#Fic# Unable to respond //Chapter 11//
Title: Unable to respond /chapter 11/
Pairing: Akame
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
Heavy atmosphere filled the room, as four worried boys waited for their bandmate to arrive. Their hearts were filled with questions… they couldn’t believe it. That article was surely just a trash.
The part about Kazuya’s whereabout was true, they all knew it. And no matter how many time had passed, no matter how much they waited for the youngest member to be a part of their life again, Kazuya’s eyes remained close to the world.
Ueda knew Kazuya is aware of everything that was happening around him, but he hoped this time his intuation was wrong. It would be the best if Kazuya was unaware of the happenings, unaware of everything…
And as for Jin… Ueda looked through the facade the A of KAT-TUN created. Every time they were talking about Kazuya the eyes of his friend revealed his sorrow. There was no possibility that Jin caused the accident. Ueda knew how protective the boy was when it came to Kazuya, saw the inner battles of his friend, and….most importantly… he saw the feelings the other tried so hard to surpress. He wanted to help Jin so much, but he knew, there is nothing he can do. Jin has to come to term with himself, this battle must be fought alone. This is his battle. And he believed Jin will come out of it as a winner.
But now, with the media and the hatred of people, Jin cannot fight alone… and this battle is different than the war with his feelings. In this battle, Ueda decided he will be on Jin’s side and help him. He was sure someone is in the background.. someone who is playing a dirty game. An evil creature who wants Jin to fall.
Ueda glanced at the clock. He knew how hard it was for Jin to come to work, but he hoped the other will be strong enough.
**
„You know you can’t hide forever.” Yamapi sighed as he watched how Jin sat in his chair in his apartment, with a distant, thoughful expression on his face. Jin was sometimes annoying with his behaviour, he behaves like a child, can be selfish and an idiot, but Yamapi would have given all of his being to see Jin like that again. Now looking at Jin was enough for him to feel heartache.
„I am not hiding.” Stated the man and stoop up with a rather determined expression. He couldn’t do anything else, he had to face the world. He had to go out and be the target of the media, of hatred, of speculation. He didn’t know if he was really ready for it or just wanted to be ready. Neverthless he walked past Yamapi and grabbed his bag.
Yamapi… Jin was more than grateful to this man. Pi decided to stay with him in his apartment and told that wathever battle Jin is facing they will face it together. True friendship shows when you are in trouble. Jin knew this saying and he knew, he really has true friends. At least one.
Pi stole a glance at Jin’s exhasuted face the other tried to hide. But Jin looked determined as well. ’Jin is strong enough. He is. Pain makes you stronger. He won’t fail.’ The NewS leader tried to make himself calm with these thoughts.
„You ready?” Pi asked as he took his own bag into his hand as well. He recieved a nod.
„Good then. Let’s go.” he said and tried to smile, patted Jin’s shoulder. The other said nothing and went ahead, but stopped as Pi shouted after him.
„Jin!”
Said person looked back.
„No matter what happens, just remember, lies can’t win. And that I am always here for you. We have to keep the faith and hope.”
„You say lies can’t win? Reality is never so truthful.” Jin said in a calm tone of voice. He looked as if he was blank inside. So calm but so emotionless in the same time. „Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.” He said, looking into Pi’s eyes and got into his car, waiting for the stunned Pi to join.
’What did he say?’ Pi’s eyes widened. It was not a sentence Akanishi Jin would say. The boy always hoped, until the last minute, this made him so strong. Pi couldn’t believe it. It really was the last sentence what he thought he would hear from Jin. From a day to another Jin became a total adult person. The cute bakaness vanishing completely with an icemasked feeling taking its place.
The drive to work was silent. Pi was driving, he wouldn’t have felt good if he let Jin drive and Jin didn’t insist he want to, as it used to be. How he missed the old Jin.
The A of KAT-TUN rested his head against the glass of the window and closed his eyes. He remembered the phone conversation too well.
>FLASHBACK<
„Moshi moshi?” Jin answered his cellphone and was greeted with a crying and broken voice of a woman. He immediately could tell who it was.
„How could you do that?? With what did my son hurt you?? After all what you have done you dare to visit him?! You have guts Akanishi-kun! Get away from him!! Never dare to visit him! Let him in peace! You can’t be that evil!!”
>FLASHBACK end<
Jin sighed. He was accused to be the fault of Kazuya’s accident and he knew he might be kicked out of work, sent far away from Japan and the Entertainment business without the chance to meet Kazuya again. Will he meet him again even in these cirsumstances? Kazuya’s parents asked him to leave their son alone. And maybe that is for the best. Kazuya is happy with his girlfriend, he should be happy.
’I have to move on why is it so hard??’ He thought desperately and wanted to convience him finding a girlfriend would be the best, but he really coulndn’t. He loved Kazuya more than anything else in the world and couldn’t imagine loving someone else. His thoughts were interrupted by the voice of his best friend.
„We are there.” Pi said with a serious tone of voice and glanced at the entrace of the Johnny’s building. There were a few journalist and surely paparazzi hiding nearby. Both boy knew, they were waiting for Jin to arrive.
Pi tried to calm and encourage himself to get out of the car, but Jin beat him in it as the other boy stepped out of the car with an expressionless face before Pi could do it.
As they were both heading towards the entrace, the ’hungry of information and sensational story’ riporters surrounded Jin and talked at the same time excitedly.
„Akanishi-san, is it true you caused the accident?”
„Akanishi-saaan! Is it true that the cause of the accident was a girl you both fell in love with and you wanted to punish Kamenashi like this?”
„Akanishi-saaan!”
Jin remained silent and his expression remained emotionless, he didn’t even looked at the riporters.
„Oi! Let him alone!” Pi told as he heared the „Akansihi-san, is it true you hate Kamenashi-san and wanted him to disappear?” question. He was more than just pissed off. How can they even think something like this? Oh, if they knew how Jin loves Kazuya they wouldn’t ask such things. Bloody riporters from some shitteller tabloid magazin.
Jin put his hand on Pi’s shoulder for a second signing him stop, but said nothing, just started to walk into the building.
„Yamashita-san! Is it true you two are lovers and live together?” Was the last question they heared before vanishing into the building. Pi wanted to continue the complaints but Jin’s voice stopped him.
