji..n…~ this was Kazuya’s last coherent thought before he lost his consciousness and everything fade into blackness.
***
When Yamapi arrived at the bar, he was surprised to find Jin there. That baka always came late, so why is he there now? They talked this morning on phone and they said the usual time and it is 21:00…He blinked a few and approached the other. When he reached Jin and wanted to greet him his eyes grew wide and couldn’t say a word. There were more than 10 medium sized empty glasses in front of Jin, Pi guessed it was vodka in them earlier.
The other seemed to be stressed, as he drank the 11th in one breath. He saw Jin’s red eyes and the sad expression as Jin called for the waiter „one more!”
Pi shook his head to the waiter and he nodded in agreement.
„Jin!” The NewS leader sat down next to the boy.
„What? Just… give me one more… and one more.. and..” Jin grabbed the empty glass and raised it up shouting „waiter!”
„No Jin, no! You’ve had enough!!” Yamapi made him put the glass down but Jin snapped at him.
„Dun tell me what to do!!” He seemed so tired and if Yamapi hadn’t known him he wouldn’t have recognized him now. Jin seemed like an other man… with eyes wet, probably from crying, his expression so lifeless Yamapi really started to worry.
„Oh God, what’s wrong Jin?” He grabbed the other’s shoulder and he was surprised, Jin let him, he was like an immobile doll. Jin looked away, saying nothing.
„Man, you really scare me! Talk! A girl dumped you? Or something happened with Kamenashi?” Pi was horrified.
~Dump…Kame….?~ Jin thought, these were the only thing he could hear. Yes.. he felt like it… that Kame dumped him.. but how could he have? They were never together.
„I was an ass…” Jin started and he grabbed the glass so much it broke in his hand and cut his palm, the blood slowly flown from it onto the desk.
„God, Jin!! Are you allright?” Yamapi grabbed Jin’s hand and asked the waiter for something he can bandage it with.
„How could I?? How??” Jin shouted and Yamapi realized he should get Jin out of here and bring him home immediately.
„What did you do?”
„How could I be… so selfish?... I deserve this now… I… How could I think he loves me??”
Yamapi frowned and looked up at Jin’s face from his hand.
'HE??'
„What?”
Jin started to cry, his tears flown from his eyes and he grabbed Pi’s shoulder and pulled him close, crying more.
„Jin… what are you talking about? You are drunk… you don’t make sense.”
„I acted like his lover!! Bringing him roses every day… making him present… I …how could I?!”
Pi’s eyes widened.
„Y…you mean.. Kamenashi?” Pi was shocked but hugged Jin back, letting the other cry on his shoulder.
„H..He has a girlfriend… he can’t love me… how could I think it… how..?”
„I will bring you home, calm down Jin.”
„I… can’t bear this anymore…the accident… it was my fault…and now this…” Jin couldn’t make coherent sentences anymore as he clinged on Yamapi for support.
„Baka, how could it have been your fault?” Pi was worried beyond belief.
„That damn car wanted to hit me!! H….he… pushed me.. out of the way.. I…i am..fault…should…i should be the one…lying there….I…” Jin was too tired to even cry, he did nothing else the whole day since he got into the bar hours ago.
Yamapi was shocked. They all didn’t know how the accident happened. Is it true? Kame did all that to save Jin? Kame was always a mystery to him. Jin was his best friend and he could see how Kame disliked it sometimes. And as for Jin… he acted strange towards Kame, Yamapi could tell. He knew Jin for a long time now and studied his behaviour.
„It is not your fault.. you didn't ask him to save you.”
„I wanted…him..i want him… I … don’t accept this… I love him… I” Jin mumbled half unconscious.
„Hey Jin, enough shhhh…. everything will be allright…” Yamapi didn’t really know how to handle the situation. He was worried and wanted to know the details, he wanted to help them. Kamenashi…has a girlfriend? Nah.. it was something new to him. Not long ago he talked with Kazuya about love only out of joke when they filmed Nobuta together and Kame told he has noone… but yes, times change…
He looked at Jin who was now unconscious in his arms. He shook his head worriedly.
„Bakanishi…”
That was the time Jin’s mobile phone rang. He looked around and decided to look at it. There was a number but no name attached to it, so the caller was not in Jin’s phonebook. Yamapi thought he should ignore it, but he felt it is important, so he decided to answer it.
