#Fic# Unable to respond //chapter 20//
Title: Unable to respond /chapter 20/
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Warning: still unbetaed!!
Summary: Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: Sorry again for not updating for long >__<
It was a storm but Jin found himself standing there in the wind at the coast of a river which waves crashed the side, puddles rolled with the furious flow of water. He was standing at a forest, but where was it? And why was he there? He had never been there before. The sky was gray, dark, threatening with rain, hinting that it can be worse…despite the strong wind which was blowing mystically, making the leaves whisper in an unknown language. The whole atmosphere was somehow out of the world even tho there were many forests like these on the world Jin was sure about it.
The wind messed his kind of long hair and coat as he was just standing there, he felt he needed to. But why he didn’t know. Was he waiting for something or someone?
And just… how did he get here? He didn’t even remember that.
He looked at the other side of the river and saw a person standing there in long white clothes which resembled a bunch of sheets and even the head of the figure was covered with the material as a hoody. Wasn’t he cold? Jin was shivering.
The head of the creature standing at the other side was turned to the ground, soft brown locks of semi-long hair dancing in the wind from under the clothes. As he looked up slowly the camouflage slipped off of his head and sad eyes looked into his. Eyes he had missed so much, so very much it hurt.
“Kazuya…”
“Please….find it…everything….is written in there…Jin…save me…. I don’t want to be here any longer. I want to be with you.” Kazuya’s voice was more and more distant with each said word and Jin panicked as he saw how the river starts to be wider and he being pulled away from Kazuya more.
He wanted to jump into the water, wanted to swim, even if it meant to swim through oceans, he couldn’t stand to see Kame’s lonely form on the other side. So close, yet so far…
“Kazu… I will, I…” He really was about to jump into the water, but something didn’t let him, it kept him pulling back. Jin started to struggle and shout.
“I am going to him!! Noone can stop me! I am going!!”
He saw how the island fades and his eyes became wide and he was struggling with his body more.
“Kazuya! KAZUYA!!” He screamed and he sat up in bed, clothing the sheets, mind in a blur, he didn’t know where he was. Then after some minutes he remembered everything. How he came to Pi's house, all messed up and crying, out of it, demanding Pi to do something to make Kazuya awake. He really lost it the night, all his stress again crashed him and he started to be more and more impatient each day. What the worst of all was, that Tomoko kept calling him and sending him loving messages. God, what he put himself into...
****
Yamapi had enough of seeing Jin suffer. The previous evening haunted him, it made him desperate and angry at himself. Angry that he could do nothing for Jin. When will this end? Or more precisely... until when will Jin's nerves hold on? The man looked worse every day and his eyes lost shine more with each passing day.
Yamapi made a bold decision. The last thing that might help, but he wanted to discuss it with T-TUN first, so he headed into the jimusho. He was curious what the guys will say and maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask Jin about this decision, but he decided not to. Jin had enough to worry, if Yamapi told him what he had planned Jin will be worried the whole time.
As soon as he arrived to the JE building, ignoring all formalities of greeting the people at the corridor, he ran up to KAT-TUN's dressingroom, knocked on the door and opened it a little bit.
"Can I come in?" He peeked in and the first person he saw was Koki.
"Oh hey, sure man! What's up?" the rapper invited him in and offered him a seat.
"Thanks." Pi smiled and sat down, looking around. "Where are the others?" He tried not to tap the desk with his finger, tho it was hard not to. This whole thing started to make him tensed too and restless. He knew not only he was in this state and he could imagine that T-TUN were thinking about solutions all the time too. Or just he was this paranoid? Thought can be the devil itself, making one suffer, when you feel you are tired, but your brain just keeps working, keeps you imagining solutions and the things and most likely you will overthink or overcomplicate things.
"They will be here soon, but...is something wrong?" Koki asked worriedly. He felt he was going crazy. Whenever he looked at Yamapi his stomach was in knot until he was not reassured Jin was alright. "How is Akanishi?"
Pi wanted to answer quickly because he noticed how worked up Koki was, but he heard the door opening and saw Ueda, Junno and Nakamaru enter.
"Oh Pi!" Maru and Junno waved, the air tensing up.
"Is Jin alright?" Was the first thing Ueda asked and this made Pi smile. The leader of the band really cared for Jin much. Jin was lucky to have bandmates like them.
"Well, this is what I want to talk to you about." The NEWS leader sighed. "He was really out of it yesterday and I am worried for him and thought... maybe it's a crazy idea but... you see how much Johnny so called helped Jin with this stunt he pulled. What do you think if we...show him the dictaphone... could he help us?"
There was big silence in the room. Very big silence, the expression of everyone became serious and thoughtful. For long minutes noone dared to talk, noone dared to break the safe silence, not wanting to take the responsibility but finally Ueda broke it.
"Do you think it is a good idea?" His voice was still unsure.
"What bad can happen? I mean... Johnny... is into money...and Jin and Kamenashi brings him money... I don't think he wants Kamenashi to die... he can't be that careless..." Pi tried to reason himself. It was the right idea ne? He noticed how the others were hesitating too, but he didn't regret bringing this topic up.
T-TUN looked at each other, not knowing what to do. It didn't sound like a bad plan, but they all were kind of scared of what Johnny can do. Noone could ever predict Johnny's next step, but the old man proved himself in this case already. Its okay to trust him a little, right?
"Okay." Koki said finally, he couldn't let himself be coward. Decisions has to be made and in this case every other solutions were too risky. Or... were there other solutions? Maybe there were none. "No matter what big boss can do to her, she fucking deserves it! And I have the trust he wont harm neither Akanishi nor Kame-chan." The rapper hit the table with his fist nodding. This made Ueda smile and he nodded too, feeling lighter.
"Okay, then we should give it to Johnny. Anyone opposing?" The leader looked around, examining the faces but because noone raised hands, Ueda looked at Pi.
"Then go. And show it to him." He took the responsibility by giving the last word, the decision hoping it will really make good in Jin's case.
With this, Pi stood up and looked at the band, feeling he got some bind with these guys. People get to know each other in trouble. They get to know then who is fake and who is caring.
"Don't worry guys. I feel luck will be with us." with a last nod and smile, tho being a little nervous, he exited the KAT-TUN dressingroom, heading upstairs to Johnny's office with a determined sigh.
****
Chinami was still shocked over the article. It was surely just a lie, but why was Akanishi behaving like that? Could he change this much? Following the happening, tho from the background because she had very much to do lately and didn't have time to always go to Kazuya, she didn't really think Akanishi changed from one day to another. She was still very angry at Tomoko, she thought the girl went too far. How can someone behave like this? Wanting to kill...it was just...insane. Can she bring the Tomoko back the girl once was? She was not always like this, can the old one be brought back? Defeating her anger she decided to write a mail to Tomoko and meet her in the usual cafe they always went together.
The weather was quite nice and as the girl stepped out the breeze caressed into her hair. She sighed as she looked up, she had so many things going on in her head. She was thinking about what she had done and how the things were, all the way and she almost missed the station she had to get off.
The cafe was close to the station so she got there in some minutes and when she entered she already saw Tomoko sitting at the usual table. She knew it will be sudden, but she couldn't keep it in herself anymore. All her thoughts, all her questions.
"Hi Tomo-chan..." Chinami walked to the girl and looked into her eyes.
"What? Changed your mind? Want to be friends again? Was about time." Tomoko shrugged and sipped form her drink.
"The article.... it is not true, right?" this was all Chinami asked, still looking straight at the sitting girl and she sat down across her.
"Of course it is true!" She lied, boasting. "He realized how much he loves me. What did you think? That he really can love a man for long? And its up to you to wait for Kamenashi or not, but I am a nurse, I saw a lot of things and experienced a lot in this field, I don't think he will wake up." Tomoko shrugged. Really... why can't Kamenashi just die finally? Everything would be easier."
"You know... I have been thinking." Chinami looked down. She was thinking a lot, and started to regret how she behaved. One day everyone will come to think about their deeds. Chinami was still young, somewhat still teenager and unthoughtful.
"Even if Kamenashi-kun wakes up... can I force him to love me? Would it make sense?"