„Let them be.” Was the short reply. „Let them believe what they want.” Jin didn’t care. Since a long time ago he didn’t care. He just simply stopped bothering with it. He hated rumours more than anything. He had plenty of friends, girls and guys and he hated he can’t take his female friends on a drive or walk without being are rumoured to be a couple. People always need something to keep themselves entertained. And this was his supposed scandals and love affairs.
But he can’t go and tell how all of those rumours are shit, the supposed dates with models or this case with Kazuya, so he just started to ignore them. People can believe what they want, although it bothered him he was labeled as a playboy.
Sometimes he felt, being an idol means being the loneliest person in the world. A lot of people surrounds you, but it is all on the surface. If a rumour hits up they always care for it. He was grateful to the type of fans who are not.
But he knew, this case has more weight than the supposed dates though. And now, he has to face a whole world of hatred. Now he is going to see who the real friend is among the people who he had to meet everyday.
**
„He will come. He will come and say it is not true.” Koki snapped at the manager with an angry face.
„Calm down Koki!” Maru stood up from his seat too and went to Koki’s side.
„Yes, and even if it’s not true?! Just look here Tanaka, he is all over the newspapers. Every newspaper speaks about him, just look at it!”
The manager threw a bunch of tabloid magazin onto the table. All four boys looked at them and read the titles.
’Big shock, Akanishi wanted Kamenashi to die?’
’The rival’s fight, Akanishi vs Kamenashi ended up in an accident caused by Akanishi’
And so on. But the most shocking was the article in Friday magazin, which told that Jin wanted to kill Kame because of jealousity. The two had the same girl, they even named the model and that caused Jin to want to kill the traitor Kamenashi and wanted to make it be seen like an accident.
„Who would believe that?! The shit Friday told is even bad for being a drama script!” Koki continued.
„Tanaka, enough! We all know how you feel, but… we can’t let this-„
„We believe in Akanishi!! At least I do! And if Johnny wants to kick him out, we won’t let him so easily!”
Ueda looked at Koki. How cute Koki shows his true side now. He was always picking on Jin and even if Kazuya didn’t realize this, Ueda knew Jin is in love with him. And he thought Koki knew too. That’s why he picked on Jin so much, teased him by acting close to Kame. To force Jin to finally tell Kame his feelings. It was Koki’s way of doing things. Ueda wished he succeeded. But reality was never so easy.
„Do you know who you are talking with?” the manager shouted frustrated. He was not a bad person, just it was beginning to be too much for him to handle.
„Enough, please!” Ueda cut in before Koki could do something unproper thing.
They all felt silent, but Koki and the manager were still watching each other with angry eyes.
„Sorry for being late.” Came a voice which turned all attention to the speaker.
„Akanishi!” Koki immediately ran to his side. „We believe in you Akanishi, no matter what happens!”
„Thanks.” Jin answered briefly and tried to smile briefly with not much success. He looked on every face and saw the sincere worry on them. How cute they are, they really believe in him.
„Akanishi, Johnny-san wants to speak to you.” said the manager striclty. He liked Jin but he knew he can’t do anything to help him now.
„No! He can’t be expelled!” Koki shouted.
„Koki!!” Came Ueda’s loud shout and the rapper fell silent. The unofficial leader of KAT-TUN walked to Jin and looked into his eyes. „Don’t let yourself down Jin. Never give up!” with this he left the room.
’Never give up? What? What did he meant?’ Jin asked in thoughts and left to visit th ebig boss Johnny-san.
„Oi Tacchan, where are you going?” Junno asked but recieved no answer.
**
„You brought a lot of trouble to my jimusho again…” Johnny stated as he looked at the young man standing in front of his desk.
„I am sorry sir.”
„You know the media demands a press conference about this.” Johnny rubbed his chin. Jin looked determined into the eyes of the young man.
„I was really there, but I didn’t want this accident to happen. If the press conference will be held I am ready to face it. But if you want to kick me out sir… I … would like to say, i would understand it. I like being here around my friends but if you think it is for the best that I go, I won’t complain. But first, let me win this battle. I don’t want to disappear with the fact people believe I wanted to harm Kazuya.”
Johnny was silent for a while, just looking at the man with estimating eyes.
„Hmmm. You have guts Akanishi. That’s why I kept you here. I don’t have the intention to kick you out, but maybe a hiatus wouldn’t harm. But we will discuss it later, I have many things to do. You can go.” Johnny looked at his desk and the papers on it.
Jin turned to leave but stopped as he heared Johnny say: „Don’t screw the press conference up! Ganbatte!”
Jin nodded his head shortly and exited the office.
**
Ueda knocked on the room of NewS. Soon it was opened by Ryo who looked at Ueda with a worried expression.
„How is Akanishi?” he asked quietly.
„He will be fine.” Ueda said. „Can you tell Yamapi I want to talk to him alone?”
This question surprised Ryo a little, but neverthless he nodded and shouted inside.
„Piii! Come here, Ueda-kun wants to speak to you.”
Some minutes later Ueda and Yamapi were sitting in a room wth only the two of them. A recording room noone used for quite a long time.
„It is about Jin, isn’t it?” Pi finally asked.
„Yes. We are worried and I personally think there is something very wicked game going on”
„I agree with you. Someone must be in the background. Someone who wants to destroy Jin. I am his best friend. He shares a lot of things with me. Believe me Ueda-kun, he is not the person he could harm anyone, especially not Kamenashi. And not only that, there is something strange in this all. I am sure you read the tabloids… someone wanted to make Jin think I betrayed him.”
„Yes I read all tabloids nowdays that is written about Jin. Don’t misunderstand me, I know him and would never believe in such writings, but I have to read them. This way I know how to protect him more.” Ueda stated. He felt it is a pity if fans think Jin is like the tabloids always write him to be.
„I understand how you feel. This baka is lucky, having two guardian angels at the same time.” Pi chuckled.
„Three.” Ueda smiled.
„Yes three. If that third angel didn’t exist, Jin would have died that day.”
„And now, Jin has to guard and save that angel. I am sure only he can do it.”
„It is 100%.” Pi nodded.
„Pi, I don’t want to talk behind his back, but I need to know if my intuition is true or not. Jin is in love with Kamenashi, isn’t he?” Ueda asked and looked into Pi’s eyes seriously.
