#Fic# Unable to respond //chapter 16//
Fanfiction
Title: Unable to respond /chapter 16/
Pairing: Akame
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Beta:
blue_eye1 THANK YOU!!
Summary: Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
CHAPTER 16
With an ice cold glare Chinami stepped into the room and looked at Tomoko who was greatly surprised that Chinami was there. She thought she went home already.
„Oh Chi-chan. Hi!” she smiled cutely.
„Tell me I didn't hear it right. Just tell me it isn't true!!” She said, going closer to the nurse.
„What are you talking about?” Tomoko acted as if she was innocent and didn't know what the other was talking about. Shit... this bitch, she overheard me?
„You wanted to kill my Kazuya?!?!” She shouted very angry, pissed, she just hated Tomoko. „How could you?? I thought we are friends!! You bitch!!” Chinami had never been this furious before. She ran to Tomoko, tossed her from Kazuya’s bed and stood in front of Kazuya as a shield.
„You WON’T do anything to him, do you understand??”
Kazuya in the box was relieved, he was happy that the two girls fight. Yes... no matter how lucky a liar feels herself, truth will always find a way. Who has evil thought in heart will get paid back.
[Don't pleasure in other people's struggles! It will turn into a boomerang]
~For the first time Chimani-chan, I am with you, and have to thank you. Fight against her! ~ Not that Kazuya grew to like Chinami, not at all. Just at that moment he was really glad someone knows what liar Tomoko was and what she wants to do. He knew Yamapi can’t tell anyone and won't, tho he got the suspicion T-TUN didn't visit him separately without a reason.
~Thank you... thank you all who support me... ~ Kazuya felt he has faith again in everything. Slowly the truth finds its way to the surface and everything will be alright. He also hoped, he knew, the day of his awakening is near. He started to feel healthier and the door was clear with the doorknob clearly seen on it, just... it was still closed. He didn't have the key so he couldn't open it. What is my key? Where is it?
„Why are you so down? Do you think I don't know Tsukasa and you are sleeping together and that you fell for Yamashita too? Kamenashi is not that kakkoii anyway, just look at him, he is thin and looks like a girl. I will have to cure my poor Jin darling out of his bad taste.” Tomoko shrugged and this made Chinami angrier.
„If you do anything to Kazuya I will kill your Jin. I will, I am not joking.” Chinami threatened. Hearing this Tomoko’s grin melted.
„Don’t you dare...”
„Then don't YOU dare either.”
~Oh my God...~ Kazuya paled. Are they serious? Are they normal? They are surely not... playing with others lives like this... ~Jin... watch out... no; you can’t harm him, no no!! Bitch, say that again and I will be the one killing you! ~ Kazuya was angry and yet again desperate. Tho he knew, as long as he was alive Chinami won't do anything to Jin. At least he hoped so.
***
It was morning. Kazuya’s mother went into the kitchen with a heavy sigh. She remembered how Kazuya sometimes cooked for his brothers and everyone when she was away for work. How she wished to eat Kazuya’s meal again, it was always delicious, Kazuya was a person who gave everything to what he was doing, somewhat a perfectionist.
He always made his family happy and his mother was really proud of him. Not because he became a top idol, but because he never lost himself in fame, never turned out to be a different person because of money, Kazuya stayed the boy he always was.
„Kazuya...I wish you were here.”
She went out of the kitchen with eyes watered, she couldn't stay there. Then, she saw it...Kazuya’s younger brother Yuya was sitting on the couch, legs hugged onto his chest. Yuya was the one who took Kazuya’s accident the worse. He refused to visit him and when they talked about Kazuya he always became silent, sometimes even went out.
„Yuya...”
„Yes mom?” the boy looked up and released his hold on his knees.
„Come and eat something. You didn't even eat breakfast did you?” His mom asked worried.
„I did, I ate pudding.” The boy answered and grabbed the remote control of the TV, turning it on.
„And now onto the news; today famous pop group KAT-TUN’s Akanishi Jin-san will have a press conference regarding the accident that happened with his fellow bandmate Kamenashi Kazuya-san.”
Yuya froze when he saw Jin’s and KAT-TUN’s picture on the screen. Mixed feelings filled his heart. There was his Nii-san who he loved dearly and... the one who betrayed him. He still remembered how good friends he and Jin were back then and Jin was good friend of Kazuya too. Why? Why did he do it? Yuya couldn't bear it anymore he popped up and run to his room slamming the door after him.
Once in his room he let his tears out.
„Nii-san...” He took his wallet out of his pocket, looking at the photo of Kazuya in it. He missed him very much. For him, his brother was the type of man he always wanted to be. He adored his every step, every word his brother told and for him Kazuya was perfect.
„Yuya?” a knock came by the door and the boy recognized the voice of his older brother. He quickly wiped the tears away from his eyes and said:
„Come in.”
Kouji, who was older than he and Kazuya stepped into the room with an understanding look on his face.
„Hey, we were talking with Yuuichirou that it is time to visit Kazu.” Yuya stiffened.
„You know, it is hard for us too, we are all his brothers and love him...but...don't you think Kazu misses us?” Kouji sat down next to his brother who was looking down onto the floor.
„Kazuya can’t hear us Nii-san...he is...he is...”
„I had a dream where I met Kazuya. He was sad we never visit him. It was a strange dream, felt so real, but he said he misses us and give regards to his little brother... how did he name you... little Yu-pon” Kouji smiled. The dream was really shocking him, it was the first dream he had about Kazuya.
Yuya looked up with eyes widened, Kazuya named him only like this when they were alone.
„H... how did you know my nickname?” He stuttered.
„I told you, Kazu told it to me. And man... I miss him too. I was afraid to go there, how I will react seeing him just lying there but Yu, we have to go. For Kazuya’s sake.” The boy hugged the younger and they started to talk about Kazuya, about memories and about what party they will make their brother once he wakes up.
***
Jin was sitting on Koki’s couch in the living room with a tired look on his face; a mineral water can in his hand. He rested his back against the red leather couch, watching the picture of KAT-TUN on Koki’s shelf with a blank expression, painfully. How innocent they were... how they smiled, thinking everything can be possible. They were still somewhat kids living in a dream...and he himself... living with closed eyes, feelings suppressed...in complete denial. At that time he was still able to be next to Kazuya without being cold, his feelings didn't scare him that much...because he didn't acknowledge it what they were. Even if it was obviously love he shrugged it off, it will fade, it will go away he always have thought. And anyway it can’t be love, it is just simple adoration because Kazuya was quite feminine and Jin always thought he has to be protected.
He just wanted to live in eternity, without things to change. He was happy at that time. He observed the picture, every inch of it... then rested his eyes on Kazuya’s smile. He was addicted to it, but at the same time it pained his heart. Smiling for eternity be happy for eternity...living in the same moment for eternity...
{Nee...eternity doesn't exist...
what was the minute i started to acknowledge it?
Nee...but the days we spent together
I am proud more than anyone else
That they were not lies}
The ocean was coloured in orange colours by the setting sun. Koki and Maru were sitting on blankets on seashore, Ueda went to buy something to drink and Junno...he was sleeping but buried in sand, his head was the only part that was not covered. Poor guy, he will have the shock of his life once he wakes up.
Kazuya was walking on the seashore and Jin decided to join him. At that time he still managed to ignore that his heart beat extremely fast when he saw the beautiful boy bathed in orange light wearing only bathing pants, his hair delicately brush his shoulders. Jin told himself it is just childish addiction called best friendship. He still refused to acknowledge what it was in reality when Kazuya looked at him and smiled. Jin could die for that smile.
They walked together, talking, laughing and Jin wished time to stop.
„Kame~ it is not fair! Tell me!” Jin pouted and the younger man let out a soft chuckle.
„Hi~mi~tsu”
„Kazuyaaa!” Jin pouted more. He bent down and splashed Kame with the water. The other tried to run away laughing.
„You wont catch me~!” It was rare that Kame behaved childish not that Jin minded. He followed the boy with full speed and Kazuya shrieked as he was caught by the arm and pulled down to the water.
„Jin!!” he tried to struggle and splashed the older, feeling Jin releasing his hold on him. They splashed each other but neither of them wanted to give in, they used every method they could to splash more amount of water onto the other, they both hated to lose.
Maybe that was the day that turned everything into a mess... Jin had thought as he remembered it. With an accidentally move... the fate started its strange way of play. And everything started to change...leading into a tragedy of today.
Jin’s foot slipped and he lost balance, falling into the water that was only 2 centimeters, they were still on the shore.
But as he opened his eyes his heart started to pound hard against his chest. He acknowledged where he had fallen. He was laying on top of Kazuya, straddling his hips, his face just inches away from the others. He saw Kazuya’s wide eyes and he knew he reflects the same. The urge came suddenly and Jin panicked. He wanted to close the gap, he wanted to kiss Kazuya, to be forever like this, to caress him, to...