Tomoko looked at her with raised eyebrows.
"What happened to you? You would never talk like this. Of course it makes sense. You just have to play good. There is love which can be obtained by force. He will get used to you after a while. Why considering his feelings? God... you changed." Tomoko called out for another beer.
"Yes, I think I changed... but I don't think that I changed into something wrong."
"What the hell is with this emotion and soul stuff? Are you stupid? I still cant understand what you all see in Kamenashi, but if he is sexy to you then fuck him and force him to be with you. If it happens and he is with you, then what? That's what matters. " Tomoko sipped from her beer with a satisfied expression.
Chinami said nothing, just remembered the night before. She wanted to visit Kazuya, but Jin was there, crying and he was so out of it, he didn't even notice he was walking past Chinami. The sorrow in the young man's eyes made Chinami froze and feel a little guilty. Jin was truly in love with Kamenashi, right? First she thought she is in love with him too, but...it was not love. Who really deserves Kame is not her and well.... she was kind of tired of waiting for him to wake up. There are a lot of sexy guys in the world. So why wasting her time for only one?
"No... and..I am kind of tired of waiting anyway...and nee... don't want to search some cool guys together with me? For us." She tried but Tomoko just glared at her.
"You piss me off with your attitude. Lately all you do pisses me off. I want Jin only and I got Jin. End of topic."
"I don't think you really love Akanishi-kun." Chinami whispered. There was one thing she didn't tell anyone. The night before when she went to visit Kame after Jin, as soon as Kame heard her voice a teardrop slipped from one of his eyes. This shocked Chinami and made her see maybe she was wrong in what she had been doing. No matter how much you want something is it happiness if you get it only by lying everyday? Wont you feel more relieved and your heart easier if you are honest and even if you don't get the thing you wanted, it makes you feel proud how true you acted? Is there a thing as important to hold onto it even by force? No... Chinami realized she was walking on a wrong path.
"What the fucking hell is wrong with you??" Tomoko was really irritated now.
"I can't change the way you think, right? Then I think I better go." Chinami excused herself and stood up, putting money onto the desk.
"Oh, you turned to be a saint, how amusing! Be a nun? Hahahah" Tomoko just laughed. "So I don't have to be afraid you do something to my Jin if I kill Kamenashi, right?" She smirked.
"That I didn't say." Chinami looked seriously into Tomoko's eyes and then exited the cafe.
"Bitch..." Was only Tomoko said after her and continued drinking. She was not even finished drinking her beer when her phone beeped that she got a message.
"Tomo-chan,
We are expected to Johnny Kitagawa's office at 5 pm today. Don't be late.
Tsukasa"
"Heh... what the hell..." The girl looked onto her watch, 15:20. She didn't really understand why it was necessary for her to go there, but she paid for her drinks and headed home to prepare.
***********************
Tomoko was looking around. Why was she called here? Looking at Tsukasa and how the man was nervous she had a bad feeling. The elevator opened and they were lead to Johnny's office. Johnny wants to congratulate Jin and her or what? She couldn't imagine.
The office was just as she imagined it to be. Typical for someone as Johnny with much money.
"So, I am here." She said not really caring to talk in a polite tone of voice.
Johnny turned his chair to face them and looked at the girl into the eyes with a little amused expression. Without even greeting the girl, he started straight into the topic.
"You did a great job, bringing more pr and so people watch KAT-TUN's activity more, but now you leave Akanishi alone. I know the article is fake, i just did it to save his ass. He is a golden boy here, bringing a lot of money, I won't let him out of my hands. This is his only luck. But his quality is dropping when he has so much shit around him, and you make him pissed. First of all with this..."
He raised his hand and Tomoko gasped when he saw a dictaphone.
"What's...with that?" She was not so determined at all now.
"Your nice talk about how you want to take yet another golden boy away from me. Tsk tsk... You really play with fire, do you know what I do to people who want to shorten my money and ruin my business?" He looked into the girl's eyes yet again, with a smirk, but his eyes promised danger for those who don't obey him.
Before Tomoko could say something, Johnny started to speak again.
"I would strongly recommend you to play along with me, if you don't want your family to suffer an accident or don't want yourself to be in one. And if you still doubt my power, I just tell you, it is just one word from me and you will be kicked out of the hospital, which I will do, coz I don't trust YOU."
Tomoko couldn't believe it was truth, after all she did, it cant be the end here, she won, she wont let Jin go. She will figure out something! She will! She was angry. Damn this old man, he should have died long years ago. She gaped when Johnny really took his phone into his hand and talked to the hospital right in front of her eyes.
"Hey!! What the..." she started, but then Johnny cut into her words.
"Hey, watch your mouth. Or want me to arrange that you wont get job NOWHERE? Want that? Test me if I can? To tell you the truth I wanted to give you some money for your work, but I changed my mind. And if you didn't know it, I tell you I have a lot of buddies at Police station too. What do you think, would they be glad hearing this tape?" He waved the dichtaphone again with a smirk.
"No, right? You can go. But its futile to go to Kamenashi, you wont be allowed to enter. And I don't think this all is worth you your life and your family's. " Johnny turned his back to them while circling the chair to look towards the window.
"Now you can go."
"You arrogant old fag!! I will take my revenge!!" Tomoko shouted but Johnny just laugh and signaled the man standing next to his desk: "Go, call the police. And get Akanishi here."
***
Tomoko was more than mad. What does Johnny think?! Just because he is a boss and has money he thinks he can behave like this? Na wait old fag, I _will_ take your gold boy away! You don't know I have friends in the hospital too who are at my side. Your Kamenashi will be dead!
She was out of her mind from fury, the only thing that occupied her brain was how to kill Kame. She didn't care if she can enter the hospital or not, sure she will, she was a good actress and now the goal of her was worth everything.
As soon as she ran out of the JE building she saw a taxi is waiting at the side of the road. Perfect, 'Heh, I said it, fate loves me! We are fate my Jinny, destiny chose Kamenashi to die so you can be with me.'
Here is the irony in all the good and honest stuff. Live honestly? Why? What is exciting on it? If you can make your life as you want why not doing it? What positive thing waits the people who are always true? Heaven? Ridiculous. And here, a taxi was in the right moment in the right place.
She smirked but didn't know that it will be her end by the way. Are the things always as they seem? Is it okay to judge by just seeing and be happy even before you get confirmed? Is fate really at your side? Wait until the very end and celebrate things only after, never before.
Tomoko jumped into the taxi and told the address of the hospital.
The driver looked into the review mirror, onto the girl, smiled and started the engine without a word.
Tomoko made herself comfortable, but then sat up normally when she realized it was not the direction of the hospital.
"Hey old man, it's the wrong direction!" The girl snapped impatiently, but the driver made no intention to change the direction.
"Are you deaf?! I said its the WRONG direction old jerk! Turn around or let me look for another taxi!" Tomoko was angry.
The reply came as a calm voice and the driver's eyes were fixated on the road.
"No, it is the right direction for you miss. I am taking you where you belong." He said and looked out of the window, smiling and nodding to a young man standing at the street. Tomoko's eyes widened.
"Wha...What the hell?! Why is he...? Who are you?" her voice showed how stunned she was and her eyes were still wide. Her voice was wavering but not because of fear but anger.
"I am just a driver miss, who preferred to help honest people." with this said, Tomoko realized all and was more mad then before.
Yamapi smiled as he watched the car disappearing from his view and whispered.
"Thank you Takahashi-san."
****
Jin was walking to the jimusho, he didn't bother to order taxi, he needed to calm himself a little and think. He started to wonder. What is worse? Being alone in a town full with people or being alone on a place where there is noone, but a field which you wont see the end of. Wasn't it just as life is? Or sorrow... yes, Jin felt that the field was representing his bad luck and sadness, but maybe also his hope that everything will be better. You are born with hope? No. You _create_ hope.
[In the crowd of the town, shoulders bumping to each other,
i am alone
On an eternal grassfield, the wind blows with sound, i am alone.
I wonder which one is where I feel more like crying?
Putting a check to each, I become more adult]
[Why does the gushing forth of courage and power
unexpectedly smash the extremely tortuous wall?