„Akanishi-san?!” came the desperate and crying voice of a woman.
„Moshimoshi, Jin is away at the-„ Yamapi stopped as the woman didn’t even let him to finish his sentence.
„Kazuya got… worse…” the woman cried and Yamapi’s eyes widened.
„I will be right there!” He told and hung the phone up, looking at the unmoving man in his arms. He should bring Jin home and then go to the hospital to see what happened.
He carried Jin to his car and layed him in it, while he sat down to the driver seat and stepped on the gas, trying to digest all that happened that day.
„KAT-TUN is so problematic…” He shook his head worried and sped down the streets.
**
TBC
AN: Sorry that it took me that long to update. And sorry that it is still so sad ^^” And no, Kame didn’t die, don’t worry. As always, comments are love <3
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Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
CHAPTER 8
Jin felt happy and full of hope. Kazuya was better, he hadn’t woken up yet but Jin was positive he will soon. He couldn’t wait it, he felt so impatient. He daydreamed about situations he will make happen when his love was finally awake. How he will welcome him, hold him in his arms, whispering sweet things, and ah, he will arrange a welcome party for him.
He made a crane and played with it, danced it between his fingers smiling, looking at it but not really paying attention to it.
He felt tired. Last night he woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep from excitement. He couldn’t help but smile as he imagined maybe Kazuya will open his eyes to the world soon.
He let his head rest on the desk watching the pink bird still and he chuckled.
Pink… The color of love, happiness and… lovesickness. Yes, he really felt lovesick. For a very long time now. For him Kazuya was everything. Every time he closed his eyes Kazuya was there, smiling or laughing sweetly and now that he closed his eyes it hadn’t been different. He immediately started thinking of Kazuya and with a little smile on his face he drifted to sleep.
**
He was so excited, standing in front of Kazuya’s hospital room. With a determined nod he stepped into the room and his eyes grew wide.
Kazuya sat in the bed, gazing out of the window, his brown hair past his shoulders which gave him the look of a princess. He was so graceful no woman could ever be. ’He is perfect…’ Jin thought and his heart raced. The young man turned his head in the direction of the door, and his face brightened, a smile marked his beautiful lips.
Jin was amazed as every time he was when he looked at Kazuya. His mouth unable to be closed, his breathings unsteady.
„Jin…” Kazuya whispered to the boy who only could just stand there. He was so happy, too happy to move. Kazuya… his Kazuya returned.
„..Jin?” Kazuya started to look sad and extended an arm in the direction of the older boy. There was tears of happiness in the corner of Jin’s eyes as he ran to the bed, hugging the other tightly.
„Kazuya…Kazuya!!” he cried and felt the hug is returned. „Y..You are here… you are really here… awake and.. I..” Kazuya felt Jin pull away to look into his eyes. He saw the tears run down the older man’s face and his eyes reflected unsureness and fear.
„Yes, I am finally awake but… what’s wrong?” Kazuya wiped his tears away.
„I…I ….when you were in coma …you know…” Jin started and Kazuya began to realize what the other is babbling about. He smiled warmly at Jin and leaned in to kiss his lips.
„I love you too Jin.” he smiled but as he wanted to kiss him again Jin heard a song „Ima wa kurushikute…setsunakute nageku koto mo~” ehh? Kazuya is here kissing him, how can he sing? And why is everything fading? Kazuya? Hey.. Kazuya?
„Kazu..ya?” he mumbled and opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was his desk and the pink crane. He rose up from his half laying position and sat on the chair stretching his sore arms, looking at his ringing mobile phone.
„So… my cellphone.. damn… I’m gonna kill the one who called…….” he checked the screen and read „Yamapi”. He raised his eyebrows and answered it with a lethargic tone. He wanted to continue his dream!
„Yeah?”
„Jin! What’s up? Hangover again?” Yamapi laughed at the other end of the line. Jin hissed at him.
„What? You forgot to speak? You were at a party last night? With hot chicks?” Yamapi’s voice was teasing.
„No. I just… ehh.. woke up and had a nice dream…” Jin rose from the chair and said a faint „oww” because of his sore back.
„You alright Jin?”
„Yes, I am, just slept in a weird position…” Jin yawned.
„How many girls were in the dream…?” Yamapi laughed loudly.
„None…” Jin touched his forehead to the desk.