Jin shook his head and distanced himself, standing up. He was scared of himself, confused and started to realize really how much this feeling is not only strong friendship. He still remembered Kame’s embarrassed, blushed and somewhat scared face as he looked back at him...and after it... he chose to be cold. For so many years.
{The time of our lives...
but the length maybe is a little different
Just that we met
Just that I loved u
I held these feelings even we couldn't meet
I wont forget}
Jin tore his gaze off of that picture. Why? Why was he such a coward? He regretted it more than anything. His eyelids felt heavy and he closed them, reliving the feeling of that fateful moment. Why didn't he just close the distance between their lips? That damn teenage pride that didn't want him to love another guy.
It doesn't matter if it is a guy or a girl. The feelings... the pureness of it... the feeling of being loved, and that of giving love in return, protecting the other, helping the other, knowing his lover and giving himself to the one. Trust... only these what mattered. A person’s soul carries all the abilities of how one is. Gender is not important. Why throwing away such an intense feeling just because Kazuya happened to born to be a boy? At that time he was too young to understand it. Now he did... and maybe it was too late.
{Nee...why is it so painful?
I want to be with u,
It is only good if it is with u
But..still... a little thing is enough
I became someone who can be happy with just a little thing
Words that fill me
If we could share them, say it together
they would have meaning
Feeling the same things, from now on too...
Truth and reality...
I wont overlook them... lets make them the proof of life.
Just that we met
Just that I loved u
Even if we wont ever meet again...
I will never forget.}
He stood up quietly after gulping the remaining water down from the can. He wanted to see Kazuya before the big event. He needed power, needed support...yes, no matter how crazy it sounded in weak and exhausted times like this he felt Kazuya’s support. He felt as if a warm hand rested in his, squeezing it tightly, sometimes he swore he even could hear Kazuya whispering reassuring words. He didn't care if he was going crazy, if going crazy meant to be able to feel Kazuya near than he welcomed the craziness with open arms.
Then he remembered he was not at home and Koki was not at home so he should leave a note. So he began to write.
„Yo man,
I went to visit Kazu-chan, see you at the presscon.
Oh and Koki... thank you.
By Jin”
***
He parked his car near the hospital and looked around. Okay, no one suspicious, no nurse on street, no fans either, good. He wanted to see Kazuya, tho it was worse and worse every day. He just...couldn't stand to see Kazuya like that lately. When will he open his eyes finally?
Every day he hoped, every time his phone started to vibrate in his pocket his heart was pounding in his throat with hope maybe it is a call that says Kazuya woke up. But it never came and he was a little exhausted.
But the surprising thing was... the more exhausted he got the more he felt Kazuya’s helping hand.
He was watching Kazuya’s window, wishing the other would pull the curtains away and smile down at him. No such luck... he sighed.
He pulled himself together and was about to enter the hospital when he froze as someone from behind shouted his name in not a very nice tone.
„Akanishi?!” Jin looked behind and saw Kazuya’s parents and what was unexpected... brothers. How many times he hanged out with them in the past. Good old days...
„Good morning.” Jin said with a calm voice, but Kazuya’s father started to walk into his direction with a death glare.
„Away!! Away from here! Didn't I already tell you? You are not allowed to go near my son!! NEVER!!”
„Dear, let him please, just let him!” Kazuya’s mom said worried as she eyed the young man. She was feeling as if keeping Kazuya without Akanishi’s presence is like keeping Kazuya away from medicines.
„Let him?? Are you crazy?” His father asked in disbelief.
„Go away!!” Yuya screamed and it was unexpected so everyone looked at him wide eyed. „You harmed Nii-san!! I will never forgive you! Never!! Go! Disappear from here!!” The boy had hatred and tears in his eyes. Kazuya was a being to him that he adored and loved dearly, his precious Nii-san who taught so many things to him.
„Or if you won’t, then give me my Nii-san back!! Give him back!!”
Kazuya’s mother was at the edge of tears and she saw how Akanishi was fighting with them too.
„Yuya...” Nao, the mom whispered. She looked at Jin carefully and tho she really didn't want to say it she knew she had to.
„Please leave Akanishi-kun.” Nao felt as if she betrayed Kazuya with that sentence. But what else could she do?
Jin didn't say a word just nodded, looking at the woman. Nao had an urge to pull the boy close. She saw Jin is grieving as much as they do. 'I am sorry Akanishi-kun, I am sorry...'
Jin felt broken and turned his back...he can't see Kazuya now... he can't touch his ray of light now...Why was this world so unfair? What did he do to deserve this?
He shook his head and began to run as fast as he could, not caring of his car which stayed in the parking lot. Away... away from the world.
***
Yuya was afraid a little. Is he strong enough to face Kazuya like that? He was shivering inside and clenched his fists to be able to stay strong. There they were, arriving at the door... behind that door and who knows how many transparent doors to his world, there was Kazuya... laying there for a half year giving no signs of life other then his heartbeat.
Kouji and Yuuichirou both put a hand on Yuya’s shoulder and extended their free hands, putting onto each other’s.
„Fight Oh!” they said, imitating Yankumi from the drama in which their brother played. Kazuya liked that phase and at that time he used to do it at home many times.
Yuya didn't imitate them; he just looked down...Gokusen 2...the drama in which his Nii-san played together with Akanishi. He won't watch it ever again.
He took a deep breath when his father opened the door. Both of the parents looked at their sons and smiled reassuringly, but Nao’s eyes were wet.
Yuya shut his eyes while he stepped into the room, but he knew he can’t be like that for forever, he slowly opened them and looked into the direction of the bed fearful.
When he saw Kazuya he ran to him and looked at his mother.
„Mom, he is just sleeping, Kazuya is just sleeping. Don’t you see?” He kneeled next to the bed, taking Kazuya’s hand and began to shake it a little.
„Nii-san, get up, it is morning! Nii-san!” His eyes became wet. Yuuichirou and Kouji just stood next to him silently. They also needed time to digest what they saw.
~Yuya? ~ Kazuya in the box felt a hand in his and heard his brother’s voice... God, how long had it been since he last heard it. He was glad Yuya finally visited him. He missed his brothers dearly and maybe he missed Yuya the most.
„Kazuya! Kazu!! Hey...please...” I won’t cry I won’t cry... Yuya repeated in his mind, but one stubborn teardrop made its way down his cheek.
~God...Yuya... little brother...I wish I could. I miss you. ~ Kazuya had tears in the eyes as well.
„Can you hear me? I broke your favorite glass yesterday, come and scold me.” The young boy squeezed Kazuya’s hand more with both of his hands. „Kazu-niisan I love you so much, please brother, open your eyes.
It was heart retching for Kazuya. He was touched they came to visit but maybe it would have been better if they stay at home.
~I love you too Yuya and I can hear you; I will go back to you and to the others. Wait for me ne... and about the cup, I will spank you. ~ Kazuya joked, how he wished he could say the words out loud. Sometimes people wish if they wouldn't say things they have said... they don't know how it is when they can not say anything, when they are strived to be silent...just listening. People commit mistakes by just words... but it is better than being unable to respond.
„Kazu little bro, you are a sportsman, the baseball field awaits you. You still have to teach me your special movement.” Kouji smiled with wet eyes. „Ganbare Kazuya senshu!”
„Yeah, and you still have to sing that embarrassing song in karaoke for me, you lost our play so you have to...do you hear me? You can’t leave like this. You promised.” Yuuichirou joined to the speakers too.
~Brothers... I miss you all... I will do everything I promised and I will spend more time together with you all... I am so sorry I never really had time the last years...sorry that we hardly talked...sorry that my work stood between us and I was too frustrated to even talk to you... But hora! It will change. ~ Kazuya in the box stood up and tears threatened him. ~Because after I wake up... I will be happy, more happy than ever...I will be happy with Jin by my side and we will be like a big family again... you 3, mother, father and Jin.~ tears rolled down on Kazuya’s cheeks as he imagined it. The thought that it might not be reality scared him and made him sad.
The family decided to stay by Kazuya’s side the whole day. It was a special day after all with everyone of the family there.
Not much time passed and the door opened revealing Chinami. Kazuya’s brothers looked at the girl with question marks in place of their eyes. Who is this plaza babe? Surely she just mistook the door, yes it is the case.
„Awwww, everyone is here, halihellooo~~~ How is my deeear Kazu-chan today?” she exclaimed, throwing her newly coloured blond hair behind her shoulders making a bubble of the gum she chewed.
„E...eh?” Kouji and the brothers looked at each other.
„Chinami-chan!” Kazuhiko, the father stood up smiling at the girl.
„Ermm...mom...who is she?” Yuuichirou asked his mom silently.