Perhaps it's because of the kindness
extremely stern people had unexpectedly shown.
Thank You]
He decided to think only positively, no matter what comes. Everyday he started to be more and more out of it and he knew. If he didn't stop to think negatively, or didn't make his hopes stronger, he might end up even dead. Even the flame of a candle can be strong, shine proudly, but if a stronger wind is enough to make it disappear then it was never that strong. It was not worth shining then.
Yes. If he didn't pull himself together, he will lose his sanity and with it his hope. Wavering hope.
He was promising it to himself a lot of times, to be stronger, but this time he was certain he can do it and all of a sudden, positive thinking brought positive emotions. He felt power filling him and felt Kazuya near even tho he was not even near the hospital.
He was grateful, even to Johnny now. Johnny was strict, but this time saved his ass with the rumour. This time it was not only to make money but to make good. Even if maybe Johnny didn't even consider it from this point of view, he made good with the article.
Jin realized he doesn't have to always be kind. He felt guilty of using Tomoko, but kindness could be his end in this case. And he still couldn't forgive the girl for what she planned.
Jin didn't know what to expect from his boss as he opened the door of the office.
"You called me sir?" He asked and Johnny nodded.
"I made sure the bitch is in jail and wont bother you. You can be grateful to me."
Jin's jaw dropped a little, he was shocked hearing this. Johnny? Helping him and Kame??
"Don't get me wrong Akanishi, I don't support your relationship with Kamenashi, so DON'T do obvious things. If he woke up he can come back to KAT-TUN, but you two do NOTHING. Or at least do it discreet. I don't care what you two do as long as it wont get on surface. I wont always save your asses, it cost. If anyone takes a picture of you two or you get busted, you will pay a price. Both of you."
"H..hai.." Jin said and he still couldn't acknowledge all the things. But as it started to reach his brain he was happy for the first time that he entered Johnny's.
"You can go." Johnny said, turning his back, it was his habit.
"Sir...thank you." Jin smiled, watching the back of the chair and the reflection of his boss in the window. Johnny can do good things too after all.
"I said out." Came the reply and Jin just smiled more and bowed. He was about to ope the door when Johnny started to speak again.
"Akanishi!"
"Yes sir?" Jin asked politely, he felt he owed the man.
"Now put all your energy into your upcoming concert. I want to see perfectionism, got it?"
"Yes!" Jin nodded and he felt power rising in him. He still couldn't acknowledge all of the happenings, it came so fast and so unexpected, now almost every of his problems were solved all of a sudden. He felt a little lightheaded but the stone was still not lifted from his heart. Not as long as Kazuya is in coma.
****
In the Kamenashi household the phone was ringing. It was already evening and both Kazuya's mother and father were back home from work.
The father was reading newspaper while the TV was on, it was some dorama played in it but he didn't care, it was just turned on to have some background noise.
The mother just arrived upstairs, she wanted to check if the diary was real or not.
"Can you pick up?" The mother shouted from upstairs and the father raised his eyebrows but put the newspaper aside and went to answer the phone.
"Hallo, here is Kamenashi speaking."
"Kamenashi-san...here is Chinami." The girl was nervous, she was sitting in her room alone, the twilight covered her room and it became darker with every minute.
"Ohh! Chinami-chan! How are you dear?" The voice of the father lightened up and was almost cheerful. He liked the girl and she was one thing he could always hold against Akanishi and tell the sick bastard his son is not gay as he is.
"I...I am fine... I called to... tell you something." She gathered all her courage together and expected the worst. But thinking about it, she deserves what comes. She lied. To a whole family and well...nation.
"What is it?" The man asked and Chinami took a deep breath.
"I.. know I shouldn't have...but I lied and... I am sorry Kamenashi-san, please forgive me."
"What are you talking about?" The father asked confused.
"I...am not Kazuya-kun's girlfriend, and... I was not the one who brought the roses and the cranes and... god, I am so sorry really, I am. Don't tell the police or anything please." She pleaded.
"What?!?" The adult asked shocked and tried to digest everything he just heard. But when he wanted to ask something it was too late, the sound that the phone was hung up at the other end of the line beeped.
Meanwhile Nao entered Kazuya's room and looked around sadly. So empty...with so much memories. She always started to feel somewhat weak when entering the room, but she gathered herself. It was for the sake of his son and Akanishi.
With slow steps she went closer and closer to the place Akanishi described. Will she really find a diary there? Or was it just a desperate dream of the young man?
She was sure, if she really found it there, the love of the two was something out of the word. Else how could Akanishi know?
With shivering hands she opened the drawer of the desk and her eyes widened as she indeed saw the small notebook with the lock on it. Her heart started to beat faster. What she was experiencing gave her goosebumps. Can it be Akanishi can really communicate with her son through dreams? Is it possible Kazuya is really guiding him? He is really aware of the things happening around him?
She put the notebook onto the desk and rushed to the wardrobe. Will she find the key too? With hands still trembling she opened the wardrobe, searched for the box and... it was really there. Just like Akanishi said. She ran back to the desk and tried the key into the small lock and with a click it opened.
Nao sat down because her legs couldn't hold her anymore. She felt a little guilty when she opened the diary, she shouldn't read it, Kazuya didn't write it for someone to read. But she knew, she must and that Kazuya will forgive her.
She started to read it, from the first page and the farther she got the more tears gathered in her eyes. There was everything written there. Her son's thoughts about things, concerns, wishes, sorrow, happiness...and...the struggle of a "one-sided" love.
Things got more and more clear to the mother as she read the lines and she understood Kazuya's actions more. Why she didn't realize it before? She could talk to him, helping him fight away his fears. Kazuya always looked so composed but to the mother it became clear now, his son just played a role, acted cool to protect himself from breaking. To not make people worry, to not put his beloved ones under pressure, he always tried to seem to be "perfect". To always be the calm Kamenashi Kazuya.
How she wished she noticed all of this.
How she wished to tell Kazuya how his love was not one-sided and Akanishi still loves him more than anything.
"Why God... why do you punish them this much?" She sighed and decided to read the last pages. It was the day of the accident. Nao's tears roll down her face as she read it.
"It would be so easy to just face him and say: I love you.
I searched for occasion, for chance to tell, but at the last minute I backed off. Stayed silent.
But...I am tired of this. Tired of always looking other's well being and never thinking of myself, my own feelings. Tired of being afraid of rejection. I cant know as long as I don't try.
Tired to sit in my apartment after work, thinking about him... what he is doing, where he is...
i am tired of jealousy whenever I know he is going to club, I am tired of keeping my feelings for him in secret. No...not anymore.
Today I will tell him how I feel. No regrets. If he doesn't return my feelings which I am afraid of he doesn't...then I can try to move on. I will be sure about it then. If...miraculously he returns my feelings then... we can be happy finally. I want this tense feeling to be gone, I want him not to be cold...or at least want his reason why he is behaving this cold to me. I know I am too, but... I don't want to act cold to him. I want to know what he is thinking. No matter what it is. I want to know.
Akanishi Jin, today I will tell you my truth, this will be our last day of this confusing mess."
Here the entry ended. And what followed were blank pages. A lot of blank page Kazuya could have filled with so much happiness if the accident didn't happen. So much things to write still, but the fate raised its arm and like darkness, covered the path of Kazuya's and Akanishi's story.
"No... it is still developing." Nao whispered through tears She closed the diary and clenched it to her heart, praying for Kazuya to wake up, to be able to tell what he wanted and to be able to live happily finally after so many cruel things.
"What the hell, everyone is a fucking liar around us!!" she heard her husband from downstairs and listened to his footsteps and could tell he was heading upstairs.
Is it's good idea to show him all of this? Nao decided that yes, he should know.
"Damnit!!" The man shouted as soon as he reached the room. "First that damn Akanishi and now Chinami. She called that she is not Kazuya's girlfriend. What---" The father stopped his outburst when he noticed the tears in the eyes of his wife.
"Dear what's wrong?" He rushed to her side, forgetting all his anger at moment but Nao didn't let him hug her, she stepped back.
"I will tell you, if you promise you wont make a scene, if you are open to the truth." She said determined.
"What are you talking about??"The man asked confused.