„Ehh?! You turned gay?” Pi joked and at that Jin’s head popped up and blushed a little… was he gay? He was falling for Kazuya… no… he already was madly in love with Kazuya… but the thought of any other men naked made him sick. Only Kazuya didn’t. When he was thinking of Kazuya he felt warmness, love, so wonderful. Just Kazuya and no other guys.
„Pi…” He said in a sarcastic tone.
„Okay okay, anyway, lately we meet so rarely, what about meeting me in the evening and go for a drink? You could give me infos about how Kame had been, I don’t have time to visit him much and… I am sure you do.” Yamapi suggested.
„Okay. At the usual place the usual time then. And…err… yeah….” Was Jin’s reply, but his mind was still on the dream he had.
„Gottcha. But… Bakanishi…”
„Hm?” Jin raised an eyebrow.
„Glance at the clock…” as he heard this he glanced at it and popped up right away.
„Shit!! I am going to be late from work!”
„Yup yup!”
„Bastard, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Jin hurried to dress, stumbled in his way and hit the desk.
’owww!!’
„I didn't know you are at home.”
„Lame excuse Yamapink!”
„Anyway, hurry, I am already here.”
„Hah! Nice!” Jin hung the phone up but he didn’t forget to looking at the picture of Kazuya he kept on the desk and smiled at him.
„It was a dream now, but I know that we will be together soon Kazu-chan!” With this, and a shouting of „itteki~” Jin left his house in a hurry.
**
After work Jin was more than glad to go pack his things and go to the hospital. He felt excited and imagined his dream becomes reality, he dared to imagine so far that he will go home hand in hand with Kazuya today.. ah, it would be so nice! He didn’t wait until evening. He simply couldn’t. He hummed a song as he parked a car at the parking lot of the hospital. How lucky he was, the work ended earlier than usual and the other guys decided to hang out together somewhere, they mentioned where but Jin didn’t really care.
It was around 14:00 and he decided he will spend his whole day on Kazuya’s side. He pulled his baseball cap more on his head and took on the sunglass, he had to cover his identity on street, paparazzis are everywhere. He hurried to the building and pushed the elevator button to Kazuya’s floor. In his way along the corridor he met Tomoko, who greeted him with a blush.
„K…Konnichi wa Akanishi-san!”
„Yo!” was Jin’s reply and he hurried to the room where Kazuya was, of course carrying a rose and the crane was in his bag.
„A rose again?” the girl was surprised and confused. Why does Akanishi bring Kamenashi a rose?… And this is the second time...
She shrugged and started to walk back to continue her work but she stoped suddenly.
~Can it be all the roses to Kamenashi was brought by Akanishi?~ The girl was so curious.
She decided she will find out and with silent steps she tiptoed to the door of Kazuya’s room. She slowly opened it but just a little bit and peeked in. The view shocked her, she lost her breath and her eyes widened.
She couldn’t believe it. Akanishi, sitting on the edge of the bed leaning on Kamenashi and kisses his lips.
The girl immediately looked away, a furious blush covered her face and she walked away from the scene feeling angry, jealous and her world seemed to scatter into pieces. Her idol, her big love Akanishi Jin is….gay?
No!! Surely not! It.. it can’t be, Jin always said in interview how annoyed he feels when someone ask him about what his relationship is to Kame, saying they are not together like that. And yes… Jin can’t be gay… not with those girls all around him in the magazines and parazzi photos… She promised herself she won’t let it. Jin will be hers. It has to be a mistake… Or she didn’t see well.
She picked her phone out of her pocket and dialed a number.
„Moshi moshi!”
„Chinami? I need help!” Tomoko said determined. She walked back and hide herself, listening to what Jin was saying.
Meanwhile back in the room Jin and Kazuya didn’t know what awaited them. Jin was now sitting on the chair and chuckled as he was busy to talk to Kazuya about his dream and how he imagines the future together with him.
„And then you said: „I love you too Jin” Jin’s eyes shone bright and smiled at Kazuya who.. of course didn’t respond.
~Ah Jin! I wish I dreamed the same, but I have dreams about you.. no.. not just you, about us too. Ah, once I dreamed about our honeymoon, I am so baka!~ If Kazuya could have blush he would have now. And he wished nothing more than to just be able to say this to Jin out loud.
The Kazuya in the box could walk around now and he was just one step away from the door.