„Well... she is Kazuya’s girlfriend....” the mother sighed. How she wished a better girl for her son...someone who is caring... like Akanishi. She was scared of herself. What was she thinking? She couldn't possibly want Akanishi to be the lover of her son.
„WHAT?!?!?!?!??!!?” the three boys exclaimed in totally shock.
***
Jin couldn't stand the pressure anymore, beside Kazuya music was what kept him alive. And he needed it now. His chest raised up and down from the running as he opened the door of the studio. It was dark, no one was there and Jin needed no one to be there. He didn't know why this idea popped up in his head, how could he think Kazuya is hearing it when he wasn't even in the hospital now, but Jin walked to the microphone and closed his eyes. He had to let his feeling out with the music. He grabbed a microphone and with closed eyes started to sing...his voice was strong and determined, thinking of Kazuya, of his smile that was burning his heart every time. Singing this song...for his Kazuya.
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be alright
Whoever thought the sun would come crashing down
My life in flames, my tears concrete the pain
We feel the end, the darkest, deepest riverbed
My book of life ain't complete without you here
Alone I sit and reminisce, sometimes
I miss your touch, your kiss, your smile
And meanwhile you know I never cry
Cuz deep down inside
You know our love will never ever die}}
He tried to reassure himself with this song, before he faces the world, before he faces the press conference and everyone outside.
Jin gave all to that song; he gave it all even if there was no audience, singing with power and so many emotions still with closed eyes. He somehow felt Kazuya was listening to him…he didn’t care it was physically impossible…their bond was not something physical…he had faith in it and that …God hears him too. He was never that religious, but now he prayed to God, with this song.
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be okay
Everything's gonna be alright
Together we can take this one day at a time
Can you take my breath away?
Can you give him life today?
Is everything gonna be okay?
I'll be your strength
I'll be here when you wake up}}
Kazuya…you are connected with my heart, aren’t you? The same way as you sang to me on that rainy day…now hear my song…hear it and be strong…I will be your strength…do you hear me Kazu-chan? I know the day of us is close. And that everything will be alright. Do you hear me? Everything… I won’t give up on you. I could never. I promised to you on that fateful day…I believe our meeting was real and not just an illusion.
The world of music and the feeling in his soul Kazuya was there created a smooth aura in the room where Jin’s singing voice echoed.
{{Take your time, and I'll be here when you wake up
I never thought my heart would miss a single beat
Caress your hands, as I watch you while you sleep
So sweet, I weep as I search within
To find a cure, to bring you back again
And the sun will rise, open up your eyes
Surprise, just a blink of an eye
I try, I try to be positive
You're a fighter, so fight, wake up and live}}
Now it is my turn to say…Fight Kazuya….fight my Cinderella. I can reach you can’t I? You hear me, right? Jin felt Kazuya’s presence so strongly now.
The Kazuya in the box felt warm inside, as if he was lifted up. He opened his eyes and saw Jin alone in the dark studio standing in front of the microphone singing with all of his strength. The expression of the love of his life was so beautiful Kazuya couldn’t keep his eyes away. As if Jin was the music itself. Such a charm and passion…
~Jin….~
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be okay
Everything's gonna be alright
Together we can take this one day at a time
Can you take my breath away?
Can you give him life today?
Is everything gonna be okay?
I'll be your strength
I'll be here when you wake up
Everything's gonna be alright}}
As Jin sang “will you give him life today?” a teardrop rolled down his cheek even tho his eyes were closed. Please…whoever responsible … give him back his life…take mine instead if it is needed...Take my breath away if it means I can save him.
{{I'd give my life to only see you breathe again
Hand in hand as we walk on the white sands
To hear your voice, rejoice as you rise and say
This is the day that I wake, and pray, okay?
Tears in silence, as time just moves on
You can't hear it though, but I'm playin' my favorite songs
I miss you much, I wish you'd come back to me
You see I'd wait a lifetime, cuz you're my destiny}}
Kazuya….Kazuya…..come back to me, please…I am not so strong to keep fighting this cruel world alone…please…
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be okay
Everything's gonna be alright
Together we can take this one day at a time
Can you take my breath away?
Can you give him life today?
Is everything gonna be okay?
I'll be your strength
I'll be here when you wake up }}
The song came to an end and silence filled the room as the young singer tilted his head back, eyes still closed, the microphone was still clenched tightly with his hands. He heard Kazuya whisper his name and he didn’t care if he started to become crazy and he hallucinates, but for a fleeting second as he opened his eyes he saw Kazuya standing there, being as beautiful as never before. Jin smiled at the now empty spot where he just saw the man he yearns for and whispered.
“Everything’s gonna be alright Kazuya…”
**
Everyone was excited, the TV programs were all changed to one event: the press conference of the young Johnny’s idol Akanishi Jin. Journalists and cameras were everywhere, people rushing in and out; everything was like an ant nest before rain. Hundreds of fans gathered in front of the place of the presscon with transparents. Some of them said “Let our Jin-sama alone” but there were negative comments written too such as "Die murderer" or “Give us our Kame back", especially from Kame’s die hard fans. Some of the fans even started to fight with each other, pulling each other’s hair and yelling mad things. Kame’s fans vs Jin’s fans. Possibility of another fights seemed always lingering in the air even when one group chilled down.
Jin and T-TUN came in a hidden entrance where no fans were, they didn’t find that place yet, but the idols knew it won’t last long. T-TUN was extremely worried for Jin. The man looked pale, his eyes sad and lifeless and really tired. Even the makeup artists couldn’t make the bags under Jin’s eyes disappear though they covered it mostly.
Koki thought he was going crazy.
“Akanishi, get yourself together!! Just don’t be like this!! What is about your line “keep the faith” and “I believe in wonders”??” he shouted desperately. He just felt kind of panic seeing Jin like this.
“That was… long time ago… there are no wonders Koki…” Jin said in a broken voice, walking towards the door of the room they were in. He knew it is time to face everyone now.
“Bullshit!! Don’t be that coward! Fight damn it!!” Koki snapped, the desperation could be clearly seen in his eyes. He didn’t want something that happened the previous day to happen again.
“Koki!” Ueda put a hand on the rapper's shoulder and shook his head. He slowly walked to the man at the door, squeezing his arm.
“Jin, we are with you. Do your best.” He said while looking into the other’s eyes and received a faint nod from Jin. Jin was grateful that his bandmates are with him even now; after all they had been through. This ruckus hit KAT-TUN badly and various rumors were made up not only about him, about all of them.
“Thank you.” He whispered, grabbed the doorknob and with a determined movement opened the door. They walked along a corridor and were lead to a conference room. Jin was the first one to step into it and at the same second many camera’s started to flash, making pictures of every of his movement while the press was whispering one to another. The tension was thick.
Jin sat down along a long table, to the middle; on one of his sides was Nakamaru, the other side Ueda. Jin looked at the crowd. They were all here to get to know his life…to expect them to tell his life as an open book…but is it their business? Jin wished he was never a star. He wanted to live his life where privacy exists. He thought he got to used to rumors but he had to see they still hurt him badly.
This all… how disgusting… people…get a life. Not mine… my life is mine…mine alone… and it is my decision how I live it. I am grateful to my fans to hear my singing, but…that’s all. I want none of them. I want my own world…where Kazuya is next to me.
The signal went on and the manager gave the predators free time to ask.
“One by one” he warned the journalists and as soon as he said this question one started to ask.
“Akanishi-san is it true you were there at the time of the accident?” Jin decided he will be honest. He had enough. This once he will say what he wants, not what he was being told to say.
“I was.” He nodded with a straight face and it caused everyone surprised gasps and murmuring sounds.
“You really are in that bad relationship with Kamenashi-san?”
“Why did you want to kill him???” came a loud voice from someone from behind. Jin closed his eyes to regain composer and T-TUN looked at him worriedly.
“I could never harm Kazuya. I never wanted to kill him.” He answered、putting so many emotions when he said the name. He wanted to say more but a journalist cut into his word.
“So what is with the girl? Now you are with her?”
Jin started to have enough.
“There is no girl I-“
“so you say-“this time it was Jin who cut into the journalist’s word.
“SHUT UP DAMNIT!!!”
Everyone froze and there was dead silence as Jin stood up. Koki looked at Jin then at Ueda panicked and almost stood too but Ueda shook his head so Koki remained sitting.
“You are here to hear what happened or not?? Then let me speak!!” Jin was pissed and so very tired.
“There is no girl. And yes, I was there. And you know what?? I should be the one lying in that hospital bed. Yes, it should be me, not Kazuya. Want to hear how the accident happened??? I will tell you. Neither of us was at fault. A car wanted to hit me, but he…but he…” tears burned in Jin’s eyes as he remembered the scene, the world began to turn around all at once “…he pushed me out of the way…and so the car hit him… He saved me!!” one teardrop fell and there was still dead silence as the journalists looked at the young man in shock. Even the cameras didn’t blink. Jin knew it was broadcasted live on TV and that probably all nation is watching it now, but he didn’t care.