"This. I found it, it was at the same place Akanishi-kun saw in his dreams." Nao handed the diary. First she was thinking about it if it was a good idea to show it to her husband, but then she realized it's the only chance for him to see the truth, the only chance to make him accept Kazuya. Sure he will be mad, but he will accept, right?
"What is this??"The man asked more confused and just stared at the notebook wondering what it is and why was it given to him.
"Read it. Read it through very carefully, because what is written there is your son. All of his feelings, thoughts and ...love. Accept it or shut up. But I wont allow you to step between them." She had to be determined, she had enough of not being listened to. With this said, Nao exited the room, leaving the husband alone.
The man was stunned as his wife left the room and he looked down onto the notebook, and tho he had no idea what it can be and why was it so important for him to read it, he opening it and started to read.
**************
Jin was standing in front of the hospital, watching Kazuya's window and the night sky. He saw an airplane cross the sky, it gave out those small lights. How small it seems... Like a star...
[Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now ]
Can I make a wish? Can I think it is a star? Wish upon a star...
Kazuya... come back to me... and we will sit onto the airplane...our airplane, our life...We can travel everywhere, holding these "stars" in us.
So can I pretend I can wish?
Will we travel on the road of life together? Or will I be late?
[And they sayin' what would you wish for
If you had one chance
So airplane airplane sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night]
I wont give up, I will try again and again, to go on the same path as you. To fly high in the skies with you.
[Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
I'm guessing that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes
Then maybe yo maybe I'll go back to the days]
Can I fly back to the past changing it? Would it be the same ending anyway if I did? I guess I will never know....just one thing...Kazuya...
Let me wish....
Let me wish that once I tell you the good news you will wake up to this world.
[So here I stand and then again I say
I'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes]
Jin smiled as the airplane vanished in the horizon and headed into the hospital to tell Kazuya the good news.
****
When can he have the best news? That his love woke up.... He started to wonder and his smile died from his lips as he approached the room. Before he could open the door, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.
"Uhh,,," He fished it out and saw the caller ID: Ueda.
"Hey." He answered the phone with a smile. "What's up?" Right, he didn't tell his friends how Johnny saved his ass, how could he be so careless? They did a lot for him and do everyday, so they deserved to know. Whenever he thought he already forgot even to smile, they were always there for him, supported his every step.
[If you forget how to laugh, come close to me
I'll pretend and play the clown for you.]
"Jin? We have a good news for you."
Hopefull (DON'T LOOK BACK)
This morning sun right now(STEP BY STEP)
breaks through the darkness (KEEP WISHING)
Jin had the hope that it might be that Kazuya already woke up and he will open the door to a smiling Kazuya, greeting him with a warm hug. He kept wishing...tho he knew with his mind that he would have already know about it.
"Tell me, then I will tell mine." Jin said, waiting for the answer with throbbing heart.
"Yamapi showed the dictaphone to Johnny and he decided to help you two. I think he will speak to you tomorrow." The leader of the band said and waited Jin to say something, but the man was just stading there, tears of gratefullness gathered in his eyes as realization hit him. Of course Johnny won't do things like these on his own.
"Jin?"
[You're not alone
There are friends
Stand up and look forward]
The good news he wanted to share... was the same...and the result of his friends doing? He was touched, they saved him...them again. Even if he was alone in body sometimes, when noone surrounded him physically, he was not alone and he was very thankful.
"Jin? Do you hear me?" Ueda asked.
[Do you hear me? WE WILL MAKE YOU SMILE and laugh
After gathering a little tenderness, watch, the flower of courage will bloom
Yes, for you. Yes, we'll make these blooming flowers reach far.]
This gives him so much courage. That there are people on his side, friends...true friends, making him smile again, making him strong. He felt he could do anything, that he was filled with energy. As if a flower was blooming in his heart, opening its petals and shining with courage and hope. This flower, which is watered with friendship and strong bonds not every people has the luck to experience.
"Hey Jin, are you okay?" Ueda's voice was really worried now.
It took some time until Jin found his voice again but it still wavered a bit. "The good news I wanted to say...is the same you said now. I have already been speaking with Johnny-san Tacchan, everything is okay, I wanted to call you to tell, but... it seems you were faster." He didn't allow tears to escape, but he couldn't calm himself to have a steady voice.
"Thank you Tacchan...thank you, to all of you. You don't know how much your support means to me." He wasn't ashamed of showing his overflooding emotions, letting his voice waver and repeating in his mind "thank you thank you so much" as a mantra.
"It's okay Jin, you don't have to thank us. We told you, we are here for you always."
He felt from the Ueda's tone that he is smiling. They all were like a family, helping without waiting something in return. As he said byebye, his hand was already wavering. Everyone was so nice!
Like this he felt much more power entering Kazuya's room and much more hope to think positively and not to have that sad feeling like everytime, when he entered.
"Kazu-chan..." He smiled and didn't take the eyes off of his love even while going to the bed. He leant down giving a soft kiss, making Kazuya's heart race.
~Jin! I missed you already!~ The Kame in the box smiled and could feel Jin's calm state and his heart started to beat even faster. He had the feeling of getting a good news. He just felt it.
Jin sat on the edge of the bed holding Kazuya's hand, observing the beautiful boy and stayed silent for a while, just drinking in the sight, the gratefulness towards him too still lingered in every of his cells.
And he felt, no matter if Kazuya is still "sleeping" he was support to Jin too.
"Do you see dreams Kazu? Is it crazy to think that we see the same dream?" With his free hand he caressed Kame's cheek.
[Even if we're apart, we dream of the same tomorrow in our hearts.
If we hold on to eachother's hands tightly we'll never be lost.
Fun things, (DON'T LOOK BACK)
imagining (STEP BY STEP)
your smile, (KEEP WISHING) I see it]
"Nee Kazu...if you could have one wish what would it be? For me... it would be to see your sweet smile which I keep imagining every time I feel lost, that our hands would always be linked, entwined the same way as our hearts. I imagine it...imagining fun things we will do. Are you waiting for it Kazu? The same as me? Can my wish become true?"
~Your wish is my wish Jin.~ Kame closed his eyes and his soul was more then calm, he again felt the bond which connect him and Jin and he felt ashining flower which gives him light and courage to hold on.
"I have good news Kazu." Jin started to speak silently playing with Kazuya's fingers.
"We are safe, Johnny once again saved us. Isn't it great?"
[It's fine this way
There's no rush
Because I keep you wrapped in this feeling]
"Tho we have to behave." He chuckled, looking at Kazuya with warm, love filled eyes. "Nee you know... the others miss you too. We have to thank them for making Johnny do this step, they helped a lot and... they all wish for you to be with us again."
~I will Jin, I will. I wish for it too with my whole heart. And then I wont let you shed tears, I will make you smile, along with the others.~ The Kazuya in the box saw a flower in his hand appear with a faint shine, a delicate fower looking like glass but held warmness and courage. He imagined he was handing it to Jin and he closed his eyes.
[WE WILL MAKE YOU SMILE and laugh again
Wipe away those tears you've shed up until today, watch, the flower of courage will bloom.
Yes, for you. Yes, to reach faraway. Everywhere.]
~Do you know I am with you?~
[Anywhere
Wherever]
"Kazuya... what are you dreaming about? Where are you?" Jin felt the flower in him shining even more and for a fleeting second he saw Kazuya with it tho his eyes were still closed and he smiled.
[Where are you now? What are you doing?]
~Jin...do you know I hear you? And I am with you just like the others? And we all love you...tho I love you the most.~ He chuckled and wished he could say it out loud.
[I hear you. Have courage WE'RE WITH YOU
WE LOVE YOU]
~No matter where I am, I give you this promise, I will always support you.~ the in the box hugged the flower carefully and Jin felt as if he was being hugged and as if he just heard Kazuya's wov.
[Can you hear me? WE WILL MAKE YOU SMILE and laugh
After gathering a little tenderness, watch, the flower of courage will bloom
Yes, for you. Yes, we'll make these blooming flowers reach far.]
***********************************
TBC
AN: songs used in this chapter: Yu Yu Hakusho - Hohoemi no bakudan and B.O.B. Airplanes, KAT-TUN Yuuki no hana
Free counters
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Warning: still unbetaed!!