„How I wish you’d say these words to me one day.” Jin sighed and caressed the other’s face.
~Jin! I will! I will say it to you so many times that you will get bored of it. I will tell you every day… After every sentence, no no, after every word! I love you Akanishi Jin! Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouuu!!~
Kazuya could jump from joy. Ah, this damn coma, he really had enough of it. He could have a nice life along Jin’s side, he would even sacrifice his carrier, nothing mattered to him just Jin. Kazuya felt how he gets better every day, how Jin’s voice fills him with hope and willingness for living.
„I love you too Kazuya.” It was the sentence that got Kazuya back from his thoughts and he was surprised. Jin answered him? But it can’t be… Jin heard him? He noticed how sometimes he actually sees Jin’s shiluette, how he i moving without opening his eyes. Their bond started to turn transcendence and kazuya knew it is really rare. Only if he could send messages to Jin through this bond… Buti t seemed it is not strong enough yet.
„Uhh… I mean.. haha.. I could swear I heard you think that. I begin to get paranoid I think.” Jin rubbed his head and blushed a little, as if he heard Kazuya’s voice somewhere deep inside his head, as if sometimes he sees the world with an eyes of someone other… at that times he sees a door, framed with light, and he is just sitting there and can’t go there, can’t open it. He had these visions more often nowdays and he didn’t really know what to make of it.
~Jin…~
„Just the others shouldn’t know it or else they will call me Paranoidnishi…” He chuckled and the Kazuya in the box chuckled too.
~silly.~
Tomoko decided she heard enough and figured out the situation quickly. She walked into the elevator thinking. she was feeling a little guilty but excited too. It is sure just a fling, Kame and Jin can’t be real. No way. Tomoko remembered the first time she saw KAT-TUN sing together and she always went to their concerts. It was heaven, at that time she couldn’t tore his eyes off of Jin. Next to her, fans were screaming „AkaKame” all the way, and it really annoyed her. Why does everyone think they are gay? This Akakame thing is nothing more than marketing. And what Jin says, it is fact. And Jin said they are just friends. Tomoko tried to erase the scene she just saw minutes ago. She always disliked Kame. Although she never believed int hat the „Akakame couple” are together that way, but she couldn’t help but feeling jealous of Kazuya every time Jin looked at him. She brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and heard the elevator arrived to its destination.
When she got out of it she simply waited, leaning her back against the wall at the entrance, waited for her companion to come. She had a plan she surely will succeed in.
Back in the room Jin was playing with one of the cranes, made them fly with moving their wings with his fingers and spoke instead of them, imitating actors and comedians in hilarious way.
Kazuya was more than stunned when he realized… he sees Jin. Nothing more, not where he sits, not where he himself lies, just Jin. As if he was sitting in front of the Kazuya in the box. Kazuya blushed and his eyes filed with happiness and became wet, as he extended his hand towards Jin, trying desperately to touch him, to tell him „I see you, i am here…hold me!” but the more far his hands could reach, more and more distance got between them. Kazuya stepped some steps but he collapsed exhausted. He just sat there, watching Jin and soon a small smile formed on his lips, watching his love playing and talking to him. He didn’t know how it is possible, but he was grateful he can see the other.
~Jin… only if I could touch you… to go and sit by you… ~ but he knew, he shouldn’t be that discontent. He should be glad for the amount he can get now. How strange human being is… There is never enough. First humans say: it is enough only if I see what I want… then they are like: no, I want to touch it… and at the end: I want to possess it.
Kazuya felt a little guilty. He was like that too, he could never get enough of Jin. Of his Jin…
~Jin is already mine, isn’t he? Noone can change it, ne?~ He suddenly had a bad feeling, he couldn’t really know why, just he felt something will happen. He looked at Jin who didn’t know he is being watched and felt more worry.
~But… I see Jin… so, everything got better… Why am I so negative now? Nothing will happen, nothing!~
He looked away and when he looked back he didn’t see Jin anymore, but felt warm breath upon his face. The Kazuya in the box blushed immediately.
„And Kazu-chan… I will just do this after I asked you to marry me.” What was Jin talking about? Kazuya was so lost in his thoughts that he lost track of what his love is talking to him about and now it surprised him, and he blushed furiously.
~M..marry? Oh yes! yes yes!!~
He could almost feel Jin’s lips on his when he heard the door opens.