„More than you could imagine. After he found out Kazuya has a girlfriend, which I highly doubt, he went into a pub and drank until he was completely drunk. That time he confessed he is in love with Kamenashi. But I think it was obvious…”
„Oh yeah… and that girlfriend.. Chinami, ne? I never heard of her before, Kamenashi never mentioned her and I saw her, she is not the type of women Kamenashi would fall for I think.”
„Yes and she is suspicious. She knew something that was not written in the magazine. How did she know? I think we should keep an eye on her.” Yamapi saw how Ueda nodded.
„And we have to guard Jin… but now we have to go back to work.” Ueda stood up. He was glad Jin had friends like Yamapi. He was about to exit the room when Pi asked:
„By the way, do you think Kamenashi loves Jin?”
„It’s obvious.” Ueda smiled.
Pi shook his head. „Heh. They are so baka, everybody except them knows it.”
„You know Yamapi, I think that tragedys like this deepen their bond and if there will be a happy end, during this time they really notice how important the other is and will live happily together forever.”
Pi sighed and looked up at the white ceiling of the room. „I hope it will be so.”
**
The press conference was sheduled after 2 days and the fate of Jin was going to be decided by the results of that conference.
„I miss him… I miss him so much” Jin was sitting in his car next to Yamapi and was leaning against his seat with eyes closed. He didn’t want to cry. No matter how hard this day was, no matter how dizzy and exhausted he felt, he shouldn’t give up and cry like a child. It was so simple… thinking of sleeping forever and never wake up, to run away form all your trouble… but Jin wasn’t this type.
But it was weird. Not only mentally, he felt also phisically weak since he had not seen Kazuya. It was almost just one day, but the knowing he was forbid to see Kazuya made him lose himself.
Yamapi observed the pale man next to him and answered simply. „Then go see him.”
„I can’t and you know that.” Jin sighed and opened his eyes.
„Jin, fight for your love. You can’t give up this easily. Go to his parents, tell them what happened. You have to tell them. Do it for Kazuya!” Pi’s voice was kind but harsh at the same time.
„For him? It is the best for him if I stay away.”
„Jin! Even you can’t be this baka!! Don’t you see what’s going on here? You buried yourself into your misery too much and are unable to see things clearly because of it. Just open your eyes. Why do you think you saw Kamenashi on that rainy day?? I don’t know what it was, but It was out of this world. A miracle. He-„
„Stop!! Just stop Pi! Can’t you see how hard it is for me?! Don’t make it harder!!” Jin exclaimed. He had enough, he was more than torn apart and was about to lose hope completely.
„You think I don’t know?! Think Jin, think this time, I beg you!!”
„Leave me alone!” Jin said and popped out of the car.
„Jin!”
„I need a walk, see you later.” his voice was cold and so hopeless Yamapi’s eyes widened. He wanted to hold Jin back, but he freze to the spot unable to move. How should things be good again?
**
The Kazuya in the box sat by himself, with a little hour-glass in his hand. Every tiny piece of sand represented seconds and brought back a memory. He felt cold, he was shivering, just looking at the object in his hand which he held protectively. It could break so easily… what if he breaks it?
Is it representing his own life? He began to see this hour-glass since the minute the girl stepped into his life. And every day, the sand of the hour-glass was pouring down quicker and quicker. It only turned slow, when Jin was next to him.
When the last piece of sand falls down will his life end? Why can’t he throw it away? What holds him back?
{Pain covers the goodbye
which has no voice
When you turned your back
my tears suddenly started to fall
in a labyrinth I can't come out from
I am searching for you
Until when
will this heart carry the burden of pain?
The hour-glass is just one of the last piece
it still hesitates a little}
Jin was walking at the street of Tokyo, many people passed by, but he payed no attention on them. All of the living things were just shadows to him now. He wanted peace, wanted the future he always dreamed of. Wanted his Kazuya so much. Why does it have to be this way?
{I believed after I met you
in the feeling of love
I thought I don't need anything else
Why do we get hurt and hurt the ones
who we hold dear?
How much would it be better
if I just forget it?
The hour-glass is just one of the last piece
it still hesitates a little}
He didn’t know why, but he had the feeling deep inside his heart he has to turn his head and look up. He did so and the view made his eyes widen. He saw a shop, with many hour-glasses in the shop window. Then a sudden image of Kazuya, holding an hour-glass in his hand, singing a song popped into his mind. He recognized the melody „Sunadokei”… Hour-glass…
When he snapped back into reality, his eyes watered up. Why were his visions always connected with music? Kazuya… he needs to see Kazuya! He started to run but heared a car honking.
„Need a ride?” Yamapi asked with a smile and Jin nodded determindly.
**
{ Until when
will this heart carry the burden of sadness?
The hour-glass is just one of the last piece
it still hesitates a little
It hesitates forever}
The Kazuya in the box finished singing and put the hour-glass carefully onto the ground. He almost forgot the girl was sitting next to him whole day and talking nonstop. At that moment, he heared the door open and prayed it to be Jin.
~Jin?~
„Kazuya…dear…” the voice of his mother. Will Jin come to visit him ever again?
„Chinami-chan, I need to speak with my son alone. Would you mind?” the woman asked gently but sadly.
„O..Oh, of course. I will be outside if you need me.” Chinami kissed Kazuya’s cheek and stood up.
~Don’t you dare to do this again!~ Kazuya protested.
The girl exited the room and found Tomoko standing there.
„Nah, how is your plan? Things go well with Akanishi?”
„Oh, I haven’t put my plan in motion yet, maybe I don’t even need to since Kamenashi’s family forbid him to visit. I am sure he is going to come anyway, but if not, I will visit him and set my plan in motion.”
„Very well. Ganbatte Tomo-chan!” Chinami smiled widely.
„Un! Ganbaru yo!” Tomoko nodded with just as wide smile.
Back in the room, Kazuya’s mother sat by his son’s side and caressed a reckless bang from Kazuya’s sleeping face with tears in her eyes. She had seen Kazuya grow, he was the one the family was always proud of, and a son who was always there when the family needed him. Despite his much work, his mother could always count on him.