Summary: Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: Sorry again for not updating for long >__<
It was a storm but Jin found himself standing there in the wind at the coast of a river which waves crashed the side, puddles rolled with the furious flow of water. He was standing at a forest, but where was it? And why was he there? He had never been there before. The sky was gray, dark, threatening with rain, hinting that it can be worse…despite the strong wind which was blowing mystically, making the leaves whisper in an unknown language. The whole atmosphere was somehow out of the world even tho there were many forests like these on the world Jin was sure about it.
The wind messed his kind of long hair and coat as he was just standing there, he felt he needed to. But why he didn’t know. Was he waiting for something or someone?
And just… how did he get here? He didn’t even remember that.
He looked at the other side of the river and saw a person standing there in long white clothes which resembled a bunch of sheets and even the head of the figure was covered with the material as a hoody. Wasn’t he cold? Jin was shivering.
The head of the creature standing at the other side was turned to the ground, soft brown locks of semi-long hair dancing in the wind from under the clothes. As he looked up slowly the camouflage slipped off of his head and sad eyes looked into his. Eyes he had missed so much, so very much it hurt.
“Kazuya…”
“Please….find it…everything….is written in there…Jin…save me…. I don’t want to be here any longer. I want to be with you.” Kazuya’s voice was more and more distant with each said word and Jin panicked as he saw how the river starts to be wider and he being pulled away from Kazuya more.
He wanted to jump into the water, wanted to swim, even if it meant to swim through oceans, he couldn’t stand to see Kame’s lonely form on the other side. So close, yet so far…
“Kazu… I will, I…” He really was about to jump into the water, but something didn’t let him, it kept him pulling back. Jin started to struggle and shout.
“I am going to him!! Noone can stop me! I am going!!”
He saw how the island fades and his eyes became wide and he was struggling with his body more.
“Kazuya! KAZUYA!!” He screamed and he sat up in bed, clothing the sheets, mind in a blur, he didn’t know where he was. Then after some minutes he remembered everything. How he came to Pi's house, all messed up and crying, out of it, demanding Pi to do something to make Kazuya awake. He really lost it the night, all his stress again crashed him and he started to be more and more impatient each day. What the worst of all was, that Tomoko kept calling him and sending him loving messages. God, what he put himself into...
****
Yamapi had enough of seeing Jin suffer. The previous evening haunted him, it made him desperate and angry at himself. Angry that he could do nothing for Jin. When will this end? Or more precisely... until when will Jin's nerves hold on? The man looked worse every day and his eyes lost shine more with each passing day.
Yamapi made a bold decision. The last thing that might help, but he wanted to discuss it with T-TUN first, so he headed into the jimusho. He was curious what the guys will say and maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask Jin about this decision, but he decided not to. Jin had enough to worry, if Yamapi told him what he had planned Jin will be worried the whole time.
As soon as he arrived to the JE building, ignoring all formalities of greeting the people at the corridor, he ran up to KAT-TUN's dressingroom, knocked on the door and opened it a little bit.
"Can I come in?" He peeked in and the first person he saw was Koki.
"Oh hey, sure man! What's up?" the rapper invited him in and offered him a seat.
"Thanks." Pi smiled and sat down, looking around. "Where are the others?" He tried not to tap the desk with his finger, tho it was hard not to. This whole thing started to make him tensed too and restless. He knew not only he was in this state and he could imagine that T-TUN were thinking about solutions all the time too. Or just he was this paranoid? Thought can be the devil itself, making one suffer, when you feel you are tired, but your brain just keeps working, keeps you imagining solutions and the things and most likely you will overthink or overcomplicate things.
"They will be here soon, but...is something wrong?" Koki asked worriedly. He felt he was going crazy. Whenever he looked at Yamapi his stomach was in knot until he was not reassured Jin was alright. "How is Akanishi?"
Pi wanted to answer quickly because he noticed how worked up Koki was, but he heard the door opening and saw Ueda, Junno and Nakamaru enter.
"Oh Pi!" Maru and Junno waved, the air tensing up.
"Is Jin alright?" Was the first thing Ueda asked and this made Pi smile. The leader of the band really cared for Jin much. Jin was lucky to have bandmates like them.
"Well, this is what I want to talk to you about." The NEWS leader sighed. "He was really out of it yesterday and I am worried for him and thought... maybe it's a crazy idea but... you see how much Johnny so called helped Jin with this stunt he pulled. What do you think if we...show him the dictaphone... could he help us?"
There was big silence in the room. Very big silence, the expression of everyone became serious and thoughtful. For long minutes noone dared to talk, noone dared to break the safe silence, not wanting to take the responsibility but finally Ueda broke it.
"Do you think it is a good idea?" His voice was still unsure.
"What bad can happen? I mean... Johnny... is into money...and Jin and Kamenashi brings him money... I don't think he wants Kamenashi to die... he can't be that careless..." Pi tried to reason himself. It was the right idea ne? He noticed how the others were hesitating too, but he didn't regret bringing this topic up.
T-TUN looked at each other, not knowing what to do. It didn't sound like a bad plan, but they all were kind of scared of what Johnny can do. Noone could ever predict Johnny's next step, but the old man proved himself in this case already. Its okay to trust him a little, right?
"Okay." Koki said finally, he couldn't let himself be coward. Decisions has to be made and in this case every other solutions were too risky. Or... were there other solutions? Maybe there were none. "No matter what big boss can do to her, she fucking deserves it! And I have the trust he wont harm neither Akanishi nor Kame-chan." The rapper hit the table with his fist nodding. This made Ueda smile and he nodded too, feeling lighter.
"Okay, then we should give it to Johnny. Anyone opposing?" The leader looked around, examining the faces but because noone raised hands, Ueda looked at Pi.
"Then go. And show it to him." He took the responsibility by giving the last word, the decision hoping it will really make good in Jin's case.
With this, Pi stood up and looked at the band, feeling he got some bind with these guys. People get to know each other in trouble. They get to know then who is fake and who is caring.
"Don't worry guys. I feel luck will be with us." with a last nod and smile, tho being a little nervous, he exited the KAT-TUN dressingroom, heading upstairs to Johnny's office with a determined sigh.
****
Chinami was still shocked over the article. It was surely just a lie, but why was Akanishi behaving like that? Could he change this much? Following the happening, tho from the background because she had very much to do lately and didn't have time to always go to Kazuya, she didn't really think Akanishi changed from one day to another. She was still very angry at Tomoko, she thought the girl went too far. How can someone behave like this? Wanting to kill...it was just...insane. Can she bring the Tomoko back the girl once was? She was not always like this, can the old one be brought back? Defeating her anger she decided to write a mail to Tomoko and meet her in the usual cafe they always went together.
The weather was quite nice and as the girl stepped out the breeze caressed into her hair. She sighed as she looked up, she had so many things going on in her head. She was thinking about what she had done and how the things were, all the way and she almost missed the station she had to get off.
The cafe was close to the station so she got there in some minutes and when she entered she already saw Tomoko sitting at the usual table. She knew it will be sudden, but she couldn't keep it in herself anymore. All her thoughts, all her questions.
"Hi Tomo-chan..." Chinami walked to the girl and looked into her eyes.
"What? Changed your mind? Want to be friends again? Was about time." Tomoko shrugged and sipped form her drink.
"The article.... it is not true, right?" this was all Chinami asked, still looking straight at the sitting girl and she sat down across her.
"Of course it is true!" She lied, boasting. "He realized how much he loves me. What did you think? That he really can love a man for long? And its up to you to wait for Kamenashi or not, but I am a nurse, I saw a lot of things and experienced a lot in this field, I don't think he will wake up." Tomoko shrugged. Really... why can't Kamenashi just die finally? Everything would be easier."
"You know... I have been thinking." Chinami looked down. She was thinking a lot, and started to regret how she behaved. One day everyone will come to think about their deeds. Chinami was still young, somewhat still teenager and unthoughtful.
"Even if Kamenashi-kun wakes up... can I force him to love me? Would it make sense?"
Tomoko looked at her with raised eyebrows.