Jin quickly sat back and tried to hide his blush and racing heartbeat, he hoped they are not discovered. He slowly looked at the direction of the door to see who the visitor is.
„Oh Akanishi-kun, it’s a surprise to see you here.” Kazuya’s mother smiled while bowing her head and Jin quickly regained composure and bowed back to the two adults.
„Thank you for visiting our son again.” Kame’s father said and they walked to the bed, greeting their son.
„Kazuya, we are here. How are you today?” his mother took his hand and couldn’t hide the hope that his son will answer him this time. But no miracle happened.
~Mom, dad!~ the Kazuya in the box smiled happily. ~Good that you are here! Nee! I am so happy, when I wake up I will marry Jin! Please mother, call him Jin from now on, not Akanishi, he is part of our family.~ Kazuya said as if his voice reached is parents. But of course it reached noone. He was being used to this by now, but it still made him sad a little.
And as for the marriage.. nah.. he knew it will not be that easy. And now they both are too desperate, they speak about everything but things won’t be so carefree when they have to face reality. They are idols, stars… everyone’s idols. They are not allowed to fall in love, Kazuya sometimes had the feeling they are not even allowed to have feelings. Johnny told them everything, how to move, how to act, how to behave with each other. And Johnny didn’t like when he is with Jin.
He was getting more and more impatient and looked at the door determined. His eyes widened as he could go to it and grab the knob. His heart raced, one second felt like hours and his trembling hand pushed the doorknob down, preparing to go to the outside world. At last… he will be free… the first thing he will do is jump out of the bed and into Jin’s arms… and then tell his parents about them… and then kissing Jin and hugging him…and then… and then… He was so excited.
But his face fell… the door was locked. Kazuya felt like crying, he was so happy that he finally can be with the ones he loves, but… it seemed he has to wait some more. He collapsed disappointed and sighed.
~Damn the waiting. I want out I want out!! Help me, Jin help me! Say you love me… and then it will open I am sure… just… come here, sit here next to me.. hold my hand… kiss me again… Jin… I want to be by your side… I want to be with you so badly… why is fate so cruel?~
Kazuya felt desperate but calm at the same time. He felt Jin’s presence and it made him calm. It always did. When he was awake, lately they had not bee non good terms… or it was what it seemed. Kazuya realized everything is acting… now he understood all. Being in come cleared his mind and made him look at things differently. Like this he knew now why Jin was so cold, and he just now understood his own behaviour.
~I won’t give up hope do you hear me Jin? I won’t. We will be together very soon. Ganbarimasu Jin!~
„I am glad that your son is better Kamenashi-san, when I came here that day I found Kazu--- Kamenashi’s room empty and I thought the worst happened… but I was relieved that it was all good. He doen’t need the machines anymore, it is great!” Jin smiled buti n his head he slapped himself and thought: Remember not to say Kazuya in front of his parents… say Kamenashi! Kamenashi Kamenashi… Wahh, why is this so hard?
„Oh, so you visit our son often?” Kame’s mother seemed glad.
„Ermm.. y..yes… when I have time that is…” Jin tried to sound normal, not too nervous, but he doubted he succeeded it.
~ Yes yes! He is here every day mother, be proud of him, he cares for me so much! Mother, he loves me so much! I wish I could tell you how happy I am when he is here. Mom, I am so much in love.~ Kazuya chuckled in his thoughts and he imagined the day when he will tell this to his parents.
Before the parents could say anything else they heard the door open once again. They turned around to see who it is and they got a little surprised.
Kazuya’s nurse was standing there with an unknown girl, who looked quite shocked as she looked at Kazuya.
„Oh God… Kazuya…” she was nearly in tears. Kazuya’s parents turned to the girl and asked who she is. Jin was at a loss of words. Who could this girl be? And why is she calling his Kame ’Kazuya’?
The Kazuya in the box stopped daydreaming and his happy thoughts soon vanished. This voice was unknown. And… why is someone he not even know calls him Kazuya?
„I’m sorry, do I know you? I am Kazuya’s mother.” the woman asked kindly and the girl bowed deeply.
„Oh I am sorry I was rude I should introduce myself first.” she walked to the parents and smiled. „My name is Wada Chinami. I am Kazuya’s…. girlfriend.” The girl said and blushed a little.