***
In the hospital room of Kazuya, Kazuya’s mother widened her eyes a little with tears. There was a small TV in Kazuya’s room and they watched the press conference from there. Was it true what Akanishi just said? Looking at the boy in tears…crying in the TV in front of everyone made her heart ache. If it was really as Jin had said…then Kazuya was surely unhappy now that Jin is dragged through this.
Silent tears run down of the face of Kazuya in the box. Jin has the hardest time now, and he can't be next to him. Jin is dragged through this because of him…He wanted to go there so badly… tell all his fans and everyone that Jin was telling the truth.
**
“Nice lie Akanishi-kun!” Tsukasa started to applause with a smirk on his face. Tomoko told him what to do and said Chinami wants him to do it too. He really liked Chinami, they sometimes even slept together so he decided to obligate whatever Chinami was wishing him to do. After all he can get her again into his bed if he says what he was said to say. And he doesn’t care about Akanishi anyway.
Koki thought he will explode and this time not only TTN had glares towards the man, Ueda too. Koki looked at Jin, but to his surprise Jin stayed calm, just looking into the man’s eyes straight.
***
“Yes, he is lying; my Kazuya could never do that!!” Chinami snapped from next to Kazuya’s bed. “Why would my Kazu do that??? Why would he save him?”
The 3 brothers didn’t know what to think. Yuya hated Jin, but the others had mixed feelings of this all. And they didn’t like Chinami. This was the thing all three agreed of.
“This brat…he just wants to prevent of going to jail. How coward that fiend is.” Kazuya’s father hissed.
Kazuya’s mother stayed silent, just looking at the young man on screen and had the urge to go to him and hug him, protecting him…because she somehow knew Jin was right. She saw how Kazuya extended his hand on that fateful day whispering Jin’s name, she remembered how the condition of her son returned to normal once Jin took his hand.
Kazuya in the box covered his ears with his palms.
~He is not lying… he is not! He is telling the truth. I saved him, it was my decision, he was as shocked as everyone who hears it. I saved the man I love more than my own life and I don’t regret it. Leave him alone…~ tears slipped down from Kazuya’s eyes in the box. ~Leave my Jin alone…he suffered enough already… please… Jin I am with you… I hope you can feel me. I am by your side. Stay strong. ~ Kazuya entwined his fingers, praying.
**
“I don’t know who you are or why you are saying this…” Jin started with a calm voice; somehow something gave him warmness as if Kazuya was standing behind him with one hand on his shoulder. “…but I am not lying. I was surprised of the fact he saved me too. I didn’t deserve it… I don’t know why he did it. But… he shouldn’t have. Thank you Kazuya… thank you so much, but…come back please.” He said the last sentence with choking voice.
“You really are a good actor Akanishi.” Tsukasa started to laugh. “But I know your secret. Should I say it?” he winked. Jin still looked calmly, mature into his eyes.
“What would it be?” he asked.
“You think Kamenashi did it because he returns your disgusting feelings? You tell it to yourself? I know the real reason why you wanted to kill Kamenashi. Because you are a sick gay. You couldn’t bear that he doesn’t return your love. Tell it now. Are you in love with Kamenashi Kazuya?”
At that everyone started to gasp and Koki popped up from his chair.
“Enough you bastard!! Stop insulting Akanishi with nonsense like this!!” Koki had the urge to go there and punch him on his face.
“Oooh Tanaka. The great friend. Then hear it with your own ears.” Tsukasa looked at Jin whose eyes were wide and not only had the young journalist, everyone, including T-TUN looked at Jin. He didn’t say anything.
“Akanishi…” Koki whispered seeing Jin looking down onto the table for a moment and then looked up with a start, his face shone with seriousness, but his eyes were still tired.
“I repeat myself once again, I could never harm him. As for the second question…” he looked at his panicked bandmates, along the journalists, the tension was ticker than ever, they even forgot to take photos at that instant.
The moment of truth came… and Jin was ready to face it even if it cost him his work and lifestyle as an idol.
“Listen to my song Care…and you will know the answer.” There was dead silence again but after the initial shock had gone, all cameras started flashing and the murmuring sounds were heard again.
**
The eyes of the Kazuya in the box went wide and filled with tears more.
~God…Jin…~
Jin chose the harder path…he could have said anything else, anything to run from the situation, to answer a lie…but no. Instead Jin had the power to confess his love for him in the national television. Kazuya cried heavily. He had mixed feelings. He was grateful to Jin, to fate that Jin’s love was this strong, but he was grieving. God… what is awaiting Jin after this statement? He will be dragged through so much. Is he strong enough? Why…? If their love is so strong… why can’t he open his eyes and go to Jin?
Tears run down of the cheek of Kazuya’s mother as she watched the face of Jin, the depth of his eyes, all feelings in it. She realized, this man loves her son more than anything else and somehow she was not disgusted by the thought. She felt as if she can entrust her son to this man who so strongly confessed in front of everyone.
Kazuya’s father was surprised too but in different meaning.
“Never… this man can never, ever see Kazuya…” he said determined and glared at the television, clenching his fists.
“Go father, go!” Chinami cheered.
***
Was everything lost now? Did he answer the right thing to that question? Will this be a reason he has to go away from JE? If it was...he didn’t regret it, he was tired of lies… No matter what happens, even if the world is against him, even if he gets expelled, forced to leave his life as it is now…he will support Kazuya and stay by his side. Just…maybe he has to say goodbye to the life he lived until now…and his bandmates…
{{Guess we've reached the grand finale
I'll take a bow as the curtains close
Oh all my life I'll remember this, I hope
And what it meant to live}}
Sorry minna...
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be OK
Everything's gonna be alright
Can you take my breath away
Can you change my life today
Is everything gonna be OK}}
Change my life…let it be next to Kazuya… I am tired of this world…I am tired of being buried in lies… I reached my limits.
Kazuya… I don’t know anything anymore… I don’t know what I should do… I just know… I love you. Everything will be alright…please open your eyes and say it to me.
Yamapi couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Somehow Jin seemed so tired, but at the same time a tender smile lied on his lips as he confessed those words and he seemed mature and somewhat shining. Pain made Jin more beautiful, Pi had to see it. Yamapi knew very well, Jin knew everyone will understand him, understand that statement. Care…Jin’s famous song…all the love that laid in it and the lines. What will Tomoko do now? He popped up from his couch, grabbed the dictaphone and even without taking his coat he started to run towards the hospital. This was not in his plans. Will it be over? Will the girl steal Kazuya’s life?
Jin bowed and stood as if it was the most natural thing to answer such words to the question. He knew…idol life ends here if no miracle comes…it is a goodbye. But he didn’t regret a thing. He looked at the shocked faces of the press people, looked at his bandmates who panicked.
{{One last chord on my piano
One last drag on my cigarette
Oh, one final look I'll take at you
One last goodbye forever
Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be OK
Everything's gonna be alright
Can you take my breath away
Can you change my life today
Is everything gonna be OK}}
Don't worry guys...everything will be alright... you can manage without me... I am sorry it turned out like this. I don't care of my pride...what they will think about me as they realize I love a man, I don't care... and I am sure that now I close the door of my life here in the idol world for forever. It has no meaning after all...not without Kazuya.
Can I have a wish? Can I? Take me to the place he is now...where his soul is now...I have enough of the constant pain...even if it means I will be unconscious all of my life, even if it means the sand of my life will be blown away by wind and disappear...I want to be where he is.
{{My famous last words echo
As I put down my pride and close the doors
I'm burned and scarred from wasted time
I'm bruised by thoughts of you}}
My last words…that sentence that decided my fate… pride lost its meaning long ago, now it’s over. Jin felt that he just wasted his time all of his life. He wasted his time by not telling Kazuya what he was feeling. He felt calm, but he knew it was because he was too much in sorrow to feel anything anymore. Only one thought…only one name…only one word…Kazuya…
[the hardened hearts cause tears of blood again
now what will motivate me?
like the existence of the things that filled our beautiful world
even the dreams we had of our future died
everything that cant be taken
there are no more tears to cry
the pain that digs deep into my bones
i can no longer take it anymore]
*********************************
TBC
AN: Wuhh... I used a lot of songs now ^^; listen to them ne <3
so, lyrics:
[ ] DBKS - Triangle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKMm2ZSHito
{ } Hamasaki Ayumi - Love Destiny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-1yTo17zhI
{{ }} Sweetbox: Everythings gonna be allright. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqUDrXpYSGk
{{ }} Sweetbox: everythings gonna be allright Reborn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iD6pah2CHzo
Comments are love <3333 They give me strength to continue ^^
Free counters
Title: Unable to respond /chapter 16/
Pairing: Akame
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Beta:
blue_eye1 THANK YOU!!