"What happened to you? You would never talk like this. Of course it makes sense. You just have to play good. There is love which can be obtained by force. He will get used to you after a while. Why considering his feelings? God... you changed." Tomoko called out for another beer.
"Yes, I think I changed... but I don't think that I changed into something wrong."
"What the hell is with this emotion and soul stuff? Are you stupid? I still cant understand what you all see in Kamenashi, but if he is sexy to you then fuck him and force him to be with you. If it happens and he is with you, then what? That's what matters. " Tomoko sipped from her beer with a satisfied expression.
Chinami said nothing, just remembered the night before. She wanted to visit Kazuya, but Jin was there, crying and he was so out of it, he didn't even notice he was walking past Chinami. The sorrow in the young man's eyes made Chinami froze and feel a little guilty. Jin was truly in love with Kamenashi, right? First she thought she is in love with him too, but...it was not love. Who really deserves Kame is not her and well.... she was kind of tired of waiting for him to wake up. There are a lot of sexy guys in the world. So why wasting her time for only one?
"No... and..I am kind of tired of waiting anyway...and nee... don't want to search some cool guys together with me? For us." She tried but Tomoko just glared at her.
"You piss me off with your attitude. Lately all you do pisses me off. I want Jin only and I got Jin. End of topic."
"I don't think you really love Akanishi-kun." Chinami whispered. There was one thing she didn't tell anyone. The night before when she went to visit Kame after Jin, as soon as Kame heard her voice a teardrop slipped from one of his eyes. This shocked Chinami and made her see maybe she was wrong in what she had been doing. No matter how much you want something is it happiness if you get it only by lying everyday? Wont you feel more relieved and your heart easier if you are honest and even if you don't get the thing you wanted, it makes you feel proud how true you acted? Is there a thing as important to hold onto it even by force? No... Chinami realized she was walking on a wrong path.
"What the fucking hell is wrong with you??" Tomoko was really irritated now.
"I can't change the way you think, right? Then I think I better go." Chinami excused herself and stood up, putting money onto the desk.
"Oh, you turned to be a saint, how amusing! Be a nun? Hahahah" Tomoko just laughed. "So I don't have to be afraid you do something to my Jin if I kill Kamenashi, right?" She smirked.
"That I didn't say." Chinami looked seriously into Tomoko's eyes and then exited the cafe.
"Bitch..." Was only Tomoko said after her and continued drinking. She was not even finished drinking her beer when her phone beeped that she got a message.
"Tomo-chan,
We are expected to Johnny Kitagawa's office at 5 pm today. Don't be late.
Tsukasa"
"Heh... what the hell..." The girl looked onto her watch, 15:20. She didn't really understand why it was necessary for her to go there, but she paid for her drinks and headed home to prepare.
***********************
Tomoko was looking around. Why was she called here? Looking at Tsukasa and how the man was nervous she had a bad feeling. The elevator opened and they were lead to Johnny's office. Johnny wants to congratulate Jin and her or what? She couldn't imagine.
The office was just as she imagined it to be. Typical for someone as Johnny with much money.
"So, I am here." She said not really caring to talk in a polite tone of voice.
Johnny turned his chair to face them and looked at the girl into the eyes with a little amused expression. Without even greeting the girl, he started straight into the topic.
"You did a great job, bringing more pr and so people watch KAT-TUN's activity more, but now you leave Akanishi alone. I know the article is fake, i just did it to save his ass. He is a golden boy here, bringing a lot of money, I won't let him out of my hands. This is his only luck. But his quality is dropping when he has so much shit around him, and you make him pissed. First of all with this..."
He raised his hand and Tomoko gasped when he saw a dictaphone.
"What's...with that?" She was not so determined at all now.
"Your nice talk about how you want to take yet another golden boy away from me. Tsk tsk... You really play with fire, do you know what I do to people who want to shorten my money and ruin my business?" He looked into the girl's eyes yet again, with a smirk, but his eyes promised danger for those who don't obey him.
Before Tomoko could say something, Johnny started to speak again.
"I would strongly recommend you to play along with me, if you don't want your family to suffer an accident or don't want yourself to be in one. And if you still doubt my power, I just tell you, it is just one word from me and you will be kicked out of the hospital, which I will do, coz I don't trust YOU."
Tomoko couldn't believe it was truth, after all she did, it cant be the end here, she won, she wont let Jin go. She will figure out something! She will! She was angry. Damn this old man, he should have died long years ago. She gaped when Johnny really took his phone into his hand and talked to the hospital right in front of her eyes.
"Hey!! What the..." she started, but then Johnny cut into her words.
"Hey, watch your mouth. Or want me to arrange that you wont get job NOWHERE? Want that? Test me if I can? To tell you the truth I wanted to give you some money for your work, but I changed my mind. And if you didn't know it, I tell you I have a lot of buddies at Police station too. What do you think, would they be glad hearing this tape?" He waved the dichtaphone again with a smirk.
"No, right? You can go. But its futile to go to Kamenashi, you wont be allowed to enter. And I don't think this all is worth you your life and your family's. " Johnny turned his back to them while circling the chair to look towards the window.
"Now you can go."
"You arrogant old fag!! I will take my revenge!!" Tomoko shouted but Johnny just laugh and signaled the man standing next to his desk: "Go, call the police. And get Akanishi here."
***
Tomoko was more than mad. What does Johnny think?! Just because he is a boss and has money he thinks he can behave like this? Na wait old fag, I _will_ take your gold boy away! You don't know I have friends in the hospital too who are at my side. Your Kamenashi will be dead!
She was out of her mind from fury, the only thing that occupied her brain was how to kill Kame. She didn't care if she can enter the hospital or not, sure she will, she was a good actress and now the goal of her was worth everything.
As soon as she ran out of the JE building she saw a taxi is waiting at the side of the road. Perfect, 'Heh, I said it, fate loves me! We are fate my Jinny, destiny chose Kamenashi to die so you can be with me.'
Here is the irony in all the good and honest stuff. Live honestly? Why? What is exciting on it? If you can make your life as you want why not doing it? What positive thing waits the people who are always true? Heaven? Ridiculous. And here, a taxi was in the right moment in the right place.
She smirked but didn't know that it will be her end by the way. Are the things always as they seem? Is it okay to judge by just seeing and be happy even before you get confirmed? Is fate really at your side? Wait until the very end and celebrate things only after, never before.
Tomoko jumped into the taxi and told the address of the hospital.
The driver looked into the review mirror, onto the girl, smiled and started the engine without a word.
Tomoko made herself comfortable, but then sat up normally when she realized it was not the direction of the hospital.
"Hey old man, it's the wrong direction!" The girl snapped impatiently, but the driver made no intention to change the direction.
"Are you deaf?! I said its the WRONG direction old jerk! Turn around or let me look for another taxi!" Tomoko was angry.
The reply came as a calm voice and the driver's eyes were fixated on the road.
"No, it is the right direction for you miss. I am taking you where you belong." He said and looked out of the window, smiling and nodding to a young man standing at the street. Tomoko's eyes widened.
"Wha...What the hell?! Why is he...? Who are you?" her voice showed how stunned she was and her eyes were still wide. Her voice was wavering but not because of fear but anger.
"I am just a driver miss, who preferred to help honest people." with this said, Tomoko realized all and was more mad then before.
Yamapi smiled as he watched the car disappearing from his view and whispered.
"Thank you Takahashi-san."
****
Jin was walking to the jimusho, he didn't bother to order taxi, he needed to calm himself a little and think. He started to wonder. What is worse? Being alone in a town full with people or being alone on a place where there is noone, but a field which you wont see the end of. Wasn't it just as life is? Or sorrow... yes, Jin felt that the field was representing his bad luck and sadness, but maybe also his hope that everything will be better. You are born with hope? No. You _create_ hope.
[In the crowd of the town, shoulders bumping to each other,
i am alone
On an eternal grassfield, the wind blows with sound, i am alone.
I wonder which one is where I feel more like crying?
Putting a check to each, I become more adult]
[Why does the gushing forth of courage and power
unexpectedly smash the extremely tortuous wall?
Perhaps it's because of the kindness
extremely stern people had unexpectedly shown.