It was such a sorrow to see his son like this. The energetic Kazuya, who was always so kind, always brought colors into the life of his family and relatives. His mother could still see the kid, who ran into her arms every time she picked him up at kindergarten. Could remember every birthday Kazuya had. It was always special, only close friends and family. Kazuya was always smiling and was really intelligent, even as a child. He never complained, accepted all gifts, even if his mother knew Kazuya doesn’t really like the kind of things he sometimes got from relatives. The happy boy, who was always serious, but had the sense of grace and freedom.
She remembered Kazuya’s first baseball match. How he beamed when they won it. Kazuya was a hard-working boy even when he was younger. And this side hadn’t changed.
But the truth was, in some way Kazuya had changed. It was since KAT-TUN was formed or even earlier. At the first years Kazuya looked very glad and excited about being an idol and he talked a lot about how he managed to find a good friend who seemed to change his life. This good friend, Akanishi Jin became a frequent visitor to Kamenashi household and the parents were glad how Kazuya smiled every time his friend was there. Akanishi always helped him, and helped the family too. They liked him and considered him as a second son.
But as time passed, Kazuya became a little reserved. Akanishi came to their house less and less and even when he visited, there was tension in the air. Something Kazuya’s mother could never really understand. How can such close friends distance themselves from each other so simply? She never knew what could have caused this and why his son avoided speaking about Akanishi. Sometimes when Kazuya came home from work he just went to his room without eating and didn’t come out. She felt sad when Kazuya didn’t share his problems, he felt so far away. As far away as now. Lying here because of the fault of his friend, who he and the al family shared so many memories together.
What happened between his son and Akanishi? And how could he betray Kazuya? What does his son hurt Akanishi with? She decided she will never forgive Jin.
„Don’t worry Kazuya. That heartless guy won’t show up here again.” She whispered. Kazuya in the box looked up panicked.
~What?? Who? You mean… say you don’t mean Jin.~
„Now I know what happened. And all Japan knows. Don’t worry dear, Akanishi-kun will get his punishment.”
~Punishment?! What? He did nothing wrong mother! Whatever is in the media, Jin is innocent! And my only ray of light!~
„Your father and I forbid him to visit you again. And we really won’t let him come here.”
~No!! No no no!! I have enough!! Enough!!~ Kazuya started to sob. Since the minute he heared Pi talk about some magazin he was trying hard to stay strong. But he couldn’t bear it any longer.
~I want you to leave me alone!! I want everyone to leave me alone!! Jin!! Jiiiin!! I want you! I want you or I die!! I won’t live like this anymore! Enough of pain, enough of lies! Jin!!!~
**
„Okay, we are here. And now, tell them everything!” Yamapi smiled at the nervous Jin. He started to adore his friend. No doubt that Jin was sick and exhausted but this man had so much willpower that he could stay sane after all of the happenings.
**
Kazuya’s body started to shake like it did last time when he almost died. Her mother’s eyes widened with tears.
„Not again… Kazuya!!” She jumped up and squeezed the hand of her son.
„Kazuya, I will call the doctor!” she rushed out and started shouting desperately. She thought she was going insane. It was the second time his son was in a critical state, she was so scared of losing him.
~I don’t..need… doctor!!~ the Kazuya in the box cried. ~Jin! Jiiiin!!~
The doctors were immadiately there and gave Kazuya medicine intraveniously like last time, but no effect. The body of the young boy were still shaking and his pulse dropped dangerously.
„Once again! Once again! We wil lose him! Hurry!”
Kazuya’s mother was crying hard and repeated Kazuya’s name with words of encouragement.
~Jin! Jiiin!~ the Kazuya in the box started to lose consciousness.
The eyes of the doctors widened and so did the eye of the mother. Kazuya extended his arm, eyes still close, pulse still dropping, but he moved his hand and they could see a teardrop falling from a closed eye.
„J..Jin! Jin!” Kazuya said with a weak voice, arm still extended into the air as if he was waiting for someone to catch it.
His mother didn’t really understand it, but she knew, she has to call Akanishi now if she doesn’t want her son to die.
She ran out of the hospital room and just when she was about to take her mobile phone into her trembling hands, she saw Jin turn into the corridor. She desperately ran to him and clenched the shirt of the man with her hands. She couldn’t even speak properly.
„Aka..Akanishi-kun..help..Kazuya is… he is…”
Jin’s eyes filled with worry and he felt scared. What is with his Kazuya? He ran as fast as he could to the hospital room and his eyes widened. Kazuya was extending his hand out, repeating his name weakly. Without a second thought he immediately ran to the bed to Kazuya’s side and took his hand into his own, entwined his finger with Kazuya’s and started to cry as he kissed Kazuya’s hand.
„Kazuya, I am here…shhh…Kazu…don’t die, please don’t!!” to the shock and surprise of everyone, Kazuya’s pulse returned to normal and his body stoped shaking. Jin felt the hand in his become unresponsive again and took it with his other one too, burying his head into their joined hands, tears rolled down his cheek. How many times did he tell himself: ’Men dont cry.’ But he just couldn’t help it. Not when Kazuya was dying again in front of his eyes.
He didn’t understnad what happened, he just felt as if he was seeing more clearly now. He started to understand Kazuya and he needs each other.
Everyone watched the two boys with disbelief in their eyes. They were stunned. The doctors couldn’t understand why the medicine didn’t work and that how could Kazuya speak when he still was and is in coma.
Kazuya’s mother was the most confused. What is this all about? Did Akanishi Jin just save the life of her son? Wasn’t he supposed to stay away because he was dangerous? Why was his son repeating the name of Akanishi?
„Akanishi-kun…” she started as she looked down the still crying boy, who held the hand of her son so protectively, with so much emotion. The older boy trembled a little, nuzzling in her son’s hands.
Jin looked up, but didn’t let Kazuya’s hand go.
„I won’t leave his side. You can’t forbid me to visit him!” he told with determination, squeezing Kazuya’s hand. He had to be harsh, even to Kazuya’s mother. He had enough, noone can take Kazuya away from him.
Tomoko and Chinami watched the scene with not a really satisfied look on their faces.
***
TBC
AN: Sorry for making you wait so long!!! T____T I was very busy. And I am sorry for the many angst again ><
The text in {} is a lyric of Sunadokei (performed by TegoMasu) translated by me. Sorry for my grammar and spelling errors. Would someone be my beta? *o*
Again, comments are love!! I really like them, they make me feel that my writing is not just a piece of thrash (yes, i still don’t have confident ^^””)
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Pairing: Akame
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
Heavy atmosphere filled the room, as four worried boys waited for their bandmate to arrive. Their hearts were filled with questions… they couldn’t believe it. That article was surely just a trash.