Jin’s heart froze and he felt it stopped beating for a second. He was shocked and his eyes wide, he felt his legs start to tremble and he was about to faint… ’girlfriend…? K..Kazuya has a ….girlfriend?’ Jin felt like crying, his world turned upside down.
~WHAT?!?! My what?!?~ the Kazuya in the box lost his breath and he jumped up from his sitting position. ~It is not true! I don’t have a girlfriend! I don’t!!~ He ran to the door and desperately tried to open it, pulling the knob and then shoving his fists against it. He felt angry a little. How dare someone come here and lie like that? And anyway, how could fans know where he is? The JE told he is abroad as far as he knew, so how could a fan knew he is here?
„Oh dear… I didn’t know our son has a girlfriend. Did you know Akanishi-san?” Mrs Kamenashi asked and looked at the young man with a smile but her smile frowned as she observed her son’s friend. Jin looked like he could faint at any minute, his eyes still wide and a horrified mixed surprise was viewable on his face.
„Are you allright Akanishi-kun? You look pale… maybe you should sit down.” the woman said concerned.
„N..no… I..am..allright…yeah…i am…” Jin stuttered out, trying to get out of the shock. Allright? He was more than not allright. He felt like throwing up from the sudden shock and not even aware of his surrounding anymore. He saw his daydreaming image as photos that started to burn and only ashes remained. Ashes that were blew away by the wind and got changed by Kame smiling next to this girl… It was terrible! It was… unbearable…
What had he done? He pretended he is Kazuya’s lover… he even kissed him… caressed him… told him things… he managed to be caged by his own fantasies, telling himself it is reality and he believed it as time went by… Believed it.. .without confirmation of Kazuya… His dreams got scattered and now his soul was in pieces, his heart ached… ’I deserve it… it is all my fault…’
~Jin?~ the Kazuya in the box was startled and his tears began to flown down his face.
~Jin!! It is not true!! Jiiiiin!~ He hit the door more with his fits and sobbed, his tears fell uncontrolled down his cheeks. ~I love only you Jin! I… don’t need any girl.. she is a liar… Jin! Don’t believe her!!~
No matter how hard Kazuya cried he knew noone hears him. He knew, if Jin lied there and a girl went there saying she is Jin’s girlfriend he would believe it too.
He suddenly felt pain… pain in his heart, he felt Jin’s pain… He could understand what the man felt, but not just that, he really felt it physically. He touched the spot on his chest where his heart was and clenched it while he cried more. He felt lost. What could he do?
The happiness he felt earlier was no longer present. It changed to desperation and sadness… and fear. Fear of losing Jin, of losing the light of his life.. the purpose of living. He hated the girl. He hated her with all his heart. Why? Why does someone lie like this?
~I want to be by Jin’s side… by his side forever… Jin… please…~ Here, Kazuya had a thought. If their bond is so strong that he could see Jin’s outlines… that sometimes he sees the world with Jin’s eyes… then his voice will reach the other. He tried to calm his heart and concentrated.
~Jin… Jin please… hear me… Jin it is not true…. i love you… only you.~ Kazuya said, his fingers entwined, he was praying.
Jin felt he sway a little and could hear Kazuya’s voice call his name… Illusion… hallucination… He got a hold onto the wall and Kame’s father rushed to him for support. He had enough of this, now he deserves pain.. because of his own stupidity… How could he believe Kame is talking to him? To much work and crazy thoughts can really harm. He felt cold, he felt lonely, he felt like he has no purpose to live anymore… Drop that shit life… who needs it? Without Kazuya by his side… who needs it??
„Akanishi-kun you really are not okay, are you feeling sick?” the man asked worried.
„N…no.. I am fine.” Jin replied and tried to force a smile, but he didn’t manage to. He couldn’t look on the girl and he was sure, he can’t face Kame either when the other wakes up.
Kazuya’s mother talked with the girl and the next thing Jin heared made him a little angry, but he was too lost to protest and… what would it bring? He lost Kazuya… lost? What a phase, Kazuya was never his to begin with.
„So, you brought roses to my son every day? And the cranes too? You can do origami well!” She smiled and the girl nodded.
„Yes, I brought them, I would do everything for my beloved Kazuya to wake up.”
Jin clenched his fists and looked away. He couldn’t bear this any longer. He didn’t feel sane anymore. It was he who brought all of them.. but it will be better… For Kazuya, being with a woman… it is the normal thing to do.