Thank You]
He decided to think only positively, no matter what comes. Everyday he started to be more and more out of it and he knew. If he didn't stop to think negatively, or didn't make his hopes stronger, he might end up even dead. Even the flame of a candle can be strong, shine proudly, but if a stronger wind is enough to make it disappear then it was never that strong. It was not worth shining then.
Yes. If he didn't pull himself together, he will lose his sanity and with it his hope. Wavering hope.
He was promising it to himself a lot of times, to be stronger, but this time he was certain he can do it and all of a sudden, positive thinking brought positive emotions. He felt power filling him and felt Kazuya near even tho he was not even near the hospital.
He was grateful, even to Johnny now. Johnny was strict, but this time saved his ass with the rumour. This time it was not only to make money but to make good. Even if maybe Johnny didn't even consider it from this point of view, he made good with the article.
Jin realized he doesn't have to always be kind. He felt guilty of using Tomoko, but kindness could be his end in this case. And he still couldn't forgive the girl for what she planned.
Jin didn't know what to expect from his boss as he opened the door of the office.
"You called me sir?" He asked and Johnny nodded.
"I made sure the bitch is in jail and wont bother you. You can be grateful to me."
Jin's jaw dropped a little, he was shocked hearing this. Johnny? Helping him and Kame??
"Don't get me wrong Akanishi, I don't support your relationship with Kamenashi, so DON'T do obvious things. If he woke up he can come back to KAT-TUN, but you two do NOTHING. Or at least do it discreet. I don't care what you two do as long as it wont get on surface. I wont always save your asses, it cost. If anyone takes a picture of you two or you get busted, you will pay a price. Both of you."
"H..hai.." Jin said and he still couldn't acknowledge all the things. But as it started to reach his brain he was happy for the first time that he entered Johnny's.
"You can go." Johnny said, turning his back, it was his habit.
"Sir...thank you." Jin smiled, watching the back of the chair and the reflection of his boss in the window. Johnny can do good things too after all.
"I said out." Came the reply and Jin just smiled more and bowed. He was about to ope the door when Johnny started to speak again.
"Akanishi!"
"Yes sir?" Jin asked politely, he felt he owed the man.
"Now put all your energy into your upcoming concert. I want to see perfectionism, got it?"
"Yes!" Jin nodded and he felt power rising in him. He still couldn't acknowledge all of the happenings, it came so fast and so unexpected, now almost every of his problems were solved all of a sudden. He felt a little lightheaded but the stone was still not lifted from his heart. Not as long as Kazuya is in coma.
****
In the Kamenashi household the phone was ringing. It was already evening and both Kazuya's mother and father were back home from work.
The father was reading newspaper while the TV was on, it was some dorama played in it but he didn't care, it was just turned on to have some background noise.
The mother just arrived upstairs, she wanted to check if the diary was real or not.
"Can you pick up?" The mother shouted from upstairs and the father raised his eyebrows but put the newspaper aside and went to answer the phone.
"Hallo, here is Kamenashi speaking."
"Kamenashi-san...here is Chinami." The girl was nervous, she was sitting in her room alone, the twilight covered her room and it became darker with every minute.
"Ohh! Chinami-chan! How are you dear?" The voice of the father lightened up and was almost cheerful. He liked the girl and she was one thing he could always hold against Akanishi and tell the sick bastard his son is not gay as he is.
"I...I am fine... I called to... tell you something." She gathered all her courage together and expected the worst. But thinking about it, she deserves what comes. She lied. To a whole family and well...nation.
"What is it?" The man asked and Chinami took a deep breath.
"I.. know I shouldn't have...but I lied and... I am sorry Kamenashi-san, please forgive me."
"What are you talking about?" The father asked confused.
"I...am not Kazuya-kun's girlfriend, and... I was not the one who brought the roses and the cranes and... god, I am so sorry really, I am. Don't tell the police or anything please." She pleaded.
"What?!?" The adult asked shocked and tried to digest everything he just heard. But when he wanted to ask something it was too late, the sound that the phone was hung up at the other end of the line beeped.
Meanwhile Nao entered Kazuya's room and looked around sadly. So empty...with so much memories. She always started to feel somewhat weak when entering the room, but she gathered herself. It was for the sake of his son and Akanishi.
With slow steps she went closer and closer to the place Akanishi described. Will she really find a diary there? Or was it just a desperate dream of the young man?
She was sure, if she really found it there, the love of the two was something out of the word. Else how could Akanishi know?
With shivering hands she opened the drawer of the desk and her eyes widened as she indeed saw the small notebook with the lock on it. Her heart started to beat faster. What she was experiencing gave her goosebumps. Can it be Akanishi can really communicate with her son through dreams? Is it possible Kazuya is really guiding him? He is really aware of the things happening around him?
She put the notebook onto the desk and rushed to the wardrobe. Will she find the key too? With hands still trembling she opened the wardrobe, searched for the box and... it was really there. Just like Akanishi said. She ran back to the desk and tried the key into the small lock and with a click it opened.
Nao sat down because her legs couldn't hold her anymore. She felt a little guilty when she opened the diary, she shouldn't read it, Kazuya didn't write it for someone to read. But she knew, she must and that Kazuya will forgive her.
She started to read it, from the first page and the farther she got the more tears gathered in her eyes. There was everything written there. Her son's thoughts about things, concerns, wishes, sorrow, happiness...and...the struggle of a "one-sided" love.
Things got more and more clear to the mother as she read the lines and she understood Kazuya's actions more. Why she didn't realize it before? She could talk to him, helping him fight away his fears. Kazuya always looked so composed but to the mother it became clear now, his son just played a role, acted cool to protect himself from breaking. To not make people worry, to not put his beloved ones under pressure, he always tried to seem to be "perfect". To always be the calm Kamenashi Kazuya.
How she wished she noticed all of this.
How she wished to tell Kazuya how his love was not one-sided and Akanishi still loves him more than anything.
"Why God... why do you punish them this much?" She sighed and decided to read the last pages. It was the day of the accident. Nao's tears roll down her face as she read it.
"It would be so easy to just face him and say: I love you.
I searched for occasion, for chance to tell, but at the last minute I backed off. Stayed silent.
But...I am tired of this. Tired of always looking other's well being and never thinking of myself, my own feelings. Tired of being afraid of rejection. I cant know as long as I don't try.
Tired to sit in my apartment after work, thinking about him... what he is doing, where he is...
i am tired of jealousy whenever I know he is going to club, I am tired of keeping my feelings for him in secret. No...not anymore.
Today I will tell him how I feel. No regrets. If he doesn't return my feelings which I am afraid of he doesn't...then I can try to move on. I will be sure about it then. If...miraculously he returns my feelings then... we can be happy finally. I want this tense feeling to be gone, I want him not to be cold...or at least want his reason why he is behaving this cold to me. I know I am too, but... I don't want to act cold to him. I want to know what he is thinking. No matter what it is. I want to know.
Akanishi Jin, today I will tell you my truth, this will be our last day of this confusing mess."
Here the entry ended. And what followed were blank pages. A lot of blank page Kazuya could have filled with so much happiness if the accident didn't happen. So much things to write still, but the fate raised its arm and like darkness, covered the path of Kazuya's and Akanishi's story.
"No... it is still developing." Nao whispered through tears She closed the diary and clenched it to her heart, praying for Kazuya to wake up, to be able to tell what he wanted and to be able to live happily finally after so many cruel things.
"What the hell, everyone is a fucking liar around us!!" she heard her husband from downstairs and listened to his footsteps and could tell he was heading upstairs.
Is it's good idea to show him all of this? Nao decided that yes, he should know.
"Damnit!!" The man shouted as soon as he reached the room. "First that damn Akanishi and now Chinami. She called that she is not Kazuya's girlfriend. What---" The father stopped his outburst when he noticed the tears in the eyes of his wife.
"Dear what's wrong?" He rushed to her side, forgetting all his anger at moment but Nao didn't let him hug her, she stepped back.
"I will tell you, if you promise you wont make a scene, if you are open to the truth." She said determined.
"What are you talking about??"The man asked confused.