Summary: Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
CHAPTER 16
With an ice cold glare Chinami stepped into the room and looked at Tomoko who was greatly surprised that Chinami was there. She thought she went home already.
„Oh Chi-chan. Hi!” she smiled cutely.
„Tell me I didn't hear it right. Just tell me it isn't true!!” She said, going closer to the nurse.
„What are you talking about?” Tomoko acted as if she was innocent and didn't know what the other was talking about. Shit... this bitch, she overheard me?
„You wanted to kill my Kazuya?!?!” She shouted very angry, pissed, she just hated Tomoko. „How could you?? I thought we are friends!! You bitch!!” Chinami had never been this furious before. She ran to Tomoko, tossed her from Kazuya’s bed and stood in front of Kazuya as a shield.
„You WON’T do anything to him, do you understand??”
Kazuya in the box was relieved, he was happy that the two girls fight. Yes... no matter how lucky a liar feels herself, truth will always find a way. Who has evil thought in heart will get paid back.
[Don't pleasure in other people's struggles! It will turn into a boomerang]
~For the first time Chimani-chan, I am with you, and have to thank you. Fight against her! ~ Not that Kazuya grew to like Chinami, not at all. Just at that moment he was really glad someone knows what liar Tomoko was and what she wants to do. He knew Yamapi can’t tell anyone and won't, tho he got the suspicion T-TUN didn't visit him separately without a reason.
~Thank you... thank you all who support me... ~ Kazuya felt he has faith again in everything. Slowly the truth finds its way to the surface and everything will be alright. He also hoped, he knew, the day of his awakening is near. He started to feel healthier and the door was clear with the doorknob clearly seen on it, just... it was still closed. He didn't have the key so he couldn't open it. What is my key? Where is it?
„Why are you so down? Do you think I don't know Tsukasa and you are sleeping together and that you fell for Yamashita too? Kamenashi is not that kakkoii anyway, just look at him, he is thin and looks like a girl. I will have to cure my poor Jin darling out of his bad taste.” Tomoko shrugged and this made Chinami angrier.
„If you do anything to Kazuya I will kill your Jin. I will, I am not joking.” Chinami threatened. Hearing this Tomoko’s grin melted.
„Don’t you dare...”
„Then don't YOU dare either.”
~Oh my God...~ Kazuya paled. Are they serious? Are they normal? They are surely not... playing with others lives like this... ~Jin... watch out... no; you can’t harm him, no no!! Bitch, say that again and I will be the one killing you! ~ Kazuya was angry and yet again desperate. Tho he knew, as long as he was alive Chinami won't do anything to Jin. At least he hoped so.
***
It was morning. Kazuya’s mother went into the kitchen with a heavy sigh. She remembered how Kazuya sometimes cooked for his brothers and everyone when she was away for work. How she wished to eat Kazuya’s meal again, it was always delicious, Kazuya was a person who gave everything to what he was doing, somewhat a perfectionist.
He always made his family happy and his mother was really proud of him. Not because he became a top idol, but because he never lost himself in fame, never turned out to be a different person because of money, Kazuya stayed the boy he always was.
„Kazuya...I wish you were here.”
She went out of the kitchen with eyes watered, she couldn't stay there. Then, she saw it...Kazuya’s younger brother Yuya was sitting on the couch, legs hugged onto his chest. Yuya was the one who took Kazuya’s accident the worse. He refused to visit him and when they talked about Kazuya he always became silent, sometimes even went out.
„Yuya...”
„Yes mom?” the boy looked up and released his hold on his knees.
„Come and eat something. You didn't even eat breakfast did you?” His mom asked worried.
„I did, I ate pudding.” The boy answered and grabbed the remote control of the TV, turning it on.
„And now onto the news; today famous pop group KAT-TUN’s Akanishi Jin-san will have a press conference regarding the accident that happened with his fellow bandmate Kamenashi Kazuya-san.”
Yuya froze when he saw Jin’s and KAT-TUN’s picture on the screen. Mixed feelings filled his heart. There was his Nii-san who he loved dearly and... the one who betrayed him. He still remembered how good friends he and Jin were back then and Jin was good friend of Kazuya too. Why? Why did he do it? Yuya couldn't bear it anymore he popped up and run to his room slamming the door after him.
Once in his room he let his tears out.
„Nii-san...” He took his wallet out of his pocket, looking at the photo of Kazuya in it. He missed him very much. For him, his brother was the type of man he always wanted to be. He adored his every step, every word his brother told and for him Kazuya was perfect.
„Yuya?” a knock came by the door and the boy recognized the voice of his older brother. He quickly wiped the tears away from his eyes and said:
„Come in.”
Kouji, who was older than he and Kazuya stepped into the room with an understanding look on his face.
„Hey, we were talking with Yuuichirou that it is time to visit Kazu.” Yuya stiffened.
„You know, it is hard for us too, we are all his brothers and love him...but...don't you think Kazu misses us?” Kouji sat down next to his brother who was looking down onto the floor.
„Kazuya can’t hear us Nii-san...he is...he is...”
„I had a dream where I met Kazuya. He was sad we never visit him. It was a strange dream, felt so real, but he said he misses us and give regards to his little brother... how did he name you... little Yu-pon” Kouji smiled. The dream was really shocking him, it was the first dream he had about Kazuya.
Yuya looked up with eyes widened, Kazuya named him only like this when they were alone.
„H... how did you know my nickname?” He stuttered.
„I told you, Kazu told it to me. And man... I miss him too. I was afraid to go there, how I will react seeing him just lying there but Yu, we have to go. For Kazuya’s sake.” The boy hugged the younger and they started to talk about Kazuya, about memories and about what party they will make their brother once he wakes up.
***
Jin was sitting on Koki’s couch in the living room with a tired look on his face; a mineral water can in his hand. He rested his back against the red leather couch, watching the picture of KAT-TUN on Koki’s shelf with a blank expression, painfully. How innocent they were... how they smiled, thinking everything can be possible. They were still somewhat kids living in a dream...and he himself... living with closed eyes, feelings suppressed...in complete denial. At that time he was still able to be next to Kazuya without being cold, his feelings didn't scare him that much...because he didn't acknowledge it what they were. Even if it was obviously love he shrugged it off, it will fade, it will go away he always have thought. And anyway it can’t be love, it is just simple adoration because Kazuya was quite feminine and Jin always thought he has to be protected.
He just wanted to live in eternity, without things to change. He was happy at that time. He observed the picture, every inch of it... then rested his eyes on Kazuya’s smile. He was addicted to it, but at the same time it pained his heart. Smiling for eternity be happy for eternity...living in the same moment for eternity...
{Nee...eternity doesn't exist...
what was the minute i started to acknowledge it?
Nee...but the days we spent together
I am proud more than anyone else
That they were not lies}
The ocean was coloured in orange colours by the setting sun. Koki and Maru were sitting on blankets on seashore, Ueda went to buy something to drink and Junno...he was sleeping but buried in sand, his head was the only part that was not covered. Poor guy, he will have the shock of his life once he wakes up.
Kazuya was walking on the seashore and Jin decided to join him. At that time he still managed to ignore that his heart beat extremely fast when he saw the beautiful boy bathed in orange light wearing only bathing pants, his hair delicately brush his shoulders. Jin told himself it is just childish addiction called best friendship. He still refused to acknowledge what it was in reality when Kazuya looked at him and smiled. Jin could die for that smile.
They walked together, talking, laughing and Jin wished time to stop.
„Kame~ it is not fair! Tell me!” Jin pouted and the younger man let out a soft chuckle.
„Hi~mi~tsu”
„Kazuyaaa!” Jin pouted more. He bent down and splashed Kame with the water. The other tried to run away laughing.
„You wont catch me~!” It was rare that Kame behaved childish not that Jin minded. He followed the boy with full speed and Kazuya shrieked as he was caught by the arm and pulled down to the water.
„Jin!!” he tried to struggle and splashed the older, feeling Jin releasing his hold on him. They splashed each other but neither of them wanted to give in, they used every method they could to splash more amount of water onto the other, they both hated to lose.
Maybe that was the day that turned everything into a mess... Jin had thought as he remembered it. With an accidentally move... the fate started its strange way of play. And everything started to change...leading into a tragedy of today.
Jin’s foot slipped and he lost balance, falling into the water that was only 2 centimeters, they were still on the shore.
But as he opened his eyes his heart started to pound hard against his chest. He acknowledged where he had fallen. He was laying on top of Kazuya, straddling his hips, his face just inches away from the others. He saw Kazuya’s wide eyes and he knew he reflects the same. The urge came suddenly and Jin panicked. He wanted to close the gap, he wanted to kiss Kazuya, to be forever like this, to caress him, to...