The part about Kazuya’s whereabout was true, they all knew it. And no matter how many time had passed, no matter how much they waited for the youngest member to be a part of their life again, Kazuya’s eyes remained close to the world.
Ueda knew Kazuya is aware of everything that was happening around him, but he hoped this time his intuation was wrong. It would be the best if Kazuya was unaware of the happenings, unaware of everything…
And as for Jin… Ueda looked through the facade the A of KAT-TUN created. Every time they were talking about Kazuya the eyes of his friend revealed his sorrow. There was no possibility that Jin caused the accident. Ueda knew how protective the boy was when it came to Kazuya, saw the inner battles of his friend, and….most importantly… he saw the feelings the other tried so hard to surpress. He wanted to help Jin so much, but he knew, there is nothing he can do. Jin has to come to term with himself, this battle must be fought alone. This is his battle. And he believed Jin will come out of it as a winner.
But now, with the media and the hatred of people, Jin cannot fight alone… and this battle is different than the war with his feelings. In this battle, Ueda decided he will be on Jin’s side and help him. He was sure someone is in the background.. someone who is playing a dirty game. An evil creature who wants Jin to fall.
Ueda glanced at the clock. He knew how hard it was for Jin to come to work, but he hoped the other will be strong enough.
**
„You know you can’t hide forever.” Yamapi sighed as he watched how Jin sat in his chair in his apartment, with a distant, thoughful expression on his face. Jin was sometimes annoying with his behaviour, he behaves like a child, can be selfish and an idiot, but Yamapi would have given all of his being to see Jin like that again. Now looking at Jin was enough for him to feel heartache.
„I am not hiding.” Stated the man and stoop up with a rather determined expression. He couldn’t do anything else, he had to face the world. He had to go out and be the target of the media, of hatred, of speculation. He didn’t know if he was really ready for it or just wanted to be ready. Neverthless he walked past Yamapi and grabbed his bag.
Yamapi… Jin was more than grateful to this man. Pi decided to stay with him in his apartment and told that wathever battle Jin is facing they will face it together. True friendship shows when you are in trouble. Jin knew this saying and he knew, he really has true friends. At least one.
Pi stole a glance at Jin’s exhasuted face the other tried to hide. But Jin looked determined as well. ’Jin is strong enough. He is. Pain makes you stronger. He won’t fail.’ The NewS leader tried to make himself calm with these thoughts.
„You ready?” Pi asked as he took his own bag into his hand as well. He recieved a nod.
„Good then. Let’s go.” he said and tried to smile, patted Jin’s shoulder. The other said nothing and went ahead, but stopped as Pi shouted after him.
„Jin!”
Said person looked back.
„No matter what happens, just remember, lies can’t win. And that I am always here for you. We have to keep the faith and hope.”
„You say lies can’t win? Reality is never so truthful.” Jin said in a calm tone of voice. He looked as if he was blank inside. So calm but so emotionless in the same time. „Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.” He said, looking into Pi’s eyes and got into his car, waiting for the stunned Pi to join.
’What did he say?’ Pi’s eyes widened. It was not a sentence Akanishi Jin would say. The boy always hoped, until the last minute, this made him so strong. Pi couldn’t believe it. It really was the last sentence what he thought he would hear from Jin. From a day to another Jin became a total adult person. The cute bakaness vanishing completely with an icemasked feeling taking its place.
The drive to work was silent. Pi was driving, he wouldn’t have felt good if he let Jin drive and Jin didn’t insist he want to, as it used to be. How he missed the old Jin.
The A of KAT-TUN rested his head against the glass of the window and closed his eyes. He remembered the phone conversation too well.
>FLASHBACK<
„Moshi moshi?” Jin answered his cellphone and was greeted with a crying and broken voice of a woman. He immediately could tell who it was.
„How could you do that?? With what did my son hurt you?? After all what you have done you dare to visit him?! You have guts Akanishi-kun! Get away from him!! Never dare to visit him! Let him in peace! You can’t be that evil!!”
>FLASHBACK end<
Jin sighed. He was accused to be the fault of Kazuya’s accident and he knew he might be kicked out of work, sent far away from Japan and the Entertainment business without the chance to meet Kazuya again. Will he meet him again even in these cirsumstances? Kazuya’s parents asked him to leave their son alone. And maybe that is for the best. Kazuya is happy with his girlfriend, he should be happy.
’I have to move on why is it so hard??’ He thought desperately and wanted to convience him finding a girlfriend would be the best, but he really coulndn’t. He loved Kazuya more than anything else in the world and couldn’t imagine loving someone else. His thoughts were interrupted by the voice of his best friend.
„We are there.” Pi said with a serious tone of voice and glanced at the entrace of the Johnny’s building. There were a few journalist and surely paparazzi hiding nearby. Both boy knew, they were waiting for Jin to arrive.
Pi tried to calm and encourage himself to get out of the car, but Jin beat him in it as the other boy stepped out of the car with an expressionless face before Pi could do it.
As they were both heading towards the entrace, the ’hungry of information and sensational story’ riporters surrounded Jin and talked at the same time excitedly.
„Akanishi-san, is it true you caused the accident?”
„Akanishi-saaan! Is it true that the cause of the accident was a girl you both fell in love with and you wanted to punish Kamenashi like this?”
„Akanishi-saaan!”
Jin remained silent and his expression remained emotionless, he didn’t even looked at the riporters.
„Oi! Let him alone!” Pi told as he heared the „Akansihi-san, is it true you hate Kamenashi-san and wanted him to disappear?” question. He was more than just pissed off. How can they even think something like this? Oh, if they knew how Jin loves Kazuya they wouldn’t ask such things. Bloody riporters from some shitteller tabloid magazin.
Jin put his hand on Pi’s shoulder for a second signing him stop, but said nothing, just started to walk into the building.
„Yamashita-san! Is it true you two are lovers and live together?” Was the last question they heared before vanishing into the building. Pi wanted to continue the complaints but Jin’s voice stopped him.