"This. I found it, it was at the same place Akanishi-kun saw in his dreams." Nao handed the diary. First she was thinking about it if it was a good idea to show it to her husband, but then she realized it's the only chance for him to see the truth, the only chance to make him accept Kazuya. Sure he will be mad, but he will accept, right?
"What is this??"The man asked more confused and just stared at the notebook wondering what it is and why was it given to him.
"Read it. Read it through very carefully, because what is written there is your son. All of his feelings, thoughts and ...love. Accept it or shut up. But I wont allow you to step between them." She had to be determined, she had enough of not being listened to. With this said, Nao exited the room, leaving the husband alone.
The man was stunned as his wife left the room and he looked down onto the notebook, and tho he had no idea what it can be and why was it so important for him to read it, he opening it and started to read.
**************
Jin was standing in front of the hospital, watching Kazuya's window and the night sky. He saw an airplane cross the sky, it gave out those small lights. How small it seems... Like a star...
[Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now ]
Can I make a wish? Can I think it is a star? Wish upon a star...
Kazuya... come back to me... and we will sit onto the airplane...our airplane, our life...We can travel everywhere, holding these "stars" in us.
So can I pretend I can wish?
Will we travel on the road of life together? Or will I be late?
[And they sayin' what would you wish for
If you had one chance
So airplane airplane sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night]
I wont give up, I will try again and again, to go on the same path as you. To fly high in the skies with you.
[Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
I'm guessing that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes
Then maybe yo maybe I'll go back to the days]
Can I fly back to the past changing it? Would it be the same ending anyway if I did? I guess I will never know....just one thing...Kazuya...
Let me wish....
Let me wish that once I tell you the good news you will wake up to this world.
[So here I stand and then again I say
I'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes]
Jin smiled as the airplane vanished in the horizon and headed into the hospital to tell Kazuya the good news.
****
When can he have the best news? That his love woke up.... He started to wonder and his smile died from his lips as he approached the room. Before he could open the door, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.
"Uhh,,," He fished it out and saw the caller ID: Ueda.
"Hey." He answered the phone with a smile. "What's up?" Right, he didn't tell his friends how Johnny saved his ass, how could he be so careless? They did a lot for him and do everyday, so they deserved to know. Whenever he thought he already forgot even to smile, they were always there for him, supported his every step.
[If you forget how to laugh, come close to me
I'll pretend and play the clown for you.]
"Jin? We have a good news for you."
Hopefull (DON'T LOOK BACK)
This morning sun right now(STEP BY STEP)
breaks through the darkness (KEEP WISHING)
Jin had the hope that it might be that Kazuya already woke up and he will open the door to a smiling Kazuya, greeting him with a warm hug. He kept wishing...tho he knew with his mind that he would have already know about it.
"Tell me, then I will tell mine." Jin said, waiting for the answer with throbbing heart.
"Yamapi showed the dictaphone to Johnny and he decided to help you two. I think he will speak to you tomorrow." The leader of the band said and waited Jin to say something, but the man was just stading there, tears of gratefullness gathered in his eyes as realization hit him. Of course Johnny won't do things like these on his own.
"Jin?"
[You're not alone
There are friends
Stand up and look forward]
The good news he wanted to share... was the same...and the result of his friends doing? He was touched, they saved him...them again. Even if he was alone in body sometimes, when noone surrounded him physically, he was not alone and he was very thankful.
"Jin? Do you hear me?" Ueda asked.
[Do you hear me? WE WILL MAKE YOU SMILE and laugh
After gathering a little tenderness, watch, the flower of courage will bloom
Yes, for you. Yes, we'll make these blooming flowers reach far.]
This gives him so much courage. That there are people on his side, friends...true friends, making him smile again, making him strong. He felt he could do anything, that he was filled with energy. As if a flower was blooming in his heart, opening its petals and shining with courage and hope. This flower, which is watered with friendship and strong bonds not every people has the luck to experience.
"Hey Jin, are you okay?" Ueda's voice was really worried now.
It took some time until Jin found his voice again but it still wavered a bit. "The good news I wanted to say...is the same you said now. I have already been speaking with Johnny-san Tacchan, everything is okay, I wanted to call you to tell, but... it seems you were faster." He didn't allow tears to escape, but he couldn't calm himself to have a steady voice.
"Thank you Tacchan...thank you, to all of you. You don't know how much your support means to me." He wasn't ashamed of showing his overflooding emotions, letting his voice waver and repeating in his mind "thank you thank you so much" as a mantra.
"It's okay Jin, you don't have to thank us. We told you, we are here for you always."
He felt from the Ueda's tone that he is smiling. They all were like a family, helping without waiting something in return. As he said byebye, his hand was already wavering. Everyone was so nice!
Like this he felt much more power entering Kazuya's room and much more hope to think positively and not to have that sad feeling like everytime, when he entered.
"Kazu-chan..." He smiled and didn't take the eyes off of his love even while going to the bed. He leant down giving a soft kiss, making Kazuya's heart race.
~Jin! I missed you already!~ The Kame in the box smiled and could feel Jin's calm state and his heart started to beat even faster. He had the feeling of getting a good news. He just felt it.
Jin sat on the edge of the bed holding Kazuya's hand, observing the beautiful boy and stayed silent for a while, just drinking in the sight, the gratefulness towards him too still lingered in every of his cells.
And he felt, no matter if Kazuya is still "sleeping" he was support to Jin too.
"Do you see dreams Kazu? Is it crazy to think that we see the same dream?" With his free hand he caressed Kame's cheek.
[Even if we're apart, we dream of the same tomorrow in our hearts.
If we hold on to eachother's hands tightly we'll never be lost.
Fun things, (DON'T LOOK BACK)
imagining (STEP BY STEP)
your smile, (KEEP WISHING) I see it]
"Nee Kazu...if you could have one wish what would it be? For me... it would be to see your sweet smile which I keep imagining every time I feel lost, that our hands would always be linked, entwined the same way as our hearts. I imagine it...imagining fun things we will do. Are you waiting for it Kazu? The same as me? Can my wish become true?"
~Your wish is my wish Jin.~ Kame closed his eyes and his soul was more then calm, he again felt the bond which connect him and Jin and he felt ashining flower which gives him light and courage to hold on.
"I have good news Kazu." Jin started to speak silently playing with Kazuya's fingers.
"We are safe, Johnny once again saved us. Isn't it great?"
[It's fine this way
There's no rush
Because I keep you wrapped in this feeling]
"Tho we have to behave." He chuckled, looking at Kazuya with warm, love filled eyes. "Nee you know... the others miss you too. We have to thank them for making Johnny do this step, they helped a lot and... they all wish for you to be with us again."
~I will Jin, I will. I wish for it too with my whole heart. And then I wont let you shed tears, I will make you smile, along with the others.~ The Kazuya in the box saw a flower in his hand appear with a faint shine, a delicate fower looking like glass but held warmness and courage. He imagined he was handing it to Jin and he closed his eyes.
[WE WILL MAKE YOU SMILE and laugh again
Wipe away those tears you've shed up until today, watch, the flower of courage will bloom.
Yes, for you. Yes, to reach faraway. Everywhere.]
~Do you know I am with you?~
[Anywhere
Wherever]
"Kazuya... what are you dreaming about? Where are you?" Jin felt the flower in him shining even more and for a fleeting second he saw Kazuya with it tho his eyes were still closed and he smiled.
[Where are you now? What are you doing?]
~Jin...do you know I hear you? And I am with you just like the others? And we all love you...tho I love you the most.~ He chuckled and wished he could say it out loud.
[I hear you. Have courage WE'RE WITH YOU
WE LOVE YOU]
~No matter where I am, I give you this promise, I will always support you.~ the in the box hugged the flower carefully and Jin felt as if he was being hugged and as if he just heard Kazuya's wov.
[Can you hear me? WE WILL MAKE YOU SMILE and laugh
After gathering a little tenderness, watch, the flower of courage will bloom
Yes, for you. Yes, we'll make these blooming flowers reach far.]
***********************************
TBC
AN: songs used in this chapter: Yu Yu Hakusho - Hohoemi no bakudan and B.O.B. Airplanes, KAT-TUN Yuuki no hana
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