Jin shook his head and distanced himself, standing up. He was scared of himself, confused and started to realize really how much this feeling is not only strong friendship. He still remembered Kame’s embarrassed, blushed and somewhat scared face as he looked back at him...and after it... he chose to be cold. For so many years.
{The time of our lives...
but the length maybe is a little different
Just that we met
Just that I loved u
I held these feelings even we couldn't meet
I wont forget}
Jin tore his gaze off of that picture. Why? Why was he such a coward? He regretted it more than anything. His eyelids felt heavy and he closed them, reliving the feeling of that fateful moment. Why didn't he just close the distance between their lips? That damn teenage pride that didn't want him to love another guy.
It doesn't matter if it is a guy or a girl. The feelings... the pureness of it... the feeling of being loved, and that of giving love in return, protecting the other, helping the other, knowing his lover and giving himself to the one. Trust... only these what mattered. A person’s soul carries all the abilities of how one is. Gender is not important. Why throwing away such an intense feeling just because Kazuya happened to born to be a boy? At that time he was too young to understand it. Now he did... and maybe it was too late.
{Nee...why is it so painful?
I want to be with u,
It is only good if it is with u
But..still... a little thing is enough
I became someone who can be happy with just a little thing
Words that fill me
If we could share them, say it together
they would have meaning
Feeling the same things, from now on too...
Truth and reality...
I wont overlook them... lets make them the proof of life.
Just that we met
Just that I loved u
Even if we wont ever meet again...
I will never forget.}
He stood up quietly after gulping the remaining water down from the can. He wanted to see Kazuya before the big event. He needed power, needed support...yes, no matter how crazy it sounded in weak and exhausted times like this he felt Kazuya’s support. He felt as if a warm hand rested in his, squeezing it tightly, sometimes he swore he even could hear Kazuya whispering reassuring words. He didn't care if he was going crazy, if going crazy meant to be able to feel Kazuya near than he welcomed the craziness with open arms.
Then he remembered he was not at home and Koki was not at home so he should leave a note. So he began to write.
„Yo man,
I went to visit Kazu-chan, see you at the presscon.
Oh and Koki... thank you.
By Jin”
***
He parked his car near the hospital and looked around. Okay, no one suspicious, no nurse on street, no fans either, good. He wanted to see Kazuya, tho it was worse and worse every day. He just...couldn't stand to see Kazuya like that lately. When will he open his eyes finally?
Every day he hoped, every time his phone started to vibrate in his pocket his heart was pounding in his throat with hope maybe it is a call that says Kazuya woke up. But it never came and he was a little exhausted.
But the surprising thing was... the more exhausted he got the more he felt Kazuya’s helping hand.
He was watching Kazuya’s window, wishing the other would pull the curtains away and smile down at him. No such luck... he sighed.
He pulled himself together and was about to enter the hospital when he froze as someone from behind shouted his name in not a very nice tone.
„Akanishi?!” Jin looked behind and saw Kazuya’s parents and what was unexpected... brothers. How many times he hanged out with them in the past. Good old days...
„Good morning.” Jin said with a calm voice, but Kazuya’s father started to walk into his direction with a death glare.
„Away!! Away from here! Didn't I already tell you? You are not allowed to go near my son!! NEVER!!”
„Dear, let him please, just let him!” Kazuya’s mom said worried as she eyed the young man. She was feeling as if keeping Kazuya without Akanishi’s presence is like keeping Kazuya away from medicines.
„Let him?? Are you crazy?” His father asked in disbelief.
„Go away!!” Yuya screamed and it was unexpected so everyone looked at him wide eyed. „You harmed Nii-san!! I will never forgive you! Never!! Go! Disappear from here!!” The boy had hatred and tears in his eyes. Kazuya was a being to him that he adored and loved dearly, his precious Nii-san who taught so many things to him.
„Or if you won’t, then give me my Nii-san back!! Give him back!!”
Kazuya’s mother was at the edge of tears and she saw how Akanishi was fighting with them too.
„Yuya...” Nao, the mom whispered. She looked at Jin carefully and tho she really didn't want to say it she knew she had to.
„Please leave Akanishi-kun.” Nao felt as if she betrayed Kazuya with that sentence. But what else could she do?
Jin didn't say a word just nodded, looking at the woman. Nao had an urge to pull the boy close. She saw Jin is grieving as much as they do. 'I am sorry Akanishi-kun, I am sorry...'
Jin felt broken and turned his back...he can't see Kazuya now... he can't touch his ray of light now...Why was this world so unfair? What did he do to deserve this?
He shook his head and began to run as fast as he could, not caring of his car which stayed in the parking lot. Away... away from the world.
***
Yuya was afraid a little. Is he strong enough to face Kazuya like that? He was shivering inside and clenched his fists to be able to stay strong. There they were, arriving at the door... behind that door and who knows how many transparent doors to his world, there was Kazuya... laying there for a half year giving no signs of life other then his heartbeat.
Kouji and Yuuichirou both put a hand on Yuya’s shoulder and extended their free hands, putting onto each other’s.
„Fight Oh!” they said, imitating Yankumi from the drama in which their brother played. Kazuya liked that phase and at that time he used to do it at home many times.
Yuya didn't imitate them; he just looked down...Gokusen 2...the drama in which his Nii-san played together with Akanishi. He won't watch it ever again.
He took a deep breath when his father opened the door. Both of the parents looked at their sons and smiled reassuringly, but Nao’s eyes were wet.
Yuya shut his eyes while he stepped into the room, but he knew he can’t be like that for forever, he slowly opened them and looked into the direction of the bed fearful.
When he saw Kazuya he ran to him and looked at his mother.
„Mom, he is just sleeping, Kazuya is just sleeping. Don’t you see?” He kneeled next to the bed, taking Kazuya’s hand and began to shake it a little.
„Nii-san, get up, it is morning! Nii-san!” His eyes became wet. Yuuichirou and Kouji just stood next to him silently. They also needed time to digest what they saw.
~Yuya? ~ Kazuya in the box felt a hand in his and heard his brother’s voice... God, how long had it been since he last heard it. He was glad Yuya finally visited him. He missed his brothers dearly and maybe he missed Yuya the most.
„Kazuya! Kazu!! Hey...please...” I won’t cry I won’t cry... Yuya repeated in his mind, but one stubborn teardrop made its way down his cheek.
~God...Yuya... little brother...I wish I could. I miss you. ~ Kazuya had tears in the eyes as well.
„Can you hear me? I broke your favorite glass yesterday, come and scold me.” The young boy squeezed Kazuya’s hand more with both of his hands. „Kazu-niisan I love you so much, please brother, open your eyes.
It was heart retching for Kazuya. He was touched they came to visit but maybe it would have been better if they stay at home.
~I love you too Yuya and I can hear you; I will go back to you and to the others. Wait for me ne... and about the cup, I will spank you. ~ Kazuya joked, how he wished he could say the words out loud. Sometimes people wish if they wouldn't say things they have said... they don't know how it is when they can not say anything, when they are strived to be silent...just listening. People commit mistakes by just words... but it is better than being unable to respond.
„Kazu little bro, you are a sportsman, the baseball field awaits you. You still have to teach me your special movement.” Kouji smiled with wet eyes. „Ganbare Kazuya senshu!”
„Yeah, and you still have to sing that embarrassing song in karaoke for me, you lost our play so you have to...do you hear me? You can’t leave like this. You promised.” Yuuichirou joined to the speakers too.
~Brothers... I miss you all... I will do everything I promised and I will spend more time together with you all... I am so sorry I never really had time the last years...sorry that we hardly talked...sorry that my work stood between us and I was too frustrated to even talk to you... But hora! It will change. ~ Kazuya in the box stood up and tears threatened him. ~Because after I wake up... I will be happy, more happy than ever...I will be happy with Jin by my side and we will be like a big family again... you 3, mother, father and Jin.~ tears rolled down on Kazuya’s cheeks as he imagined it. The thought that it might not be reality scared him and made him sad.
The family decided to stay by Kazuya’s side the whole day. It was a special day after all with everyone of the family there.
Not much time passed and the door opened revealing Chinami. Kazuya’s brothers looked at the girl with question marks in place of their eyes. Who is this plaza babe? Surely she just mistook the door, yes it is the case.
„Awwww, everyone is here, halihellooo~~~ How is my deeear Kazu-chan today?” she exclaimed, throwing her newly coloured blond hair behind her shoulders making a bubble of the gum she chewed.
„E...eh?” Kouji and the brothers looked at each other.
„Chinami-chan!” Kazuhiko, the father stood up smiling at the girl.
„Ermm...mom...who is she?” Yuuichirou asked his mom silently.