„Let them be.” Was the short reply. „Let them believe what they want.” Jin didn’t care. Since a long time ago he didn’t care. He just simply stopped bothering with it. He hated rumours more than anything. He had plenty of friends, girls and guys and he hated he can’t take his female friends on a drive or walk without being are rumoured to be a couple. People always need something to keep themselves entertained. And this was his supposed scandals and love affairs.
But he can’t go and tell how all of those rumours are shit, the supposed dates with models or this case with Kazuya, so he just started to ignore them. People can believe what they want, although it bothered him he was labeled as a playboy.
Sometimes he felt, being an idol means being the loneliest person in the world. A lot of people surrounds you, but it is all on the surface. If a rumour hits up they always care for it. He was grateful to the type of fans who are not.
But he knew, this case has more weight than the supposed dates though. And now, he has to face a whole world of hatred. Now he is going to see who the real friend is among the people who he had to meet everyday.
**
„He will come. He will come and say it is not true.” Koki snapped at the manager with an angry face.
„Calm down Koki!” Maru stood up from his seat too and went to Koki’s side.
„Yes, and even if it’s not true?! Just look here Tanaka, he is all over the newspapers. Every newspaper speaks about him, just look at it!”
The manager threw a bunch of tabloid magazin onto the table. All four boys looked at them and read the titles.
’Big shock, Akanishi wanted Kamenashi to die?’
’The rival’s fight, Akanishi vs Kamenashi ended up in an accident caused by Akanishi’
And so on. But the most shocking was the article in Friday magazin, which told that Jin wanted to kill Kame because of jealousity. The two had the same girl, they even named the model and that caused Jin to want to kill the traitor Kamenashi and wanted to make it be seen like an accident.
„Who would believe that?! The shit Friday told is even bad for being a drama script!” Koki continued.
„Tanaka, enough! We all know how you feel, but… we can’t let this-„
„We believe in Akanishi!! At least I do! And if Johnny wants to kick him out, we won’t let him so easily!”
Ueda looked at Koki. How cute Koki shows his true side now. He was always picking on Jin and even if Kazuya didn’t realize this, Ueda knew Jin is in love with him. And he thought Koki knew too. That’s why he picked on Jin so much, teased him by acting close to Kame. To force Jin to finally tell Kame his feelings. It was Koki’s way of doing things. Ueda wished he succeeded. But reality was never so easy.
„Do you know who you are talking with?” the manager shouted frustrated. He was not a bad person, just it was beginning to be too much for him to handle.
„Enough, please!” Ueda cut in before Koki could do something unproper thing.
They all felt silent, but Koki and the manager were still watching each other with angry eyes.
„Sorry for being late.” Came a voice which turned all attention to the speaker.
„Akanishi!” Koki immediately ran to his side. „We believe in you Akanishi, no matter what happens!”
„Thanks.” Jin answered briefly and tried to smile briefly with not much success. He looked on every face and saw the sincere worry on them. How cute they are, they really believe in him.
„Akanishi, Johnny-san wants to speak to you.” said the manager striclty. He liked Jin but he knew he can’t do anything to help him now.
„No! He can’t be expelled!” Koki shouted.
„Koki!!” Came Ueda’s loud shout and the rapper fell silent. The unofficial leader of KAT-TUN walked to Jin and looked into his eyes. „Don’t let yourself down Jin. Never give up!” with this he left the room.
’Never give up? What? What did he meant?’ Jin asked in thoughts and left to visit th ebig boss Johnny-san.
„Oi Tacchan, where are you going?” Junno asked but recieved no answer.
**
„You brought a lot of trouble to my jimusho again…” Johnny stated as he looked at the young man standing in front of his desk.
„I am sorry sir.”
„You know the media demands a press conference about this.” Johnny rubbed his chin. Jin looked determined into the eyes of the young man.
„I was really there, but I didn’t want this accident to happen. If the press conference will be held I am ready to face it. But if you want to kick me out sir… I … would like to say, i would understand it. I like being here around my friends but if you think it is for the best that I go, I won’t complain. But first, let me win this battle. I don’t want to disappear with the fact people believe I wanted to harm Kazuya.”
Johnny was silent for a while, just looking at the man with estimating eyes.
„Hmmm. You have guts Akanishi. That’s why I kept you here. I don’t have the intention to kick you out, but maybe a hiatus wouldn’t harm. But we will discuss it later, I have many things to do. You can go.” Johnny looked at his desk and the papers on it.
Jin turned to leave but stopped as he heared Johnny say: „Don’t screw the press conference up! Ganbatte!”
Jin nodded his head shortly and exited the office.
**
Ueda knocked on the room of NewS. Soon it was opened by Ryo who looked at Ueda with a worried expression.
„How is Akanishi?” he asked quietly.
„He will be fine.” Ueda said. „Can you tell Yamapi I want to talk to him alone?”
This question surprised Ryo a little, but neverthless he nodded and shouted inside.
„Piii! Come here, Ueda-kun wants to speak to you.”
Some minutes later Ueda and Yamapi were sitting in a room wth only the two of them. A recording room noone used for quite a long time.
„It is about Jin, isn’t it?” Pi finally asked.
„Yes. We are worried and I personally think there is something very wicked game going on”
„I agree with you. Someone must be in the background. Someone who wants to destroy Jin. I am his best friend. He shares a lot of things with me. Believe me Ueda-kun, he is not the person he could harm anyone, especially not Kamenashi. And not only that, there is something strange in this all. I am sure you read the tabloids… someone wanted to make Jin think I betrayed him.”
„Yes I read all tabloids nowdays that is written about Jin. Don’t misunderstand me, I know him and would never believe in such writings, but I have to read them. This way I know how to protect him more.” Ueda stated. He felt it is a pity if fans think Jin is like the tabloids always write him to be.
„I understand how you feel. This baka is lucky, having two guardian angels at the same time.” Pi chuckled.
„Three.” Ueda smiled.
„Yes three. If that third angel didn’t exist, Jin would have died that day.”
„And now, Jin has to guard and save that angel. I am sure only he can do it.”
„It is 100%.” Pi nodded.
„Pi, I don’t want to talk behind his back, but I need to know if my intuition is true or not. Jin is in love with Kamenashi, isn’t he?” Ueda asked and looked into Pi’s eyes seriously.