What will Kazuya say if he really heard and felt everything he did to him while he was in coma?… Laying helpless…unable to protest… what had he done? Now he was sure he was holding Kazuya back from waking up. Who would want to wake up to a world where his best friend awaits him with such a weird and forbidden… disgusting desire?
„I ..am sorry…I….have to go…Wish your son getting better.” ’I promise Kazuya, I will get out of your way… I will never…never pretend something this selfish again…’ he thought and he knew he can’t hold his tears much longer.
~Noo!! nonono! Jin… Jin… I want Jin…~ the Kazuya in the box sobbed hysterically, his fists physically hurt and he felt exhausted, sad and as if his heart was ripped out of him. Where is Jin’s warmness? Where are Jin’s smooth words? His tears made his face wet and he closed his eyes, unable to stand and he looked at the door. He was shocked. It faded and it went far away.
~Jiiin…please… I… I can’t live… without you….~ He felt weak and left alone. He heard his parents laugh together with his „girlfriend”
~i hate you… whoever you are… I really…hate you…~ Kazuya cried, hugging his shivering body.
~You took my light away… my Jin…~ Kazuya didn’t want to think, didn’t want to feel anything…or..he did… but only one thing… he wanted to feel Jin’s strong arms around him. He shouldn’t lose hope, no he shouldn’t. He has to believe in their bond. Kienai kono kizuna….kizuna… bond… where did these lines come from? He could write a song now… for Jin…
~No no no…just show me…the faith…surely i will..keep it for you…~ he mumbled and was too exhausted to even cry.
~Jin… come back to me… take me away.. Jin…I am so cold…help..me…~
He wanted to shut his ears not to ear what the girl lies. She told storys of him and her, stories which never happened.
Soon he felt a hand in his, it felt strange… it was not the warm hand of Jin he was used to… not those hands which always made him feel safe. Which made his fingers want to dance. Yes.. Jin radiated music… music, warmness and had an area of calmness.
~I miss you Jin… i want you to hold my hand. Noone else! Girl, get away!! Get away!!! Don’t touch me!~ Kazuya felt he will faint, he felt his world is spinning.
„Kazuya my love, I promise we will make wonderful memories.” The girl said and Kazuya’s parents smiled at her.
„We have to go now Chinami-chan.” Mrs Kamenashi said in a calm tone, she was happy his son had such a caring girlfriend. If she knew the truth…
~Mom, dad, no! Don’t go! Don’t leave me alone with her!~ Kazuya panicked and felt scared, he really started to lose consciousness, he never felt like that. Will he die?
„Kazuya…” the girl whispered his name the same way Jin always did, but it felt not so nice, he didn’t want this girl to be here, he didn’t want her to whisper his name lovingly and when he felt her arms embracing his body he wanted to kick and shove.
~No! NOO!! Let me go!! Mom, dad, help!! Bring Jin back!! Bring him back!!~ he cried hard. ~I want my Jin, i want my Jin!!!!!~
Kazuya’s body began to shake and the girl stepped away startled. The parents, who were about to leave turned their heads back and their eyes went wide with worry and shock. Kazuya’s body was shaking furiously, as if he entered into a shock.
„Call a doctor! Hurry!! Call a doctor!” Kazuya’s father shouted at the corridor and all heads turned to him. Tomoko was nearby and she looked at the panicking man. She was a little startled and hurried to call Kame’s doctor.
Kazuya’s mother rushed back to the shaking boy.
„Kazuya!! Kazuya what’s wrong?? Don’t die, please, don’t die!!” she took his hand.
~J…ji..n…~ this was Kazuya’s last coherent thought before he lost his consciousness and everything fade into blackness.
***
When Yamapi arrived at the bar, he was surprised to find Jin there. That baka always came late, so why is he there now? They talked this morning on phone and they said the usual time and it is 21:00…He blinked a few and approached the other. When he reached Jin and wanted to greet him his eyes grew wide and couldn’t say a word. There were more than 10 medium sized empty glasses in front of Jin, Pi guessed it was vodka in them earlier.
The other seemed to be stressed, as he drank the 11th in one breath. He saw Jin’s red eyes and the sad expression as Jin called for the waiter „one more!”
Pi shook his head to the waiter and he nodded in agreement.
„Jin!” The NewS leader sat down next to the boy.