„Well... she is Kazuya’s girlfriend....” the mother sighed. How she wished a better girl for her son...someone who is caring... like Akanishi. She was scared of herself. What was she thinking? She couldn't possibly want Akanishi to be the lover of her son.
„WHAT?!?!?!?!??!!?” the three boys exclaimed in totally shock.
***
Jin couldn't stand the pressure anymore, beside Kazuya music was what kept him alive. And he needed it now. His chest raised up and down from the running as he opened the door of the studio. It was dark, no one was there and Jin needed no one to be there. He didn't know why this idea popped up in his head, how could he think Kazuya is hearing it when he wasn't even in the hospital now, but Jin walked to the microphone and closed his eyes. He had to let his feeling out with the music. He grabbed a microphone and with closed eyes started to sing...his voice was strong and determined, thinking of Kazuya, of his smile that was burning his heart every time. Singing this song...for his Kazuya.
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be alright
Whoever thought the sun would come crashing down
My life in flames, my tears concrete the pain
We feel the end, the darkest, deepest riverbed
My book of life ain't complete without you here
Alone I sit and reminisce, sometimes
I miss your touch, your kiss, your smile
And meanwhile you know I never cry
Cuz deep down inside
You know our love will never ever die}}
He tried to reassure himself with this song, before he faces the world, before he faces the press conference and everyone outside.
Jin gave all to that song; he gave it all even if there was no audience, singing with power and so many emotions still with closed eyes. He somehow felt Kazuya was listening to him…he didn’t care it was physically impossible…their bond was not something physical…he had faith in it and that …God hears him too. He was never that religious, but now he prayed to God, with this song.
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be okay
Everything's gonna be alright
Together we can take this one day at a time
Can you take my breath away?
Can you give him life today?
Is everything gonna be okay?
I'll be your strength
I'll be here when you wake up}}
Kazuya…you are connected with my heart, aren’t you? The same way as you sang to me on that rainy day…now hear my song…hear it and be strong…I will be your strength…do you hear me Kazu-chan? I know the day of us is close. And that everything will be alright. Do you hear me? Everything… I won’t give up on you. I could never. I promised to you on that fateful day…I believe our meeting was real and not just an illusion.
The world of music and the feeling in his soul Kazuya was there created a smooth aura in the room where Jin’s singing voice echoed.
{{Take your time, and I'll be here when you wake up
I never thought my heart would miss a single beat
Caress your hands, as I watch you while you sleep
So sweet, I weep as I search within
To find a cure, to bring you back again
And the sun will rise, open up your eyes
Surprise, just a blink of an eye
I try, I try to be positive
You're a fighter, so fight, wake up and live}}
Now it is my turn to say…Fight Kazuya….fight my Cinderella. I can reach you can’t I? You hear me, right? Jin felt Kazuya’s presence so strongly now.
The Kazuya in the box felt warm inside, as if he was lifted up. He opened his eyes and saw Jin alone in the dark studio standing in front of the microphone singing with all of his strength. The expression of the love of his life was so beautiful Kazuya couldn’t keep his eyes away. As if Jin was the music itself. Such a charm and passion…
~Jin….~
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be okay
Everything's gonna be alright
Together we can take this one day at a time
Can you take my breath away?
Can you give him life today?
Is everything gonna be okay?
I'll be your strength
I'll be here when you wake up
Everything's gonna be alright}}
As Jin sang “will you give him life today?” a teardrop rolled down his cheek even tho his eyes were closed. Please…whoever responsible … give him back his life…take mine instead if it is needed...Take my breath away if it means I can save him.
{{I'd give my life to only see you breathe again
Hand in hand as we walk on the white sands
To hear your voice, rejoice as you rise and say
This is the day that I wake, and pray, okay?
Tears in silence, as time just moves on
You can't hear it though, but I'm playin' my favorite songs
I miss you much, I wish you'd come back to me
You see I'd wait a lifetime, cuz you're my destiny}}
Kazuya….Kazuya…..come back to me, please…I am not so strong to keep fighting this cruel world alone…please…
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be okay
Everything's gonna be alright
Together we can take this one day at a time
Can you take my breath away?
Can you give him life today?
Is everything gonna be okay?
I'll be your strength
I'll be here when you wake up }}
The song came to an end and silence filled the room as the young singer tilted his head back, eyes still closed, the microphone was still clenched tightly with his hands. He heard Kazuya whisper his name and he didn’t care if he started to become crazy and he hallucinates, but for a fleeting second as he opened his eyes he saw Kazuya standing there, being as beautiful as never before. Jin smiled at the now empty spot where he just saw the man he yearns for and whispered.
“Everything’s gonna be alright Kazuya…”
**
Everyone was excited, the TV programs were all changed to one event: the press conference of the young Johnny’s idol Akanishi Jin. Journalists and cameras were everywhere, people rushing in and out; everything was like an ant nest before rain. Hundreds of fans gathered in front of the place of the presscon with transparents. Some of them said “Let our Jin-sama alone” but there were negative comments written too such as "Die murderer" or “Give us our Kame back", especially from Kame’s die hard fans. Some of the fans even started to fight with each other, pulling each other’s hair and yelling mad things. Kame’s fans vs Jin’s fans. Possibility of another fights seemed always lingering in the air even when one group chilled down.
Jin and T-TUN came in a hidden entrance where no fans were, they didn’t find that place yet, but the idols knew it won’t last long. T-TUN was extremely worried for Jin. The man looked pale, his eyes sad and lifeless and really tired. Even the makeup artists couldn’t make the bags under Jin’s eyes disappear though they covered it mostly.
Koki thought he was going crazy.
“Akanishi, get yourself together!! Just don’t be like this!! What is about your line “keep the faith” and “I believe in wonders”??” he shouted desperately. He just felt kind of panic seeing Jin like this.
“That was… long time ago… there are no wonders Koki…” Jin said in a broken voice, walking towards the door of the room they were in. He knew it is time to face everyone now.
“Bullshit!! Don’t be that coward! Fight damn it!!” Koki snapped, the desperation could be clearly seen in his eyes. He didn’t want something that happened the previous day to happen again.
“Koki!” Ueda put a hand on the rapper's shoulder and shook his head. He slowly walked to the man at the door, squeezing his arm.
“Jin, we are with you. Do your best.” He said while looking into the other’s eyes and received a faint nod from Jin. Jin was grateful that his bandmates are with him even now; after all they had been through. This ruckus hit KAT-TUN badly and various rumors were made up not only about him, about all of them.
“Thank you.” He whispered, grabbed the doorknob and with a determined movement opened the door. They walked along a corridor and were lead to a conference room. Jin was the first one to step into it and at the same second many camera’s started to flash, making pictures of every of his movement while the press was whispering one to another. The tension was thick.
Jin sat down along a long table, to the middle; on one of his sides was Nakamaru, the other side Ueda. Jin looked at the crowd. They were all here to get to know his life…to expect them to tell his life as an open book…but is it their business? Jin wished he was never a star. He wanted to live his life where privacy exists. He thought he got to used to rumors but he had to see they still hurt him badly.
This all… how disgusting… people…get a life. Not mine… my life is mine…mine alone… and it is my decision how I live it. I am grateful to my fans to hear my singing, but…that’s all. I want none of them. I want my own world…where Kazuya is next to me.
The signal went on and the manager gave the predators free time to ask.
“One by one” he warned the journalists and as soon as he said this question one started to ask.
“Akanishi-san is it true you were there at the time of the accident?” Jin decided he will be honest. He had enough. This once he will say what he wants, not what he was being told to say.
“I was.” He nodded with a straight face and it caused everyone surprised gasps and murmuring sounds.
“You really are in that bad relationship with Kamenashi-san?”
“Why did you want to kill him???” came a loud voice from someone from behind. Jin closed his eyes to regain composer and T-TUN looked at him worriedly.
“I could never harm Kazuya. I never wanted to kill him.” He answered、putting so many emotions when he said the name. He wanted to say more but a journalist cut into his word.
“So what is with the girl? Now you are with her?”
Jin started to have enough.
“There is no girl I-“
“so you say-“this time it was Jin who cut into the journalist’s word.
“SHUT UP DAMNIT!!!”
Everyone froze and there was dead silence as Jin stood up. Koki looked at Jin then at Ueda panicked and almost stood too but Ueda shook his head so Koki remained sitting.
“You are here to hear what happened or not?? Then let me speak!!” Jin was pissed and so very tired.
“There is no girl. And yes, I was there. And you know what?? I should be the one lying in that hospital bed. Yes, it should be me, not Kazuya. Want to hear how the accident happened??? I will tell you. Neither of us was at fault. A car wanted to hit me, but he…but he…” tears burned in Jin’s eyes as he remembered the scene, the world began to turn around all at once “…he pushed me out of the way…and so the car hit him… He saved me!!” one teardrop fell and there was still dead silence as the journalists looked at the young man in shock. Even the cameras didn’t blink. Jin knew it was broadcasted live on TV and that probably all nation is watching it now, but he didn’t care.