„More than you could imagine. After he found out Kazuya has a girlfriend, which I highly doubt, he went into a pub and drank until he was completely drunk. That time he confessed he is in love with Kamenashi. But I think it was obvious…”
„Oh yeah… and that girlfriend.. Chinami, ne? I never heard of her before, Kamenashi never mentioned her and I saw her, she is not the type of women Kamenashi would fall for I think.”
„Yes and she is suspicious. She knew something that was not written in the magazine. How did she know? I think we should keep an eye on her.” Yamapi saw how Ueda nodded.
„And we have to guard Jin… but now we have to go back to work.” Ueda stood up. He was glad Jin had friends like Yamapi. He was about to exit the room when Pi asked:
„By the way, do you think Kamenashi loves Jin?”
„It’s obvious.” Ueda smiled.
Pi shook his head. „Heh. They are so baka, everybody except them knows it.”
„You know Yamapi, I think that tragedys like this deepen their bond and if there will be a happy end, during this time they really notice how important the other is and will live happily together forever.”
Pi sighed and looked up at the white ceiling of the room. „I hope it will be so.”
**
The press conference was sheduled after 2 days and the fate of Jin was going to be decided by the results of that conference.
„I miss him… I miss him so much” Jin was sitting in his car next to Yamapi and was leaning against his seat with eyes closed. He didn’t want to cry. No matter how hard this day was, no matter how dizzy and exhausted he felt, he shouldn’t give up and cry like a child. It was so simple… thinking of sleeping forever and never wake up, to run away form all your trouble… but Jin wasn’t this type.
But it was weird. Not only mentally, he felt also phisically weak since he had not seen Kazuya. It was almost just one day, but the knowing he was forbid to see Kazuya made him lose himself.
Yamapi observed the pale man next to him and answered simply. „Then go see him.”
„I can’t and you know that.” Jin sighed and opened his eyes.
„Jin, fight for your love. You can’t give up this easily. Go to his parents, tell them what happened. You have to tell them. Do it for Kazuya!” Pi’s voice was kind but harsh at the same time.
„For him? It is the best for him if I stay away.”
„Jin! Even you can’t be this baka!! Don’t you see what’s going on here? You buried yourself into your misery too much and are unable to see things clearly because of it. Just open your eyes. Why do you think you saw Kamenashi on that rainy day?? I don’t know what it was, but It was out of this world. A miracle. He-„
„Stop!! Just stop Pi! Can’t you see how hard it is for me?! Don’t make it harder!!” Jin exclaimed. He had enough, he was more than torn apart and was about to lose hope completely.
„You think I don’t know?! Think Jin, think this time, I beg you!!”
„Leave me alone!” Jin said and popped out of the car.
„Jin!”
„I need a walk, see you later.” his voice was cold and so hopeless Yamapi’s eyes widened. He wanted to hold Jin back, but he freze to the spot unable to move. How should things be good again?
**
The Kazuya in the box sat by himself, with a little hour-glass in his hand. Every tiny piece of sand represented seconds and brought back a memory. He felt cold, he was shivering, just looking at the object in his hand which he held protectively. It could break so easily… what if he breaks it?
Is it representing his own life? He began to see this hour-glass since the minute the girl stepped into his life. And every day, the sand of the hour-glass was pouring down quicker and quicker. It only turned slow, when Jin was next to him.
When the last piece of sand falls down will his life end? Why can’t he throw it away? What holds him back?
{Pain covers the goodbye
which has no voice
When you turned your back
my tears suddenly started to fall
in a labyrinth I can't come out from
I am searching for you
Until when
will this heart carry the burden of pain?
The hour-glass is just one of the last piece
it still hesitates a little}
Jin was walking at the street of Tokyo, many people passed by, but he payed no attention on them. All of the living things were just shadows to him now. He wanted peace, wanted the future he always dreamed of. Wanted his Kazuya so much. Why does it have to be this way?
{I believed after I met you
in the feeling of love
I thought I don't need anything else
Why do we get hurt and hurt the ones
who we hold dear?
How much would it be better
if I just forget it?
The hour-glass is just one of the last piece
it still hesitates a little}
He didn’t know why, but he had the feeling deep inside his heart he has to turn his head and look up. He did so and the view made his eyes widen. He saw a shop, with many hour-glasses in the shop window. Then a sudden image of Kazuya, holding an hour-glass in his hand, singing a song popped into his mind. He recognized the melody „Sunadokei”… Hour-glass…
When he snapped back into reality, his eyes watered up. Why were his visions always connected with music? Kazuya… he needs to see Kazuya! He started to run but heared a car honking.
„Need a ride?” Yamapi asked with a smile and Jin nodded determindly.
**
{ Until when
will this heart carry the burden of sadness?
The hour-glass is just one of the last piece
it still hesitates a little
It hesitates forever}
The Kazuya in the box finished singing and put the hour-glass carefully onto the ground. He almost forgot the girl was sitting next to him whole day and talking nonstop. At that moment, he heared the door open and prayed it to be Jin.
~Jin?~
„Kazuya…dear…” the voice of his mother. Will Jin come to visit him ever again?
„Chinami-chan, I need to speak with my son alone. Would you mind?” the woman asked gently but sadly.
„O..Oh, of course. I will be outside if you need me.” Chinami kissed Kazuya’s cheek and stood up.
~Don’t you dare to do this again!~ Kazuya protested.
The girl exited the room and found Tomoko standing there.
„Nah, how is your plan? Things go well with Akanishi?”
„Oh, I haven’t put my plan in motion yet, maybe I don’t even need to since Kamenashi’s family forbid him to visit. I am sure he is going to come anyway, but if not, I will visit him and set my plan in motion.”
„Very well. Ganbatte Tomo-chan!” Chinami smiled widely.
„Un! Ganbaru yo!” Tomoko nodded with just as wide smile.
Back in the room, Kazuya’s mother sat by his son’s side and caressed a reckless bang from Kazuya’s sleeping face with tears in her eyes. She had seen Kazuya grow, he was the one the family was always proud of, and a son who was always there when the family needed him. Despite his much work, his mother could always count on him.