„What? Just… give me one more… and one more.. and..” Jin grabbed the empty glass and raised it up shouting „waiter!”
„No Jin, no! You’ve had enough!!” Yamapi made him put the glass down but Jin snapped at him.
„Dun tell me what to do!!” He seemed so tired and if Yamapi hadn’t known him he wouldn’t have recognized him now. Jin seemed like an other man… with eyes wet, probably from crying, his expression so lifeless Yamapi really started to worry.
„Oh God, what’s wrong Jin?” He grabbed the other’s shoulder and he was surprised, Jin let him, he was like an immobile doll. Jin looked away, saying nothing.
„Man, you really scare me! Talk! A girl dumped you? Or something happened with Kamenashi?” Pi was horrified.
~Dump…Kame….?~ Jin thought, these were the only thing he could hear. Yes.. he felt like it… that Kame dumped him.. but how could he have? They were never together.
„I was an ass…” Jin started and he grabbed the glass so much it broke in his hand and cut his palm, the blood slowly flown from it onto the desk.
„God, Jin!! Are you allright?” Yamapi grabbed Jin’s hand and asked the waiter for something he can bandage it with.
„How could I?? How??” Jin shouted and Yamapi realized he should get Jin out of here and bring him home immediately.
„What did you do?”
„How could I be… so selfish?... I deserve this now… I… How could I think he loves me??”
Yamapi frowned and looked up at Jin’s face from his hand.
'HE??'
„What?”
Jin started to cry, his tears flown from his eyes and he grabbed Pi’s shoulder and pulled him close, crying more.
„Jin… what are you talking about? You are drunk… you don’t make sense.”
„I acted like his lover!! Bringing him roses every day… making him present… I …how could I?!”
Pi’s eyes widened.
„Y…you mean.. Kamenashi?” Pi was shocked but hugged Jin back, letting the other cry on his shoulder.
„H..He has a girlfriend… he can’t love me… how could I think it… how..?”
„I will bring you home, calm down Jin.”
„I… can’t bear this anymore…the accident… it was my fault…and now this…” Jin couldn’t make coherent sentences anymore as he clinged on Yamapi for support.
„Baka, how could it have been your fault?” Pi was worried beyond belief.
„That damn car wanted to hit me!! H….he… pushed me.. out of the way.. I…i am..fault…should…i should be the one…lying there….I…” Jin was too tired to even cry, he did nothing else the whole day since he got into the bar hours ago.
Yamapi was shocked. They all didn’t know how the accident happened. Is it true? Kame did all that to save Jin? Kame was always a mystery to him. Jin was his best friend and he could see how Kame disliked it sometimes. And as for Jin… he acted strange towards Kame, Yamapi could tell. He knew Jin for a long time now and studied his behaviour.
„It is not your fault.. you didn't ask him to save you.”
„I wanted…him..i want him… I … don’t accept this… I love him… I” Jin mumbled half unconscious.
„Hey Jin, enough shhhh…. everything will be allright…” Yamapi didn’t really know how to handle the situation. He was worried and wanted to know the details, he wanted to help them. Kamenashi…has a girlfriend? Nah.. it was something new to him. Not long ago he talked with Kazuya about love only out of joke when they filmed Nobuta together and Kame told he has noone… but yes, times change…
He looked at Jin who was now unconscious in his arms. He shook his head worriedly.
„Bakanishi…”
That was the time Jin’s mobile phone rang. He looked around and decided to look at it. There was a number but no name attached to it, so the caller was not in Jin’s phonebook. Yamapi thought he should ignore it, but he felt it is important, so he decided to answer it.
„Akanishi-san?!” came the desperate and crying voice of a woman.
„Moshimoshi, Jin is away at the-„ Yamapi stopped as the woman didn’t even let him to finish his sentence.
„Kazuya got… worse…” the woman cried and Yamapi’s eyes widened.
„I will be right there!” He told and hung the phone up, looking at the unmoving man in his arms. He should bring Jin home and then go to the hospital to see what happened.
He carried Jin to his car and layed him in it, while he sat down to the driver seat and stepped on the gas, trying to digest all that happened that day.
„KAT-TUN is so problematic…” He shook his head worried and sped down the streets.
**
TBC
AN: Sorry that it took me that long to update. And sorry that it is still so sad ^^” And no, Kame didn’t die, don’t worry. As always, comments are love <3
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