***
In the hospital room of Kazuya, Kazuya’s mother widened her eyes a little with tears. There was a small TV in Kazuya’s room and they watched the press conference from there. Was it true what Akanishi just said? Looking at the boy in tears…crying in the TV in front of everyone made her heart ache. If it was really as Jin had said…then Kazuya was surely unhappy now that Jin is dragged through this.
Silent tears run down of the face of Kazuya in the box. Jin has the hardest time now, and he can't be next to him. Jin is dragged through this because of him…He wanted to go there so badly… tell all his fans and everyone that Jin was telling the truth.
**
“Nice lie Akanishi-kun!” Tsukasa started to applause with a smirk on his face. Tomoko told him what to do and said Chinami wants him to do it too. He really liked Chinami, they sometimes even slept together so he decided to obligate whatever Chinami was wishing him to do. After all he can get her again into his bed if he says what he was said to say. And he doesn’t care about Akanishi anyway.
Koki thought he will explode and this time not only TTN had glares towards the man, Ueda too. Koki looked at Jin, but to his surprise Jin stayed calm, just looking into the man’s eyes straight.
***
“Yes, he is lying; my Kazuya could never do that!!” Chinami snapped from next to Kazuya’s bed. “Why would my Kazu do that??? Why would he save him?”
The 3 brothers didn’t know what to think. Yuya hated Jin, but the others had mixed feelings of this all. And they didn’t like Chinami. This was the thing all three agreed of.
“This brat…he just wants to prevent of going to jail. How coward that fiend is.” Kazuya’s father hissed.
Kazuya’s mother stayed silent, just looking at the young man on screen and had the urge to go to him and hug him, protecting him…because she somehow knew Jin was right. She saw how Kazuya extended his hand on that fateful day whispering Jin’s name, she remembered how the condition of her son returned to normal once Jin took his hand.
Kazuya in the box covered his ears with his palms.
~He is not lying… he is not! He is telling the truth. I saved him, it was my decision, he was as shocked as everyone who hears it. I saved the man I love more than my own life and I don’t regret it. Leave him alone…~ tears slipped down from Kazuya’s eyes in the box. ~Leave my Jin alone…he suffered enough already… please… Jin I am with you… I hope you can feel me. I am by your side. Stay strong. ~ Kazuya entwined his fingers, praying.
**
“I don’t know who you are or why you are saying this…” Jin started with a calm voice; somehow something gave him warmness as if Kazuya was standing behind him with one hand on his shoulder. “…but I am not lying. I was surprised of the fact he saved me too. I didn’t deserve it… I don’t know why he did it. But… he shouldn’t have. Thank you Kazuya… thank you so much, but…come back please.” He said the last sentence with choking voice.
“You really are a good actor Akanishi.” Tsukasa started to laugh. “But I know your secret. Should I say it?” he winked. Jin still looked calmly, mature into his eyes.
“What would it be?” he asked.
“You think Kamenashi did it because he returns your disgusting feelings? You tell it to yourself? I know the real reason why you wanted to kill Kamenashi. Because you are a sick gay. You couldn’t bear that he doesn’t return your love. Tell it now. Are you in love with Kamenashi Kazuya?”
At that everyone started to gasp and Koki popped up from his chair.
“Enough you bastard!! Stop insulting Akanishi with nonsense like this!!” Koki had the urge to go there and punch him on his face.
“Oooh Tanaka. The great friend. Then hear it with your own ears.” Tsukasa looked at Jin whose eyes were wide and not only had the young journalist, everyone, including T-TUN looked at Jin. He didn’t say anything.
“Akanishi…” Koki whispered seeing Jin looking down onto the table for a moment and then looked up with a start, his face shone with seriousness, but his eyes were still tired.
“I repeat myself once again, I could never harm him. As for the second question…” he looked at his panicked bandmates, along the journalists, the tension was ticker than ever, they even forgot to take photos at that instant.
The moment of truth came… and Jin was ready to face it even if it cost him his work and lifestyle as an idol.
“Listen to my song Care…and you will know the answer.” There was dead silence again but after the initial shock had gone, all cameras started flashing and the murmuring sounds were heard again.
**
The eyes of the Kazuya in the box went wide and filled with tears more.
~God…Jin…~
Jin chose the harder path…he could have said anything else, anything to run from the situation, to answer a lie…but no. Instead Jin had the power to confess his love for him in the national television. Kazuya cried heavily. He had mixed feelings. He was grateful to Jin, to fate that Jin’s love was this strong, but he was grieving. God… what is awaiting Jin after this statement? He will be dragged through so much. Is he strong enough? Why…? If their love is so strong… why can’t he open his eyes and go to Jin?
Tears run down of the cheek of Kazuya’s mother as she watched the face of Jin, the depth of his eyes, all feelings in it. She realized, this man loves her son more than anything else and somehow she was not disgusted by the thought. She felt as if she can entrust her son to this man who so strongly confessed in front of everyone.
Kazuya’s father was surprised too but in different meaning.
“Never… this man can never, ever see Kazuya…” he said determined and glared at the television, clenching his fists.
“Go father, go!” Chinami cheered.
***
Was everything lost now? Did he answer the right thing to that question? Will this be a reason he has to go away from JE? If it was...he didn’t regret it, he was tired of lies… No matter what happens, even if the world is against him, even if he gets expelled, forced to leave his life as it is now…he will support Kazuya and stay by his side. Just…maybe he has to say goodbye to the life he lived until now…and his bandmates…
{{Guess we've reached the grand finale
I'll take a bow as the curtains close
Oh all my life I'll remember this, I hope
And what it meant to live}}
Sorry minna...
{{Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be OK
Everything's gonna be alright
Can you take my breath away
Can you change my life today
Is everything gonna be OK}}
Change my life…let it be next to Kazuya… I am tired of this world…I am tired of being buried in lies… I reached my limits.
Kazuya… I don’t know anything anymore… I don’t know what I should do… I just know… I love you. Everything will be alright…please open your eyes and say it to me.
Yamapi couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Somehow Jin seemed so tired, but at the same time a tender smile lied on his lips as he confessed those words and he seemed mature and somewhat shining. Pain made Jin more beautiful, Pi had to see it. Yamapi knew very well, Jin knew everyone will understand him, understand that statement. Care…Jin’s famous song…all the love that laid in it and the lines. What will Tomoko do now? He popped up from his couch, grabbed the dictaphone and even without taking his coat he started to run towards the hospital. This was not in his plans. Will it be over? Will the girl steal Kazuya’s life?
Jin bowed and stood as if it was the most natural thing to answer such words to the question. He knew…idol life ends here if no miracle comes…it is a goodbye. But he didn’t regret a thing. He looked at the shocked faces of the press people, looked at his bandmates who panicked.
{{One last chord on my piano
One last drag on my cigarette
Oh, one final look I'll take at you
One last goodbye forever
Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be OK
Everything's gonna be alright
Can you take my breath away
Can you change my life today
Is everything gonna be OK}}
Don't worry guys...everything will be alright... you can manage without me... I am sorry it turned out like this. I don't care of my pride...what they will think about me as they realize I love a man, I don't care... and I am sure that now I close the door of my life here in the idol world for forever. It has no meaning after all...not without Kazuya.
Can I have a wish? Can I? Take me to the place he is now...where his soul is now...I have enough of the constant pain...even if it means I will be unconscious all of my life, even if it means the sand of my life will be blown away by wind and disappear...I want to be where he is.
{{My famous last words echo
As I put down my pride and close the doors
I'm burned and scarred from wasted time
I'm bruised by thoughts of you}}
My last words…that sentence that decided my fate… pride lost its meaning long ago, now it’s over. Jin felt that he just wasted his time all of his life. He wasted his time by not telling Kazuya what he was feeling. He felt calm, but he knew it was because he was too much in sorrow to feel anything anymore. Only one thought…only one name…only one word…Kazuya…
[the hardened hearts cause tears of blood again
now what will motivate me?
like the existence of the things that filled our beautiful world
even the dreams we had of our future died
everything that cant be taken
there are no more tears to cry
the pain that digs deep into my bones
i can no longer take it anymore]
*********************************
TBC
AN: Wuhh... I used a lot of songs now ^^; listen to them ne <3
so, lyrics:
[ ] DBKS - Triangle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKMm2ZSHito
{ } Hamasaki Ayumi - Love Destiny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-1yTo17zhI
{{ }} Sweetbox: Everythings gonna be allright. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqUDrXpYSGk
{{ }} Sweetbox: everythings gonna be allright Reborn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iD6pah2CHzo
Comments are love <3333 They give me strength to continue ^^
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