It was such a sorrow to see his son like this. The energetic Kazuya, who was always so kind, always brought colors into the life of his family and relatives. His mother could still see the kid, who ran into her arms every time she picked him up at kindergarten. Could remember every birthday Kazuya had. It was always special, only close friends and family. Kazuya was always smiling and was really intelligent, even as a child. He never complained, accepted all gifts, even if his mother knew Kazuya doesn’t really like the kind of things he sometimes got from relatives. The happy boy, who was always serious, but had the sense of grace and freedom.
She remembered Kazuya’s first baseball match. How he beamed when they won it. Kazuya was a hard-working boy even when he was younger. And this side hadn’t changed.
But the truth was, in some way Kazuya had changed. It was since KAT-TUN was formed or even earlier. At the first years Kazuya looked very glad and excited about being an idol and he talked a lot about how he managed to find a good friend who seemed to change his life. This good friend, Akanishi Jin became a frequent visitor to Kamenashi household and the parents were glad how Kazuya smiled every time his friend was there. Akanishi always helped him, and helped the family too. They liked him and considered him as a second son.
But as time passed, Kazuya became a little reserved. Akanishi came to their house less and less and even when he visited, there was tension in the air. Something Kazuya’s mother could never really understand. How can such close friends distance themselves from each other so simply? She never knew what could have caused this and why his son avoided speaking about Akanishi. Sometimes when Kazuya came home from work he just went to his room without eating and didn’t come out. She felt sad when Kazuya didn’t share his problems, he felt so far away. As far away as now. Lying here because of the fault of his friend, who he and the al family shared so many memories together.
What happened between his son and Akanishi? And how could he betray Kazuya? What does his son hurt Akanishi with? She decided she will never forgive Jin.
„Don’t worry Kazuya. That heartless guy won’t show up here again.” She whispered. Kazuya in the box looked up panicked.
~What?? Who? You mean… say you don’t mean Jin.~
„Now I know what happened. And all Japan knows. Don’t worry dear, Akanishi-kun will get his punishment.”
~Punishment?! What? He did nothing wrong mother! Whatever is in the media, Jin is innocent! And my only ray of light!~
„Your father and I forbid him to visit you again. And we really won’t let him come here.”
~No!! No no no!! I have enough!! Enough!!~ Kazuya started to sob. Since the minute he heared Pi talk about some magazin he was trying hard to stay strong. But he couldn’t bear it any longer.
~I want you to leave me alone!! I want everyone to leave me alone!! Jin!! Jiiiin!! I want you! I want you or I die!! I won’t live like this anymore! Enough of pain, enough of lies! Jin!!!~
**
„Okay, we are here. And now, tell them everything!” Yamapi smiled at the nervous Jin. He started to adore his friend. No doubt that Jin was sick and exhausted but this man had so much willpower that he could stay sane after all of the happenings.
**
Kazuya’s body started to shake like it did last time when he almost died. Her mother’s eyes widened with tears.
„Not again… Kazuya!!” She jumped up and squeezed the hand of her son.
„Kazuya, I will call the doctor!” she rushed out and started shouting desperately. She thought she was going insane. It was the second time his son was in a critical state, she was so scared of losing him.
~I don’t..need… doctor!!~ the Kazuya in the box cried. ~Jin! Jiiiin!!~
The doctors were immadiately there and gave Kazuya medicine intraveniously like last time, but no effect. The body of the young boy were still shaking and his pulse dropped dangerously.
„Once again! Once again! We wil lose him! Hurry!”
Kazuya’s mother was crying hard and repeated Kazuya’s name with words of encouragement.
~Jin! Jiiin!~ the Kazuya in the box started to lose consciousness.
The eyes of the doctors widened and so did the eye of the mother. Kazuya extended his arm, eyes still close, pulse still dropping, but he moved his hand and they could see a teardrop falling from a closed eye.
„J..Jin! Jin!” Kazuya said with a weak voice, arm still extended into the air as if he was waiting for someone to catch it.
His mother didn’t really understand it, but she knew, she has to call Akanishi now if she doesn’t want her son to die.
She ran out of the hospital room and just when she was about to take her mobile phone into her trembling hands, she saw Jin turn into the corridor. She desperately ran to him and clenched the shirt of the man with her hands. She couldn’t even speak properly.
„Aka..Akanishi-kun..help..Kazuya is… he is…”
Jin’s eyes filled with worry and he felt scared. What is with his Kazuya? He ran as fast as he could to the hospital room and his eyes widened. Kazuya was extending his hand out, repeating his name weakly. Without a second thought he immediately ran to the bed to Kazuya’s side and took his hand into his own, entwined his finger with Kazuya’s and started to cry as he kissed Kazuya’s hand.
„Kazuya, I am here…shhh…Kazu…don’t die, please don’t!!” to the shock and surprise of everyone, Kazuya’s pulse returned to normal and his body stoped shaking. Jin felt the hand in his become unresponsive again and took it with his other one too, burying his head into their joined hands, tears rolled down his cheek. How many times did he tell himself: ’Men dont cry.’ But he just couldn’t help it. Not when Kazuya was dying again in front of his eyes.
He didn’t understnad what happened, he just felt as if he was seeing more clearly now. He started to understand Kazuya and he needs each other.
Everyone watched the two boys with disbelief in their eyes. They were stunned. The doctors couldn’t understand why the medicine didn’t work and that how could Kazuya speak when he still was and is in coma.
Kazuya’s mother was the most confused. What is this all about? Did Akanishi Jin just save the life of her son? Wasn’t he supposed to stay away because he was dangerous? Why was his son repeating the name of Akanishi?
„Akanishi-kun…” she started as she looked down the still crying boy, who held the hand of her son so protectively, with so much emotion. The older boy trembled a little, nuzzling in her son’s hands.
Jin looked up, but didn’t let Kazuya’s hand go.
„I won’t leave his side. You can’t forbid me to visit him!” he told with determination, squeezing Kazuya’s hand. He had to be harsh, even to Kazuya’s mother. He had enough, noone can take Kazuya away from him.
Tomoko and Chinami watched the scene with not a really satisfied look on their faces.
***
TBC
AN: Sorry for making you wait so long!!! T____T I was very busy. And I am sorry for the many angst again ><
The text in {} is a lyric of Sunadokei (performed by TegoMasu) translated by me. Sorry for my grammar and spelling errors. Would someone be my beta? *o*
Again, comments are love!! I really like them, they make me feel that my writing is not just a piece of thrash (yes, i still don’t have confident ^^””)
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